Tacky Wedding Vent

Exactly.  I don't mind gift registries at all (we had one too), and I don't even mind learning that a couple prefers to receive cash for a specific purpose.  But I think they should wait to be asked & not put it in the wedding invitation. 

Yeah, ours is on our wed-site but not on our invitation. People really do ask though, it seemed like the number 1 question after our invites went out.

"We already have everything we need, so if you want to give us anything, contribute toward the honeymoon."

I don't think putting it like this is so bad actually. Sounds quite nice and isn't demanding.

I hope you at least get some sort of wild foxes-raided-the-food-and-ate-the-wedding-cake sort of stories out of it!

We have a honeymoon registry on our website as well, it seemed a less tacky way of asking for money instead of stuff. I think a pot-luck celebration can work well (we have some friends who did this a few years ago; had the 'proper' wedding and meal for family and very few friends due to cost, but had a pre-wedding mediaeval feast that was pot-luck), but it has to be phrased right and not be overly demanding. For me it's the way the whole thing has been handled rather than the idea itself that is tacky.

Yeah, ours is on our wed-site but not on our invitation. People really do ask though, it seemed like the number 1 question after our invites went out.

"We already have everything we need, so if you want to give us anything, contribute toward the honeymoon."

I don't think putting it like this is so bad actually. Sounds quite nice and isn't demanding.

And that's how I think it works.  DH really didn't want a registry & I thought we should have one.  Everyone was asking us where we were registered, so we did one in the end.  We did a traditional one because we were setting up house - I hadn't brought much over with me & DH had only really basic bachelor-pad stuff, like only 2 or 3 place settings of second hand cutlery, etc - lol!

I honestly don't know how it worked for our wedding in the US.  I assume people either knew we didn't want stuff because we would have to bring it back, or they called my parents and my parents said money.  

I also have no idea how it worked in the UK.  We had a list, I guess his parents told people?  

I think this is all the bride-to-be's idea.

It is completely out of character for DH's best friend.

Before he met his fiance, DH's best friend lived with a woman for over 15 years.

She left him not long ago (he was completely shocked and devastated by this), met someone, got married and had a baby very quickly.

I think he is rushing to make a commitment with the new girlfriend because he is afraid if he doesn't he will lose her like he did his ex, and he is just following her wishes and giving her whatever she wants.

I have a feeling that the groom-to-be is going through enough stress dealing with his future wife's demands.

I think she had no intention of inviting any of his friends to the registry wedding (DH and I weren't the only friends that we know of who weren't invited at first and then got invited after) and he had to convince her to invite us.

I don't want to make anything more difficult for him.

I will just grin and bear it and b*tch on UKY.

ETA: If it were only a request for cash for the honeymoon,  it wouldn't be a problem. It's that piled on top of having to pay for and provide everything else.

Note: These are people in their 40s.

And that's how I think it works.  DH really didn't want a registry & I thought we should have one.  Everyone was asking us where we were registered, so we did one in the end.  We did a traditional one because we were setting up house - I hadn't brought much over with me & DH had only really basic bachelor-pad stuff, like only 2 or 3 place settings of second hand cutlery, etc - lol!

Same with us.  My husband had nothing so we needed lots of stuff even though we were older than average.  

It is out of line though.

I mean the weather has been good so far this year, but it could be a rainy, muddy mess by the time of the wedding and then are you all going to be there in spattered clothes? 

As for extravagant - hah! I'd go OTT, just to get back at the bride, and wear something really obnoxious. 

Sounds like the opportune time to dress very Scarlett O'hara Gone with the Wind but with big Cheryl Cole hair and Princess Beatrice's octopussy hat!  Then you'll need overalls, a plaid shirt, and a piece of straw in the corner of your mouth for the barn hoedown throwdown/reception.   

I'm jealous!  I want to dress like that now.

This is going to sound very snarky, but it is what it is.

Everything about that wedding is out of line.  And the Bride-to-be is delusional. Expects people to be paying for everything and bringing the materials for the wedding and on top of that expecting presents?  Utterly tacky and embarrassing.  If you don't have the money you do simple and personal and small and that's it.

Sweetpeach, I don't think this will be a fun weekend, but I hope it somehow will be.

I actually run my own honeymoon registry site.  Its just easier to mention where you are registered and have the guests decide if they will find something from the register, or choose something else to give you.  My husband and I used my own registry service because it was easier to do that than to have items or money shipped.  And besides, we DID already have the basics.

But registries should never be forced upon others, and saying just give us money is tacky tacky tacky.  There are better ways to put it.

granted, the fact that its your DH's best friend means you are pretty stuck on this one. But my suggestion would be to accept it for what it is and do the least.  And if it were anyone else, there'd be 20-40 quid and an apologetic "It'd be more, but after all the costs of the weekend, we are tapped out.  But I know our presence here, sharing your day means the more to you, so we made sure we were here all weekend."  and leave it at that.

I'd say more but it'd involve very colorful language

Best of luck to you, Sweetpeach!

I don't have a problem with the registry info being in the invite. But I've been involved in far more US-style weddings than UK ones so perhaps I'm less sensitive to it. I do know some of our UK guests, whom we knew would not be impressed with registry info, we left it out of the invite.

MTA - as a matter of fact, I have US friends who get upset when they receive wedding invites without the registry info. This is particularly true of single, busy men who just want to get something quickly and be done with it.

Good to know it's more standard procedure in the US - I was all  when I got that through - especially because it's my relations! 

A cultural difference that I wasn't aware of.  I still prefer the asking, rather than the telling though.  People in the UK do fully expect there to be a registry, I think - just not for it to be in the invitation.

This is going to sound very snarky, but it is what it is.

Believe me, I am not offended.

 If you don't have the money you do simple and personal and small and that's it.

I agree. DH and I had a registry wedding with about 10 guests and a meal at a nearby restaurant afterwards. The couple have a FB page and it looks like they have invited around 80 guests (This is for the weekend wedding only, not the registry wedding.)

For our honeymoon, DH and I drove to the PEO in Liverpool so I could get my FLR and then drove back across England to the East Coast, where we spent a couple of nights in a B&B.

I was so happy to be married and to have my FLR that I didn't care about anything else.

Sweetpeach, I don't think this will be a fun weekend, but I hope it somehow will be.

Thanks. I will try to enjoy myself.

 And if it were anyone else, there'd be 20-40 quid and an apologetic "It'd be more, but after all the costs of the weekend, we are tapped out.  But I know our presence here, sharing your day means the more to you, so we made sure we were here all weekend."  and leave it at that.

I'd say more but it'd involve very colorful language

 

How can you expect your guests to pay for a weekend away and then actually request cash as gifts? For our wedding most people will be spending quite a bit to come over the pond or up from some of the southern states.  Were in the process of registering at Amazon UK, but the only way guests will find that will be by going to the website or asking my mom or me.  DF lives with his mom right now and I’m not bringing much so we will need to set up house.  In all seriousness, I’d be perfectly happy to not receive a single gift or penny; I just want my family to be there with me.  While it’s our wedding, it’s also going to be my last chance to see a lot of my family for a while, it’s kind of a send off party too.  What your ‘friend’ is doing is really tacky. 

I went to a wedding in Phoenix about 10 years ago.  Only the couple lived in Phoenix, over 150 people flew in, got hotel rooms and rental cars.  They then proceeded to have a cash bar as well as a money dance.  Considering the almost $3k that my then boyfriend and I put into it we both felt really cheated. 

Regarding the possibility of rain, we have been asked to bring umbrellas. I'm assuming they mean big canopy-type umbrellas to keep everything dry, not the little mini-umbrella I keep in my handbag