I'll tell who I want!!!!!

  So I found out several weeks ago I am preggo with my 3rd little one ( a bit of a surprise but we are very excited)  We are in the US with my family for about 9 weeks, so we haven't had much contact with my hubby's family in a while.

 Hubby wanted to wait to tell anyone that I'm pregnant until we got back to the UK, he seems to think there is an etiquette to telling people you are expecting. However, I was with my cousin when I took my test, so she obviously knew... and then went and blabbed it to all my extended family.    So now the situation that I'm in is that everybody in the US knows we are having a new baby- and nobody on the UK knows anything at all..... 

 I just want to get it over with and tell people.  I think it's silly to wait while my gobby family get a chance to blab it all over facebook and what not- and then have my poor UK family find out through 3rd party information. My husband however still feels we should wait to tell people still!!!  It's making me feel horrible to lie and hid things. Should I just take things into my own hands or should I continue to bite my tongue for another 2 weeks??

Congrats!  I would definitely want to tell everyone, and I can imagine a couple of people in my family being upset about being told much later than everyone else.  I can understand your husband wanting to stick to this idea of etiquette, but not when the news is already out - it's not good etiquette to tell one side of the family but not the other!

You're the one who's going to be carrying the child for 9 months & then giving birth...you win! 

You're the one who's going to be carrying the child for 9 months & then giving birth...you win! 

Best argument ever!

It seems to me that people in the UK are more superstitious and "proper" about pregnancy stuff.  At least this was my personal experience in the area we lived in (not just with me and DH family but I also observed it with people around me also).  I had never heard of "don't bring the pram in the house until after baby is born" until living in the UK.

Is he planning some big thing or just wants to do it in person?  I mean, what's his argument for waiting?  I'd say that two weeks really isn't that long in the grand scheme of things.  I thought maybe you were 4-5 weeks and he wanted to wait until the "traditional" 12 week announcement...7-8 weeks of silence is pretty tough.

If it's something that is really really important to him for whatever reason, I'd just let him have his way on this one and save the "I have to carry the baby so I win" trump card for a bigger argument...like names!  The UK friends and family will probably be so excited that they won't notice (or will never know in the first place) that someone else found out before they did.

Well, the thing is- I'm probably already 12-13 weeks along.  I'm still breastfeeding my 10 month old, so I only had one light period back in April, and that's what they are going to base the baby's age on. I'm already showing a bit, so it's not like people aren't going to notice.

 My hubby is just desperate to not peeve anyone off. He thinks his father should be the first to know ( I don't know why- he never cares) then his brothers and sisters, his mom and nan, then friends.  I know his family, and if they find out people have known for weeks and they are just finding out, it's going to hurt some feelings.

 

You're the one who's going to be carrying the child for 9 months & then giving birth...you win! 

  I use this argument for everything! Love it! It's honestly my main reason for wanting to tell everybody. However- hubby seems to be very serious about wanting to wait, I just don't think he quite grasps just how gobby my family really is!!

It seems to me that people in the UK are more superstitious and "proper" about pregnancy stuff.  At least this was my personal experience in the area we lived in (not just with me and DH family but I also observed it with people around me also).  I had never heard of "don't bring the pram in the house until after baby is born" until living in the UK.

Sorry, but that reminds me of my mom's "Don't open an umbrella in the house!" and she'd never step over my sister or me if we were sitting on the floor or it would "stunt our growth'.

I say if others are silly and superstitous, fine but  you don't have to cater to that!

Well, the thing is- I'm probably already 12-13 weeks along.  I'm still breastfeeding my 10 month old, so I only had one light period back in April, and that's what they are going to base the baby's age on. I'm already showing a bit, so it's not like people aren't going to notice.

 My hubby is just desperate to not peeve anyone off. He thinks his father should be the first to know ( I don't know why- he never cares) then his brothers and sisters, his mom and nan, then friends. 
 

Fine, seems a sensible order, but why can't they all find out about it *now*?  I agree that if your family and friends back home know, his family should find out immediately.

I say if others are silly and superstitous, fine but  you don't have to cater to that!
Fine, seems a sensible order, but why can't they all find out about it *now*?  I agree that if your family and friends back home know, his family should find out immediately.

This. If there is any way they could find out inadvertantly about the pregnancy they should be told. Sure it's not ideal, but if the cat's out of the bag better to avoid any additional hurt feelings as a result of surprise finding outs.

Congrats by the way.

Oh man! I know just how you fell Smashley. It's the same situation DH and I tried very hard to avoid. Some how we managed to keep it on the low but let me tell you it was so stressful. I hope your cousin got a nice talking to for that one!!

I think it's hard when you are in the US and he is in the UK. If he is anything like my husband it sounds like yours just wants to tell his family together and in person. Fair enough but how does he think they will feel by finding out on the web second hand?

We actually ended up telling my DH family right before we went back to the US for a visit to my family. Our family found out at 12 weeks and everyone else found out at 15. It is such a hard secret to keep! I still don't know how we both managed to keep it off of facebook for so dang long but we did.

Is there maybe a way you could skype with his family while dh is there and tell them the news together? I know its only 2 more weeks but if it were to get out on FB.... I think if it were me I would rather find out late over the phone, skype, what ever then on my FB news feed! Good luck with what ever you two decided. I know it's tough!

I just wanted to say congratulations!

We have a compromise in our family that DH gets to make decisions regarding his side of the family and I mine. So when we found out we were pregnant and he wanted to go tell them in person, we did. And we told his sister first, then his mom, then his dad. WHich I thought was strange but, hey! it's his family after all.

Maybe you should just remind him one last time that your family is gabby, his family might get their feelings hurt, and leave it up to him. He know these people the best after all! Besides... if they do find out you can break out the "I told you so!"

Thanks for all the Congrats guys.     I'm going to gently remind him that my family could blow things, and if he still digs his heels in then I'm just going to let it go.  If they do get angry I'll just tell them I was desperate to give them the news earlier and he stopped me.   Throw him under the bus as it were    What a loving relationship we have.

If they do get angry I'll just tell them I was desperate to give them the news earlier and he stopped me.   Throw him under the bus as it were    What a loving relationship we have.

Awww love - this made me literally laugh out loud.  You cannot control people yakking about ;-)

I feel that since none of the family should hear online or over the phone, it only makes sense for you to be able to tell your family while you are with them. Then, when you are back in the UK you can tell his family in person.

I feel that since none of the family should hear online or over the phone, it only makes sense for you to be able to tell your family while you are with them. Then, when you are back in the UK you can tell his family in person.

If a lot of us followed the no telling over the phone rule, a lot of family and friends wouldn't know about the pregnancy until after the baby arrived!

If a lot of us followed the no telling over the phone rule, a lot of family and friends wouldn't know about the pregnancy until after the baby arrived!

I should have finished that thought, sorry. I was meaning if the opportunity to tell them face to face was an option, then they shouldn't have to hear it over the phone. If she waited until she was back in the UK with his family, her family would have had to hear over the phone even though she had an opportunity to tell them while she was there.

Sorry for the confusion.