Living with the Inlaws..

You know its bad when you hear drunken 56 year old MIL scream to 64 year old FIL "dont expect sex in the morning if your not up before 7"!!!

OMG!!!!!!!!!           

Three words: W. O. W. 
Living with my inlaws as well. Lovely people ultimately. But space and privacy are definitely an issue, as is the bickering. I explain our situation to others like this: "The rent is free. But Lord, do we pay."

Three words: W. O. W. 
Living with my inlaws as well. Lovely people ultimately. But space and privacy are definitely an issue, as is the bickering. I explain our situation to others like this: "The rent is free. But Lord, do we pay."

You can say that again!

We did it for 2 years, 2 weeks, and 4 days, and we didn't even have the benefit of free rent.  It was cheaper rent, at least at first, but ultimately, I couldn't handle it.  We ate in two shifts so some nights I wouldn't be able to cook until 9 or 10 pm.  I spent most of my time in our room which had become a bed-sit.  FiL complained if I used garlic or onions in cooking.  MiL was (is still) labouring under the delusion she is the mother of young children who need her mothering, and I was just a new arrival to the brood. Time has softened the memory a bit.  It's harder for me to come up with the bad memories as easily as I could a year ago, but that doesn't mean I want to go back and do it again.

I think I would have had a better relationship with my inlaws if we hadn't lived there.  I really would advise most newly immigrated people to avoid it if possible.  Sure there have been a couple people who it's worked out for rather well, but for us, not so much.  I am dreading any suggestion that we might turn around and help them if they start to need carers, but I have a feeling it will fall to us before any one else in the family.

While DH and I were in our LDR phase, it was always a certainty that we'd have to do it, but he didn't prepare himself, me nor them for the enormity of it. He really regrets it. Plus, all of the miscommunications and hurt feelings and my over sensitivity got the better of me as well. I just hope it makes me a stronger person, over time.

I can't imagine living with in-laws, ever.  And I can't even imagine moving to a brand new country and having to live with in-laws. Yikes!  Hell ,I love my totally amazing and awesome parents to bits, but after a week or two of visiting and staying at their house, I wouldn't want to live with them either. Nor subject anyone else to have to live there either!  

Can I ask why do a lot of folks on UKY end up living with their in-laws?  Because its not like a lot of ya'll are young, 19, 20, 21... but 30, 35, 40, etc...  Is it really just a money thing? Or people don't want to live far from their parents?  Or I guess if you're both moving back from somewhere, US, Oz, Japan, to the UK, it'd be temporary until you find a place? Or What?

J, although not living with his parents, lives only about 1.5 mile away and has dinner with them at least once a week- but - he's a neophyte to the world in general, having lived in this small town bubble his whole life - Are a lot of folks like him, not wanting to leave the community?  (Oh if I ever had to live with J's parents, I'd jump off the roof)

I'm just curious about the reasons!   Please enlighten me    And goodness, anyone living with their in-laws has a big hug from me!!  

For us it was very much a money thing, since DH had only just secured a permanent job after returning from Japan, plus we had wedding and visa expenses plus travel expenses that had depleted our budget.  Also, I think it's important to understand that there is less stigma attached to living with parents in the UK. 

Can I ask why do a lot of folks on UKY end up living with their in-laws?  Because its not like a lot of ya'll are young, 19, 20, 21... but 30, 35, 40, etc...  Is it really just a money thing? Or people don't want to live far from their parents?  Or I guess if you're both moving back from somewhere, US, Oz, Japan, to the UK, it'd be temporary until you find a place? Or What?

We did it because we'd bought a house down here in Cornwall that was having some work done on it. We were told it would be 6-8 weeks and then we'd be able to move in. So, since the lease on my cottage in Wales was up, we decided that I'd move down here and we'd shack up with the inlaws for that 6-8 weeks. However, the building works went on and on and on and on ... a year and 5 months later, we finally moved in.

DF and I are  trying to avoid living with his mom.  It's not a money thing, he just doesn't want to pay rent as he feels its a waste of money, yet there is enough money to buy a house.  The difficulty is finding a house that's close to public transportation for me, big enough for his idea of "big," and picking it out on his own. 

I think I've gotten him to the point where he knows that if we haven't bought anything by the time I come over (about 6 months), he'll need to find a flat.  I get along with his mom, but I don't think that I'm her favorite person, so distance is definitely a necessity. 

It's not a money thing, he just doesn't want to pay rent as he feels its a waste of money

Rent will be worth every penny you pay if it keeps you guys from going through the turmoil of living together when you all don't want to live together. Especially early in a marriage. Every penny.

Rent will be worth every penny you pay if it keeps you guys from going through the turmoil of living together when you all don't want to live together. Especially early in a marriage. Every penny.

I know, he just has real issues with 'throwing' money away.  His mom is retired and we would be in the house together, all day every day.  We get along, and I don't have any real complaints about her, but I'm sure that if we were there, we would both have complaints.  It just won't work. 

We are doing it for several reasons, the biggest on is money at the moment, with my only just starting work in the UK, we couldnt afford anything else without me having any income.  Also, me and my CP met in the US, he was in the US on a J1 Working visa and hadnt left home before he went to America, he was only 18.  He picked me up in the states and came back home, which was his parents house and we havent been able to move yet.

Money reasons.  London is a really expensive place to live.  We wanted to be able to pay down our debt, and planned to stay a few more years than we did.  However, I was so unhappy, we had issues with other people in the home not being reliable, and we really needed our own place.  My brother-in-law has since gotten his own flat (and he's older than my husband), but often spends as much time as possible at my parents-in-law because his wife is away.

It seems more the norm here for people to stay with their parents than in the States.  I don't know if it is a traditional thing or a practical thing.

Thanks ya'll for being patient with me and explaining- you're all far braver than me for living/had lived with your in-laws!

We've been living with my husband's parents for a year and a half now. As I'm sure you all know, visas are expensive, and so are weddings (especially when one of you is subject to immigration control and can't work). But now that I'm a resident and can work we'll be out of here as soon as I get a job. Which is of course easier said than done.

You know its bad when you hear drunken 56 year old MIL scream to 64 year old FIL "dont expect sex in the morning if your not up before 7"!!!

OMG!!!!!!!!!           

Lol, that just made my day, old people love is the best kind of love! Good luck with the job!