Is the UK worth the change in life style and uprooting from America?

But when I say upfront, "I do not take any other kind of medication. I'm not diabetic nor do I have high blood pressure", then I feel the questioning should stop. I have actually said just that, and still was asked questions.

Ah, yeah - that does sound a bit much... although that actually only technically answers 1 of the 5 questions they have to ask:

Who is it for?
What are the symptoms?
How long have you had the symptoms?
What medication have you already taken for the symptoms?
What other medication are you taking?

I was once asked no less than 8 questions because I wanted yeast infection cream that was sold behind the counter. I told her I knew what a yeast infection is. Yet, she still asked me the most personal questions as if I had no idea what I was talking about. It was humiliating. When I turned around to leave, my face was tomato red and I was near tears. I am not easily embarrassed, but that was just too much in my opinion.

For a yeast infection, they have to ask:
- Are you over 16 and under 60?
If no, by law they cannot sell it to you. You must go to the doctor for a prescription

- Has it been diagnosed by a doctor in the past?
If no, then they cannot sell it to you - you must go to the doctor for diagnosis first.

- Have you suffered with the infection more than twice in the last 6 months?
If yes, they cannot sell it to you - you must go to the doctor for a prescription (in case it is indicative of an underlying condition, such as diabetes)

And that's on top of the normal 5 questions.... so 8 questions in total.

I think if like you said, part of you wants to do it, you should do it.  It doesn't have to be forever if it doesn't work out.  You only live once.

As for being 'an older person' or 'middle aged' as you put it, what does that mean? 40's?  There are quite a few of us who have moved over here who are in that age bracket, me being one of them.  I'd have been scared to do it at 22 and circumstances weren't right anyway, but I had the courage and stability, plus some savings so doing it 20 years later was exactly the right time to do it for me.

Thank you Andee for your input and everyone else kind enough to share the thoughts and experiences on this thread. This potential move would be nothing more than a life adventure if I were the young person from years ago that saw change big or small as something continuous ever changing in life as a whole.But as a 50 year old the step I take can be kinda like putting my toe on the edge of a cliff if my choice doesn't work out well. I think there is an inner voice in my head that is saying to me that my toes hanging over that cliff are clinched for a  good reason!

Wouldn't it be great if we were all the risk takers that we saw in our selves back when we were in our 20's and 30's. I applaud each of you that were brave enough to give up your life back in the States to follow a partner to the UK.That could not have been an decision taken lightly and obviously there were certain sacrifices made on your part. It does seem that most of you have made the adjustment.I am curious to know if any of you, if given the chance for a do-over, if you would have preferred your partner to live in the States with you?

 I'm torn because I want this woman but I want her in America. I was able to convince her to stay in America longer than she wanted but now the shoe in on the other foot and she is now in the UK waiting on me. There really is a lot to consider from my vantage point. I'm probably too old to get the UK version of social security and who knows if i will qualify for UK health care, or if it will even be around when we need it. Because let's be honest the UK does seem to be eliminating those type welfare programs for future residents of married partner's of UK citizens.At least that appears to be the trend to make such benefits difficult to get. So do I give up something I have paid into for more years than I care to remember for something in a different country that might not even be there for spouses of Uk citizens in the future. This is not just a move that sounds romantic this can change futures in an unforeseeable way.

 Now having said all that, do I feel fifty years old,NO! I play sports and enjoy many of the activities that held my attention at thirty. But I am practical and I know full well that five years in the spand of a older person is like DOG years. So at fifty I might be out there playing hoops with the younger guys and serving people up on the golf course but soon around that distant corner is a grey haired older gentleman that will look very similar to my old man, but it ain't him. Once I commit to this it might not be so easy to get out and to be honest I'm from that generation that sticks.We tend to see things through.So really I have to ask myself do I want to live and die in England. And when I think about that idea I start to picture Clint Eastwood looking at, and talking to a chair! That is not a good picture.

You can get your US SS in the UK though and if you pay in the UK you'll get something. 

I don't think they will be taking the NHS away from spouses any time soon.  They always make noises about it, but it wouldn't go over well.

I guess the big thing is selling a house if you have one, so maybe keep the house in the US and then sell it later?

I am curious to know if any of you, if given the chance for a do-over, if you would have preferred your partner to live in the States with you?

Recently I read an article talking about regretting decisions not made, and it suggested thinking of it like this: "Would you give up everything that has happened as a result of the decision you made in order to go back and choose again?"  I wouldn't, because I've enjoyed my life in the UK, the friends I've made, the places I've been, and the work I've done, and I wouldn't want to give it all up to go back and try again in the US.

who knows if i will qualify for UK health care, or if it will even be around when we need it.

I understand your concern about benefits for spouses of UK citizens, but I wouldn't worry about access to health care.  The British, rightly, are proud of the fact that everyone gets health care here, and I can't imagine any government successfully doing away with that.

I was not a risk taker in my 20's and 30's but with a bit more maturity I learned to trust my instincts and learned to quiet my fears and listen to the wisdom from inside myself "Leap and the net will appear!"  is what I heard.  

Maybe you are hearing the same thing?  Then you should leap!  Or are you hearing just the opposite?  Only you can really say for sure.

Oh, if you and your UK partner marry you will be eligible for NHS.  Who knows if it will be around in 5 or 10 years but who knows what will be available to you in the US in that time as well?

Haven't you heard?  50 is the new 40! 

.I am curious to know if any of you, if given the chance for a do-over, if you would have preferred your partner to live in the States with you?

 I'm torn because I want this woman but I want her in America. I was able to convince her to stay in America longer than she wanted but now the shoe in on the other foot and she is now in the UK waiting on me.

To set the scene for the op, I did not move to the uk for a spouse. I wanted to try living in the uk and used work as a means to make that happened. I met my husband after living in the uk for a few years. To answer one of your earlier questions, yes, I would live in the uk even if husband weren't around.

On your question of do-over, my husband and I have done both. We are now living in the us for a couple of years after living in the uk. I can say without any doubt, we both prefer the  uk. We prefer the NHS, the work culture, the politics, attitudes, work-life balance, etc. We will definitely be moving back.

And on your last point above, when husband and I were dating, I actually told him that he had to live in the us with me one day. Not because I preferred the us but I knew I would need to return for family obligations at some point. I certainly didn't want a marriage where my husband would be at odds with those obligations if he refused to move. Also there is some difficulty in being an expat and I thought it was important for my husband to have the shoe be on his foot for once. If my husband had refused to consider living in the us, it would have been a deal breaker. I would have thought that to be a horribly selfish decision on his part.

Hiya Overheadsmash,

I just wanted to say I am a middle aged gal myself. I met my husband online when I just turned 40 years old. We spent three years talking online. I met him in person for the first time when I was 43. I moved here permanently when I was 44 and we married a month after that. I am now 45, and have lived here permanently for 14 months and have spent a total of about 20 months in England.

 << worth it despite any anti americanism?>>

I have had a lot of teasing from DH's friends and neighbors, but just that - teasing. I tease them too. I don't recall experiencing any anti-Americanism on the streets or in town. In fact it's been rather the opposite - people want to know where I'm from, why I moved here, if I like it here, etc.  Some guy in town cracks up when I say "water" ("wooder"). My neighbors even wished me a happy 4th of July.

<< Do you feel the culture is at times too different>>

All the walking really threw me for a loop when I first arrived. But to be fair, I was recuperating from an accident and walking for any length of time was extremely tiring to me. I am far better than I was two years ago, and find it really nice to be able to walk to town and the shops.  I'm not a fan of the big drinking culture, but that's fine. I just don't participate. I do feel when I am out on a Friday or Saturday evening, that I am on a university campus in the states. Besides that, I don't really feel that the culture is too different. However, I do scratch my head why they don't put closets in their houses, then have to take up precious floor space with wardrobes.

<< or the system of government too intrusive>>

I have not experienced this, with the exception of one thing. I absolutely hate being interrogated at the chemist when I try to buy something behind the counter. It's embarrassing having to answer personal questions when people are stood directly behind you. That, and the limit on buying products that contain ibuprofen or paracetamol really bugs me. I think the NHS is fabulous, although my experience with it is limited.

<<, or are there times when you just miss living in the usa a familar place?>>

Just sometimes. I lived 1,100 miles away from my family and most of my friends for 10 years prior to moving to England, so I'm used to being away from them. But as far as being "familiar", where I live now is quite familiar as I spent a lot of time walking around and exploring. I sometimes think I know it better than I ever did the place I lived in the US for 10 years. That is because I *walk* here, and take the time to explore and really look at things.

<< Do you have to change who you are to fit in?>>

No. My husband wants me to "stay American", or as American as I can. But I don't mind adapting. I adapt for things that don't matter much to me. I think adapting is important, as well as keeping your sense of self.  It is easy to do/be both.

<< Do you avoid letting people hear your voice for fear they will notice that you are American? >>

Never. If they don't like me/my accent/the fact that I'm American, well, they don't have to talk to me.

<<I think many of us romanticize what it'll be like to live on foreign shores but actually moving there and going through the daily routines can often be far more different than our expectations.>>

Quite true. Through our online courtship, my now DH and I spent 1,000's of hours discussing day-to-day life and routines, down to the tiniest detail. (We spoke on average of 3 hours a day.) So very, very little was a surprise to me when I got here. I also made 4 long trips to the UK (lasting from 4 to 7 weeks each time), so I truly got a sense of the place. I wasn't "on vacation/holiday", I was living the every day life with my soon-to-be hubby. Although we did take a lot of day trips to various places, many days of course were just spent at home or in the neighborhood, shopping for food, doing laundry, cooking, etc.

<< If you were'nt married to a brit or working there,would you want to live in the UK and why?>>

Sure, if I knew people here. I wouldn't have moved all by myself without knowing someone.  I'd be very lonely.

As far as the no-outlets-in-the-bathroom goes, well, I never used one in the States either. I have always had a set up similar to Cheesebiscuit. I prefer to do my hair and makeup sitting at a dressing table.

I don't think you'll know for sure until you've spent considerable time here. Some things that might drive you crazy may not bother me, and vice versa. Some things may be deal-breakers for you and not for others. But I truly think it is very similar to the USA, and just different enough to make it interesting.

Thank you Fallgal and everyone taking the time to help out a fellow potential world traveler. Your entire post caught my eye and I learned from it but what really seem to soothe some of my anxieties is this....." But I truly think it is very similar to the USA, and just different enough to make it interesting"
Might sound silly but there is a part of me that hope this in some small part is correct. I hope if I can get past my reservations about this potential move, I can buy a round of drinks and meet many of you.

honestly no matter where one lives in this world there are going to be good and bad points..........no place is perfect........its nice having NHS here but there is much room for improvement and the same applies for back home...we have great health care but we pay out the rear for it and that needs to change..........i love and miss my home in america terribly........some people love it here and some dont......some have problems and some dont.......i personally hear anti-american comments from more americans than i do brits........they are very nice to me just as i am to them......if i could choose where to live........i would go back home and eventually i will go back.......there is no way for you to know how you will feel until you come here and try..........my advice........keep your things in america......come here and live for awhile......make sure its the place for you first

To set the scene for the op, I did not move to the uk for a spouse. I wanted to try living in the uk and used work as a means to make that happened. I met my husband after living in the uk for a few years. To answer one of your earlier questions, yes, I would live in the uk even if husband weren't around.

On your question of do-over, my husband and I have done both. We are now living in the us for a couple of years after living in the uk. I can say without any doubt, we both prefer the  uk. We prefer the NHS, the work culture, the politics, attitudes, work-life balance, etc. We will definitely be moving back.

And on your last point above, when husband and I were dating, I actually told him that he had to live in the us with me one day. Not because I preferred the us but I knew I would need to return for family obligations at some point. I certainly didn't want a marriage where my husband would be at odds with those obligations if he refused to move. Also there is some difficulty in being an expat and I thought it was important for my husband to have the shoe be on his foot for once. If my husband had refused to consider living in the us, it would have been a deal breaker. I would have thought that to be a horribly selfish decision on his part.

Bookgrl,Andee,Camo and sara thank you one and all. Some really good feedback. Of course we don't all perform and work in the same job functions but I'm curious to know if your earning potential has diminished by moving to the UK? If I were to go forward with the move to the UK a career change might be necessary. I wonder if any of you experienced such a change?

I'm curious to know if your earning potential has denished by moving to the UK? If I were to go forward with the move to the UK a career change might be necessary. I wonder if any of you experienced such a change?

I work in television.  I was in New York City, and moved to London, and since both of them are big cities for media/television, it hasn't hurt my income at all.  I make about the same amount of money in the UK as I did in the US.  Different things cost different amounts of money in each place, but generally speaking I'd have a comfortable life in either place.

Now if my wife was from somewhere in the UK that was far from any major television production, and was adamant about living there, it might be a different story.

I love my life here, so I am definitely in the "worth it" camp, but I wanted to second/third the comment about location being important, not just for house prices, actually. I moved from San Diego, land of the impossibly expensive, to Manchester (aka "ooop North" according to my soft London friends ).  We are looking at houses, as are many people in our group of friends, and my husband and I will be able to buy a LOT more house for our money than our friends down south. A lot. And, in addition to that, many of our other costs our lower as well... We are lucky because we both work for a large university, and thus are paid reasonably well, and can take advantage of all of the opportunities here. 
The UK may not be a huge country, but it is a varied one, I think, and one bit of it may be more "right" for you than another.  My husband and I have spoken about moving down south, but I doubt we ever will. We absolutely love Manchester.
I did take an earnings hit, strictly by the numbers, when I moved here.  But, if you include the NHS (I had to pay for my health insurance out of my salary) and if you look at cost-of-living, I have actually come out ahead.  It is not a strict numbers game. Now, both my husband and I could probably be earning at least 30% more somewhere else (the US or elsewhere), but we wouldn't have the same quality of life.

I love my life here, so I am definitely in the "worth it" camp, but I wanted to second/third the comment about location being important, not just for house prices, actually. I moved from San Diego, land of the impossibly expensive, to Manchester (aka "ooop North" according to my soft London friends ).  We are looking at houses, as are many people in our group of friends, and my husband and I will be able to buy a LOT more house for our money than our friends down south. A lot. And, in addition to that, many of our other costs our lower as well... We are lucky because we both work for a large university, and thus are paid reasonably well, and can take advantage of all of the opportunities here. 
The UK may not be a huge country, but it is a varied one, I think, and one bit of it may be more "right" for you than another.  My husband and I have spoken about moving down south, but I doubt we ever will. We absolutely love Manchester.
I did take an earnings hit, strictly by the numbers, when I moved here.  But, if you include the NHS (I had to pay for my health insurance out of my salary) and if you look at cost-of-living, I have actually come out ahead.  It is not a strict numbers game. Now, both my husband and I could probably be earning at least 30% more somewhere else (the US or elsewhere), but we wouldn't have the same quality of life.

Agreed on the location front, I am also in Manchester and I feel it's not too dissimilar to where I am from in NY, all the mod cons, Good shopping and transport links, all of which is important to me, and life here is really easy. I have lived in London and found things much more difficult, especially in the meeting people front.  We feel our money goes further and I was able to give up work to stay at home with the kids, which for me, right now is perfect.

Bookgrl,Andee,Camo and sara thank you one and all. Some really good feedback. Of course we don't all perform and work in the same job functions but I'm curious to know if your earning potential has diminished by moving to the UK? If I were to go forward with the move to the UK a career change might be necessary. I wonder if any of you experienced such a change?

I lived in London but now live in a smaller US city (about 2 million).  My salary and career prospects are better in London though that isn't entirely surprising.  I can't really move to many smaller UK cities because my job is internationally focussed.

THIS. My fiance and I had a huge talk about this. I asked him why it was okay that there were plugs in the kitchen, near the stove top and near the sink where water can be splashed into them. He claimed they were far enough away from the water areas.

Apparently the no outlet in the bathroom argument is "what if the bathroom floods?" All the shaver plugs in the bathroom that I have ever seen are about 4-5 feet from the floor.
What are the chances that the bathroom will flood 4 feet high?

It's also common sense not to put a blow dryer or electric tool into a filled sink or bath tub.

So I when I go to the UK, I'm blowdrying and straightening my hair while sitting on the ground, in front of a mirror because there are no outlets in the bathroom and we don't have vanity. It's uncomfortable. It is going to drive me crazy 

I think it's more down to wet hands and the amount of steam in the bathroom as opposed to the kitchen. Having been brought up here we don't really think of it and when I go to the states I'm usually shocked (not literally!) by the light switches and sockets.
But you could do what DW does.....we have a drawer unit in the bathroom and she has an extension cable on top of there that runs to an outlet close to the bathroom....so she can use her dryer/straighteners. We do (or mainly me) make sure it's unplugged when not in use though!

I love my life here, so I am definitely in the "worth it" camp, but I wanted to second/third the comment about location being important, not just for house prices, actually. I moved from San Diego, land of the impossibly expensive, to Manchester (aka "ooop North" according to my soft London friends ).  We are looking at houses, as are many people in our group of friends, and my husband and I will be able to buy a LOT more house for our money than our friends down south. A lot. And, in addition to that, many of our other costs our lower as well... We are lucky because we both work for a large university, and thus are paid reasonably well, and can take advantage of all of the opportunities here. 
The UK may not be a huge country, but it is a varied one, I think, and one bit of it may be more "right" for you than another.  My husband and I have spoken about moving down south, but I doubt we ever will. We absolutely love Manchester.
I did take an earnings hit, strictly by the numbers, when I moved here.  But, if you include the NHS (I had to pay for my health insurance out of my salary) and if you look at cost-of-living, I have actually come out ahead.  It is not a strict numbers game. Now, both my husband and I could probably be earning at least 30% more somewhere else (the US or elsewhere), but we wouldn't have the same quality of life.

Manchester is where my woman lives near her family and if I move to the UK chances are we will locate somewhere between Manchester and the city called Leeds. Don't know much about them but I do like the idea of being near a good size city but not living directly in it and avoiding the hustle and bustle of city life.