Work has been difficult lately...

Don't get me wrong i feel like working here in the UK has been one of the most impt ways to feel more settled.  I have worked in an office environment for the past ten years and am often questioning if it is where i want to be really.....i have worked for the same company now for the past 8 months and still don't feel like i've clicked with these gals socially.  they have beenworking together for a few years and i am finding it difficult to feel like a part of the group...they are planning a christmas do and not sure if i even want to go....i haven't always had this issue in other offices that i have worked in...not sure if its me or them....maybe just taking longer to get settled?  or is it that english chicks are more reserved...don't know...

Hmmm, sorry hon!  I know how important it is to get along with people you work with everyday!  If I didn't get on so well with my officemates I would have been out of there a month ago!  REALLY!!!  I'm just starting to get into my job now.  However, the two women I work with everyday are GREAT!  We get on really well, go to lunch together everyday etc.  I have another friend who is also American working in a different office on the same floor.  She and her officemates don't even really talk.  They all do their own thing basically.  I think she would enjoy it a lot more if they did.  I would give it a bit more time, sometimes it's hard to open up to "the new girl"  I know you are not that new anymore, but you know what I mean.  Sometimes it just takes one person to get on with well in the group and you can kind of ease your way in.  Maybe ask someone to go to drinks after work, go from there.  Oh and I don't think English women are more reserved, it just depends on the person, maybe the women in your office are just all alike.  I do find that I am rubbing off on the ladies in my office, they are even talking like me!!!  It's great!!!

I hope you find a way to get through to them all!  Hey, home made cookie couldn't hurt!!!

I'm in the same situation you are, blondshania.  I like the girls I work with (it's all women in the office!), but there's just something missing.  I've been there for four months but I just don't feel like part of the group yet.  I think some of it has to do with the age difference (I'm 26 and they're all in their mid-thirties and forties), and some of it has to do with the fact that I work there part time (I'm there from 10-2 and they're all there from 10-5 or so).  Still, I wonder how they've managed to get to know each other so well, as there seems to be so little social interaction in the office!

I thought it was all in my head until we got a new employee about a month ago.  She's English and she seems to fit in better than I do already!     And she's only there three days a week!     I guess there's some sort of unspoken "English bond" between them and I do feel like a big American loser sometimes.  It's not that I want to go out with these girls every night of the week, but I would like to feel like I'm of some consequence in the office.  I think we could go for weeks without talking to each other socially...if I didn't participate in or start conversations, nobody would talk to me at all!

Another part of it is the fact that I'm overqualified for my job.  I'm the admin assistant, but I could really do any of their jobs and they know it.  DH says that perhaps they're just trying to "put me in my place" but not being overly friendly.  Maybe that's it.  But if it is, how crappy!   

Anyway, I'm doing my best to be part of the group.  I participate in conversations whenever I can and I always volunteer to get their lunches when I go get mine, etc.  In the meantime, though, I'm sending out applications whenever I can!  I can't stand being there much longer because there's no professional challenge and no social benefit!

Being overqualified for your job is probably a good deal of the problem. They know you're not going to be there long so most likely can't see the need to make much effort. But that said, I've also worked in places where admin staff aren't included in the 'group' regardless.

I worked at Monsoon in Kendal for a few months and the women my age were only superficially friendly. None of them had Uni educations so my postrgad status was undoubtedly a bit much for them. The younger women were friendlier but hardly likely to invite me out for a night on the town. It really sucked.

This is one of the things I'm really stressed about as I continue with my job search now. I'm registered with a job agency who have decided to put me forward for project management jobs. So it's likely to be that whole management/upper management in suits with drinks at the bar lots of night scenario.

The other thing that stresses me is my wardrobe. As a designer in the States, I could get away with no suits and more arty outfits. Polished is generally not my look and I currently don't even own a suit!

Strrrrrrreeeeeeeeessssssss!

I, too, am having some trouble finding my feet in my new work environment. Everyone seems to be a good deal older than me (the librarians, who are all a bit kooky/eccentric)or a good deal younger than me (the library assistants and weekend staff, who are teens/early 20s and just there to earn an hourly wage, if you know what I mean). I'm in a medium-sized local library, and based on the workshops I've been to so far, all the people of my age (late 30s) are working in management positions at the head library, which is where I eventually want to end up anyway. So I know what you mean about not being able to find a peer group.

Throw in the whole "Americans gas guzzle and wouldn't know it if good food hit them in the face" mentality and it's a right old laugh when you are trying so hard to fit in. I've read about this from other expats and had not experienced it myself until I started a new job recently. In the previous job, my boss was American. Looking back, I now know that people did not venture into those waters with me for fear of being reported, or overheard even. Now, it's a new game for me and I have to say it's annoying. At first, I just chuckle along and agree, and then it really stings. For example, I was sitting in a meeting yesterday. Someone asked me if a particular brand existed in the states--this brand is the BMW of hot drinks--I said that I thought that it did, but had never heard of it. Then someone pipes up and says, "well, those Americans are too busy trying to figure out how to get Atkins into everything for them to know a good hot beverage". It was also a day of questions about Bush and policies, etc. I did not enjoy it.

I think the key is to NOT laugh along.  Obviously, some things are funny and I'll play right along, but when it's obvious that someone is ignorant or is trying to take the piss, I just blank them.   

Wow,  jnainmarathon that sounds awful!  Sorry you had to go through that!  No one at work has done something like that to me yet, and I hope they never do!

As for being overqualified, I fit into that category, in fact no one was hiring me because I was applying to jobs that I was so overqualified for people actually laughed at me!  Not in a bad way of course, but simply saying why on earth would you want to do this!?  I simply said because I can!  I know that sounds awful, but I just wanted a job for the social interactions.  I was hoping for a more part-time role but even that was almost impossible to come by!  I figured taking an admin job would lesson the stress I had with my other job, I was wrong!!!  Oh so wrong.  But hey, at least I am not bored at work anymore!!!

Sorry - I get along fine with my co-workers and pretty much have from the beginning.  There's the normal *office politics* at play - but I seem to have fallen into my normal role of getting along with everyone pretty much all the time, no matter what problems they have with each other. 

Thanks for all your responses.... it has been helpful reading them knowing there are other fellow uk-yankees going through similar situations...

Just got to take things one day at a time..i have had good experiences and bad in offices...nothing new -