Inconvenient Annoyances

From what I've seen, FIL is not good with kids. One day when niece was crying (when she was maybe a year old), FIL placed her in the crib in a different room and closed the door. He said she was tired and needed a rest.  Uhhh..... maybe a bit of compassion, too. Maybe a cuddle, a story, some love....

He laughed like it was funny, but when we told him how dangerous it was, he didn't clarify that it was a joke.

Yeeeah, I'm probably the LAST person who should be commenting here, as the above is something I have done while babysitting, and would probably still do if I was fed up.     
 

I spoke to DH over lunch and he said he bought a carbon monoxide detector along with the smoke detectors, all of which had the batteries removed and were put in a drawer.

So that means there is at least one carbon monoxide detector in the house. We'll get some batteries and put it out of sight so no one can dismantle it.

Right now, the boiler isn't switching on at all. Before today, when you turned on the hot water, it rared up and made water hot. Today, when you turn on hot water, the boiler does nothing. No sound, no lights showing it's doing something. So, according to DH, that probably means it's not burning gas and leaking it (which wouldn't be noticeable). Neither of us are experts by any means, so the carbon monoxide detector will be set up tonight or tomorrow morning if we need to get batteries.

Mostly now, CO detectors have integrated batteries (to stop tampering) and a finite lifespan of so many (5 or 7 or10 )years. The filter doesn't last forever. Probably best just to start fresh with a new one. You can easily take it with you when you move. 

I spoke to DH over lunch and he said he bought a carbon monoxide detector along with the smoke detectors, all of which had the batteries removed and were put in a drawer.

So that means there is at least one carbon monoxide detector in the house. We'll get some batteries and put it out of sight so no one can dismantle it.

Right now, the boiler isn't switching on at all. Before today, when you turned on the hot water, it rared up and made water hot. Today, when you turn on hot water, the boiler does nothing. No sound, no lights showing it's doing something. So, according to DH, that probably means it's not burning gas and leaking it (which wouldn't be noticeable). Neither of us are experts by any means, so the carbon monoxide detector will be set up tonight or tomorrow morning if we need to get batteries.

I've literally never heard of a person so wilfully desperate to be as reckless with their own health as well as others' like your FIL sounds. HOW?!

 

I've literally never heard of a person so wilfully desperate to be as reckless with their own health as well as others' like your FIL sounds. HOW?!

When DH and I first moved in with FIL & grand-FIL, I found lots of ways to rationalise their behaviour.

Grand-FIL wasn't born in the UK. He moved here in his 20s without his parents. So growing up as an adult, he didn't have family around to learn from. I'm guessing he picked up weird habits. Now, he's not that social. If he also wasn't social when he moved here, he wouldn't have been able to learn from his peers.

FIL probably picked up weird habits from grand-FIL. He also doesn't have much of a social life, so he probably didn't learn from his peers growing up. English wasn't spoken at home, so that set FIL & grand-FIL (and DH and SIL) apart from their peers even more.

If they've never shocked friends by doing something dangerous, they may not have the sense of how dangerous it really is. If DH and I are the only ones shocked by their treatment of the kids, DH and I are the odd ones out, so our views will be ignored.

None of that is an excuse for their behaviour, just my armchair expert explanation of why they do like they do.

Their learned behaviour might not be totally their fault, but their lack of desire to change and be better - that is their choice and I don't want to deal with it.

Luckily, DH is good at picking up 'normal human' habits from me when he realises how daft some things were growing up.

I bought a cheap £3 Ikea bath towel for a sewing project last week. He said it was nicer than any towel he ever had growing up (we I bought some nice towels when we got married since his two towels were a decade old and so tiny!).  I'm sure his family think I'm a fool for spending money on good quality things. Whatevs.

When DH and I first moved in with FIL & grand-FIL, I found lots of ways to rationalise their behaviour.

Grand-FIL wasn't born in the UK. He moved here in his 20s without his parents. So growing up as an adult, he didn't have family around to learn from. I'm guessing he picked up weird habits. Now, he's not that social. If he also wasn't social when he moved here, he wouldn't have been able to learn from his peers.

FIL probably picked up weird habits from grand-FIL. He also doesn't have much of a social life, so he probably didn't learn from his peers growing up. English wasn't spoken at home, so that set FIL & grand-FIL (and DH and SIL) apart from their peers even more.

If they've never shocked friends by doing something dangerous, they may not have the sense of how dangerous it really is. If DH and I are the only ones shocked by their treatment of the kids, DH and I are the odd ones out, so our views will be ignored.

None of that is an excuse for their behaviour, just my armchair expert explanation of why they do like they do.

Their learned behaviour might not be totally their fault, but their lack of desire to change and be better - that is their choice and I don't want to deal with it.

Luckily, DH is good at picking up 'normal human' habits from me when he realises how daft some things were growing up.

I bought a cheap £3 Ikea bath towel for a sewing project last week. He said it was nicer than any towel he ever had growing up (we I bought some nice towels when we got married since his two towels were a decade old and so tiny!).  I'm sure his family think I'm a fool for spending money on good quality things. Whatevs.

I can definitely understand what you're saying. I guess it's more that I can understand why they might be so frugal that they wouldn't even dare my a CO2 detector, etc....but when it's bought FOR THEM and they go and REMOVE the batteries and chuck it in a drawer vs just leaving it (given how some things seem to be due to laziness), that is what is shocking to me! Like when you see people who won't go out of there way to do much but when somebody does something for them, they are usually not motivated enough to do anything about it so they leave it...here it seems like he's not willing to get somebody around to fix stuff in the house, but bothered enough to make sure he removes batteries from safety items! That just seems crazy to me!

LOL love your comment about the towels being too small hahah My husband had some tiny towels as well because he always just uses a bathrobe made of towel material (don't get me started. I HATEEEE it.) and I was like uhh yeah...we're going to IKEA.

It's hard sometimes when that's what they've grown up with.

My husband's family had a strict £20 a week budget for food growing up.  Now, prices have changed in the last 35+ years....

But my husband thinks the amount we spend on food is crazy (and it is).  But we aren't eating steak every night.  It just is what it is.  Kids have soy milk, which is £1.50 for a liter.  We got through several of those a week.  He has to have gluten-free bread which is roughly £3 for a 400g loaf and he has 3/4 loaves a week.  This stuff adds up!  But somehow I still have a hard time explaining to him that we aren't being extravagant. 

It's hard sometimes when that's what they've grown up with.

My husband's family had a strict £20 a week budget for food growing up.  Now, prices have changed in the last 35+ years....

But my husband thinks the amount we spend on food is crazy (and it is).  But we aren't eating steak every night.  It just is what it is.  Kids have soy milk, which is £1.50 for a liter.  We got through several of those a week.  He has to have gluten-free bread which is roughly £3 for a 400g loaf and he has 3/4 loaves a week.  This stuff adds up!  But somehow I still have a hard time explaining to him that we aren't being extravagant.

Maybe let him do the shopping for a week or two? 

Maybe let him do the shopping for a week or two? 

He would be CRAZY focused on prices and would skip meals and not eat nutritionally. 

Any chance you could plan out a week's worth of meals, then list the ingredients needed, and send him with the list?

He would be CRAZY focused on prices and would skip meals and not eat nutritionally. 

Tell him he can skip all the meals he wants, but the kids still need to be fed. 

It’s been an interesting day so far:
- I went to print off my Falklands flight details last night, only to check the RAF Brize Norton website to find my flight was taking off from Birmingham Airport and not Brize Norton!
- we were supposed to be visiting my brother in Oxfordshire on the way to the base, but had to cancel that because Birmingham is in the opposite direction!
- it’s a good thing I actually checked the site because otherwise we would have driven to the wrong airfield!
- I’m now sitting in an almost empty airport where all the shops are closing because it’s 10pm, but my gate won’t even be called for more than 2 hours .
- on the plus side, having no one here means I was pretty much the only person going through security
- when I was checking in, I was informed that there is a 7-hour delay to the second leg of my flight (out of Cape Verde), due to the Falklands weather, which means that instead of arriving there at 4:20pm tomorrow, I won’t get there until 5:40am on Tuesday morning (though it does mean spending a few hours in warm, sunny Cape Verde before braving the freezing temperatures).



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It’s been an interesting day so far:
- I went to print off my Falklands flight details last night, only to check the RAF Brize Norton website to find my flight was taking off from Birmingham Airport and not Brize Norton!
- we were supposed to be visiting my brother in Oxfordshire on the way to the base, but had to cancel that because Birmingham is in the opposite direction!
- it’s a good thing I actually checked the site because otherwise we would have driven to the wrong airfield!
- I’m now sitting in an almost empty airport where all the shops are closing because it’s 10pm, but my gate won’t even be called for more than 2 hours .
- on the plus side, having no one here means I was pretty much the only person going through security
- when I was checking in, I was informed that there is a 7-hour delay to the second leg of my flight (out of Cape Verde), due to the Falklands weather, which means that instead of arriving there at 4:20pm tomorrow, I won’t get there until 5:40am on Tuesday morning (though it does mean spending a few hours in warm, sunny Cape Verde before braving the freezing temperatures).



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Safe journey! 

Safe journey! 

Thanks .


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

It’s been an interesting day so far:
- I went to print off my Falklands flight details last night, only to check the RAF Brize Norton website to find my flight was taking off from Birmingham Airport and not Brize Norton!
- we were supposed to be visiting my brother in Oxfordshire on the way to the base, but had to cancel that because Birmingham is in the opposite direction!
- it’s a good thing I actually checked the site because otherwise we would have driven to the wrong airfield!
- I’m now sitting in an almost empty airport where all the shops are closing because it’s 10pm, but my gate won’t even be called for more than 2 hours .
- on the plus side, having no one here means I was pretty much the only person going through security
- when I was checking in, I was informed that there is a 7-hour delay to the second leg of my flight (out of Cape Verde), due to the Falklands weather, which means that instead of arriving there at 4:20pm tomorrow, I won’t get there until 5:40am on Tuesday morning (though it does mean spending a few hours in warm, sunny Cape Verde before braving the freezing temperatures).



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I hope you are well on your way now and are getting some rest.  Keep in touch when you can! 

I hope you are well on your way now and are getting some rest.  Keep in touch when you can! 

Thanks .

I’m at Cape Verde now - stuck sitting in the terminal for about another 5.5 hours, but enjoying the warm weather and free WiFi... which I won’t get again for another 2 months .

I think the guy at Birmingham Airport got the Falklands arrival time wrong though, since going by my calculation we should arrive there later tonight, not tomorrow morning.


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