This is the single most fascinating thread I have read on this forum. Thank you for sharing your amazingly horrid story with us!!!
I would have a VERY hard time giving this woman a single penny. From what I have heard, I do not feel that you even owe for the three nights. If she didn't bother telling you the price until AFTER the 6 week cancellation limit had passed then that is HER mistake. Your husband's provisional booking a year ago does not at all hold you responsible in my mind. To me, an "official" transaction for goods and services only takes place when the price is known and agreed upon by both parties. This woman booked the whole barn lot deal package thingy without consulting and finalizing with her guests. That is a risk she took upon herself and an oversight she should have to pay for. I, personally, would not feel duty-bound to pay her based solely on my husband saying a year ago that he would probably end up coming for three nights. Maybe that makes me low-class, but this woman would NOT be receiving a bank deposit from me. I would feel horribly awkward in your situation if my husband wanted to remain friends with this man, so that clearly complicates things. However, the whole Hitler thing is the nail in the coffin for me. No way would she get a single cent from me. And the friend vomitting on your window?? yeesh. I bet they used the room when you weren't there anyway.
In your shoes, my dream reaction would be to make a very public post on her facebook wall informing her that a 100 pound donation has been made in her honor to [some organization dedicated to supporting immigrants' rights and/or multiculuralism in general or any other decent thing to which she would be opposed]. Then include a snarky remark about how 100 pounds will only go so far when there is CLEARLY a lot of work to be done in terms of educating ignorant people, as clearly witnessed at a certain recent event."
