Births in Both Countries: My experience with hating, then loving, the NHS.

I hated not having my husband with me after the birth of our son.  I had a really emotionally and physically traumatic labour and being alone in the hospital was horrible. I had a 3rd degree tear and was having trouble moving and while some of the nurses and midwifes were excellent, that first night was one of the hardest I have ever been through. I couldn't wait to get home, and I think they got sick of pestering them to be allowed since my mystery fever disappeared.

I had a wonderful pregnancy with no complications or any issues - I had never felt better physically or emotionally (actually stood on the bus today thinking how I missed being pregnant) and yet during the birth the doctors weren't sure he'd survive the birth.  In the States I may have had a c-section, but here they didn't.  I still ended up in theatre and missed the first couple of hours with Nye and would have preferred them just to have done the c-section when problems first arose. 

Still, I can not fault the actual care I had during the labour and I did come home with a very healthy baby. Next time around I will have a c-section (I've checked with my mid-wife, because of the last birth they will let me without a doubt.)

A friend had a similar birth experience in the States and she also was left feeling she should have been given a c-section but wasn't, so I'm not sure it would have been any different in the States.

Pengi, your reasons for hating the ward were the same reasons I hated the ward the first time around, very similar stories... I suppose part of the reason I didn't mind (and in fact liked) the ward the second time around came down to the fact that I was happy, had a good birth, and wasn't in masses of pain.

Another difference I noticed was that the midwives were checking up on us much more often than the nurses when I was in the US.  The midwives came in every single hour and documented how mommy and baby were doing (I read this in my notes as we both slept pretty well through the night so there was a lot of 'mom is sleeping on her right side and baby's breathing is normal') but when I was in the US they only checked in every now and then...mainly just to take vital signs or tell me to wake the baby up and feed her  .  I guess because they know you have your family there to help you out, they don't want to disturb you or something.  I had 3 different midwives walking me to the bathroom and watching the baby while I was eating and doing things like that to help me out.  I thought I'd feel bad about asking them to help out but many of them offered by saying, "Would you like me to go get your breakfast for you" or "Do you need to run to the toilet and I'll watch the baby while I'm here anyway".  It is their job afterall.  I'm sure all of this just depends on your hospital...there weren't a lot of babies in at that time and there was plenty of staff...it was probably completely different at another hospital.

I also loved that the midwife stayed with you throughout the entire labour (in the UK).  During my 3 days in labour in the US, the nurses would just run in and out...fill out some paperwork, give me some meds or whatever...then they were on to the next person.  We had a midwife and a midwife student during my labour and one of them was in the room at all times (until after the delivery when they let us have privacy).  I enjoyed that she was there constantly to help distract me, keep me super informed about what was going on, continuously checking on me and asking about pain, etc.  In the US there were several occasions where my mom had to wonder the halls to try to find someone to come check on me.

I do feel like personally I'm a bit biased just because my birth in the UK was so easy compared to my US birth...but trying my best to be as objective as possible...I still believe the NHS did a much better job and I'm very happy with the way things are conducted here.  I blame my bad birth (perhaps unfairly) on the fact that the US doctors were so keen to induce me early because of blood pressure...and the baby wasn't ready to come.  I had the exact same condition in the UK and they allowed things to happen naturally and my birth experience was wonderful.

Question about not allowing partners to stay overnight in the room...

So do the babies stay with the mother the whole time in the hospital, or are they in a nursery periodically?

I only ask because my husband did not spend the entire time with me in the hospital when I gave birth to DS back in the States. He *could* stay, but the room wasn't particularly guest friendly and it made more sense for him to go home and get some quality sleep in a bed rather than an upright chair. Plus, he was a university prof and did not have the luxury of finding a substitute for his lectures, so he had to work as well.

Since DH wasn't with me the whole time and I had a rather complicated c-section--general anesthesia, mystery infection, hemorrhaging, the works--the nurses took my son back to the nursery to allow me to get some rest on my own.  They brought him back to me whenever he needed nursing. But for the most part, they made sure I wasn't completely on my own whenever the baby needed care.

I had an 'elective' section (DD was breech and my BP was starting to go out of control) DH was not allowed to stay overnight (though this might vary from hospital to hospital) and the ward I was in each mother had their baby with them the entire time, as far as I know there wasn't a 'nursery' per se only the Special Care Baby Unit (kinda like a NICU)for those babies that needed extra medical support & care.

I was responsible for the care of my child 100%.

It may be different in each hospital but in my hospital the baby was with the mother at all times unless they were in special care and there was no space for the mother. That was a bad thing. In my hospital they wanted the mother to be with the baby. Having the baby all night wasn't a problem, though. Like I said above, the midwives took the babies off me for a few hours at a time at night so that I could get some sleep. (x-posted with Weby)

I also loved that the midwife stayed with you throughout the entire labour (in the UK).  During my 3 days in labour in the US, the nurses would just run in and out...fill out some paperwork, give me some meds or whatever...then they were on to the next person.  We had a midwife and a midwife student during my labour and one of them was in the room at all times (until after the delivery when they let us have privacy).  I enjoyed that she was there constantly to help distract me, keep me super informed about what was going on, continuously checking on me and asking about pain, etc.  In the US there were several occasions where my mom had to wonder the halls to try to find someone to come check on me.

Yes! I loved this too. I was never left on my own, not even for a second. And like you I was always informed as to what was going on. I think it helped me with regards to the medication because the midwives could tell when I was ok and when I wasn't. The anesthetist wasn't too keen on upping my epidural and made it out as if I was putting it on but my midwife could see that one moment I'm chatty and laughing and the other I'm quiet and worried so she stepped in and helped me out. Having a midwife with me at all times really calmed me down. I had heard horror stories from friends telling me that they were so upset and/or in pain that they thought they were dying! This had me a bit concerned but I was so taken care of and informed of everything that was going on that I knew everything was ok and didn't have a moment of worry. I had pain, sure, but I knew it was all normal.

This is an interesting thread.  Thank you for sharing your experiences Marlespo.

I don't have much to contribute to the discussion since both my babies were born in the US but I wanted to say that husband didn't stay overnight in the hospital either time.

I had a very traumatic first birth (emergency c-sec under a general). They tried to keep the baby with me the whole night after I woke, but I was so out of it, they couldn't. My (now ex) was with me most of the night but I think that is largely because they suspected something was not right so they never told him to leave and I wasn't in the general wards.

I was very ill post-partum and my son was in NICU largely because *I* was too sick to care for him and my husband too worried about me to care for a newborn at home alone.

That said, as soon as I was over the worst hurdle and deemd on the road to recovery, the baby was with me. But they still had to take him a couple times when I had set-backs and I could always tell they were none too pleased about it (the midwives that is). Because of the ever-changing rota of midwives, I found I got tons of sympathy from some and outright disdain from others.

It was a rather surreal experience.

My second son's birth was less traumatic but despite the lovely new hospital, I found most of the midwives at that hospital rude. I even had one directly disagree with the doctor's orders to continue to give me pain meds because she didn't think I needed them! My husband was not allowed to stay overnight at all then, but he is the one who reamed them out for poor care.

I should say that despite all that, I still found the NHS amazing and they saved my life. I just wish some aspects of it were better.

This is an interesting thread.  Thank you for sharing your experiences Marlespo.

I don't have much to contribute to the discussion since both my babies were born in the US but I wanted to say that husband didn't stay overnight in the hospital either time.

You need to have one over here for research! 

Jean was with me the whole time from Thursday evening to Saturday when they let us go home.  They had extra visiting hours for Dads but he couldn't stay the whole time. 

In fact he wasn't even able to stay the whole time I was in labor because I was in the regular antenatal ward for about five hours until they felt I was far enough along and it wasn't visiting hours!

This time round I'm at a different hospital and have been reassured by the midwives that they won't be leaving me alone.

Thanks for sharing all your different experiences!

My husband and I want children very much and are waiting until we move to the UK. Where we live now there are no choices- midwives are illegal here.

Has anyone had a home birth in either US or UK instead of a hospital birth?

Very interesting thread!

In all honesty, my son's birth was unpleasant enough to make me think twice about doing it again in EITHER country. It wasn't the health care providers that made it unpleasant, however, but that funny little thing called fate! It would have stunk no matter where I was.

Has anyone had a home birth in either US or UK instead of a hospital birth?

I didn't but I belong to a NCT group called Birth Choices and have read lots of birth stories about home births.  Was seriously considering one until I switched hospitals (although it takes same amount of time to get to this one I'm not in their area for midwives to come out to me).  Worth checking out their website http://www.nct.org.uk/info-centre

  Worth checking out their website http://www.nct.org.uk/info-centre

Thanks, that link has a lot of information and a bunch of other links. They are all very helpful!

Has anyone had a home birth in either US or UK instead of a hospital birth?

I haven't but my closest friend has had two home births, one only a month ago. They both went very smoothly and she was very happy with her choices. With the second one, her husband rang me to ask me to look after her 3 year old, and by the time I was able to get there, an hour later, she had had the baby. Lucky girl!