Raising a child here VS. the US

I do have to laugh about the fact that my (future) kids won't sound like either me nor their father- he's Scottish and of course I'm American but we live in London! Maybe I can get them to say "y'all" at least.

Haha! LOVE this!

I have a lot of the same fears and sadness about them experiencing the same as me, etc.

I could go on for ages about reason pro and con from age of me, to age of my husband (he's 17 years older! He's going to be a grandpa by the time another baby gets raised!) You just have to think of soooo many things! I should probably talk to him more about it, because we have never had an actually conversation...Every time we get near one, he changes the subject...But then sometimes says having a baby with me would be good! I think for him, it's a timing thing, and he will avoid it until he thinks the timing is better. I just assume to not bother talking about it with him at all...But I think it's just because it means I can put things off! LOL!

See, I hated all that typical American high school crap- pep rallies, cheerleaders, etc. I was fairly nerdy, and that stuff was just another thing to remind that I wasn't cool and popular, and made people like me feel that if you didn't play the important sports like American football and basketball, you were a nobody. I look back on it as such a weird thing and I have no qualms about my potential children not experiencing that. As for dances, they do have them at schools here, but it doesn't seem to have that over the top, limo-hiring, hotel-room-party, super expensive dress and tuxedo-rental stuff that makes prom yet another thing to separate the haves and have-nots and further cement the school popularity hierarchy. There are things I don't like about the education system here, and of course there are still popularity hierarchies, but at least they aren't formalised and endorsed by the school! I also like that I won't have to worry about the school trying to teach them creationism or abstinence-only sex ed!

I was nerdy and I hated them too, but it didn't make me feel like I was unpopular or uncool. 
It just made me think that people who liked that stuff were, either way peppy and sweet or a@@holes.  My friends and I didn't go to prom, no one cared. 

Also, British schools can teach religion.  The only primary school in our area is a Church of England one and my friend who grew up in Scotland had two in her village.  One for Catholics and one for Protestants and if you were neither you went to the Protestant one and sat outside the classroom for RE.

Yeah, teaching RE is different to teaching creationism in science class. For one thing I would never send my children to a religious school (if that required moving I would do that, but my town has plenty of primary schools), but also in the state schools in Scotland it seems that RE is quite general, teaching about major world religions and talking about ethical issues rather than being all yay Jesus.

Some are and some aren't.  It is up to the school.  But yes, I would move too.

I think there are good bits and bad bits about raising children in this country.

I think it's fabulous for infants and small children. There is some push (that I don't necessarily agree with) to have children "grow up" before their time or encouragement to be independent at a very young age (out of pushchairs by 2, lack of support for breastfeeding after 6 months or thinking it's wise to let a bunch of 4 year old reception kids dress themselves for PE  --my current "thorn in the side") But for the most part, there are so many great opportunities for small children here that simply do not exist in many parts of the U.S.

I do worry about the environment that my son will be exposed to by the time he's nearing secondary school age, however. Maybe this is more area specific but I often see groups of secondary school kids gathered in parks looking absolutely bored out of their skulls....usually crowding around a bottle or two of cider and piles of McDonalds food bags. When I was in high school I had an endless supply of activities to keep me out of trouble---band, choir, school plays, school sports, the Friday night rituals of football games in the autumn, not to mention homework and other school-related clubs.

It's almost as if they're given so much freedom, but they have no idea how to use it. There's something to be said about the more strict and structured child-rearing culture in the U.S....provided it avoids crossing the line of helicopter parenting. A very delicate balance...

I do worry about the environment that my son will be exposed to by the time he's nearing secondary school age, however. Maybe this is more area specific but I often see groups of secondary school kids gathered in parks looking absolutely bored out of their skulls....usually crowding around a bottle or two of cider and piles of McDonalds food bags. When I was in high school I had an endless supply of activities to keep me out of trouble---band, choir, school plays, school sports, the Friday night rituals of football games in the autumn, not to mention homework and other school-related clubs.

It's almost as if they're given so much freedom, but they have no idea how to use it. There's something to be said about the more strict and structured child-rearing culture in the U.S....provided it avoids crossing the line of helicopter parenting. A very delicate balance...

This. I always shudder seeing gangs of kids around doing nothing but looking a bit grumpy.

My husband jokes that it's because the houses are too small so parents just kick their kids out to have then out from under their feet, and tries to make light of it, but it really worries me. I don't want my little boy turning into a thug on the corner with his gang of friends!

The "cool guys" in the next town over from me used to hang out in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot on Friday nights. To this day I have no idea why.

This. I always shudder seeing gangs of kids around doing nothing but looking a bit grumpy.

My husband jokes that it's because the houses are too small so parents just kick their kids out to have then out from under their feet, and tries to make light of it, but it really worries me. I don't want my little boy turning into a thug on the corner with his gang of friends!

I agree with this...I see this in town a lot too. Theres a whole group of teenage kids who hang out on the stairs in front of M&S here. They crowd around and fill the whole set of stairs so people are forced to walk around them and go up the ramp. They seem a bit rough and are always people watching, shouting things, or loudly having arguments with one another. The locals just ignore it/accept it, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel that in the US when kids wanted to loiter, they would go to the movie theatre or the local mall..

I'm surprised that M&S allow them to loiter like that. Seems they'd want to get rid of that kind of group in front of their business.

I agree with the things Mrs. Pink said.  My husband and I have raised our children in both the US and the UK, and I think that we as parents have had way more influence over them than either culture.     That said, my kids are turning out to be pretty English and they're lovely that way!

My teen is finding it difficult to locate groups of kids that don't smoke. It's a bit uncomfortable and socially awkward really, but maybe if he had grown up here he wouldn't care and I'd be raising a future lung cancer victim. There seemed to be less cigarette use in the US among young teens but maybe it's just a neighbourhood vs neighbourhood thing rather than a country vs country thing..IDK.

My teen is finding it difficult to locate groups of kids that don't smoke. It's a bit uncomfortable and socially awkward really, but maybe if he had grown up here he wouldn't care and I'd be raising a future lung cancer victim. There seemed to be less cigarette use in the US among young teens but maybe it's just a neighbourhood vs neighbourhood thing rather than a country vs country thing..IDK.

I have noticed this as well! I can understand how how he feels, heck, I feel that way sometimes, always getting left behind so they can have their smoke breaks..Sometimes I sit by myself more than I do actually see the people I go out with!

It's sad seeing the kids do this though because they just don't understand how much it affects their health at such a young age! They don't look at the long run, just the here and now and what feels good!

I'm surprised that M&S allow them to loiter like that. Seems they'd want to get rid of that kind of group in front of their business.

I think businesses treat this differently here. I was walking by one of favorite restaurants the other morning and there on the pavement by the front door was a sizable pile of puke. Now it was probably from a late night drunkard, and had nothing to do with the restaurant's food - but wouldn't you think they would wash that down. I see rubbish all the time on the high street (Cambridge)....and hooligans and such right in front of businesses.

Perhaps there is some law I don't know about - I have heard of people getting in trouble for raking leaves on the public right-of-way.

I think businesses treat this differently here. I was walking by one of favorite restaurants the other morning and there on the pavement by the front door was a sizable pile of puke. Now it was probably from a late night drunkard, and had nothing to do with the restaurant's food - but wouldn't you think they would wash that down. I see rubbish all the time on the high street (Cambridge)....and hooligans and such right in front of businesses.

Perhaps there is some law I don't know about - I have heard of people getting in trouble for raking leaves on the public right-of-way.

Yuck!!  In Maidstone they employ street cleaners and the town centre is really quite clean (unlike our neighborhood).  They don't hesitate to charge a £75 fine for dropping cigarette buds or gum on the pavement.  The local McDonalds actually installed a button outside that when pressed emitted a high-pitched sound only heard by kids/teens that would presumably make them go elsewhere but I believe it was taken away pretty soon after due to complaints from child advocates.

Last week we were on the playground at the local park and a group of teens were hanging around kicking a football and nearly hit the little ones.  It's a pretty big park so I don't know why were in the enclosed playground area...  My friend and I (fellow expat) agreed that it's sad to see 16 year old kids with apparently nowhere to go during the day whereas in the states they would still be in school, not out in a challenging job market.  I sometimes worry about my stepson who is 11 but he's a pretty good kid so there is hope for him yet : )

My daughter is only 9 months old so she's never lived in the US but I really like all of the children's centres and especially the maternity care in England.  The emphasis on non-invasive care, natural birth, breastfeeding, etc as a standard is fantastic.  And it was fairly easy to meet a lot of baby-wearing, co-sleeping, cloth-diapering moms here although I know it isn't exactly the norm in either country!