Is the word "expat" part of your identity?

When I first moved to England 9 years ago, and you had asked me for 3 words that described me, in that list of three things I'd have included the word "expat". It was a huge part of my identity. I was a young sheltered Midwestern girl and my experience of moving to a new country was hundreds of miles away from what anyone I knew could or would experience.

I didn't like living here, though. I wan't realistic about it, I struggled with homesickness, and I think I clung to my identity as Expat in part because it helped me cope. Identifying myself as a stranger in a strange country, identifying with being "misplaced" in a way... well it made it easier. I'd find solace and happiness in people who also hated things about living in England, and when I met the people who loved it here... part of me wondered what they were smoking. The other part of me was just very jealous that I didn't feel that way.

Then we moved back to America. I knew many other Expats by then, and since my husband came to the US with me HE was now the Expat, and slowly I melted back into American life... I wasn't a stranger in a strange place anymore... not technically anyway. It wasn't what I thought it would be. I *did* feel out of place. After a few years, and a lot of life events, I started to identify myself as a stranger again. I felt like an Expat. I began meeting and commiserating with immigrants to America. All the friends I was making were European.

And now, for a lot of different reasons, I'm back in England. I've been here for a year and a half now and have honestly not had a SINGLE day of homesickness. Going from the ultimate homesick girl 9 years ago... to this?! I never would have believed it. But here I am... and finally escaping the negative part of my Expat Identity that lingered.

I love making American friends, but not because I'm looking for pieces of America over here. Instead of connecting to Americans out of homesickness, I'm now connecting to Americans because I just like making new friends, and sharing an expat experience is a cool thing and often a way into a good friendship.

But I don't actually *identify* myself as an Expat anymore. It is just a sort of given, natural part of me, something I rarely think about, something that just IS. My life is here. My friends are all over the world, and so is my family... but I belong HERE. Right here. NO more "stranger in a strange place" for me.

So I guess being an expat is a *part* of who I am, but it isn't *who* I am. I've been wondering a lot about why that is.... if it is a natural progression, having been on this crazy UK/US train for 10 years now? If it naturally goes from homesickness to searching to acceptance? I don't know. I suppose some people, after many many years, would still hate living here. I'm glad I ended up not being one of them though... but I'd have put money on it in the beginning. And 10 years on... I look back at my journey and I'm so thankful for every piece of it... but more thankful that now I'm an expat with a lowercase e and not an Uppercase Expat. I'm thankful that England has absorbed me, and that it is home.

I bloody love this place.

It is funny, I have never thought of being an expat a huge part of who I am. I think it comes from being an Army brat and growing up all over. I do feel like a huge part of who I am is someone who is 'from everywhere' and not necessarily from where I live. A defining moment was when several years (okay maybe a bit more than several) my dad heard me answer someone who asked where I was from with 'nowhere'. He quietly pulled me aside later and pointed out I was absolutely not from nowhere- but everywhere.
There are disadvantages to this but the advantages of exposure to many different people and cultures way outweighs any disadvantages in my mind. It does shape a huge part of who I am.

I also enjoy meeting new people, but don't specifically seek out americans for the sake that they are american.

I'm glad you are so happy and feel right at home, Marlespo!

I've never used the term 'expat' to describe myself.  I didn't even really know exactly what it meant, to be honest, until after I'd been here a while.

I don't feel like I'm 'ex' anything.  Just having a new adventure in the next chapter in the book of my life, with all its ups and downs.

We moved countries every few years during my childhood so, to me, that's normal and never needed a label to identify it. In fact, I always thought there should be a word for people who never leave home! 

Oh Marlespo, I am so glad you posted this as I was just thinking about this in the shower this morning (of all places!).

I was wondering why the people in a different expat group (a Facebook thing) spend their whole day focusing on being an expat and on the differences between US/UK and complaining about the things they hate and very rarely ever discuss new things they have discovered or anything good about their new home.  It actually really frustrates me to hear/see other expats being so negative since it would be nice to meet other people who are embracing their new lives/new homes/new experiences rather than ones who seem to spend their time on a fault finding mission.  For the last year or so, I have actually avoided meeting other Americans because the negativity was so draining.  This post has definetely helped me understand where they may be coming from though.

I think you've hit the nail on the head with these thoughts...

I didn't like living here, though. I wan't realistic about it, I struggled with homesickness, and I think I clung to my identity as Expat in part because it helped me cope. Identifying myself as a stranger in a strange country, identifying with being "misplaced" in a way... well it made it easier. I'd find solace and happiness in people who also hated things about living in England, and when I met the people who loved it here... part of me wondered what they were smoking. The other part of me was just very jealous that I didn't feel that way.

I know I technically am an expat based on the dictionary definition, but it certainly doenst define ME and it wouldnt even cross my mind to add it to a list of words that I felt described me.  

I now feel very lucky to be comfortable and happy here and I'm glad you've found home!

I didn't (and don't) think of myself as an expat.  To me it was always used for people who went to another country to work (permanent or not), so being as I came here because of marriage, it never occurred to me.

I use it a few times in passing to describe some of my friends, but it feels incorrect to me.

I miss people.  I miss establishments.  I miss foods.  I don't miss the states. Home is where my heart is, and that is here with my husband.  Homesick days have been few and far between, and were never very acute.  Just more of a "I missed that (insert event here).  I would have loved to have been there."

In fact, the thing I'm missing most is the New York Renaissance Festival. LOL.  

But I'm glad you feel like you are home!

Great post, Marlespo! I do see myself as an expat, but for different reasons than you stated.  I think I kind of enjoy being an expat.  I'm happy with the journey I've taken, and I'll admit to a bit of foolish pride that lets me enjoy being just a bit different than others.  It isn't the first thing I bring up in my identity though--except in my Facebook blurb about myself where I describe myself in part as an American expat in the UK.

The longer I live here though, the less conscious I become of it.  I have lots of friends where I'm at and only know a few Americans.  I find I naturally use the British words and some pronunciations for things (except oregano and aluminium--just can't get used to those  )  My life isn't me being an expat, it's just my life--in which I sometimes get to tell my fun little grade b made-for-TV movie story of reuniting with my college sweetheart 14 years after breaking up and coming around the world to join him.

I belong here now, and this is home.  I fit with my friends, and I find myself just going about my life and not always wondering if I need to explain my accent as I worried about when I was new here.  Having said that, I will admit that being an expat is often an unintended part of my life.  In my circle of friends, at work and in my church group, I am just me, but I also live in a small village on the outskirts of the Welsh Valleys.  As I get to know people, I fit in, but I find it takes longer sometimes.  I do sometimes realize that as I try to become a part of the group--for instance at toddler singing time at the public library or sitting in the waiting room at the GP, I sometimes stand out as a bit of an outsider compared to those who have been in this village their whole lives and grew up together.  I sometimes feel I have to work harder to be part of the crowd.  My being an expat is part of that, but I suspect I'd face much the same to a much lesser degree if I were Welsh but came from somewhere else.  

Being different and being an expat is a bit ironic for me--while it makes me stand out a bit as "not one of them," it also often hands me tools to start opening up some of those same doors as people hear my accent and random strangers start asking about where I'm from, why I'm here, and asking if I like it here (and acting surprised when I say how much I love it here).  

I was wondering why the people in a different expat group (a Facebook thing) spend their whole day focusing on being an expat and on the differences between US/UK and complaining about the things they hate and very rarely ever discuss new things they have discovered or anything good about their new home.  It actually really frustrates me to hear/see other expats being so negative since it would be nice to meet other people who are embracing their new lives/new homes/new experiences rather than ones who seem to spend their time on a fault finding mission.  For the last year or so, I have actually avoided meeting other Americans because the negativity was so draining.  This post has definitely helped me understand where they may be coming from though.

That place drove me nuts.  I don't mind people expressing when they are having a bad time or even complaining in a way which might not be fair to their new country/its people, but just totally never looking outside the negativity... Plus the negativity fed on itself, and anyone offering a positive take, even in a non-critical way were jumped upon. I couldn't handle it.  Plus, I felt like I was in a group where my mom would have felt at home (even though some of the people were younger than me).

As for the OP, I don't think of myself as an expat, but an immigrant.  I mean, why do we call ourselves that?  It's not just people who work in a foreign country who get called this, but people who live in foreign countries if they are from certain (rich/majority white) countries.  There is an implication that there was an optional element to it.  I mean, how often do you hear a Mexican living in America called an expat?  A Chinese person in the UK?  It just feels a bit icky.  I will use the term, but infrequently.

While being an immigrant a big part of who I am, I can't say that it's the main thing I think about.  This is definitely my home, and while we may someday move on to another country, I don't really see myself as "American" in the sense that others do.  We will never move to the US.  I don't relate to that.  I do think of myself as an "immigrant", but I am trying to think of myself more often as "British", an identity that sort of new for me and feels pretty good.

I will always be American; it's way down in my DNA. I don't consider that any more an impediment to fitting in than being tall or nearsighted. I don't know any Americans in the UK except online. I think I've worked through most of my gripes about living here and I'm intent on making it work.

I reserve the right to the occasional moan, but I'm here forever, and I'm happy with that.

I never really thought about this at all and I guess that says something! I just lived where ever I was living. I loved my friends when I worked in the UK because we would all joke about where we were from, be it the UK, US, Uruguay, etc. They would ask me things about America and laugh when someone would send an email joke regarding British pop culture and I would require an explanation. It was great!

When I moved to Ireland I didn't work, so I didn't have much chance to make Irish friends. I had a couple, but I got them through my husband. My close friends were American and I found them through blogs. About 6 months before we moved I was recognized via my blog at the grocery store. She was American and absolutely hated, I mean hated it in Ireland. Sure, we all have our complaints in life, but there is absolutely nothing more draining than someone who is negative all the time. Not to mention, she was complaining about my husband's home and countryman, so it was rude as well. She would make complaints on FB and I started chiming in with, 'Actually Jane, {insert rebuttal here}' because I didn't want her friends back home to think that what she said was actually the way it was.

I didn't (and don't) think of myself as an expat.  To me it was always used for people who went to another country to work (permanent or not), so being as I came here because of marriage, it never occurred to me.

I use it a few times in passing to describe some of my friends, but it feels incorrect to me.

I miss people.  I miss establishments.  I miss foods.  I don't miss the states. Home is where my heart is, and that is here with my husband.  Homesick days have been few and far between, and were never very acute.  Just more of a "I missed that (insert event here).  I would have loved to have been there."

In fact, the thing I'm missing most is the New York Renaissance Festival. LOL.  

But I'm glad you feel like you are home!

I agree with this, I could have written it myself!  But, change NY Ren Faire to PA Ren Faire!!

I think of expat as an identity focused on where you're from and immigrant as where you are. So I'm an American expat but when I have ILR/Citizenship I'll be a UK immigrant.

I think accepting where you are and a willingness to adapt vs missing where you're from and clinging to what you knew is the difference between being happy in a foreign land or not and obviously no one can be 100% adjusted right out the gate or ever 100% of the time.  But "expat" doesn't hold that value to me, of someone who is more about their home country than their new country.

I agree with the sentiment, but not the word 

No, I've never considered 'expat' as an identity, even if it's what I technically am. I'd like to consider myself an adventurer more than anything.

In a sense, I knew what to expect from living in a foreign country, and I was looking forward to the differences, discoveries and experiences. I do think moving around has helped a bit with this, as well as the desire to be elsewhere. I haven't yet felt homesick in the UK, and I don't think I will. There are a few things I miss about the US, but they are things I can live without.

I will say that I've only felt like a stranger in two places- Kansas and Nebraska. :\

This is really nice to read! I feel very much like what has been written. I had to get away from all the negative things being said about living in the UK because I just didn't get what was being said. I realise that these are those peoples feelings but I couldn't understand.

I am not about to add more labels to myself as society does too much of that for me but I definitely don't feel a need to use expat. I am who I am and the British people love me and I am very happy and grateful for this.

I have few options in life when it comes to many things but especially my mobility and physical environment. Like my peers, we fight and cope everyday just for survival, some of us just kick it up a notch or two and want more from life, such as a total human life, and yes the struggle intensifies but it is worth it or we couldn't do it. I want to make a path, make changes so my people can get what they should have automatically, without all the fight.

Again, this has been a great topic. Thanks!

Nope, I have never ever thought about myself as an ExPat, nor do I now. I am myself and if people feel the need to describe me, I am an American living in the UK.