What is it with British toilets

JudesMom - That is really really cute  lol, I think I might have to implement this tactic!

I told my husband about it and we worked out a system where if we were at anyone's house and I went to use the toilet and couldn't get it to flush properly I'd squeeze his hand when I got back to him and he'd then act like he needed to use the toilet and go flush it for me!

That sounds like part of a sitcom plot.

The latest issue of Granta, titled Aliens, contains a piece called The B.O.G. Standard by Philip Oltermann, who moved from Germany to England with his parents in 1997.  It made me think of this thread immediately.    Here he is talking about British toilets:

"A rectangular square (of carpet) was cut out from around the toilet, which in itself was fairly unremarkable, though its integrated flushing mechanism deserves a special mention.  It usually worked, though coaxing it into action, you needed the dedication and instinctive sense of rhythm usually required for starting the engine of a classic car."

And sinks:

"Either way, the toilet wasn't the centrepiece of the English bathroom; the sink was.  There were two taps: one for hot water and one for cold.  The cold water was freezing, the hot water boiling.  Right here was a puritan manifesto against the luxuries of modern living: the invention of mixer taps had been stubbornly shunned.   It took me years to internalize the hand-washing routine that I can now perform in my sleep - criss-crossing my soapy hands between the two jets of water while regulating the water pressure with my wrist."

As I walked into a stall at work the other day the person in the stall next to mine flushed, resulting in their poo (or possibly someone else's) coming into my toilet. Surely plumbing shouldn't work like that?!

As I walked into a stall at work the other day the person in the stall next to mine flushed, resulting in their poo (or possibly someone else's) coming into my toilet. Surely plumbing shouldn't work like that?!

EEEWWWW I'm no plumber but surely that can't be right? 

I had to laugh out loud at this post. So funny! I have the same qualms. Our home in Winchester is only 3 years old, but when it comes to flushing a toilet, it's a well planned out event (who used the toilet last, use the other one until that one has recuperated, etc). and don't even get me started on the public toilets! When my hubby came to the US recently, my house has three Toilets and he was absolutely amazed that he could use the same bathroom right after me. Lol. Hilarious post. Love reading the stories.

The toilet in our house seems powerful enough to suck the memories out of you if you are sitting on it when flushing. I sewar it's some sort of bidet/toilet combination

The toilet in our house seems powerful enough to suck the memories out of you if you are sitting on it when flushing. I sewar it's some sort of bidet/toilet combination

Okay, it's been a while since I snorted when reading a post, but this one did it for me.  My toilet is much the same.  It's like some black hole/giant vortex thing.

I discovered a new way flushing at a friend's house yesterday.

To get the toilet to flush, you have to first turn the lever/handle up so that it is upside down perpendicular to the floor, then push it back down the opposite way.

I'm proud that I figured it out myself.

COULD NOT get the toilet in Morrison's to flush yesterday and worse off, I was holding up a line!  So I had to red-faced tell the next lady I couldn't get the toilet to flush and to not mind the waste in it and she looked at me and said "I know, I've been standing here listening to you trying to flush it for the last 4 minutes! I'm sure I can manage it for you!"

LOL! I couldn't wash and dry my hands quick enough to get out of there! I'm felt horrible!

The toilet in our house seems powerful enough to suck the memories out of you if you are sitting on it when flushing. I sewar it's some sort of bidet/toilet combination

I honestly busted out laughing out loud - that is awesome!

Thank you, Toilet humour is one of my specialties

See ... the problem is that you don't understand the way the cistern works 

Ooookay, it's a syphon system, soooo you press down the handle, a plunger (for want of a better word) lifts the water up a tube and over a bend, the water in the cistern then empties out because of the weight of the water being pulled down by gravity.

So, all you have to do is move the handle down in an even medium fast fashion so that it clears the top of the tube.

If you have to "pump" the handle, that's cos there's a leak in the seal of the plunger, but pumping it will work, however they should get it fixed.

You guys have waaaay more toilet issues than us (Take a look at my welcome post for more info).

oh, and what is wrong with saying "Toilet"
I almost died laughing in an American Supermarket reading "Bathroom Tissue" 

Toilet is the actual thing not the room.  I wouldn't call the kitchen "stove", or the living room "sofa".   

Toilet is the actual thing not the room.  I wouldn't call the kitchen "stove", or the living room "sofa".   

I am sure I have said this before but when my kids say I have to go to the toilet, I yell make sure you visit the sink too!