Decision made: Doing LDR for a while

So I've been in England for 6 months on a tourist visa and along the way trying anything possible to sort out some sort of a visa without having to get married, but it seems that is not possible.
I leave here in 8 weeks and my partner will be staying here in the UK while I go home and start working to save up.  We don't have much of a plan after that, it's most likely going to be getting married so that we can have a normal relationship. 

Questions:
1.  How did everyone deal (or is dealing) with a long distance relationship?  We have been together for 14 months and spent 3 days apart....going to be a shock to the system.
2.  Anyone get married for a visa sake (I realize it sounds horrible, but be real with me, I know it happens all the time).  I don't mean an illegal marriage, but maybe you weren't 100% ready to get married but had to do it in order to maintain the relationship.

Any advice/help would be great. 

Honestly- I wouldn't recommend getting married if your not ready. I know it's tough to be away (been through it myself) but that doesn't mean the solution is to jump into a marriage without really knowing it's what you want. There are a few members on here who are unfortunately dealing with divorces or separations and it has to be so hard- I know if my marriage didn't work here, all the hoops I would have to jump through.. Moving expenses, visa issues, plus we have kids!! Nightmare!!

 My hubby and I tried to visit each other a few times a year, called or e-mailed everyday- and we sent videos or pics constantly to make sure we made each other a part of our everyday lives. Even if it was just a funny sign I found, or a pic of his work bus.. anything to make us feel like we were there.

If you guys are ready to marry, because you are in love, you have similar life goals, you know your ready.. then go for it! But if you still need time, or if your still unsure- give it the time you need.  Doing the international marriage thing has been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I think the only reason I do it is because I know my hubby and I are the real thing- we can survive the stress and the hardship. Good luck! I hope things work out for you!
 

I agree with Smashley; I wouldn't rush to marry because you fear the separation. My SO and I were in a long distance relationship for over five years. I think it was most difficult on my mother as I kept getting annoyed when she'd ask when we'd get "serious" (we were serious! but she meant "married". ) Honestly, I miss parts of it; I'm quite independent and for a bit it was nice to be in a loving relationship AND get to do whatever I wanted most of the time.   It also gave us time to have the important discussions about futures, kids, and etc that really made us confident we were suited.

We saw each other every few months (I'd go for extended visits during the summer, he'd come over in the winter, we'd trade off the fall etc) and we talked a couple of times a week. There were times it was tough, but we were always there for each other, and I love being married now--he's definitely my partner for life.

It will all work out! Good luck!

Thanks for your replies.  It just feels like the end because we haven't had to do long distance yet (we met travelling, then continued on together and then I have been here for 6 months).  It just seems as if LDR are so tainted and it is so hard to convey feelings over a phone.  And I still ask myself all the time, how do people know when they are ready to get married?  I have never even wanted to get married, but now I find myself contemplating it.

Thanks for your replies.  It just feels like the end because we haven't had to do long distance yet (we met travelling, then continued on together and then I have been here for 6 months).  It just seems as if LDR are so tainted and it is so hard to convey feelings over a phone.  And I still ask myself all the time, how do people know when they are ready to get married?  I have never even wanted to get married, but now I find myself contemplating it.

Hee. Well, I had a master plan that involved my sister getting married first, thus taking the pressure of having a fancy wedding off of me. That didn't work! In the end, we got married to be together, but also because (as my husband put it) we were "practically married anyway".  Really, we were already committed life partners, we just formalized it with a giant party. Take it as slow as you need to, LDRs can be difficult, but they're certainly not impossible!

Definitely! Lots of us on here are proof the LDR's can work. Plus to echo Jennies statement.. It took a lot of pressure off us to be so far away from each other. I had my own life, he had his, it gave us time to really get to know each other before we made the big decision to marry. Come up with fun romantic ideas to keep in touch- My hubby and I had "Coffee Dates" I'd go to my local coffee place, he'd go to his and we'd chat for a while over skype. It was our version of going out on dates. He'd send me flowers online- Plus when we did get to see each other it was always amazing because I missed him so much over the period of time we were apart.   

We didn't get married just for the visa, but we realised early on that if we wanted to live together, we had to get married.  We love each other and did when we got married, but did we get married so we could be in the same place at the same time, yes.  Were we worried that our lack of time in the same place at the same time could mean the marriage might not work out?  Yes.  But we sort of decided you only live once and we wanted to be together and we wanted it to work out.  But, we felt ready to take that step and give it a try.  Nearly five years later, we seem to be doing good. 

A few years ago I also had to choose between marriage or a LDR. The best advice I got was from my older sister. She said she's had friends who felt pushed into marriage for different reasons, one couple were both US citizens who got married so the partner could get very much-needed health insurance. And she said as long as you're in a great relationship and know you want to get married, she didn't see the harm in bringing up the wedding date a bit. But if you haven't decided that it's what you want, then you shouldn't rush into it because of external factors.

After dating for only 3 months my DH and I knew we wanted to be together for forever. And then once we looked at our longterm options and realised that once my visa expired we couldn't both live in the same country, we were both completely confident about getting married 6 months after we'd first started dating. It wasn't how either of us had imagined it, since a lot of my family couldn't make it over for the wedding, and if we'd had the freedom we would've waited until we'd known each other for 2 to 3 years so we wouldn't get so many strange looks.  But we've been married over three years now and are absolutely perfect for each other and we both know it was the right decision. But if I'd had any doubts, in my relationship with DH or marriage itself, I would've waited. Permanently relocating and dealing with fitting in to British culture and finding a new job and visas is all stressful, and if my relationship hadn't been comfortable and reliable and familiar and awesome, I'd be back in the US by now. 

On knowing when you're ready to get married... again, can only speak from personal experience. A friend's mom once said that she knew she'd met the right guy when he was the only boyfriend she wasn't embarrassed to bring home for dinner. I knew when I met my husband because I'm really super close to my siblings, and after knowing him only a few weeks I felt as close to him as I was to them. That's never happened in my whole life, even with best friends and boyfriends. Then after only a few months he'd become the most important person in the world to me.

I was another who, when choosing between LDR and marriage, went with marriage. We went fiance visa route just in case, but were still married one year (to the day!) after we met. We've never looked back (and never been happier)

Of course there were a few months that we were seperated and while they were difficult and I hated them at the time, I can look back on them now and they really make me smile. My husband would write me an email before he went to work every morning and I would write to him before I went to bed so we could both wake up to something from the other. I made him scrapbooks from when we were together, so those were always fresh in my mind. We would rent and watch the same films, we read books aloud alternating by chapter, all sorts of silly things. We spent a silly amount of money posting nonsense back and forth to one another. It is so different from day-to-day life together, but it was still really nice.

And like the previous people have said, it gave us the chance to talk through all the big things so now all was have to do is moon at each other and say "I love you" a lot. Oh, and "It's your turn to change the baby!"

Let me just say that I understand where you are coming from.  I was a student for 6 months in the UK.  I met the man of my dreams in month 4.  I told him when we met that it could never be anything serious because I was going home in 2 months.  It is now 10 years later and we have 4 beautiful kids.  We made it work.  We got married 6 months after we met and 4 of those months we were separated by an ocean.  Would I have married him that soon had it not been for immigration?  Probably not.  However, I knew he was the man I was destined for.  The trick for us was to decide early on that we had to trust each other.  I have never been jealous and neither has he.  We  just knew.  If you can't trust, it won't work.  It was hard and cost a lot of money in phone bills as we didnt have skype yet.  It was worth it.  Good luck.

I'm just agreeing with what Dragon says that the trust is the key. Me and (now) hubby have been in an LDR for over 3 years and were online friends from, well, 5 years today! (I just looked at the date - another anniversary! You seem to pick up a lot of these in LDRs!  )

There have been a few ups and downs and a few days which have been difficult - when you just want to leap down the telephone or into the computer for a hug! But, if it's meant to be, it will be. Both of you being on the 'same page', patience, trust and honesty are all key - being able to speak openly about how you both feel is vital and for us communication was essential. Nearly everyday we managed to communicate via email or telephone or webcam. There were some days/weeks where we couldn't for a number of reasons and they were the hardest times where I had to 'hold on' and where the trust and patience was so important.

The time leaving a partner is so, so, hard. We did it about 8 times over ther years where I visited him and vice versa. The first few weeks back home were so difficult and I would advise you both discuss how to communicate before you leave and try and make this as often as you both can. In some ways it was harder for me after hubby went back to the US and he had been here for several months. I even had to move furniture around and couldn't have my meals at the table because there was an empty chair where hubby had been. But, over time you do get used it. Even if at times it can be hard. We got into a routine where we would Skype after my tea/dinner time which would be after his lunch time, most days as well as reams of emails every day!

If you have been together 14 months with only 3 days apart I am sure you know each other quite well and the LDR will enforce this and, hopefully, through good communication and trust will enhance your relationship. And once you do get together for good...it feels so, so worth it! The happiest day of my life was my wedding earlier this month and the approval of hubby's visa but that will probably eclipse when he lands at Manchester on 12th May 

Good luck Star and keep the faith in your relationship  xxx

My husband and I married 2 years after we met so there was and STILL IS a lot of going back and forth. He is still in the UK while I am here in the states. It has always been hard on the both of us having to go 4-6 months without being together, but we really love each other and we were willing to sacrifice the distance and everything that came with it just to be together.

He will hopefully be coming home in a few months and all of this will be a pleasant memory. I say pleasant because in hindsight we will be able to see how far we've come and all the obstacles we had to overcome . In answer to your question, no, we did not get married just to be in the same country. We waited until we were both ready. We were both against marriage in the beginning, but that's a whole "nuther" story

Hmmm it annoys the hell out of me that the system in both countries almost forces you into getting married.

Not that it is a problem for me, I love my American Girlfriend and want to be with her for the rest of our lives.  I just wanted her to visit me in England to make her own mind up about which side of the pond she wanted to be on (once the romance about royalty, castles and history had worn off).

So, out here she came, and back she went without seeing the country, a castle, the queen or ... me.  Just a nasty Immigration Officer.

She then applied for a visa, we sent everything off and they returned everything with a denial on a very trivial point.

So, I'm going to visit her soon, and I may suddenly decide to marry her and if I did that, I'd then have to come back by myself while we then sort out the hypothetical spouse visa (if that happened) ahem. 

Uncle Talon-what was the minor issue that they denied your visa for?  This scares me!

Rosiebee-congrats on your hubby's visa!!!!!!!!!!!  Wish you all the best.

Thanks for your responses everyone.  I have 4 1/2 weeks left in England, then off to Texas.  It's really scary, really sad and really annoying.  But this is life, and we can't make a decision while we are annoyed and pissed off with the system.  I'm sure (hopeful) that after a few months apart we will decide to get married so that I can move back over here.  Or maybe him there.....
Has anyone tried the other way, as in getting UK partner a marriage visa in US?  I've heard it's even more difficult, if that's even possible.

Thanks Star A week today and he is here...

Sending lots of hugs and postive vibes to you