We are the SUPER-EXPATS!

All things considered, I had quite an easy time of it (minus the driving, which is now fine!), and I think a lot of it stemmed from the fact that I moved a LOT as a child (more than a dozen houses before I was sixteen) and that I know what I *need* to be happy (husband, books, horses), so I was able to take care of myself maybe a bit faster than otherwise? It does help that, no matter what, DH was...here. So that made it automatically where I would rather be.

I've made some excellent friends (and I do find the UK, at least the North-West bit, more tolerant of gently oddness or social anxiety than perhaps SoCal was), and I really, really love my life here.  A lot!

Also, I second Rachee, Manchester is the bee's knees!

I think with most things in life people sorely underestimate how much luck plays a role in everything. 

For instance I had the best time in grad school.  I made amazing friends. 
But mainly I made them because a girl decided to talk to me in the computer lab my second day there.  And as it turns out we both really liked a fairly obscure tv show, so we wound up talking for hours.  Which led to me meeting everyone in the department (she was in the same department but different program so had been there a year already).  Since I started in summer we all had the time to hang out.
Which led me to introducing her to my friend from childhood, who she is marrying next month.
A few months later she admitted she wasn't planning on talking to me because she was sick of talking to new people and she was going to go get a coffee.
Now, we would have gotten along no matter what but we shared no classes, so we probably wouldn't have met.  And I wouldn't have met so many fantastic people.
Her roommate started a semster later and had a vastly different experience and was pretty miserable.  We didn't have the time to hang out.  We didn't have picnics because it was now cold.  She was nice enough, met the same people, but we were all just busy. 
If I had started in the fall instead, I might have been the miserable one.  Some of it was me lots of it was luck.

I don't really have a theory as to why I settled here with very little effort but for me, moving to the UK was like putting on your favourite sweatpants. Not always the prettiest package but super comfortable. 

I had zero homesickness until my 5th year, and then it was for Halloween of all things. I miss certain things in the US but not the US itself and certainly not a lot of the people. I find Brits to be much more gentle and accepting of differences. I love my new home and have no plans to return to the US.

I guess I should add that I was very lucky to come here on a work permit with my company so I never had family or job woes. I did have to build my own support network though which has been a lot of fun!

I miss certain things in the US but not the US itself and certainly not a lot of the people. I find Brits to be much more gentle and accepting of differences. I love my new home and have no plans to return to the US.

I guess I should add that I was very lucky to come here on a work permit with my company so I never had family or job woes. I did have to build my own support network though which has been a lot of fun!

I agree with this!

And luck is a lot in life bookgrl, I really think so!

Hmm.  I think it's a valid question, but there are couple of problems with it.

First of all, what do we mean by 'adjust'?  There's the functional level (able to get about, understand the locals, use the money, etc.), but then there's the emotional level (level of satisfaction, lack of homesickness).  Most often when this question is asked, people seem to be focusing on the second.  And, although I realise that the thread title is meant to be light-hearted, I think we need to be careful about the implication that the folks who have an easier adjustment are somehow better than folks who struggle.

I do think that some people end up landing in a lot better situations than others as well - what your job situation is, how much money you arrive with or are able to make, do you already have connections here or not, perhaps what your partner does or his/her job opportunities, good (or bad) in-laws, what area/neighbourhood you end up in - so many different factors.

This!  Oh, my God, this!  It makes a huge difference.  There's a quote often misattributed to William Gibson (no idea of the original source) that I think is relevant here:

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a**holes."

The most prepared, easy-going, flexible, realistic person in the world can hit a brick wall if they land in the wrong situation.  That's not to say they won't be able to adjust eventually (or, more likely, find their way into a better situation), but I'm uncomfortable with what I sometimes feel is the assumption that, if a person is struggling after their move abroad, that it's because of some failure on their own part.  In the interests of full disclosure, I'm sure I feel this way largely because my own transition hasn't been perfectly smooth.  

However, in terms of personal circumstances that have made things more difficult, I would say it boils down to the strength of the ties I have back home.  My family is amazing.  There are scores of them, and I grew up feeling close to each one, and I miss them.  There's no getting around that.  No matter how well things are going for me here, I will always miss them, and miss being able to share in each others' lives.  

Beyond that, I genuinely liked the area I used to live in.  I've lived and worked in several different areas of the U.S., and been abroad, and after going back to Wisconsin, I could honestly say that it was my favorite.  Sure, there were down-sides (winter, mainly)(actually...just winter), but overall, it had everything I wanted-- except my husband.  So obviously, moving to a new place-- whether in the U.K., or just to a different state-- comparisons will be made, and the bar is set awfully high.  

And, although I realise that the thread title is meant to be light-hearted, I think we need to be careful about the implication that the folks who have an easier adjustment are somehow better than folks who struggle.

Definitely agree with you! And I sincerely hope that's not what people are taking away from this thread - bearing in mind it is meant to be a light-hearted offshoot of this thread.

Which was later also joined by this thread.

I count my lucky stars every day that I landed in the circumstances I did, and not only that, but these were much better circumstances than what I had in the US...both of which undoubtedly eased my transition - I still struggle with some things though! 

And hey - if you're not a superexpat (after all, we can't all fly around in capes & leotards), don't despair!!!

I'm more of a sparkly tiara, purple tutu and magic wand sort of super gal. 

As it has been said before, I think a lot of it depends on how well you adapt to new situations, what your situation is once you get here, and how determined you are to be happy in your surroundings. I also agree with the fact that comprehending the money and the local accent, ability to get out and about comfortably, especially on your own, and finding friends do go a long way.

I love it here. I had some moments of deep homesickness at first, but nothing I couldn't work out while LOVING it here at the same time. After every visit to Indiana, I had a bout of homesickness, even though while I was there I'd think of this or that about 'home' thinking of here.

Once I stopped battling my annoyance of not finding a job, I embraced being a housewife and found it easier to be out of work than it was when I was wearing myself out trying to find 'anything'.

Now that we are down to about seven weeks before moving back to the States, I find myself a bit excited to be with my family again, but sad to be leaving home. But, once we are absorbed back into that life, I will be 'home' again. It is funny (odd funny, not funny ha ha), the whole 4 1/2 years hubby was in Indiana, he wanted to move home. We were here a couple months and he was ready to go back because 'home' just wasn't the same. 

And, although I realise that the thread title is meant to be light-hearted, I think we need to be careful about the implication that the folks who have an easier adjustment are somehow better than folks who struggle.

Nope, we're not better - but we are usually silent. There aren't many threads for people like us to talk about how well we've adapted, so it's kind of nice for a change.

Nope, we're not better - but we are usually silent. There aren't many threads for people like us to talk about how well we've adapted, so it's kind of nice for a change.

By all means, carry on. I think this thread is very interesting. I would imagine that everyone's Expat experience is different and we should have various threads accommodating those differences.

Nope, we're not better - but we are usually silent. There aren't many threads for people like us to talk about how well we've adapted, so it's kind of nice for a change.

You are so right, however, as we are so super, we do understand that other people have a hard time. A moment of silence for the people struggling.

carry on.

You are so right, however, as we are so super, we do understand that other people have a hard time. A moment of silence for the people struggling.

carry on.

Thank you for thinking of me, racheeeee, I am touched & it brings a tear to my little pig eye. 

I still can't believe after all this time that I haven't met you in person yet (I've met Lindy!).  We must remedy this, so that I can bask in your Super Expat glory.  Maybe sometime in late summer?  Cos I'm kinda busy until then - except you'll probably be headed for the US during school holidays won't you?

I think everyone's comments have been so spot on with what makes adjusting easier for some easier than others.
I think there is definitely both a financial and emotional aspect to it, and I think I adjusted easily because both things went right for me.

I think to adjusting to life in a new country while simultaneously adjusting to a new marriage can sometimes add an additional stress. I think people who move with a spouse may find it easier to adjust as sometimes that spouse can act as a stronger support system. I remember, shortly after moving over, my first real moment of complete anger with England was trying to find a normal priced bottle of sunscreen for a holiday. We moved over when the exchange rate was $2=£1 and a tiny bottle of SPF 50 was nearly $30. Because the husband had lived with my in the states for a few years, he could understand why I was so upset by this.

For me, a major key was not loving my life back in Dallas. I was fairly young when I moved, so most of my friends were from high school and Uni and had all either moved away or grown apart. Really, I just never felt like I fit in. In Texas, I was an "educated heathen snob", but in London I get to be a "Redneck Yank"! There is no question in my mind as to what I would rather be. To be honest, I alway felt homesick for England when I was in the states. Like I had always just been waiting to move for my life to finally start.

Financially, we were young before we moved so we weren't used to very large salaries or a certain type of lifestyle. There wasn't that period of adjusting to lower salaries because when you converted them, we were actually making about the same if not more. That being said, I'm pretty happy with our quality of life. Even though we live in a tiny one bedroom flat, I realize it's a compromise because of where we get to live.

I've also had a surprisingly easy time of it, but I think its down to a lot of luck/circumstance rather than anything I've actually done right. I found a job close to home within three weeks of moving, we are financially stable (I think this is HUGE when it comes to ease or difficulty of adjustment), we live in a modern house (so no damp, mold, old house issues that I hear others speaking of) we've been able to travel/explore and I'm naturally curious and observant which I think helps with what others see a culture shock.  All together that made for an easy adjustment really. 

I don't miss home although there are a handful of people I miss.

I havent made "friends" here in the UK, but even when I had good friends in America, I was never the type of person who was always socialising or anything anyway, so I think I dont find it as lonely as others might.  My husband has wonderful friends who were/are very welcoming to me and they kind of fill that need most of the time.

As silly as it may sound to others, I also think the fact that my dog came along with me helped immeasurably. Something constant and someone(thing) who is always there when you need them.

My FIL always asks me "hows your adjustment going?" and it really irks me.  I'm adjusted, its not THAT different, you may still see me as an alien, but I've got this place figured out for the most part...stop asking!

For me, a major key was not loving my life back in Dallas. I was fairly young when I moved, so most of my friends were from high school and Uni and had all either moved away or grown apart...

Like I had always just been waiting to move for my life to finally start...

Financially, we were young before we moved so we weren't used to very large salaries or a certain type of lifestyle. There wasn't that period of adjusting to lower salaries because when you converted them, we were actually making about the same if not more. That being said, I'm pretty happy with our quality of life. Even though we live in a tiny one bedroom flat, I realize it's a compromise because of where we get to live.

Really good points, and personally, these are probably a couple of the reasons why I had no problems!

Friendly people, sheep, hills, beautiful countryside, sheep, lochs, real ales, sheep... It never gets old.   

 

I've lived in the same city my whole life. We moved to a new neighborhood (5 minutes away) when I was 13 and that was all. I have been travelling overseas on my own since I was 17, so I know that I am just fine on my own. I don't expect the "adjustment" to be too crazy. I'm like Mirrajay in that I don't need to go out and socialize a lot with friends and I like to quietly observe things around me. That's interesting and exciting! I will say that I"m nervous about getting my first job. I know the experiences vary widely with that and since I'm going to be changing careers, that adds a layer of complication... But, I'll deal with it as it comes!