What Would YOU Do?? A moral question....

Ok so my husband and I went to the local McDonalds for a quick bite to eat and while he was waiting for our food at the counter. I went and found a seat as it was really busy! A couple minutes later, a girl who looked to be about 15 came and sat down at the table kitty cornered from me where it seated two people. It was the only table left. A minute or so later, her mom walked over and literally yells at her for getting the table she did. Then she tells her "I should punch you in the face!". Then the mom walks over and waves the sister over and as the sister is walking past, she PUSHES the girl to the side and bulldozed her way past and sits down. The mom continues to mutter her disgust and rant as the 15 year old looking girl sits down and pouts. While all this was happening I am looking around for camera crew and John Quinones (haha) cuz I'm seriously thinking that that TV show "What Would You Do" has made it's way to England.

I felt SO bad for her but unlike the brave people on the show, I just sat there and diverted my eyes. It wasn't my business to get into their argument, I'd literally been living in England for a week.... but I couldn't help but think that I should have said something and put my arms around the girl and let her know it would be ok. She is obviously mentally and maybe even physically abused! And I couldn't help but feeling after we left that I didn't do enough. Maybe I've watched that show too much!!  What would any of you do in that situation??     

That's a difficult situation to be in. Where does one draw the line?  On one hand, this mother was obviously mental to be yelling at her daughter in public like that for something stupid- On the other hand, how mental would she have gone on YOU had you stepped in a said something. Sometimes it's not worth the mess... She wasn't beating her, this is a teenager we are talking about, perhaps keeping your head down was the best thing you could have done. Intervening might have made things worse for the poor girl.

 I had a similar situation in the states where I actually did step in.

  My first child was only 3 years old, and I was pushing him in the mall in one of those plastic car strollers they provide there. I ran into a friend from high school who was there with her daughter who didn't look older than two. As I didn't know her that well, I just smiled at her while I looked around the store- her daughter ran over and tried to climb in the stroller my son was in. It was kinda cute, no harm done, and I said hi to her. Her mother screamed her name out, grabbed her by her pony tail, and ripped her backwards by it. All the while cussing her out and slapped her across the face. ...  I was dumbfounded. My son was crying, all I could think of was that at the time I was a mandated reporter of child abuse, I had to do something. I told her that she needed to calm down, that her child did not deserve to be reprimanded that way (especially in public! What in the world does she do to that child in private??)  that due to my profession I should call CPS or the police to look into this situation. She of course cursed at me, told me it was none of my business and to go ahead and call CPS " cause it's been done before"..
  So I did.  What a nightmare. Looking back I wonder if it was the right thing to do, but that poor little girl....

Vegasgrl94--I think you made the right decision.  It was wise to stay out of that volatile situation.  You can always go around the corner and report an incident anonymously to the police.  Unfortunately, you never who you are dealing with and, in this case, it appears the sister and mother were particularly nasty--don't think for one second they wouldn't attack you. 
 

Smashley--you were quite right to call the CPS.  I'm not sure if I would have told the mother I was doing that but, in saying that, you were right to intervene.  A young child is helpless and cannot defend themselves in the manner older children can.  I applaud you for having the courage to do what was necessary!   

I think you did the right thing to stay out of it.  It's easy to "judge" a situation based on a very small glimpse of it...but who knows what was really going on.  That might not have even been her mother..could have been an older sibling or anything (unless you specifically heard 'mother' or 'daughter').  If she was 15 then I'd say she would be ok because she's old enough that she *should* have been made aware of abuse and things like that and she could talk to her school if there was an issue (and yes, I do realize it's not as black and white as that but a 15-year-old is much better equipped to be able to defend/protect themselves compared to a 3-year-old).

I have to admit that yelling and screaming and cursing at kids seems to be an everyday occurence here (and I'm not saying the whole of England but the few cities/towns I've been to)...which I still haven't gotten used to.  I guess we were just raised that when you misbehaved your mom got really close to you and whispered into your ear that if you didn't behave you were going to get it when you got home.

ETA:  Personally I would have probably said, "Can you keep it down?" or commented to DH "Can you believe the way people act in public?" as opposed to full on confronting them over the issue.  9 out of 10 times I have my kids with me and I won't hesitate for a second to say "My kids don't need to see/hear that type of thing" to someone.

That's a difficult situation to be in. Where does one draw the line?  On one hand, this mother was obviously mental to be yelling at her daughter in public like that for something stupid- On the other hand, how mental would she have gone on YOU had you stepped in a said something. Sometimes it's not worth the mess... She wasn't beating her, this is a teenager we are talking about, perhaps keeping your head down was the best thing you could have done. Intervening might have made things worse for the poor girl.

 I had a similar situation in the states where I actually did step in.

  My first child was only 3 years old, and I was pushing him in the mall in one of those plastic car strollers they provide there. I ran into a friend from high school who was there with her daughter who didn't look older than two. As I didn't know her that well, I just smiled at her while I looked around the store- her daughter ran over and tried to climb in the stroller my son was in. It was kinda cute, no harm done, and I said hi to her. Her mother screamed her name out, grabbed her by her pony tail, and ripped her backwards by it. All the while cussing her out and slapped her across the face. ...  I was dumbfounded. My son was crying, all I could think of was that at the time I was a mandated reporter of child abuse, I had to do something. I told her that she needed to calm down, that her child did not deserve to be reprimanded that way (especially in public! What in the world does she do to that child in private??)  that due to my profession I should call CPS or the police to look into this situation. She of course cursed at me, told me it was none of my business and to go ahead and call CPS " cause it's been done before"..
  So I did.  What a nightmare. Looking back I wonder if it was the right thing to do, but that poor little girl....

OMG that is HORRIBLE! Yeah if I had seen something like that done to a little kid, I definitely would have said something. Wow! I guess you never know what you would do in that kind of situation!

Vegasgrl94--I think you made the right decision.  It was wise to stay out of that volatile situation.  You can always go around the corner and report an incident anonymously to the police.  Unfortunately, you never who you are dealing with and, in this case, it appears the sister and mother were particularly nasty--don't think for one second they wouldn't attack you. 
 

Smashley--you were quite right to call the CPS.  I'm not sure if I would have told the mother I was doing that but, in saying that, you were right to intervene.  A young child is helpless and cannot defend themselves in the manner older children can.  I applaud you for having the courage to do what was necessary!   

That's so true! I thought about the fact that if I did say something, she would probably curse me out or worse. I could take a little mental abuse because I know how to make people feel horrible if they try to talk down to me.... but yeah if fists had been thrown I wouldn't know what to do. I've never been in a fistfight before. LOL.

I think you did the right thing to stay out of it.  It's easy to "judge" a situation based on a very small glimpse of it...but who knows what was really going on.  That might not have even been her mother..could have been an older sibling or anything (unless you specifically heard 'mother' or 'daughter').  If she was 15 then I'd say she would be ok because she's old enough that she *should* have been made aware of abuse and things like that and she could talk to her school if there was an issue (and yes, I do realize it's not as black and white as that but a 15-year-old is much better equipped to be able to defend/protect themselves compared to a 3-year-old).

I have to admit that yelling and screaming and cursing at kids seems to be an everyday occurence here (and I'm not saying the whole of England but the few cities/towns I've been to)...which I still haven't gotten used to.  I guess we were just raised that when you misbehaved your mom got really close to you and whispered into your ear that if you didn't behave you were going to get it when you got home.

ETA:  Personally I would have probably said, "Can you keep it down?" or commented to DH "Can you believe the way people act in public?" as opposed to full on confronting them over the issue.  9 out of 10 times I have my kids with me and I won't hesitate for a second to say "My kids don't need to see/hear that type of thing" to someone.

So true.... Yeah I assumed it was the mother because she was an older lady with graying hair.... but she could have been even a stepmom or an aunt or something. And I did say something to my husband to the effect of "Oh my GOSH I can't believe the way they're TREATING her... poor girl". But I don't know if they hear or chose to ignore me. Sheesh.... I just know that mental abuse for her probably didn't start two weeks ago. All I could think was that she's probably been through it her whole life. She'll be in my prayers... 

Personally I do nothing in those situations and I've been in a few. I don't get involved. Someone that crazy may throw a fist and then go to court over a fight with you, win and you get jail time. All for trying to help.

It's a sad world, but it's a world now where the laws protect the vile and wicked. I'd sleep fine at night in doing nothing as you did.

In the situation the OP was in, I'd stay out of it. The girl could have been a real handful or grounded for something she had just done, the mother might not have meant that she would literally punch her in the face, and well, older siblings can be bullyish. DH jokes with DSS by saying, "I'll kill ye deed!" Haha.... it's a Geordie thing, which now DSS says sometimes back to us, but it doesn't mean he would literally kill him, of course (or ever hurt him for that matter)! I think sometimes things look worse to outsiders than they really are, so it's hard to gauge it.

However, in the situation with the toddler in the mall, that is different. That was clearly physical abuse and definitely a time to call someone about it, though I might not have confronted the woman myself.

I once saw a man (whose backyard faces my mother's backyard with an alley in between) kick his dog in the stomach while wearing some pointy toe cowboy boots with what looked like steel toes on. The dog yelped so loudly, it was clearly painful. I was so mad, I ran right over to the edge of the fence and started cussing him out and told him he couldn't treat animals like that. He said it was his dog and he could do whatever he wanted, and I told him I'd call the police if I ever saw him do that again. In hindsight, I probably should have just called the police and not confronted him, but I guess the five foot firecracker took over... lol. It's always hard to know what to do in these situations.

I've watched that show too and I would rather feel embarrassed for fifteen minutes from intervening then hold that sort of guilt on my conscience. I've been in those sort of situations and you can't win. I either feel embarrassed for intervening or I feel bad for not saying something. I've spoken up quite a few times and I've been glared at, threatened to be hit, but nothing worse than verbal abuse has happened. I'm very much for individual sovereignty, but even I'll say there are moments when someone should interfere. Yes it is very difficult to judge the whole picture from just one moment, but I think everyone can agree that reprimanding a child by viciously pulling their hair is not adding to the healthy development of the child. I think we know as conscious creatures that--like in Jewlz's case--that dogs can feel pain and that it is not good to kick it.

If I had been in the mall that day, it's hard to say what I would have done. If I were sitting next to the shouting mum, I would have told her pipe down perhaps. Usually if I say, "look, stop, you're embarrassing your child[ren]," 99% of the time they stop yelling.

I think you did the right thing to stay out of it.  It's easy to "judge" a situation based on a very small glimpse of it...but who knows what was really going on. I do realize it's not as black and white as that but a 15-year-old is much better equipped to be able to defend/protect themselves compared to a 3-year-old).

I have to admit that yelling and screaming and cursing at kids seems to be an everyday occurence here (and I'm not saying the whole of England but the few cities/towns I've been to)...which I still haven't gotten used to.  I guess we were just raised that when you misbehaved your mom got really close to you and whispered into your ear that if you didn't behave you were going to get it when you got home.

I absolutely agree on both accounts. It's really hard to judge a situation based on one incident, especially if the child in question is a teenager and should have access/resources to get help if there's truly something horrible going on at home.

And as for the examples of screaming/cursing kids AND parents....the things I've seen and heard since moving here last summer? Wow. Just wow. Kids just walk all over authority. Parents have no clue how to teach their children respect. I even bristle when I hear mothers telling their children to "shut up" on the playgrounds. That's just not a language I would use with my children.

I agree. The teenagers here have absolutely no respect. And I dare one of them to lip off to me. Lol. In the instance of a dog being abused that is horrible and I'm g,ad you stood up to that guy! Animals are so innocent, they do not deserve abuse ever! 

I wouldn't have been in a McDonald's in the first place, but assuming it was on a train or somewhere, I would have certainly stayed out of it. Nothing to do with me.