The key, I think, is to highlight the positive aspects of what they are trying to do and offering lots of ideas that will help maintain those positive things with less of the negative stuff.
I would tell them it is really thoughtful and you really appreciate that they are thinking of you. I would then suggest some things that you think would work for everyone better. Could be:
Agree to have presents of a certain cost / size exchanged only when there
Not to give anything at all, but sending cards instead
Using the money that would have been spent in a savings account for a visit or facilities for skype etc.
Alternately
Letting them continue to send things but explain how to send stuff without the charges, as it is clear she isn't aware - you could always just charity shop them
The rules are here:
http://customs.hmrc.gov.uk/channelsPortalWebApp/channelsPortalWebApp.portal?_nfpb=true&_pageLabel=pageVAT_ShowContent&id=HMCE_CL_000014&propertyType=document#P56_5044'This notice explains what happens when you import or export goods by post through Royal Mail or Parcelforce Worldwide. It also applies to gifts received through the post. Please note that, unless specified otherwise, all further references to Royal Mail within the text of this notice also applies to Parcelforce Worldwide, who are part of Royal Mail Group Ltd........
.......................................
2.4 Gifts
Goods sent as a gift that are over £40 in value are liable to import VAT. Customs duty also becomes payable if the value of the goods is over £135 but is waived if the amount of duty calculated is less than £9.
To qualify as a gift:
the customs declaration must be completed correctly
the gift must be sent from a private person outside the EU to a private person(s) in this country
there is no commercial or trade element and the gift has not been paid for either directly or indirectly by anyone in the UK
the gift is of an occasional nature only, for example, for a birthday or anniversary
Note: if you purchase something from outside the EU to give as a gift to a relative or friend, whether or not addressed to that person, it is treated as a ‘commercial consignment’ for which the import VAT relief threshold in paragraph 2.3 applies'
What other options for demonstrating thoughtful could you suggest to her for all of you to agree as practice?
Hope you work out a solution that makes you happier.
