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Topic: I achieved my goal, now I feel slightly down? Anyone else experience this?  (Read 2389 times)

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I achieved my goal, now I feel slightly down? Anyone else experience this?
« on: July 26, 2011, 02:52:25 PM »
I was so happy when we got married at City Hall in NYC.

I was so excited when we were busy getting all the paperwork together for my settlement Visa.  I was nervous after I payed the Worldbridge Priority service to send off the documents that very day.

I was nervous while I waited for my Visa to come back approved.  I was  thrilled and happy when I got my Visa back APPROVED.

I was thrilled when I flew back to England to be with my NEW husband.
 (i keep wanting to say BF for some reason)

Now I feel down and slightly depressed today!  I'm usually not a moody person either.

I mean I keep looking out of my livingroom window saying to myself, I LIVE in London! WOW. This is what I have always wanted ever since I was in my formative and younger years was to meet and marry a nice Englishman (I have always had a penchant for English men.) and then live in England, and my dream was to live in London!

I got my dream!  I even got the guy that I am so attracted to and his English accent is the very one that is my favourite!

But I feel horrible today and I have been only been back in England since last week!  I am one day short of being here exactly a week and I am starting to feel a bit down!

If you read some of my recent posts, I've been worried about mt weight compared to the British women, worried about getting a job, hair bleaching accident problems that affect my appearance... ect..

I am starting ALREADY to get down about things and I haven't been here for a full week yet.  Did anyone else goes through 'the blues' right after re-location?
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Re: I achieved my goal, now I feel slightly down? Anyone else experience this?
« Reply #1 on: July 26, 2011, 03:02:15 PM »
Yep. You push so hard for so long, with a great big push right and the end and then...what?

I braced for this, though. I expected to have a LOT of ups and downs for the first three to five years. I'm two and a half years in and, sure enough. There are.

It gets easier every day. Give yourself permission to get wadded up occasionally. Though I go a long way not to let my husband see me get frustrated -- it's not his fault and he worries a lot about me as it is.

Plus -- London! (You, not me. I'm out in the boonies).
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Re: I achieved my goal, now I feel slightly down? Anyone else experience this?
« Reply #2 on: July 26, 2011, 03:22:26 PM »
I know the feeling, though for a slightly different thing. I started planning my life when I was 11 and decided I was going to be a biochemist and get a PhD. I was second in my high school class, I graduated university magna cum laude with a B.S. in biochemistry and a minor in neuroscience, and I moved to to Scotland to do my PhD. I even met a Scottish boy to marry! Then I finished my PhD. Wrote my thesis, had my viva, and finally graduated. It was a wonderful feeling, but then I realised that I didn't have a plan for after that, and I've felt slightly adrift ever since then (3 years now!). I've decided I don't want a normal academic career, but I don't know what I DO want to do, and that's pretty scary for someone who spent 17 years knowing exactly what she wanted to do and doing it!

It does get better though, and you won't feel low forever. You just have to give yourself time to adjust to normality rather than the active goal-seeking that has driven you!
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Re: I achieved my goal, now I feel slightly down? Anyone else experience this?
« Reply #3 on: July 26, 2011, 03:40:57 PM »
I think these 'big goal' let downs are pretty common. My cousin suffered from them when he was an actor and his latest play was done, many people who work on PhDs suffer from them, and certainly focusing all your energy on 'the big move' qualifies, too.

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When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life. ~ John Lennon

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Re: I achieved my goal, now I feel slightly down? Anyone else experience this?
« Reply #4 on: July 26, 2011, 03:52:40 PM »
Ooh, I just saw such a great short video about this! It's completely natural to put so much time and effort into a goal that when it finally arrives it feels like it's not as momentous as you thought it would be, or that once you have it you don't know what to do next. Especially since yours involved a move to a new country as well, there's definitely an adjustment period where you'll feel strange in the new place as you get used to it, as well as probably missing wherever you've come from. I think the best thing to do is to work out new goals. Work out how you want to live your life right now so you can do things you enjoy, as well as a new idea of what you'd like in the future so you know what you're working toward. And watch this. :P

Music and Life - Alan Watts
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Re: I achieved my goal, now I feel slightly down? Anyone else experience this?
« Reply #5 on: July 26, 2011, 04:47:11 PM »
Married in NYC, just like me, fastest wedding ever, I doubt it was even a minute!  ;)
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Re: I achieved my goal, now I feel slightly down? Anyone else experience this?
« Reply #6 on: July 26, 2011, 05:49:22 PM »
Heh - I feel like that every time we get home from going on holiday!  (and most people tell me that we go on far too many holidays)  :P
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Re: I achieved my goal, now I feel slightly down? Anyone else experience this?
« Reply #7 on: July 26, 2011, 10:46:26 PM »
I call it 'The Day After Christmas Feeling'
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Re: I achieved my goal, now I feel slightly down? Anyone else experience this?
« Reply #8 on: July 26, 2011, 10:58:19 PM »
Ooof! do i know that feeling.

It definitely is the "Now what?" syndrome.  The stress and excitement gave you something to plan and experience. Now that you are here its getting on with daily life and you find yourself twiddling your thumbs because you either have too much or not enough to do.

It will get better the more you settle in.  I will advise the same thing I did for myself - you are still on a wonderful adventure. You wanted to be here and now you ARE! HOORAY!! Go out and explore! Get to know your town, the people, classes and things you may want to do.  Figure out what you need to do next - drivers license? National Insurance Number? etc.  Start meeting people so you build a group here.  I can't tell you how different things became when I started making my own friends.

It will get better! Yes it will! The fun hasn't ended :)
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Re: I achieved my goal, now I feel slightly down? Anyone else experience this?
« Reply #9 on: July 27, 2011, 03:46:46 PM »
Quote from: Mrs Robinson on July 26, 2011, 05:49:22 PM
Heh - I feel like that every time we get home from going on holiday!  (and most people tell me that we go on far too many holidays)  :P
Wait - there is NO such thing as too many holidays  ;D
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Re: I achieved my goal, now I feel slightly down? Anyone else experience this?
« Reply #10 on: July 28, 2011, 04:05:19 AM »
Quote from: ChillyWilly on July 27, 2011, 03:46:46 PM
Wait - there is NO such thing as too many holidays  ;D

I couldn't agree more ;D
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Re: I achieved my goal, now I feel slightly down? Anyone else experience this?
« Reply #11 on: July 28, 2011, 02:05:14 PM »
YEAH... I had the same experience. I mean, I even married in the same location, came here and messed up my hair!

It is sort of like "Shell Shock."

I have good and bad days. I miss my friends.

It is totally normal.

You WILL be fine.
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Re: I achieved my goal, now I feel slightly down? Anyone else experience this?
« Reply #12 on: July 28, 2011, 02:09:34 PM »
YEAH... I had the same experience. I mean, I even married in the same location, came here and messed up my hair!

It is sort of like "Shell Shock."

I have good and bad days. I miss my friends.

It is totally normal.

You WILL be fine.
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“It was when I realised I had a new nationality: I was in exile. I am an adulterous resident: when I am in one city, I am dreaming of the other. I am an exile; citizen of the country of longing.” ― Suketu Mehta.

Married 04/13/11, in NYC.
Applied for Spouse Visa the following week, with express service, and I was approved 4 days later!
Arrived in the UK 05/20/11.
I took the stupid LIUK Test Oct. 2012.
We were granted ILR In Person in Croydon on 04/23/13.
Got BRP 2 days later, in mail box - it just appeared.

NEXT: The lil' red passpo

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Re: I achieved my goal, now I feel slightly down? Anyone else experience this?
« Reply #13 on: August 08, 2011, 03:20:22 PM »
Quote from: online_girl on July 26, 2011, 02:52:25 PM
I was so happy when we got married at City Hall in NYC.

I was so excited when we were busy getting all the paperwork together for my settlement Visa.  I was nervous after I payed the Worldbridge Priority service to send off the documents that very day.

I was nervous while I waited for my Visa to come back approved.  I was  thrilled and happy when I got my Visa back APPROVED.

I was thrilled when I flew back to England to be with my NEW husband.
 (i keep wanting to say BF for some reason)

Now I feel down and slightly depressed today!  I'm usually not a moody person either.

I mean I keep looking out of my livingroom window saying to myself, I LIVE in London! WOW. This is what I have always wanted ever since I was in my formative and younger years was to meet and marry a nice Englishman (I have always had a penchant for English men.) and then live in England, and my dream was to live in London!

I got my dream!  I even got the guy that I am so attracted to and his English accent is the very one that is my favourite!

But I feel horrible today and I have been only been back in England since last week!  I am one day short of being here exactly a week and I am starting to feel a bit down!

If you read some of my recent posts, I've been worried about mt weight compared to the British women, worried about getting a job, hair bleaching accident problems that affect my appearance... ect..

I am starting ALREADY to get down about things and I haven't been here for a full week yet.  Did anyone else goes through 'the blues' right after re-location?


i've been here since June 28th of this year and have felt the same way you have nearly everyday. I feel like you and I have the exact same story! Everything was perfect when we got married, I was so anxious to get my visa approved, and excited to get back over here, but I've been dealing with bouts of being down, homesick, anxious, worried, ever since i've been back :( i just got a job in a starbucks, i haven't started yet, but even that makes me nervous and upset to think about having to go to work. I also have put on weight and don't feel as confident as I did when I first arrived here on a visitor visa back in December. My husband has paid for me to join his gym so I try to go down there as much as possible, which has helped not only my weight issues, but it also has helped me clear my head. Maybe if theres a gym near you, you could try joining? I am just outside of London if maybe you'd like to get together sometime? have coffee and try to lift our spirits? maybe even go on walks when the weather isn't too bi-polar :)
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