BritBound - I noticed that about Long Beach and OC, too. I must be getting old. In my day no one wanted anything to do with anything behind the Orange Curtain.
Wishstar - much more diplomatic than what I would have been and you said much of what I was thinking. It was the 18 years old that made me give her the bye-ball instead of laying into her ignorance; I reckon if you are doing something like this when you're 18 you're not as fully formed an adult as those of us who made the jump much later, and the whole loss of identity hits you in a different way, as the move at 18 is part of what creates your adult identity. Kind of like if you go away to college - maybe the worst she'll experience is gaining the freshmen 10.
(God love her if it's only 10lbs she gains here!)
Although I do wonder how shouting OC FOEVAH will play 6 months from now.....if she's still here.
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The mourning is very real, once you get past the honeymoon phase and realize this is permanent. The novelty of all the different things is gone when it is your life now and not a holiday. When this dawns on you, you start to miss things from home in a different way, because part of you knows you won't really ever get to see/eat/do/feel those things again, or often enough. You start to realize how lost you are in this new place all on your own, for even with your partner you are on your own in ways you did not count on when you thought moving here would be fun. If this happens to you in the winter time you are in for a double-whammy, because winter, especially for us California girls, is tough. We are used to sunlight, and there's precious little of it in the winter. Now I think the winter is beautiful here but those first few years it was hard going and I've been lucky because I have been able to go home during the tail end of winter last year and that helps break it up for me. And the rain here, which I thought would be really romantic before I moved here, is not like the rain in OC. You can't even really hear the rain here. But I digress.
I was pregnant in my first year here and I know how tough that can be. It's two major changes to your core identity that you are handling, one on top of the other, and if you haven't family here, it's largely without any support - all your trusted friends are back in the states, your mother isn't here with you nor any other family, and your husband/partner is only good for so much - you need a different sounding board. That's why these expat sites are a real lifesaver for so many of us. Even just reading them helps, just seeing you're not crazy for what you're feeling, is a huge huge relief.
I mention the pregnancy because on top of the mourning of the loss of my old home and self, it was mixed in with all the thoughts you get being pregnant about your own childhood, and for me it was really sad and scary knowing that none of the things I grew up with and was thinking of in a hazy hormonal wistful light my baby would know. She'd never have summer days at the pool like I did, or barbeques in the park, or peanut butter and jelly at the beach. And I realized that in a sense I'd be growing up with her because I'd be learning all these new things about living here along the way just like her. I don't know about the school systems, or where the parks are, or what the kids do, I learn as my daughter does them. All of this sort of thinking throws you a bit.
But it does get better and the key is accepting this is where your life is now. It's easy at 6 weeks to say you've done that but you haven't a clue at 6 weeks. I'm coming on 5 years here now and have made my peace with my life here. It took me about 3 years and going home to get settled, but I had a real plateful of stuff in those first couple years. Never once did I think I would just pack up and go back. But the whole depression and isolation and mourning did throw me for a loop for awhile. I didn't expect the culture shock and the loss of my sense of self. Now I feel much more grounded and have accepted myself being here. Or found myself? Not sure what the right word is but basically, it is a process you go through and there is light at the end of the tunnel!
