When did you guys decide to tie the knot?

Well, I had like, one of the best days ever with my boyfriend yesterday here. We went outside and played some football (soccer, lol) and then we went on a funny-filled romantic walk. I think I'm gonna remember that day forever. I already knew but that moment really made me realize like a punch to the face that I want to be with this man for the rest of my life. His mom has mentioned marriage and that someone is going to have to move, which looks like it's going to have to be me. She laid the whole guilt trip on me that she's already has lost a son to Australia (he moved there for good in 2011) and she said she couldn't bare if he left to move with me in America. Which sucks because I feel like it'd be a bit of a cheaper living in America than here, everything is amazingly expensive in the UK..

Alex and I have spoken about it a few times before hand and it seems like it's probably gonna be a few years before we're able to actually live together in the same country. Unfortunately, we both are the kind of people that have never really wanted to tie the knot. It's just not something even before we got into a relationship, just talking about it in general, didn't want to do. But it seems like if we ever want to actually be together and have possibly a family down the line it'll have to come down to marriage. Besides I used to joke when I was younger that I never wanted to get married but if I had to, it'd be to Alex. lol, Which was before we were even in a relationship. 

I was just wondering how long you guys waited to get married? In the long distance relationships I think this kind of thing really has to be acknowledged and spoken about since it's such a huge leap since not only are you getting married but making such a huge move across the Atlantic!! Sorry if I'm coming off too seriously and such, I am simply interested to know others experience with really thinking and making a decision about when to get married! 

I met DF in 2008 when I was 20 and a college student. After we met, it was nearly 2 years until we saw each other again when I went to England to see him. He came to see me in August 2010. I went back to England in March '11, July '11 and he came to see me in November '11 and proposed. So, we were long distance for over 3 years until we decided to tie the knot. I moved over here on a fiance visa in March.

Like you, DF and I were people who were not keen on the idea of marriage, but obviously as the relationship became more serious, our views on marriage changed. We both agreed that while I was a student, we'd remain long distance and visit back and forth, but that when I was finished, we needed to seriously consider how we were going to bridge the gap. While we both knew that marriage was the ultimately the solution, we didn't really discuss it seriously until March 2011. When I went to England in July (for over a month), it was sort of the trial run for living together and getting married. So, that's how our relationship progressed.

My advice to you would be to discuss your options and make sure you are both comfortable with them and come up with some sort of timescale with your SO. That way you will have an end in sight even if you're not engaged.

Enjoy the rest of your trip and don't stress too much about the future. If it's meant to happen, it will happen. 

I'm a lot older than you MandyBoo (and PlainPearl), an my and my hubby's decision reflects that age difference.

We met at the end of the summer (6 years ago!), I was in my early 40s, hubby just about late 30s, and hung out for a week together.  A month later I visited him in Leeds and stayed 3 months.  I went back to the US for a couple months and then returned to Leeds for a 6 month visit.  He proposed to me 2 months into that visit and we were married 6 months later. 

Sometimes the combination of being older and knowing this is what you really want means you don't need to go back and forth about things in your mind.  You just do it.  You also know yourself a bit better when you're older and generally know if a big transatlantic move is going to be right for you.  (That doesn't mean it's going to be easy, just that you are making the right decision).

Sometimes the combination of being older and knowing this is what you really want means you don't need to go back and forth about things in your mind. 

But then again I'm even older than you, Andee, and we dated for 5+ years before getting married. 

My husband and I did the LDR for almost 3 years, we had a brilliant time travelling and being young, we were 24/25 when we met, and we weren't dying to be together all the time...ie we were both quite happy in our own lives and we felt like we saw each other enough, so we didn't rush into marriage. But in those days, it was very easy to move here.

But then again I'm even older than you, Andee, and we dated for 5+ years before getting married. 

I didn't think you were older than me!  Anyway, just goes to show you that every situation in different.

Hi,

<Boring response> Don't let his mum pressure or try to coerce you into what she wants. If things pan out over the next few years that it's better for you and your better half to make a go of things in the USA, then go for it. </boring response>

If things work out to be better for you here, then thats a bonus!

Cheers, DtM! West London & Slough UK!

Both myself and DW had previous trans-Atlantic relationships that had kind of dragged on. We both knew the pitfalls when we met online and neither of us had been looking for another LDR.
When we met for the first time we hit it off straight away and even then there was talk about one of us moving. As we were both late 40's we said that we didn't want a long relationship which didn't seem to be going anywahere so pretty much said that we had to decide fairly soon. We'd met online in April 2007, met in person when I went to the States in Aug/Sept, it was her dad's 85th birthday when I was there and they were having a big family party.....unbeknown to me DW saw this as a means to see how I got on with family and what folk though and she said then that she thought I was "a keeper". Then I went back for Thanksgiving and she made comments such as "I'm yours for the asking" which now she doesn't remember saying!
It was her birthday when I was there and I had considered asking her then but conversation at dinner meant we had to iron out some things so I didn't.
She came to visit me the following Jan and it was then I asked her and we were married the following sept.

I think when I knew was the last day I was there on my first visit, it was a couple of days after Labor Day and we'd gone to Cape May, NJ. Spent the afternoon on an almost deserted beach in glorious weather, going in the sea, and then to a restaurant for lobster. Like you, that was a day I'll never forget.

Well, I was going through a divorce when I met my hubby...and his marriage was failing badly. When we met online in a chat room for people suffering from depression, we were only friends. It was weird because I didn't even realize I had fallen in love with this man, who was SO not my type, until a friend of mine said to me one night "you've fallen in love with him". I laughed hysterically and I said, NO way, we're just friends and quite frankly he drives me nuts!
Anyway, fast forward, 2 years later, I'm divorced and he's divorced and we are VERY close. I had realized I loved him after my friend said that, but I knew I needed to keep that to myself and needed to back off and just be his friend while he was going through a tough time here.
Two and a half years after meeting online, he proposed...literally got down on one knee (I had to help him back up as he had thrown out his back the day before) took my hand, and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him . We got married six months later. So, from the time we met till we were married, it was just over three years.

Like you, DF and I were people who were not keen on the idea of marriage, but obviously as the relationship became more serious, our views on marriage changed. We both agreed that while I was a student, we'd remain long distance and visit back and forth, but that when I was finished, we needed to seriously consider how we were going to bridge the gap. While we both knew that marriage was the ultimately the solution, we didn't really discuss it seriously until March 2011. When I went to England in July (for over a month), it was sort of the trial run for living together and getting married. So, that's how our relationship progressed.

Thanks very much for the reply. We have really sat down and spoken about it and there are so many things that have to happen first. Like, he is waiting to hear about a new job, etc. It's just frustrating. I'm leaving tomorrow and we've already cried like twice over the thought of being apart again. But we've had so much fun together and I just feel it in my gut that we are going to be together for good someday. I couldn't imagine being with someone else. I'm glad someone on here is around my age that can give their own story, no offense to anyone!! All my friends seem to think it's so out of the ordinary to be in a LDR.  I just hope one day I'll be able to have my own visa so I can just be with him for good. I'm so tired of sob-filled goodbyes at the airport already.

We met at the end of the summer (6 years ago!), I was in my early 40s, hubby just about late 30s, and hung out for a week together.  A month later I visited him in Leeds and stayed 3 months.  I went back to the US for a couple months and then returned to Leeds for a 6 month visit.  He proposed to me 2 months into that visit and we were married 6 months later. 

Sometimes the combination of being older and knowing this is what you really want means you don't need to go back and forth about things in your mind.  You just do it.  You also know yourself a bit better when you're older and generally know if a big transatlantic move is going to be right for you.  (That doesn't mean it's going to be easy, just that you are making the right decision).

I can agree with age comes more knowledge somewhat, but I think I really do know that I definitely want to marry this guy.. eventually! Haha. Not gonna jump on that boat just yet until we have our lives a bit more sorted. I also have known him for 7 years now, so I know him very well. Thank you for the reply.

My husband and I did the LDR for almost 3 years, we had a brilliant time travelling and being young, we were 24/25 when we met, and we weren't dying to be together all the time...ie we were both quite happy in our own lives and we felt like we saw each other enough, so we didn't rush into marriage. But in those days, it was very easy to move here.

I wish it were easier to move here, seeing some of the stories on here. I'm just scared if we wait too long it'll become near impossible to move. :c

Hi,

<Boring response> Don't let his mum pressure or try to coerce you into what she wants. If things pan out over the next few years that it's better for you and your better half to make a go of things in the USA, then go for it. </boring response>

Haha, thanks so much. I shouldn't, but I feel like he'd be miserable in the US anyway. He says he likes visiting but that's that and I can respect that. I wouldn't mind moving to the UK really, but like I said, it's really how expensive is. I feel like I'd need a PHD or something to have a pretty decent living lol.

I think when I knew was the last day I was there on my first visit, it was a couple of days after Labor Day and we'd gone to Cape May, NJ. Spent the afternoon on an almost deserted beach in glorious weather, going in the sea, and then to a restaurant for lobster. Like you, that was a day I'll never forget.

Awww, that sounds really sweet. Those are the kind of memories one has to hold onto when saying goodbye at the airport. I just hope soon enough, we will be done with saying goodbye.. ;c Thank you for your story!

Well, I was going through a divorce when I met my hubby...and his marriage was failing badly. When we met online in a chat room for people suffering from depression, we were only friends. It was weird because I didn't even realize I had fallen in love with this man, who was SO not my type, until a friend of mine said to me one night "you've fallen in love with him". I laughed hysterically and I said, NO way, we're just friends and quite frankly he drives me nuts!
Anyway, fast forward, 2 years later, I'm divorced and he's divorced and we are VERY close. I had realized I loved him after my friend said that, but I knew I needed to keep that to myself and needed to back off and just be his friend while he was going through a tough time here.
Two and a half years after meeting online, he proposed...literally got down on one knee (I had to help him back up as he had thrown out his back the day before) took my hand, and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him . We got married six months later. So, from the time we met till we were married, it was just over three years.

Aw, that is lovely, thank you so much for your story! So glad you're together now.

Thanks very much for the reply. We have really sat down and spoken about it and there are so many things that have to happen first. Like, he is waiting to hear about a new job, etc. It's just frustrating. I'm leaving tomorrow and we've already cried like twice over the thought of being apart again. But we've had so much fun together and I just feel it in my gut that we are going to be together for good someday. I couldn't imagine being with someone else. I'm glad someone on here is around my age that can give their own story, no offense to anyone!! All my friends seem to think it's so out of the ordinary to be in a LDR.  I just hope one day I'll be able to have my own visa so I can just be with him for good. I'm so tired of sob-filled goodbyes at the airport already.

I can completely relate to everything you just said. It's hard to say goodbye, but try and have another visit in the works (if that's possible) even if it's a year from now. The hardest thing for me was not knowing when we'd see each other again, so we started working provisional visit dates before the end of a trip, so we'd have something to hold on to. Then between the visits, I'd set up mini milestones along the way to make the time go by faster.

We kept in touch mainly via IM and facebook with some skyping sprinkled in. We had pre-determined IM "dates" and if one of us couldn't make it, we let the other know. That way we weren't waiting around for each other or worrying about when we would talk. We could get on with the rest of our lives an not wallow in the fact that we were apart. I truly believe that's what made us successful. We always knew when we'd see each other and when we'd speak and we knew that I would be making the move after graduation. So, the situation never felt hopeless.

A lot of people didn't understand my LDR initially, but eventually it became normal for people. You just have to do what's right for you and if your friends don't understand it, then that's their problem. It's honestly not all that uncommon. The world is a smaller place than it used to be.

Good luck! 

I can completely relate to everything you just said. It's hard to say goodbye, but try and have another visit in the works (if that's possible) even if it's a year from now. The hardest thing for me was not knowing when we'd see each other again, so we started working provisional visit dates before the end of a trip, so we'd have something to hold on to. Then between the visits, I'd set up mini milestones along the way to make the time go by faster.

We kept in touch mainly via IM and facebook with some skyping sprinkled in. We had pre-determined IM "dates" and if one of us couldn't make it, we let the other know. That way we weren't waiting around for each other or worrying about when we would talk. We could get on with the rest of our lives an not wallow in the fact that we were apart. I truly believe that's what made us successful. We always knew when we'd see each other and when we'd speak and we knew that I would be making the move after graduation. So, the situation never felt hopeless.

A lot of people didn't understand my LDR initially, but eventually it became normal for people. You just have to do what's right for you and if your friends don't understand it, then that's their problem. It's honestly not all that uncommon. The world is a smaller place than it used to be.

Good luck!  

We do have a visit sorta-kinda planned out, it'll be him visiting me next year. It's not even set in stone yet. I think one of the hardest things is no one around me understands. I hate when my friends over exaggerate their own relationship to me. Example; I miss my boyfriend, it's been a week since we've seen eachother. I am just like, ugh, you have NO idea what missing someone feels like. Imagine going two years without seeing eachother, that's what I had to do.

Sorry, I am just getting upset now thinking about leaving.  

That's really smart of you guys to do, luckily for myself and my boyfriend we are mostly available to chat on Skype. Which is very nice. But I'm so not looking forward to having to deal with Skype's occasional sh*t lag.

I have come to dread the 'how did you meet?' question. Because everyone looks at me like I grew another head when I say online. It's ridiculous. But thank you very much, I agree. I'll just have to disregard what people say. Just hope some day soon we will be able to close this horrible gap.

We decided to get married when UK immigration decided it was time for me to leave the UK! There was no romantic proposal or anything traditional about it, but it worked out for the best. We were naive and pretty unfamiliar with the visa process, so we thought there would be no issue if I came over on a fiance visa and then applied for an extension. They didn't have the requirement to prove wedding plans at that time. We learned our lesson when my extension was denied and we only had two weeks to get married (I didn't postdate my fiance visa, so was only in the UK 3 months before it expired). We were unsure about what the exact plan was, so we ended up going to book an appointment for a registrar's office ceremony 15 days in advance, then telling our parents four days before the ceremony. It ended up being a beautiful, memorable day, and was actually exactly the type of low key wedding I wanted. We had a few friends who were far away and angry that we didn't have a wedding they could attend, but in the end, it was our day and it was what we wanted.

The one problem with LDR's, at least in my experience, is that you don't spend REAL time with that person when you're together. You almost put on your best behaviour when you're together, because you want that short time you have with them to be perfect. When you're finally together, living in the same place for the first time, it's like a shock to your system. You have the real person, not this person you've built them up to be in your mind, or who they've tried to show you they are during your limited time being physically together. They're not ONLY the perfect, sweet, attentive person you love - they turn into who they really are. In my case, this was a sweet, caring person, who was also messy, immature, and a video game addict. Luckily, we met at university and were best friends, so I already (kind of) knew who he really was, but the transition was still very difficult. It takes a lot of adjusting, and unfortunately for those of us in a trans-Atlantic relationship, you have to make a pretty huge commitment to them before you spend this "real" time together. Basically, I would say to anyone in an LDR thinking about getting married - make sure when you are together, you're yourself and not who you think your GF/BF wants you to be. Be messy, fart, burp, scarf down an entire pizza, speak your mind, be completely honest, and do whatever else you'd do once you're together for good. It's better to figure these things about before you spend hundreds on visas and flights, and your stuff has been shipped over to the UK, making it nearly impossible to just break up and go back home. Not to say that this is true of all LDR's, but a relationship with a handsome foreigner may seem incredibly romantic and exciting right now, but it will soon lose its initial appeal and you'll just be in an ordinary relationship, so make sure this is someone you'd date and want to marry even if they lived down the street and you saw them everyday.

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years and living here for 7 and still waiting for him to pop the question. :/