Wow...overwhelmed

Hi, all -
I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm getting married!
 
Background: I'm a Yank who came to the UK in Oct 2009 with a Tier 1 visa. I met the fab Brit boyfriend the first night I was here. (I took myself out to my local pub, incredulous that I'd actually arrived and picked him up. It was all she wrote...)

This will be my second marriage, his first. We've decided to have the wedding here since my family has seen me do this once already. I suspect very few of my family/friends will come over...and that's cool with me. We intend to just do a small dinner with the NY family sometime afterward.

We're thinking of having the ceremony and reception in a manor house in Surrey in September 2011, as it's what I have been romantically envisioning as perfect. 

That said, any input greatly appreciated!
Shall I anticipate any difficulties because of my past divorce?
Has anyone gotten married in a manor house in Surrey? (Ok, a bit of a stretch, but...)
We're on a tight-tight budget, too, so any thoughts on corner cutting would be much appreciated! My parents paid for the first wedding and believe I shouldn't have another wedding at all. Sigh. I still want to celebrate as I've finally found the absolutely, completely, totally 'right one' so I'm going ahead with a wedding day. Guess I'm just a selfish girl..!

Thanks, thanks!

Are you talking about The Manor House in Godalming, or the Manor House Hotel in Guildford?    Or do you just have a dream of being married in a "manor house"?

I've done a lot of research on stately homes in the area for my own wedding, so may be able to point in the direction of some lovely venues. Where in Surrey are you?

Oh, we've not even gotten so far as to pick a place! We're just opening the venue can o' worms now...

We live in London (SW19), his parents are near Gatwick (Horley/Reigate). Somehow, Surrey seemed convenient and I suppose the manor house thing is because I've seen Four Weddings and a Funeral too many times.   We'd be a small number (70-ish?) and the only must-have is lots of drinks!

DF has an uncle in Godalming and he's always said how beautiful it was. I'll check out The Manor House. Any other venue thoughts from your searches would be great! (Like the subject line, the thought of organising this thing has me a bit freaked out. The last time, my Long Island mother did everything; I just showed up in a dress! hehe)

Yay! I know a great pub where you can have the reception.

Congratulations! We just got married last September, so weddings are still fresh in my mind.

You'll want to start looking at venues ASAP, because September is a really very popular time for weddings here and the Saturdays fill up fast (unless you're happy with a weekday or Sunday wedding, which will be WAY easier to book and cheaper, too!).

I cringe because the words "tight budget", "manor house" and "70 guests" do NOT go together. Holy crap, my eyes were watering when I saw the price for venue hire + food for 80 people + VAT came to. And that was us being very down to earth about everything. Seriously, I used to think people who spent ten grand on weddings must be blowing it all on ice swans and ten piece bands, but with that many people, the basics add up FAST (and I crafted a huge amount of our wedding and sewed all the gowns, too). I fear you may have to be flexible on either the venue, number of guests, or the budget...

Holy crap, my eyes were watering when I saw the price for venue hire + food for 80 people + VAT came to. And that was us being very down to earth about everything. Seriously, I used to think people who spent ten grand on weddings must be blowing it all on ice swans and ten piece bands, but with that many people, the basics add up FAST

Tell me about it! We had 100 people and a great deal of financial help but it was still crazy expensive!

Have to agree there- we went for a real 'wow' venue and are trying to do as much other stuff as possible on the cheap (fake flowers, our own decorating, super inexpensive sale dress, no DJ, postcard invites, my sister doing my make-up, my friend doing my hair, etc.); with around 80 guests it's probably still going to be £9-10k! 

They really are expensive, ours is a more "quirky" wedding but once you get started it can snowball quite easily  

Sigh...I was thinking September would be difficult to book. We're visiting two (three?) places this weekend. It's so hard:
* We need to finalise a date and venue for save the dates.
* We need to send save the dates -- espec to US folks who actually may come!
* We need to know the numbers (including US folks) to book the venue and date!

ARRGH!

Our budget is about £10k (his parents have been uber-helpful). Actually, he says we can do £15k, but I'm just not into spending that much on one day. (I know, I know -- I sound like a BrideGrinch.)

And I'm all for a super inexpensive sale dress. Where might one look for such a thing..?
Any ideas on invitations? Or a good photographer? Also, did anyone have a videographer? We're debating that one now...

The others you mention, I agree -- save-the-dates printed online (much cheaper), decorating by us, makeup/hair by friend, no carriages/hired cars (since it'll be in one place), just one usher/maid of honor, etc.

I'm trying to keep flexible as much as possible (dates, venues, etc.). I just want it to be nice...with lots of drinks -- and for someone else to plan it...hehe...

And Beth -- @gottagettolondon --The Tup just has to figure in somehow! I expect you'll be around for it all..?

Well, in the case of my dress I just went to try some on when I was visiting my mum in the US, and completely by luck found one that was almost exactly what I wanted and my size that also happened to be in their 75% off-the-rack sale and thus cost only about $250. It's worth going to wedding fairs and bridal shops, because a lot of time they'll have end of season clearances and stuff.

If you're flexible about dates, you can often get packages for cheaper mid-week. The venue we chose is actually one of the few that doesn't have a different price (though we're going for a Monday anyway!), but some places we looked at had a difference of £2000 or more right off the bat for a Friday or Saturday!

As for guests, we've got quite a few coming from afar too. I've requested that people give me an idea of whether they think they can come with at least 50% certainty and estimated our numbers based on that. We could potentially have as many as 90, but it's more likely we'll have 75-80. I think it's best to base your budget and initial booking on your max. Also, though, don't just invite people willy-nilly, especially from across the Atlantic; try to keep the list to people you really really want there AND who are likely to come, as otherwise you may be dealing with too much uncertainty.

We lucked out majorly with our photographer, as she is a friend who is building a photography business and is doing our whole day plus engagement shoot plus edited DVD of the photos for £100. Looking around, it seems that unless you know someone, a pro will cost at least £500 for the most basic package, and more like £750-1000! 

My wedding was divided this way:
Food and drink (including cupcakes instead of wedding cake): 70%
Flowers and venue: 28%
everything else: 2%

We came in under 10K for over 100ppl, BUT we didn't have a sit down meal (buffet stations), and the venue was funky. I LOVED it, and it was classy, but still a little funky.

My dress was 40 bucks--I bought an on-sale bridesmaid's dress at JCrew.  We didn't have a videographer, and the photographer was a family friend (but still a pro).  I didn't think I'd care much about pictures...but there are some GORGEOUS ones of our guests that I'm not sure an amateur would have gotten.  That said, network as much as you can, as our cupcake person was also a family friend, and the florist. (I was a teacher, and it's astonishing how many teachers do small second jobs on the side and are willing to help out).

How much of the save the dates and invites can you do online? Is there a reason you can't send out a save the date that you make yourself or just an email? We actually used vistaprint as it ended up being...free... to make up the postcards for the save the date, and if you can get most people to RSVP via a GoogleDocs form, that's another way to save money.

It's sort of US-centric, but I highly suggest checking out indiebride.com.  It's an awesome resources for doing weddings.

The Manor House in Godalming is actually a conference center and doesnt do weddings, so dont worry about looking into that.    

Between Reigate and Dorking, there is a beautiful place called Hartsfield Manor, but I am sure it has a pricetag to match its beauty.  

Other than that, I'm afraid all my searching has been on the other side of Surrey, so I cant be very much help.

Our budget is about £10k (his parents have been uber-helpful). Actually, he says we can do £15k, but I'm just not into spending that much on one day. (I know, I know -- I sound like a BrideGrinch.)

Oh you'll be fine, then. My "tight budget" I was thinking you meant something like under £5K.

Or a good photographer?

I cannot recommend our photographer highly enough. He was equally amazing at our posed shots as he was with the casual ones of our guests. He's a very quiet, calm guy who just disappears in a room and got the most amazing shots of our guests when they had no idea they were being photographed. We got all of the 300+ images, full-res, in under a week of the wedding with the copyright so we can print and use them how we like. And his invoice is due AFTER the wedding, not before like all the other bills. PM me if you'd like to see our full gallery on his site (anyone else as well - though we're all over his front page right now, ha!).

I'm doing this right now as well  With regards to your parents thinking you shouldn't have a wedding, tell them that your husband-to-be deserves one.

You mentioned booze - that's one of the most expensive things. I'd recommend a cash bar if your venue can do one. We're planning to provide around 4 glasses of wine: one at reception, two with dinner - which is apparently "breakfast" 'cause it's your first meal as a married couple?, and one for toasts (which may or may not be before dinnerbreakfast). Anything else people want to drink they're more than welcome to purchase at the bar.

My local council website has a list of local venues that are liscenced to hold civil ceremonies.  the list was far from complete and it turns out that "local" was a matter of debate (I'm in the Highlands which is the largest county) but it gave us our initial list.

I set up a series of spreadsheets in google docs which I've shared with my fiance. We have our invite list with a Y/N based the percent chance they'll show up. We figure maybe 1/3 of the yeses will bow out when it comes time to actually book tickets, but it gave us a round number to plan around.

I also have a spreadsheet for venues so I can compare services and prices easily.  One looks a lot more expensive but they provide centrepieces and a piper and such that none of the others do. It's nice being able to see where the money is going. I have an estimated number of guests (60) and a formula that adds the flat fees (hall rental) and multiplies the pp fees (dinner, booze, if I wanted coordinating napkins) and gives me a sum.

Congrats!

There's nothing selfish about wanting to have a full on wedding....even if it's your 2nd or 8th!  It's a day to be celebrated without hesitation!