When people wave off visa stresses D:<

Mailed my spousal visa documents today. Am so ridiculously worried about it, perseverating on all the possible problems. So many of you here know what I'm talking about.

I'm getting so tired of the friends and family who scold me when I worry.

"You're over thinking it."
"Think positively."
"it can't be that bad."
And so forth....

I mean, I know they're trying to help me. I know I should be gateful. But can't they just say they're there for me, whatever happens? Maybe have a go at trying to distract me?

This is only the biggest deal of my life. It only determines whether or not I get to be with my husband, whether I can start that life with the man I love. It's a big freakin' deal. If it comes back with a no, that's a really big freaking deal that I need to brace myself for.

I guess I'm just needing to vent. Has anyone else wanted to throttle those people who can't see how important the whole visa thing is?

Oh my god, yes!

I'm in the midst of this right now applying for my fiance visa.

My favorite comments are the ones instructing me not to include the most vital of documents in my application because they seem overboard.  They really think I'm just being anal. This leads to a back and forth with me explaining that it's required and them explaining that it's "just silly" and I shouldn't bother with it. Eventually, I get huffy and they're like "geez, you'd think you'd be happy that you're moving to England."

I know they mean well, really and obviously I'm just stressed and I'm feeling sensitive about the whole thing, so I try to not let it bother me, but it does get frustrating when people who haven't been in a similar position make light of your situation. Like you said, this application only determines a major part of my life.

Yes, I got the same attitude/responses from friends and family when I was applying for my fiancee visa. It was so aggravating. My Dad also told me that Worldbridge wouldn't care if I didn't mail the package the same day as I bought their express service.    (We had flash flooding within 1/2 hour of me purchasing it and he was trying to talk me out of going to the mail center.)  My mom said, "just call them!" whenever I had a question or was stressed. LOL!  About a week after I started working on the application, a friend said, "What on earth are you doing? How can you STILL be working on that? Fill out the form, get it in the mail and get it over with!"

I'm about to apply for my spousal visa, but not bothering to tell my friends/family at this point. It's just easier.

I experienced the same thing. I usually got told "oh, you're not a terrorist so you'll get your visa" and my mom was like "I'm sure it's just criminals they won't give visas to." And most people were shocked I even had to apply for a visa, they assumed Americans could just go and live wherever they want. 

Even DH doesn't believe it's that nerve-wracking these days.  When I tell him the horror stories of what could happen if you don't get it right, he's all "well, it wouldn't be like that for you since you've already lived here" 
Thank goodness for Irish passports!

I mean, I know they're trying to help me. I know I should be gateful. But can't they just say they're there for me, whatever happens? Maybe have a go at trying to distract me?

I guess I'm just needing to vent. Has anyone else wanted to throttle those people who can't see how important the whole visa thing is?

They are trying to help and you should be grateful and they are trying to distract you. However... I remember that time as the most stressful, nervous time of my life and I wasn't one bit grateful for all the comments. I also remember wanting to throttle people.  After a couple weeks of it, I just smiled and thanked people for their insights (you'll get it no problem, since you're a nice person... you've never been in trouble so I can't see why you wouldn't... the litany of 'you're not a terrorist'.. type of encouragement.. and tried to not pay attention to it, or drown my fears in Doritos.

Once I had it in my hand and could relax, I saw it as everyone trying to be supportive and distract me from my worries, and you will too. You will eventually be able to look back on this time, and see it differently. If anyone had told me that at the time, I probably would have throttled them.

I recently sent in my UKM form since my mum was a Brit and I feel the same... filled with doubts and worries. I am a good person with good character; but still... The worst was earlier when mum said, "Why don't you just go visit for three months?" AGH!

Once I had it in my hand and could relax, I saw it as everyone trying to be supportive and distract me from my worries, and you will too.

I know I even knew that deep down, which is why I vented here instead of at them. For them, I offered a smile and a thank you.

I got the email this morning that my visa had been issued, and with the fretting washed away by relief, I can concede that a lot of my worry wasn't entirely rational, but I still knew the weaknesses that could affect the outcome negatively. I was just frustrated that I'd spent the past year studying and preparing for this in order to fully understand and address those weaknesses, and to have the worries about them dismissed as trivial annoyed me.

I had one friend yesterday who sat down with me and said, "I don't know the process, but I've seen the effort you've put into it. Knowing you, you wouldn't have sent it off if it weren't ready, and I'm certain you're going to be fine." It helped a ton to hear it that way. She should give classes in visa-friends-and-family support groups.

I know I even knew that deep down, which is why I vented here instead of at them. For them, I offered a smile and a thank you.

I got the email this morning that my visa had been issued, and with the fretting washed away by relief, I can concede that a lot of my worry wasn't entirely rational, but I still knew the weaknesses that could affect the outcome negatively. I was just frustrated that I'd spent the past year studying and preparing for this in order to fully understand and address those weaknesses, and to have the worries about them dismissed as trivial annoyed me.

I had one friend yesterday who sat down with me and said, "I don't know the process, but I've seen the effort you've put into it. Knowing you, you wouldn't have sent it off if it weren't ready, and I'm certain you're going to be fine." It helped a ton to hear it that way. She should give classes in visa-friends-and-family support groups.

Issued is good!  It is great you can relax now! Your friend sounds like someone we all could have / could use while waiting. It is people who don't really understand but still try to see it through the eyes of the person worrying that really do help. Of course, mom's way of helping was cool too. She would sense me stressing and whisk me away for some retail therapy and a decadent dessert somewhere. It wasn't long term relief but she would keep me occupied for a few hours and I ended up with some great clothes from it.

Dude, I think visa stresses are almost the worst kind! You have no clue what's going on, hear from no-one for long periods of time and are left there to stew in your own thoughts and worries! It took me 45 days to get my approval to come over here and I was constantly trying to keep myself busy in order to keep me from stressing out so much! I know I was cranky sometimes, but my family was awesome about it! (I stayed with them for a part of the process). It's just that constant fear of the unknown you know?

Glad you got it issued though! Now go treat yourself to something good because you deserve it!

All I got was a student visa and I was very muh stressed over that!  They're hard, they're difficult to understand and if you forget one tiny piece of paper it can be rejected!  I am really hoping to be able to marry my guy when I am done with school and I am not not sure what I am going to have to do if we decide to remain in the UK for a few years.  Hopefully I'll be able to find a job and get a work visa while working on either a fiancee or marriage visa.     

Mailed my spousal visa documents today. Am so ridiculously worried about it, perseverating on all the possible problems. So many of you here know what I'm talking about.

I'm getting so tired of the friends and family who scold me when I worry.

"You're over thinking it."
"Think positively."
"it can't be that bad."
And so forth....

I mean, I know they're trying to help me. I know I should be gateful. But can't they just say they're there for me, whatever happens? Maybe have a go at trying to distract me?

This is only the biggest deal of my life. It only determines whether or not I get to be with my husband, whether I can start that life with the man I love. It's a big freakin' deal. If it comes back with a no, that's a really big freaking deal that I need to brace myself for.

I guess I'm just needing to vent. Has anyone else wanted to throttle those people who can't see how important the whole visa thing is?

Thank you for summarising EXACTLY how I feel right now. Every word, to the letter, exactly mirrors how I'm feeling, having submitted my FLR (M) visa application in a rush on July 4th to avoid the rule changes on July 9th.

Equally infuriating, are the people who say, "Oh but you're a UK citizen now right? I mean you got married...so why are you bothering with a visa?"