Dress for a very, very posh English wedding?! HELP?!?!?!?

I am not sure if it is "Black Tie" or just formal. But, I suspect it is SUPER-BLACK-TIE.

It is my husband's friend's wedding, and he is very cool, but the woman he is marrying is very wealthy, and therefore her father is throwing a huge party.

She had her Hen Party at Royal Ascot, and then they all flew to France, on a private jet, to a weekend beauty spa... for three days. She has only registered at Harrods (And everything she chose is SO expensive - Nothing is less than two hundred pounds! SHOCKING!!!!). Her dress, of course, is Vera Wang.

I am REALLY worried about what to wear... My favourite label is "Machine Wash"!!!!!! I'm an academic librarian! The closest I have ever come to an event like this was visiting the castle at freakin' Disney Land...

To make it WORSE, my husband is IN the wedding party! So, I will be on my own for some of it. Socialisation by FIRE!!!!!!!

It is on their Cider Farm in Wales. A big catered dinner party the first night, then the actual wedding starts at about 1:00 on Saturday and goes till midnight, and a garden party all day Sunday with a jazz band. It is a three night event.

I need a dinner dress, the wedding day dress, and a garden party dress!?

I have always heard that in America, you should not wear white or black to a wedding.
And I know here you do not want to wear pants, or anything too short...

I will possibly need a hat... Or one of those funny feather clip things... Right?

So, I am thinking I could wear a cream coloured satin dress, with thick straps, and a bell skirt to the knee, and a cute little jacket, for the wedding day? Light coloured purse and shoes? And a funny feather clip or a funny wedding hat... ?

What should I wear to the dinner, and the garden party?

A classic satin party dress to the dinner? Does the colour matter?

A springtime type dress to the garden party?

Gawd help me... I am soooooooo gonna mess this up.... LOL!

When's the wedding? Both for time of year and how long you've got purposes...

And I'd personally stay well away from cream as well as white! There are so many gorgeous pale dresse out there right now that it's easy to get a summery shade without straying into "that's the bride's colour" territory.

Also, what's your budget, and are you in regular sizes or plus sized? I'm sure some of us here can go virtual shopping and find you some options...

I will possibly need a hat... Or one of those funny feather clip things... Right?

You dont need a hat or a fascinator. Many people will be wearing them, and I would always wear one to a wedding, but if you think they are "funny" and you are only wearing one to fit in, then I would suggest not wearing one.

I am sort of on the slightly tall side I guess, about 5'7, or just under that, and I am fairly slim I guess, about 130 lbs... But, i'm Cuban, so I am All Booty and NO Boobs - well, not NO Boobs... Pear shaped?

Can you tell that I do not shop. I don't even know my dress size in America, never mind HERE!

And, you are right about cream being too close to the brides colour. Thank you.

The wedding is in 3 weeks!

They have rented classic London busses to pick us all up, and taking us to all the events, so there will be no real walking. But, do I need to wear heels? Can I do ballet flats?

They have heaters, and some sort of silk tenting. But, I smoke, so I will be outside, and I am always cold, so I need to have something to keep me warm.

As for funds... The cost of getting up there, the cost of the hotel for three nights, the cost of the insanely overpriced gifts... Lets just say I will NOT be wearing the same designer as the bride. I do not want to spend more than 100 pounds for the wedding day dress, maybe 50 for shoes, and 40 at most for the bag, but I have too. And then there are the two other dresses! Maybe 50 each?

I only want one pair of shoes for all three events, and I would love to get away with one bag... But I have no idea if I can...

I am REALLY worried about what to wear... My favourite label is "Machine Wash"!!!!!! I'm an academic librarian!

My entire wardrobe is red-rot colour!

Jeez, what a dilemma. Weddings in the US seem to be more and more casual but I don't know about the UK. Have you tried looking online for suggestions -- like some of the shops like M&S?

I was sent to Coast and Oasis by a friend... What do you think? Good?

Try Monsoon.  They have nice looking dresses for under £100, though sometimes the patterns are a bit mad for my taste.  ASOS is another option, they're online so you can compare on the computer.  I personally wouldn't go for M&S, I find their stuff overpriced for what you get, but they do have fairly inexpensive shoes.  Office is another place to look for shoes, they're online as well.  Actually, so is Monsoon.

Good luck!

I was going to suggest Monsoon -- but had the idea they'd gone a tad over the top (??)
Don't know. Oasis is good.
Could you get away with a sort of dress and jacket outfit and wear the dress on its own for one or the other of the events? Or with a pashmina? I wouldn't think anyone would really notice if you had the same shoes and bag for all three. But you might want a change of shoes at least, for comfort's sake. Have lots of alternative jewellery and/or scarves so you at least feel you aren't in the exact same thing for each occasion!

I buy most of my my event dresses from Coast - your friend is wise

I think shift dresses are a good choice for very formal events such as the dinner you are talking about.  IMO full dresses can look a bit "prom-ish" (which I think it better for more casual events). Shift dresses can also be dressed up or down really easily, I think.  Oasis does affordable very nice ones (like this), but I find them a bit short sometimes, which could make them difficult to sit in. Be sure to try to sit and cross legs if/when you try them on! 

For the wedding, what about a maxi dress?  Something like this?  I bet a good look around on ASOS as someone else mentioned would turn up something more affordable.

Again, a bit out of your price range, but for me a dress like this screams garden party.  Its the kind of look I woud go for, personally (at a lower price point!)

I've been in the exact same position as you (going from small town US girl to sitting next to Countess so and so).  Just breathe -- it will be ok! 

I'd suggest Banana Republic for the dinner and garden party.  Not many stores in the UK means it is unlikely that anyone will show up in the same dress or know where it is from or how much you spent! 

Something like this for garden party: http://bananarepublic.gap.eu/browse/product.do?cid=39292&vid=1&pid=101324531 [nofollow]

Something like this for the dinner: http://bananarepublic.gap.eu/browse/product.do?cid=50129&vid=1&pid=101110840 [nofollow]

Think classic and simple with no over the top patterns.  Smile and enjoy!   

Try Debenhams, John Lewis, House of Fraser too.  They have lots of different lines/designers in there. 

I am liking the Banana republic garden party dress suggested above.  I think that's the style you want to go for - light colors, summery.

Try to wear something you feel comfortable in.  Especially for the wedding day - that is going to be a long day.  I have been known to wear heels to a wedding and change into nice flats in the evening when no one cares/notices anymore.

Something like this for the dinner: http://bananarepublic.gap.eu/browse/product.do?cid=50129&vid=1&pid=101110840

Holy crap that is an AWESOME price and design for a silk and wool dress! And black and navy are so chic together (and chances are you've already got black shoes and accessories to go with).

Wow! Awesome choices ladies!

I just emailed the grooms brother, and he said I needed 4 dresses, the 3 I mentioned, AND an evening dress, for the party, after the actual wedding?! Can't I wear the same dress to the actual wedding, AND the party? I mean... they are on the same day!

While this chick is saying "I Do" you will find me rummaging through her purse for her credit cards...

 

I just DO NOT HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY.

FOUR DRESSES?!??!?!?!?! IS SHE A QUEEN? IS SHE SMOKIN' CRACK??

I just got here - just paid for flights, a visa, a lawyer...

OY VEY! LOL!
 

Second thought - is there anyone your size you can borrow a dress or two from? Sister in law, husband's friends, anyone?

Wow! Awesome choices ladies!

I just emailed the grooms brother, and he said I needed 4 dresses, the 3 I mentioned, AND an evening dress, for the party, after the actual wedding?! Can't I wear the same dress to the actual wedding, AND the party? I mean... they are on the same day!

While this chick is saying "I Do" you will find me rummaging through her purse for her credit cards...

 

I just DO NOT HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY.

FOUR DRESSES?!??!?!?!?! IS SHE A QUEEN? IS SHE SMOKIN' CRACK??

I just got here - just paid for flights, a visa, a lawyer...

OY VEY! LOL!
 

Eek.  Not many people have that kind of cash lying around, even if they haven't just moved to a different country.  I was about to suggest borrowing, but squirrellypoo beat me to it.  I'd offer you something, but I'm about twice your size!

Do you have any posh charity shops in your neighbourhood?  You can find some really nice, barely worn hats, fascinators, bags, and shoes at charity shops, and probably dresses too.  I got a hat for a garden party for something like ten quid, normally they're five times that much.  It's worth a shot!