Anyone else tired of the drinking student scene?

I don't drink at all. I know! I'm going to be ostracized in Scotland.

Anyway, over here I (similar to what NoseOverTail said) ask friends to go out to a pub that serves dinner. Those who want to drink with dinner can, and I am able to enjoy a meal with them. When they move on to strictly drinking, I stay for a bit, but then leave, unless there is something else going on, like a band playing, for example.

I drank enough in my earlier years to last me a lifetime. I enjoy waking up with a clear head. Good luck, GibbyGab!

Let me just say quickly that this is a huge red flag that she may find herself in trouble in the future. Any partner who tries to control your relationships with other people is bad news. If you can, keep lines of communication open with her because she may need you one day.

Yeah it's a huge issue. The day I met him, I could tell he was very controlling just the way he talked to her and he doesn't even speak english. Body language sometimes says more than words. I'm friends with her on facebook and I honestly told her that her boyfriend is too controlling and I'm worried about her. She doesn't really want to hear it, but I'm there if she needs me.

I drank enough in my earlier years to last me a lifetime. I enjoy waking up with a clear head. Good luck, GibbyGab!

Yeah me too. I like to remember what happened!

Good tip about going to a pub that serves food. I love food so I've got no problem enjoying an oversized pub sundae when everyone else takes to the vodka lol.

Yeah me too. I like to remember what happened!

Good tip about going to a pub that serves food. I love food so I've got no problem enjoying an oversized pub sundae when everyone else takes to the vodka lol.

Just be aware that people will want to buy you drinks at the pub and you may still feel pressured/ridiculed if you decline. They're very big on their rounds in the UK, something I found annoying. I also found that I drank a LOT more than I normally would if I were just buying for myself when I felt like it. One guy who worked with my husband was big on buying everyone drinks, even when you told him you didn't want one. At first I felt bad, but then I realized it's his fault for wasting his money and I'd let the drink sit there until we left.

Just be aware that people will want to buy you drinks at the pub and you may still feel pressured/ridiculed if you decline. They're very big on their rounds in the UK, something I found annoying. I also found that I drank a LOT more than I normally would if I were just buying for myself when I felt like it. One guy who worked with my husband was big on buying everyone drinks, even when you told him you didn't want one. At first I felt bad, but then I realized it's his fault for wasting his money and I'd let the drink sit there until we left.

Thankfully, with the broke student friends I have, nobody buys anybody anything! lol.

Thankfully, with the broke student friends I have, nobody buys anybody anything! lol.

 

Yeah it's a huge issue. The day I met him, I could tell he was very controlling just the way he talked to her and he doesn't even speak english. Body language sometimes says more than words. I'm friends with her on facebook and I honestly told her that her boyfriend is too controlling and I'm worried about her. She doesn't really want to hear it, but I'm there if she needs me.

Now that she knows you think he's a problem the best thing you can do is just not broach the subject again if she's not in clear immediate danger. If she thinks you'll judge him or her if she reaches out for help she might not ask for help. If she knows you're there for her then hopefully when the time comes she'll feel safe talking to you. It's so hard to watch someone else oblivious to the bad situation they're in, but it's good she has a friend like you who is trying to watch her back.

The rounds thing drives me nuts, unless it’s a small group.  Even here people seem to do it in large groups.  I just always try to already have a beer in hand and decline when they ask me.  I do like to drink and get a little buzzed, but I’m past the crazy drinking phase.  Of course, I’ve found that my weight loss has messed up my tolerance and much less is making me much more toasted much more quickly.

Why don’t you try just milking one drink all night, or order yourself cokes and if people ask what your drinking just say rum and coke, they’ll never know and its harmless. 

Thanks angelchrome, that means a lot!

Sscarllet, that's a fab idea actually. Why can't I ever think of these things?

Why don’t you try just milking one drink all night, or order yourself cokes and if people ask what your drinking just say rum and coke, they’ll never know and its harmless. 

Or a lemonade/sprite, tonic water, or club soda.  Get it with a lime wedge, people will think it's a G&T and leave you alone.

Is not drinking and being ridiculed for it really a problem in the UK? Or is it just more common with younger/student types? I have a friend who is a very light drinker, and if she chooses to not have a drink when we go out, nothing is said about it.  If you don't want to drink and people give you a hard time, maybe you shouldn't be hanging out with those people.

Sorry if that seemed ranty, I just don't get why you would give someone a hard time for NOT wanting to drink.  If someone gave you a hard time for not wanting to smoke weed or something else druggy, people would have no problem just saying they don't do drugs and then probably not hang out with those people. 

I can't speak about the student scene, but among people my age (I'm in my 40s), many people seem to be suspicious of other people who don't drink at all, unless they have a clear reason -  a health problem, driving, pregnant, etc.

The girlfriend of one of DH's friends  has a story about an American man who came over on a business trip. He went out to the pub with her and some other people after work, and he tried to limit his alcohol intake by buying drinks and not finishing them, and just leaving the leftover drinks around the pub, so it looked like he was drinking more than he was.

My friend thought there was something wrong with this behaviour and it made her dislike this man. She that she and another woman kept picking up his leftover drinks and bringing them to him, saying "You didn't finish your drink, love." I think that pretending to drink more alchohol than you are is seen as dishonest.

I think there is the idea that if you  choose not to drink with anyone else, you are trying to distance yourself from other people.

I think that's where the round system comes in; you're all drinking as part of  a group and everyone is drinking at the same time and everyone knows what you're having.

The people I drink with know that I don’t handle alcohol very well, and that I can only handle a couple of cocktails a night. I still do the rounds system, I just drink very slowly, timing my drinks, so that when it’s time for someone else to buy a round, there is a sufficient amount left in my glass that they aren’t  going to question why I don’t want another one.

When it’s my turn to buy a round, I buy drinks for the other people in the group even if my own glass is still half full.

ETA:  I just remembered. At my old job, we had a guy who came to work for my team temporarily, and the manager was describing him to us before we met him.  One of the thing she mentioned, besides things like where he was from, his previous work experience, etc., was that “He doesn’t drink”, as if that was a big deal that everyone should know.

At our first social outing after he started, she was asking him why he didn’t drink – Is it your religion? Do you have a health problem? And he said that he just didn’t like drinking.  She didn’t seem to think her questions were inappropriate.

If I didn’t want to drink at all, and I wanted a soft drink instead of alcohol, I would just say that I was very tired or have to get early  or something like that.  Personally, I wouldn’t pretend I was drinking alcohol when I wasn’t.

Is not drinking and being ridiculed for it really a problem in the UK? Or is it just more common with younger/student types? I have a friend who is a very light drinker, and if she chooses to not have a drink when we go out, nothing is said about it.  If you don't want to drink and people give you a hard time, maybe you shouldn't be hanging out with those people.

Sorry if that seemed ranty, I just don't get why you would give someone a hard time for NOT wanting to drink.  If someone gave you a hard time for not wanting to smoke weed or something else druggy, people would have no problem just saying they don't do drugs and then probably not hang out with those people. 

I've never felt or witnessed any pressure to drink.  My circle of friends isn't really bothered by who's drinking what.  I've also never been subjected to this "rounds" thing, but perhaps that's because we're all semi/mostly broke?   

I've never felt or witnessed any pressure to drink.  My circle of friends isn't really bothered by who's drinking what.  I've also never been subjected to this "rounds" thing, but perhaps that's because we're all semi/mostly broke?   

I'm glad to hear that you've never been pressured.  I hope I didn't offend anyone with my earlier "rant".  I am a drinker, I enjoy drinking, most of my friends drink. But I would never say ANYTHING (and my friends wouldn't either) if someone in our circle declined to drink.  I've read that the UK has a drinking culture (whether that's true or not, I'm not sure).  There are many cultures where drinking and sharing alcohol is ritualistic and creates social bonds, but that seems to be, I hope, less of an issue in America.

Offtopic, but this is a question related to UK drinking culture, so I'll post it here.

Most of the time when I go to the pub, it is with basically the same group of people, and I've got the rounds system figured out.

Sometimes, however, I will meet with a group of people that I don't know very well in a pub for the purpose of some activity.

If I am standing at the bar waiting to be served, and someone else in the group is also waiting at the bar, that person will ask me what I am having and then insist on buying my drink and paying for it.

Am I supposed to do the same? If I get to the bar first, am  I supposed to look around, see if there is someone else in my group at the bar, and offer to buy their drink?

Now, I just buy my own drink and then go back to my seat, but I'm concerned that this gives the impression that I am cheap.

Once again, these are people that I barely know.  It's not the same as buying rounds with a group of friends.