LDR-Can it really happen, advice?

I imagine quite a few of you have endured the LDR. I have come into a situation where this may very well be a possibility.  One day I was browsing through a dating site and set my search to the UK in a town I had been to before and where my brother lived with his family for a few years. I can't say I was too sure I would actually meet anyone there as my being from the states obviously caused suspicion with some and then the normal chat and see how we feel thing. This all happened just before Christmas. Well I have chatted to some off and on, but one of the first who responded to me has stood out and we have been chatting online, by phone and through Skype ever since. We are not being silly and pretending to be "in love" but we are very interested in meeting in person. He has decided to come for a visit this summer and see how we get on. He works 2-3 weeks on and then is off 2-3 weeks so he will probably be able to stay 2-3 weeks when he does come over. First off, are we being unrealistic in even trying? Second, if anyone else has done this, how do you host a person that is coming that far to see you? I am nervous and I am sure he is to that what if we do not fancy one another? I still want him to enjoy his visit. Anyone have experience with this? We have talked about that if we get on, the I would come visit him next. We are both divorced for about the same amount of time (2 years). So if after that things progress, what advice do you all have or what are your experiences? Can it really work? We have touched on the subject of What If.....I think either of us would be willing to relocate for the other if they were the right one. I think it would be easier for me to go there. He has a child with his ex wife in The Netherlands so I would imagine that it would be helpful for him to be closer. I have no children hence why it would be easier for me. I am definitely not jumping into the deep end without knowing how to swim, but international dating is a new concept for me. Exciting and a bit scarey at the same time. Would love to hear some stories and ideas on how to progress with this. Thanks!

An LDR always requires alot of time and effort but they are so rewarding. I've been with my fiance' 2yrs with a 4 thousand mile distance. I had known him for years but I didn't bother booking a hotel on my first visit, I just stayed with him. And it really made our relationship more solid. It's a bit of a risk since you never know if you'll hit it off, but when you stay with some one right off you get to know them more intimately.

It's not hard hosting some one, just make sure he has the right paperwork, ie: return ticket, and address he's staying at and such. Show him where you're from, tourists sights, off the beaten path places. Make an adventure of it
One thing i learned is, don't force feelings. Everything will naturally fall into place.

Well that makes me feel a bit better. Thanks Kisemt. And congrats on your relationship. I definitely will not be forcing anything as I have been down the marriage road before. But taking a leap of faith here and seeing what will happen. He and I are both a little reserved but feel like we are both wanting the same things and are just waiting for the real life meeting to see how things fall into place. I did wonder that if we got on well, when I went there if it would be proper to stay with him. That does not mean yay or nay as far as the intimacy thing goes. I always believe that will happen when the time is right and is mutual between both people. He does not come across that way and has never crossed the line in saying or insinuating anything of that sort.
So are you moving to the UK? That should be interesting.

The boy came and stayed with me, after we'd been chatting about 9 months, I knew that we wouldn't *hate* each other, but figured if we just got along as friends, he could sleep on the sofa and we'd just do friendly tourist things like go to museums.

He came here twice more, I went there once, then he took a leap of faith and moved over for Uni, moving straight in with me, again, we both sort of went "well if it doesn't work out, he can move out and keep going to uni" 

5.5 years later, we're celebrating 2 years of marriage in July and very settled in London

We had been chatting for 8 months....and stayed in a B&B when he first came to NH to visit. It was a leap of faith! 2 years later, in the same B&B in the same room we first stayed in, he proposed. It was a long hard road...but so worth it in the end!

We emailed & chatted 3 months before he came to meet me in the US for a week's holiday. I booked a nearby hotel (beach resort - I lived on the Gulf Coast of Florida) - with the options that we could stay there together, or he could stay there & I could stay at my apartment. Spent the week 24/7 together.

I came to visit him in the UK 3 times that year - the last an extended 4 week visit over Christmas & New Years. He visited me in the US a total of 3 times as well - the last time was helping me move to the UK.

At about a year after we first met face to face, we made the decision to get married & have me relocate here. I was 39 then & he was 34 - didn't see the point of dragging out the LDR over a long time - we wanted to be together.

I've lived here nearly 9 years now - we've been happily married 8 1/2 years today. Our 9 year anniversary is Aug 14 this year.

Well this is all very encouraging. Maybe I am over worrying. I tend to go to the over cautious side and maybe it's just time to relax and let things happen naturally. I am getting more excited now.

I've always been amazed at you folks who did the intercountry relationship with people you met off the world-wide-interweb. Kudos from me!!  I've always found it hard enough to meet someone in the same location for a date! 

That said though ,I've not had difficulties in meeting anyone off forums in real life -though I never travelled to a new country to meet them!  (Well does going to England from Scotland count?  )

Well does going to England from Scotland count?

Yes! You met me & I wasn't a freak, much.

I do think LDRs depend a lot on the individuals. In DH's & my case, by the time we actually met, we'd written our little hearts out getting to know all about each other - and we were honest. So by the time we met face to face, we knew sooooooo much more about each other than you would going on a date for the first time with someone a person might meet locally. It was a completely different dynamic in that respect. If we hadn't taken the time doing that first & laying the friendship groundwork, I doubt either of us would have bothered with the international LDR. And we left it open for when we did meet - if we didn't click, we'd agreed to just be friends.

I met my husband on Elton John's website. We shared the same tastes in music and writing, but most of all enjoyed the same type of humor.  After about 4 months of writing novel-length emails to each other and talking on the phone, we knew we felt deeply about each other and wanted to meet. It took a long time to meet, as I had been in a bad accident and couldn't travel, and he was a single parent will full custody, running a home business, so it would have been very hard for him to travel as well. We had an LDR for nearly 3 years in total before we met. When we did, it was like we were best friends who had known each other all our lives. Not only were we in love, but tens of thousands of emails and phone conversations, we already felt extremely comfortable with each other. He proposed a few months later at an Elton John concert, and we've been married for 16 months now.

LDRs can be difficult. The distance and time apart will try your patience again and again. You really have to make an effort to make them work, to be upbeat and positive and creative. You also have to have a life of your own - work to do, interests and friends and family to spend time with, and not wait by the phone/computer all the time. For me it was an easy decision to move here. He has a son and I have no children. Every situation is different and some may have a harder time deciding who has to make the move if it comes to that. But oh yes, they definitely can work.

Yes! You met me & I wasn't a freak, much.

Heheheh, you had to meet me though. And I'm scary!!!   

This is my first foray (sp?) into posting here on this site. It looks as though if it does turn out for the best, I will surely have a lot of people who have done this before to ask many questions too. And you apparently look like a close knit group. 

So who is scarey and why......

This is my first foray (sp?) into posting here on this site. It looks as though if it does turn out for the best, I will surely have a lot of people who have done this before to ask many questions too.

Oh yeah, you're not alone. There's tons and tons tons of threads if you go back and start reading  historical ones.  Many have been before you on here and I'm sure in a few years time, you'll be able to offer your assistance as well 

Oh, it can definitely work, and work well. As others have said you tend to know so much more about someone when all you can do before meeting it talk.
I met my husband on the internet in 1998. Back then meeting new romances on the internet was a scary thing and I was warned from every direction not to do it, that it's just looking for trouble. Almost 15 years later and all I can say is look at it now!

Anyway, we met, I was on the west coast of the US and he was in Sweden (4,600 miles away), we talked for 4 months before he came to the US for the first meet, he stayed 4 weeks and we did a lot of traveling around together and a really got to know one another. That first trip was hardly romantic and looking back I am glad it all happened the way it did.
He came again 2 months later for Christmas for 2 weeks, then I went to Sweden for 2 weeks in Feb. And then again in April but stayed for the whole summer, at which point he came back to the US with us for a couple weeks then flew home to quit his job, pack up and move to the US. We have been married 13 years- our first child together was born 9 months to the day after our wedding. 
For us, I was newly divorced with 2 young kids when we met so it was best for us to start out our lives in the US. But I can assure you LDR do work, it takes effort, patience, compromise and a deep desire to make it work once you decide there is something there. 

Thanks BeccaRose I guess we will find out this summer if it will or not. Either way, it should be a good experience whether we fall for one another or just become friends. We have done as everyone else.....talk daily. First it was messages and then when he was home from work we'd talk by phone. Then I introduced him to Skype. He is not that much into all the tech stuff. He said a friend is the one who told him about POF (yes, thats where we met). And he said he would not have even known it existed if the friend had not told him about it. And he did not know what SKype was until I told him. It's cute But anyway, fingers crossed that the face to face meeting goes well.