Tacky Wedding Vent

Seriously, if you can't afford a big wedding, you don't have one.  Or maybe you get lucky and your friends and family rally round and do a potluck for you - I would be fine with that, but it doesn't seem like that is the case here.  If you simply don't want to pay for a big wedding, I don't think you have any business asking your guests to foot the bill. 

I do believe that people should have the wedding they want, not the one their guests want, but they should be sensitive to their guests' needs, and shouldn't expect that everyone will come.  For example: "It is our dream to have our wedding in a barn, and we think it will be a lot of fun to camp out for the weekend.  However, we understand if you are not comfortable with camping and can only make it to the day portion.  There are hotels located x miles away."

About the cash gifts: well, if your guests are paying for your wedding, you should strongly suggest that you don't want any gifts, it's just cheeky otherwise.  In general, I'm fine with registries and have seen both UK and US weddings mention them either on the invitation or on the website.  But, almost everyone says "we understand that attending a wedding is expensive and your presence is already enough of a gift for us.  However, if you still wish to buy a gift then...".  I really don't have a problem with giving money for a honeymoon either.  Honestly, it's a luxury that they don't really need whether it's that or a pasta machine so what's the difference?

Overall I think what is totally lacking in this wedding is any appreciation for the guests.  I have flown over the pond a few times for weddings now, and people have always been very appreciative of the time and money that we have put into it, and I'm glad they do because we do have to make sacrifices in order to attend.  But last year I went to a wedding here in the US where I spent a ton of money on things like the bridesmaid dress, bachelorette party and raffle donations for the Jack and Jill.  I certainly felt like acknowledgement for the money I had put into it was lacking along the way (although I did get a thank you card afterwards).  It would have been nice to hear "I really appreciate you spending the money on this" or, "don't feel like you have to bring something if you can't afford it".

I also had a birthday the day after my SIL's wedding last year.  It was totally forgotten by my in laws (even though we had talked about how close it was to the wedding many times).  People just get caught up in themselves on the day.  You could get your DH to mention it to the couple and say he is bringing along a cake?  Or just write it off and celebrate it another time.  Or could you leave midday Sunday and celebrate with DH?  I don't see why you should be obliged to stay until Monday.

Well, we have reserved a camper van and we've had to reserve it for the whole week, because the company won't rent it for a shorter time in August, so  we will have some more days holiday which I will treat as toward my birthday.

Well, we have reserved a camper van and we've had to reserve it for the whole week, because the company won't rent it for a shorter time in August, so  we will have some more days holiday which I will treat as toward my birthday.

Well at least something nice has come from it all!  Make sure you and hubby go somewhere nice!

I've just been invited to a wedding, it has a two page list of do's and don't's that came along with the invite. And its a backyard black tie wedding. Oy vey. And they have asked for donations to their honeymoon fund too...

I've just been invited to a wedding, it has a two page list of do's and don't's that came along with the invite. And its a backyard black tie wedding. Oy vey. And they have asked for donations to their honeymoon fund too...

What kind of do's and don'ts?

I've just been invited to a wedding, it has a two page list of do's and don't's that came along with the invite. And its a backyard black tie wedding. Oy vey. And they have asked for donations to their honeymoon fund too...

Oy vey.

I am also curious about the do's and don't's.

I just had a quick look at the form for the wedding I'm going to, and it says that on the Facebook page you can "volunteer to help with preparations".

What?

It's a wedding, not a charity.

Backyard Black Tie Dinner Party

Because a dinner jacket is really going to stay clean and dry in a canoe.

What kind of do's and don'ts?

Okay, upon re reading it, there are only maybe a page of do's and don't's, but still its stuff like "if you don't know what to get us, a donation to our honeymoon fund would be great", "There is ample parking at the church but cars will beed to be moved immediately after to make accommodate an evening mass" " Due to limited space, only family children & god children will be included in the reception" But don't worry, who knows if we can go because my in laws don't want to watch my children for the wedding! The bride is my oldest friend in the UK, we met when I was an exchange student here in 1993, I wouldn't miss this wedding for the world! She and her sister are like the most beautiful English Roses you could ever meet...but all this wedding stuff imo is nuts.

At first I read god children as good children and thought "Wow! They are truly demanding."

At first I read god children as good children and thought "Wow! They are truly demanding."

Well, I would expect them to be good and god children!

What a bizarre thing!  I'm completely baffled by it.  It does, however, sound as if you are in for the get go since it's DHs dearest friend.  I would suggest working on changing your perspective (even though you are SO right) to one that allows you to be okay--for instance, go in with your camera to take pictures to show us how crazy it all ends up being (please, please, please.  I really would love to see this one ) and put on your comic eye rather than the annoyed one.  I so get the annoyance--think I'd be there too, but fueling it could make things more uncomfortable for your DH who's thrown in the middle because it's his friend.  If you don't have much choice, you can so b*tch to us, but may find things easier if you just resolve to laugh at the whole thing.

I'm remembering some of my awkward feelings around my own wedding.  I have always felt it was tacky to put registry notices or requests in the invites.  For my own wedding though, we were immigrating two weeks later and I was anxious that so many of the small-town types wouldn't get the ins and outs of that and buy me electric appliances and such.  I finally put a little typed note from my dad in the invite saying that having them at our wedding was gift enough, but that we would be moving overseas and unable to ship much, so if they still felt like sharing a gift, could they make it pocket sized?  I was a bit mortified that I was pretty much asking for money, but I made a point of talking to lots of people about how awkward that felt for me and trying to spread the word of why we did it.  I tried to make it as tactful as I could, but I still feel a bit embarrassed sometimes.  Oh well, it helped pay for my travel to get my visa and some of our shipping, so it worked out well still.

Cadenza, I am getting used to the idea of going and  the campsite we will be in does seem very nice, based on the website. I also like the fact that DH and I get our own little private holiday afterward.

It's just not what I expect a wedding to be. It's OK if I just think of it as a camping weekend and the registry wedding as the wedding.

About pictures, the wedding is not till August so you will have to wait a while.

Considering Racheeeee's invite, I wonder if having a big dressy wedding in a casual outdoorsy (inexpensive) place is a new trend.

Just read this, sweetpeach. WTH are these people smoking? That wedding sounds bonkers and it's completely ridiculous to expect people to spend so much money to attend. I'd refuse to go! Except that I understand the bloke is your husband's best mate or whatever and so he doesn't want to kick up a fuss. Still... what a joke! I never would have dreamed of treating people that way. We didn't have much money, so we had our wedding outside at a little B & B at a time in the afternoon when people wouldn't really expect a meal, so we just offered cake and champagne and that was it (I'm sure the invite said cake and champagne on it, as well, so people knew what to expect). Luckily we had the excuse of my moving so far away to keep people from giving gifts, and no one gave money until my going away party, which made sense. I certainly wouldn't plan some silly 3 day event and expect everyone to drop everything unless I was having a destination wedding, where its pretty much expected that anyone who wants to go will pay their own way. What a nightmare. Sorry its taking over your birthday weekend. I hope the situation is bearable, though to be honest, what a jip! 

Okay, but having seen your last post, don't let me rile you up again. You may as well make the most of it and try to have fun since you are kind of stuck in the situation regardless.   

I'm reading this chain and I'm thinking that these people just don't know how to host, host being the key word, an event like a wedding.
Now, I am from the US and I have been to at least 100 weddings or more in my life and they have all been paid for by the couple, or parents of the couple getting married with a lovely meal, entertainment and an open bar except for a few that haven't had alcohol for religious reasons. In fact I've even been to one where the bride and groom paid for their out of town relatives accommodation.
This couple are going to end up disappointed wondering why no one came to their wedding I bet.

One thing that is making me curious is that quite a few people have asked if they can bring children, and the couple have simply said "Yeah sure." I wonder how they are going to deal with loads of small children when there is no organization.