Inconvenient Annoyances

I applied for a role in my husband's team that would've been a nice bump and salary and the hiring manager (unprofessionally) told my husband things that lead him to believe I would get this job...It's been 3 weeks and I've heard nothing. More just irritated that I've not even heard from HR once for them to say "we're just doing more interviews" or "we're just sorting some things out, you'll hear back from us within the next month..." or "sorry, you didn't have enough experience". I've pretty much inferred by NO comms that nothing is happening here and I'm totally okay with it, but it does go back to the issue of this country not like to keep people informed in the hiring process whether or not you're getting the job.

Laptop docks usually handle things like that

But nothing I'm working with is unable to be installed on a laptop. It's just SAS and oracle sql developer.

Yeah it seems a bit odd that they are trying to say they can't put these types of things on laptops...

I applied for a role in my husband's team that would've been a nice bump and salary and the hiring manager (unprofessionally) told my husband things that lead him to believe I would get this job...It's been 3 weeks and I've heard nothing. More just irritated that I've not even heard from HR once for them to say "we're just doing more interviews" or "we're just sorting some things out, you'll hear back from us within the next month..." or "sorry, you didn't have enough experience". I've pretty much inferred by NO comms that nothing is happening here and I'm totally okay with it, but it does go back to the issue of this country not like to keep people informed in the hiring process whether or not you're getting the job.

I don't know how long you should hang in, but I'd say don't give up hope yet.  From what I've seen, hiring seems REALLY slow over here, and three weeks probably doesn't feel excessive to them.  They probably don't even know you're wondering why they've gone incommunicado.  They probably don't even realize they have.

I applied for a role in my husband's team that would've been a nice bump and salary and the hiring manager (unprofessionally) told my husband things that lead him to believe I would get this job...It's been 3 weeks and I've heard nothing. More just irritated that I've not even heard from HR once for them to say "we're just doing more interviews" or "we're just sorting some things out, you'll hear back from us within the next month..." or "sorry, you didn't have enough experience". I've pretty much inferred by NO comms that nothing is happening here and I'm totally okay with it, but it does go back to the issue of this country not like to keep people informed in the hiring process whether or not you're getting the job.

They keep being angry with me for giving them no notice that I'd need accommodation. I couldn't get through to anyone!

But laptops can be connected to multiple screens... I don't understand the problem.

Correct.  But then you have to have multiple screens for both in the office and at home (which they are doing for me by the way, but I'm being treated "special".  Not the norm.)

I applied for a role in my husband's team that would've been a nice bump and salary and the hiring manager (unprofessionally) told my husband things that lead him to believe I would get this job...It's been 3 weeks and I've heard nothing. More just irritated that I've not even heard from HR once for them to say "we're just doing more interviews" or "we're just sorting some things out, you'll hear back from us within the next month..." or "sorry, you didn't have enough experience". I've pretty much inferred by NO comms that nothing is happening here and I'm totally okay with it, but it does go back to the issue of this country not like to keep people informed in the hiring process whether or not you're getting the job.

Ugh, unfortunately I'd give it a full month with no communication before deciding it's dead.  But yeah, with that level of communication.....  company's forget that the interview/hiring process is just as much for YOU as it is for them.  If this is how they communicate with a potential employee - how would they be after they've woo-ed you?

But yeah, with that level of communication.....  company's forget that the interview/hiring process is just as much for YOU as it is for them.  If this is how they communicate with a potential employee - how would they be after they've woo-ed you?

Ooh ooh, I can answer that! Like mine...

They keep being angry with me for giving them no notice that I'd need accommodation. I couldn't get through to anyone!

They literally sound wilfully ignorant! It sounds like you *had* told them what the situation was and they juts have chosen to ignore it for whatever reason like they thought it'd go away or something?

I don't know how long you should hang in, but I'd say don't give up hope yet.  From what I've seen, hiring seems REALLY slow over here, and three weeks probably doesn't feel excessive to them.  They probably don't even know you're wondering why they've gone incommunicado.  They probably don't even realize they have.

Ugh, unfortunately I'd give it a full month with no communication before deciding it's dead.  But yeah, with that level of communication.....  company's forget that the interview/hiring process is just as much for YOU as it is for them.  If this is how they communicate with a potential employee - how would they be after they've woo-ed you?

The thing is that I'm not even bothered about not getting the role. It's whatever to me. I was only interviewing because I knew the pay would be a LOT higher than what I'm on now and would be essentially skipping a rung on the ladder for this career path but I wasn't particularly dreaming about this job or anything so I probably shouldn't be irritated, it's just more that I'm irritated that they can't be bothered to keep a person in the loop because I think "what if I were another person depending on hearing back for this" or something and I was just being left to hang. Just doesn't seem like a great way for the HR department to work. I don't want my husband to raise anything because I'm not really bothered about it and I don't want to make things awkward for him but he feels the HR department should be made aware that they shouldn't be communicating to potential future employees so poorly as it's a gap in their process. I already know how they treat employees because my husband works there currently and they are an ex-HPE company that merged with another company so there's a lot of HP ways of doing things that are quite sh*tty but then I would be in a WAY more laid back environment doing the same I'm doing now for more money and a higher title than I am now so it just feels like they balance each other out and just make me feel "meh" about the role anyways.

My IA is dangerous behaviour from my FIL. (I hope I'm not being unreasonable)

Back story: DH and I live with FIL. SIL, 4.5 year old nephew and 2.5 year old niece come over 3 days a week, usually so FIL can babysit one of the kids (another thing that irks me, but I've complained about that before). We don't have kids of our own, but I've worked in childcare and with kids for years and I think I've got a pretty good grasp on kids (as a non-parent). When we go back to visit my family, we spend a lot of time with our 4 year old nephew and we know we're good with him and we see normal parenting & caretaking skills in my brother, his wife and my parents. In my opinion, FIL is a terrible caretaker and I (DH agrees) will never leave our kids-to-be with him alone.

Yesterday was hotter than George Clooney, but in a bad way. It was a day that 4.5 year old nephew comes over and FIL babysits him all day. Usually they sit at home, eat ice cream (starting at 9am!!) and watch TV. Sometimes they go to the park or take a bus to the bus garage and watch the buses (whether it's freezing out or way too hot, they watch the buses while sitting outside - don't get me started). I try to be out of the house when SIL and/or kids are over. It's stressful being here and seeing the way they treat the kids and what they get away with, so it's easier to just be gone.

I cooled off in Ikea yesterday (lovely air con) and when I got back and DH got home, DH asked FIL what he and nephew did since it was so hot.

Sidenote: FIL isn't much of a talker (in a rude way) and will often turn the volume up on the TV while you're talking. When my parents came over to visit from the US, FIL turned ON the TV when they arrived. I promptly turned it off. All the sofas face the TV.

DH: So what did you and nephew get up to today?
FIL: Oh, nothing much. I just took him to Windsor Castle.
(me, washing dishes, thinking about how hot it was)
Me: I hope you brought lots of water. It was really hot!
FIL: I had brought a bottle, but we ran out.
(me, reminding myself never to leave kids with FIL)
DH: Oh, did you buy some? It was really hot out!
(DH knows FIL will never buy anything out of the house or use any public facilities. No water, no food, no toilets. Growing up with him sounded hard.)
FIL: No. I didn't want to buy more water. I just wanted to watch him suffer. (awkward giggle from FIL)
(I stop washing dishes because sh!t just got real)
Me: But it was really hot out. They've warned people to stay out of the sun and stay hydrated, especially young kids.
FIL: Yeah, I just wanted to see him suffer. (more awkward laughing)
(me, wondering if I need to call the UK equivalent of CPS)
DH: When it's this hot, it's easy to get dehydrated and get heat stroke. That's really serious.
FIL: Yeah, he was complaining about not having any energy, but I wasn't going to buy him more water.
Me: It's really unsafe and dangerous to not be hydrated when it's this hot.
FIL: Eh... oh well! (FIL shrugs and walks back to the TV)

We tried to convince him that it was really dangerous what he did with nephew, but he went around the corner, continued watching his show on TV and turned up the volume. DH and I carried on the conversation without him while we ate dinner. DH and I are in agreement, but if FIL hears us talking more, maybe he'll realise the severity of his decisions.

Unfortunately, this isn't out of character for FIL. I've given up on him. I try to avoid him. There's no interaction besides 'Hi DIL' unless I instigate it. His answer to 'how's work' or 'anything new' is always the same - 'ummmm.... fine...' or 'ummmm... not much; same old, same old'.

I'm keeping to myself until we move out. I'm not going to get invested in anything he does or says. I decided that months ago.

This crosses the line and makes me worry about his treatment of kids. Fortunately, SIL (who I don't care for and I think is quite manipulative) is responsible for her kids and should be aware of what FIL does and doesn't do with the kids (he obviously wasn't trying to keep the water issue a secret from us, so I'm guessing it would have come up when he talked to her, too).

We move out in just under two months, if all goes to plan. I can't wait to be out of here.

DH: So what did you and nephew get up to today?
FIL: Oh, nothing much. I just took him to Windsor Castle.
(me, washing dishes, thinking about how hot it was)
Me: I hope you brought lots of water. It was really hot!
FIL: I had brought a bottle, but we ran out.
(me, reminding myself never to leave kids with FIL)
DH: Oh, did you buy some? It was really hot out!
(DH knows FIL will never buy anything out of the house or use any public facilities. No water, no food, no toilets. Growing up with him sounded hard.)
FIL: No. I didn't want to buy more water. I just wanted to watch him suffer. (awkward giggle from FIL)
(I stop washing dishes because sh!t just got real)
Me: But it was really hot out. They've warned people to stay out of the sun and stay hydrated, especially young kids.
FIL: Yeah, I just wanted to see him suffer. (more awkward laughing)
(me, wondering if I need to call the UK equivalent of CPS)
DH: When it's this hot, it's easy to get dehydrated and get heat stroke. That's really serious.
FIL: Yeah, he was complaining about not having any energy, but I wasn't going to buy him more water.
Me: It's really unsafe and dangerous to not be hydrated when it's this hot.
FIL: Eh... oh well! (FIL shrugs and walks back to the TV)

Holy f*ckballs....I really was waiting for you to say he followed "I want to watch him suffer" up with "OBVIOUSLY I bought him water! I'm not an idiot. I know it's hot and he was thirsty" and that he was just taking the piss with you guys by saying that but that is EXTREMELY concerning...

I honestly don't know if it would come up with your SIL...It seems like, from what you've mentioned about her, that she probably wouldn't even have thought to ask "did you get him enough water?". To be totally honest, I think I might just assume it's common sense to do this so might not ask if I were in her position. Could your husband say something to her about being concerned about it? (needs to come from him, not you)


Literally that is insane....That poor kid....

My IA is dangerous behaviour from my FIL. (I hope I'm not being unreasonable)

Back story: DH and I live with FIL. SIL, 4.5 year old nephew and 2.5 year old niece come over 3 days a week, usually so FIL can babysit one of the kids (another thing that irks me, but I've complained about that before). We don't have kids of our own, but I've worked in childcare and with kids for years and I think I've got a pretty good grasp on kids (as a non-parent). When we go back to visit my family, we spend a lot of time with our 4 year old nephew and we know we're good with him and we see normal parenting & caretaking skills in my brother, his wife and my parents. In my opinion, FIL is a terrible caretaker and I (DH agrees) will never leave our kids-to-be with him alone.

Yesterday was hotter than George Clooney, but in a bad way. It was a day that 4.5 year old nephew comes over and FIL babysits him all day. Usually they sit at home, eat ice cream (starting at 9am!!) and watch TV. Sometimes they go to the park or take a bus to the bus garage and watch the buses (whether it's freezing out or way too hot, they watch the buses while sitting outside - don't get me started). I try to be out of the house when SIL and/or kids are over. It's stressful being here and seeing the way they treat the kids and what they get away with, so it's easier to just be gone.

I cooled off in Ikea yesterday (lovely air con) and when I got back and DH got home, DH asked FIL what he and nephew did since it was so hot.

Sidenote: FIL isn't much of a talker (in a rude way) and will often turn the volume up on the TV while you're talking. When my parents came over to visit from the US, FIL turned ON the TV when they arrived. I promptly turned it off. All the sofas face the TV.

DH: So what did you and nephew get up to today?
FIL: Oh, nothing much. I just took him to Windsor Castle.
(me, washing dishes, thinking about how hot it was)
Me: I hope you brought lots of water. It was really hot!
FIL: I had brought a bottle, but we ran out.
(me, reminding myself never to leave kids with FIL)
DH: Oh, did you buy some? It was really hot out!
(DH knows FIL will never buy anything out of the house or use any public facilities. No water, no food, no toilets. Growing up with him sounded hard.)
FIL: No. I didn't want to buy more water. I just wanted to watch him suffer. (awkward giggle from FIL)
(I stop washing dishes because sh!t just got real)
Me: But it was really hot out. They've warned people to stay out of the sun and stay hydrated, especially young kids.
FIL: Yeah, I just wanted to see him suffer. (more awkward laughing)
(me, wondering if I need to call the UK equivalent of CPS)
DH: When it's this hot, it's easy to get dehydrated and get heat stroke. That's really serious.
FIL: Yeah, he was complaining about not having any energy, but I wasn't going to buy him more water.
Me: It's really unsafe and dangerous to not be hydrated when it's this hot.
FIL: Eh... oh well! (FIL shrugs and walks back to the TV)

We tried to convince him that it was really dangerous what he did with nephew, but he went around the corner, continued watching his show on TV and turned up the volume. DH and I carried on the conversation without him while we ate dinner. DH and I are in agreement, but if FIL hears us talking more, maybe he'll realise the severity of his decisions.

Unfortunately, this isn't out of character for FIL. I've given up on him. I try to avoid him. There's no interaction besides 'Hi DIL' unless I instigate it. His answer to 'how's work' or 'anything new' is always the same - 'ummmm.... fine...' or 'ummmm... not much; same old, same old'.

I'm keeping to myself until we move out. I'm not going to get invested in anything he does or says. I decided that months ago.

This crosses the line and makes me worry about his treatment of kids. Fortunately, SIL (who I don't care for and I think is quite manipulative) is responsible for her kids and should be aware of what FIL does and doesn't do with the kids (he obviously wasn't trying to keep the water issue a secret from us, so I'm guessing it would have come up when he talked to her, too).

We move out in just under two months, if all goes to plan. I can't wait to be out of here.

I am hoping beyond hope that he was joking that he didn't get any water for the kid!!!! 

I'm glad you have a light at the end of the tunnel for moving out.  Are you buying?

Holy f*ckballs....I really was waiting for you to say he followed "I want to watch him suffer" up with "OBVIOUSLY I bought him water! I'm not an idiot. I know it's hot and he was thirsty" and that he was just taking the piss with you guys by saying that but that is EXTREMELY concerning...

I honestly don't know if it would come up with your SIL...It seems like, from what you've mentioned about her, that she probably wouldn't even have thought to ask "did you get him enough water?". To be totally honest, I think I might just assume it's common sense to do this so might not ask if I were in her position. Could your husband say something to her about being concerned about it? (needs to come from him, not you)


Literally that is insane....That poor kid....

A normal person (with a certain sense of humour) might joke about that, but FIL doesn't joke. He laughs when he's uncomfortable or doesn't understand, but he doesn't joke.

SIL usually spends a few hours over here when she's here with the kids, so I'm guessing she did the same yesterday.

I've seen SIL tell off FIL for giving the kids sweets and crisps..... then ask the kids if they want something from the treat drawer. As kids, DH and SIL were allowed three (?) things from the treat drawer. The drawer is full of single serving crisp bags, chocolate bars and other junk. SIL snacks a lot when she's here. I guess it's just habit. She knows it's wrong, but falls into the trap when she's here.

She knows what he's like and she grew up with him, so she knows he's not going to buy anything when they're out. She talks to him when she's here and nephew often tells her what they got up to. Last time FIL took nephew to Windsor Castle, it was all nephew could talk about. I'm sure he'll mention he was thirsty.

She sees what goes on with her kids when they're with him. Given the same info, I wouldn't leave them alone with him. The two days he full on babysits (a half day with one kid, twice a week), she's got off work. Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable taking care of two kids at once. That's a whole other issue that I don't even know how to pick apart.

I'm just baffled really... I honestly don't know what to say..lol That is just shocking!

I am hoping beyond hope that he was joking that he didn't get any water for the kid!!!! 

I'm glad you have a light at the end of the tunnel for moving out.  Are you buying?

DH said as kids, they'd have to get up early on Saturdays to go to the shopping centre. They'd walk around, looking at everything, but not being allowed to buy anything. They wouldn't be allowed to buy food or water or go to the public loos. It was not a fun experience from the sounds of it. It sounds like nephew is experiencing the same thing.

I'm the opposite - I pack DH and I a snack and water no matter where we're going and I've got a mental list of loos I can easily pop into if I'm out (bookstores, museums, department stores).

Our plan is to take advantage of our British passports before the Brex$hit hits the fan. We'll be going to the Black Forest in Germany to see how we like it. We've spent a few months there in the last year or two and love it. Hopefully we like it just as much when it's more than a visit and things don't go pear shaped for UKCs already living in Europe on the day the UK actually leaves the EU. If it does go badly and we have to leave Germany, at least we'll get some time there while we can.

Our plan is to take advantage of our British passports before the Brex$hit hits the fan. We'll be going to the Black Forest in Germany to see how we like it. We've spent a few months there in the last year or two and love it. Hopefully we like it just as much when it's more than a visit and things don't go pear shaped for UKCs already living in Europe on the day the UK actually leaves the EU. If it does go badly and we have to leave Germany, at least we'll get some time there while we can.

Oooo, fabulous plan!!!!  Eat black forest gateaux in the black forest for me!  EVERYDAY!