How do I convince my American wife to move to England?

I moved to America after my wife said we would move to England after 2 years. Nearly 4 years later and we are still here. Moving to America as been a disaster.

1. 2 months after I was here my wife had her purse stolen from our porch.

2. I have never got my green card and my wife doesn't seem to be bothered about getting one.

3. Met a guy who told us he had property on a lake and could use it at weekends and use his boat turned out to be complete bull after spending half a day looking for it.

4. We hardly ever see her family, probably 5 times a year. they live 5 minutes away.

5. Loaned our car to my wifes friend and she drove it through a red light into an oncoming lorry.

6. Losing our house due to father in laws bankruptcy.

7. Etc etc.

I have had enough I want to go back to England, I believe we will have a happier life in England.

My wife now does not want to go to England. her excuses are that the weather is not as good, she doesn't think we will be able to go on weekend road trips, she will miss her family (we hardly see them), she thinks I will be out with my large family all the time, she thought that England would be more like Agatha Christie (don't have a clue what that means).

I am torn between going to have a good life in England or staying in US where everything gets worse. Staying here means I never get to see my family/friends/home and I think my wife is being selfish knowing this fact.

I am ready to go back home in the hope that she will eventually follow, going home means I will be banned for 10 years from US for not getting my green card so there is no coming back.

We have two kids born in US, how do I convince her to move to England?

You dont.  It should be her decision... unless you want her to blame any future unhappiness in England on you.

Hey Joe.. Sorry to hear your few years in the States hasn't turned out well for you. I know you're going through a lot and have some bitter feelings about the situation. My first question is why didn't she want to go through the green card process with you? That just seems silly and a little ignorant to me that she would just dismiss it completely. Rules are rules and if you don't follow them you get punished for them, simple as that. Why didn't you tell her we're doing this no matter what? I understand your longing for wanting to go home and have a better life in England the thing is it has to be a joint decision since you both are married and share children. I'm sure there's more to it than bad weather, not being like an Agatha Christie novel etc.. Maybe she's concerned about uprooting the kids.. Maybe moving to a foreign country where she knows no one minus your family is terrifying to her.. Either way you two should sit down and discuss it. Maybe it would help if you both made pros/cons lists about each country then go over each pro/con together. I do hope you find a solution to all of this. Remember like you said if you leave you won't be allowed back for 10 years. If you have to leave without your children and she wants to stay in the US that could bring a whole new set of problems.. Just my two cents. Hope everything works out for you

Has she ever been to the UK?  Maybe a nice vacation to show her what you love about it would help?

A lot of the issues you listed can happen anywhere though.  

Crime happens, people get in accidents, people lose houses, other people are jerks.  

As upset as you are living in the US, you chose to move there.  Imagine how upset, and frustrating for you, if she moves here and doesn't want to.

The visa issue is another problem and something you need to get sorted however.

Has she ever been to the UK?  Maybe a nice vacation to show her what you love about it would help?

She has she has seen the city side the national park side/villagey side and she has been to Scotland and I took her to Holland.

We live in New York and I like the lakes and forests and all but if I was American I would love to live in England. I was talking to some guys yesterday and they said they would move to England if it wasn't so hard to emigrate. They had just been in Derbyshire for a month.

Living somewhere though and going on vacation are two different things.

Everyone at my workplace tells me how they would love to live in Florida.     Not to offend any Floridians on here.

If that is even what you are called.

The problem is that the grass is always greener. 

Some of your "issues" are not the fault of "America". Sorry but maybe she shouldn't leave her purse on her porch. I think that it's common sense not to leave bicycles, purses, phones, anything of value just laying around outside. Lending someone your car, you are risking them damaging it.

I think you need to look at the fact that you have to make sacrifices in relationships. Yes, you did make a sacrifice to move to America to be with her, but you shouldn't feel resentful toward her because you feel like she is keeping you from seeing/being with your friends and family.

It sounds like you have some issues to work out as a couple. You can't just convince someone to move somewhere. They have to be willing or there are just going to be more problems, besides all the visas, paperwork and costs.

Some of your "issues" are not the fault of "America". Sorry but maybe she shouldn't leave her purse on her porch. I think that it's common sense not to leave bicycles, purses, phones, anything of value just laying around outside. Lending someone your car, you are risking them damaging it.

I think you need to look at the fact that you have to make sacrifices in relationships. Yes, you did make a sacrifice to move to America to be with her, but you shouldn't feel resentful toward her because you feel like she is keeping you from seeing/being with your friends and family.

It sounds like you have some issues to work out as a couple. You can't just convince someone to move somewhere. They have to be willing or there are just going to be more problems, besides all the visas, paperwork and costs.

She convinced me to come to America by saying we would go to England after two years. She was going to come to England before her boss said don't leave ask me to come here and I'll give him a job. Which never happened.

I kept my bargain I think she is obliged to move to England and be happy. We would do all the things we do here, eat the same stuff etc and she would also stay at home which is what she wants.

As others have stated here, it has to be her decision or even more complications/issues are going to arise.  The reasons you said she mentioned sound like just surface concerns to me.  You really do need to have a proper sit-down with her to get to the root of her fears about moving to a foreign country and for you to also state some of the great things England has to offer you and your family (perhaps those could ease some of her concerns).  Keep in mind that just because she's your wife, you can't expect her to just move now that it's "your turn" to be in your home country.

As for the immigration issue, that one is strange to me.  Why wouldn't she (or even you push the issue) sponsor you for permanent residency?  By now, you could be applying for US citizenship and not have to worry about having a ban of 10 years looming overhead.  But, what's done is done and you have to deal with the consequences.  At that point, you'll have to decide how important it is for you to return to England with the possibility of your wife and kids not following you.  To me, that would be scarier than anything, but that's me.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I know everyone is saying not to uproot the wife; but an agreement is one and the fact that she has not helped you get the green card after two children were born seems a bit off to me. You've sacrificed and she has not. Yes, crime happens, people sucks and life moves forward. It just seems like Joe has done more.
Your wife may have fear of moving to a new country. I would ask how did you meet? I grew up with an English mum and my dad was stationed in England for a few years so I am lucky that I've been to and heard of England everyday (with my cuppa). I am hoping you two can work things out...possibly a counselor? Your children will be no worse off in England then they are here.

I kept my bargain I think she is obliged to move to England and be happy.

While I understand your frustration, I think that the idea of someone doing something and being obliged to be happy is just not reasonable. International relationships are not easy- someone has to make huge sacrafices. Some people find these sacrafices easier than others- some aren't able to handle making them at all. I think other's points that looking at moving to England as a cure to your troubles is a mistake. I will also say though there are many Americans on here that view moving to the states will be the cure to their problems. In the end only you and your wife can decide in the end what is best for you both...and you have to decide together.

She convinced me to come to America by saying we would go to England after two years. She was going to come to England before her boss said don't leave ask me to come here and I'll give him a job. Which never happened.

I kept my bargain I think she is obliged to move to England and be happy. We would do all the things we do here, eat the same stuff etc and she would also stay at home which is what she wants.

Just my personal opinion, I wouldn't plan a move to a whole different country, on a bribe that one day I would get to move back to my country. You can't really plan the future that way, because there are things like jobs, school, children, and well, LIFE. I am planning to move to England in the future. My boyfriend says he wouldn't mind coming back to America to live one day, but I am not basing my decision on that. I am not going to throw a fit one day and hold it against him if it doesn't work out to move back to America. You can't assume everything is going to work out, if we ever wanted to move back to America, there's a lot that would have to work out, it terms of jobs, and if we had children, ect.

You say you have kids, obviously I don't know their ages, but have you thought about what you will do to put them back in school and how the move will be for them? I know loads of people have done it, but its not exactly easy, especially probably for the children, to just up and move them to another country and to put them back in school. What about you finding a job? Finding a place to live? Buying a car? I'm not here to be your counselor between you and your wife, but maybe these issues are being unsaid.

I agree with what others have said, it doesn't really seem like your issues are related to where you are living and I doubt moving to England will magically fix things.  I hate the generalization that someone from the states would love to live in England.  Both places are very different and there are good and bad things about both countries.  I moved over here because I knew that being together with my husband would make me happy, not because I wanted to move to England.  It sounds like you and your wife need to sit down and have a long chat about things.