My little guy was snubbed at school by a parent!

My 5 yr old son goes to a very nice little school here, and gets along well with everyone. However, the school is located near (or possibly in) an estate (I'm really sorry, all these connected houses look alike to me, I can't tell whether they're council houses or not!) and all the moms are SO clique-y!

I've worked hard to be nice and friendly to everyone without trying to be intrusive. But we live in a nice converted Victorian on the seafront, and we're American, and we ride our bikes to his school instead of walking over from just down the street, etc...

So we don't really fit in well.

To make a long story short, this morning in the playground before the bell rang, one of my son's little classmates ran up to him and told him all about the birthday party he's having this coming weekend, and told my son, "Can you come to it?" Of course he said yes, then the kid ran over to his mom who was hanging out with her group of mom-friends and asked where my son's invitation was.

She had a handful of them in her hand, and she quickly looked over at me and put them in her pocket and told her son off for broadcasting his private party all over the school yard to people who weren't invited.

Then she went around and personally handed out invitations to a lot of my son's classmates, right in front of him (and me).

I think I'm more upset than he is, but still, what a b*tch! My son is engaging and outgoing and all his classmates love playing with him. I've extended invitations to their parents (we live right next to a sheltered cove with a lovely beach and a playground/park), but only a few have ever made the effort to be friendly to us.

It really pisses me off

I'm so sorry that happened.

Perhaps they are not the sort of people you want to associate with anyway?

Maybe have a party at your home, and invite everyone? This way, the parents will get to know you, and the kids will get to know your son better.

I'm so sorry that happened.

Perhaps they are not the sort of people you want to associate with anyway?

Maybe have a party at your home, and invite everyone? This way, the parents will get to know you, and the kids will get to know your son better.

Thanks for your advice, Lara.

I know what you're saying, as far as them not being the type of people we'd want to associate with. However I want my son to not feel like a social pariah just because these parents are feeling clannish.

I like your idea of a party. We're actually thinking of having all his classmates over for a beach/birthday party for him in June. He's been going to this school for over 1 1/2 years now, so the kids are all pretty friendly with him. It's just the parents that seem to need some training in the social graces.

We are by no means wealthy (in fact both of us are unemployed and scrambling for work right now, and eking out our savings). We just didn't grow up on that estate, and I probably come across as a real foreigner, and don't go get wasted at the pubs or social clubs every weekend, or watch Corrie etc....

I just don't want my little boy to feel left out, and I feel like they're acting like snooty high school girls

(I'm really sorry, all these connected houses look alike to me, I can't tell whether they're council houses or not!)

But we live in a nice converted Victorian on the seafront, and we're American,

we live right next to a sheltered cove with a lovely beach and a playground/park

Could you, in some teensy way, be giving off a vibe that you think you are above these (perhaps) council house moms? 

Sorry that happened to you--

I've not had the same thing happen as such but I have noticed that DD(almost 5)  doesn't seem to get invited to a ton of parties either.  I do talk to a small number of parents but after seeing the same ones for 1 1/2 years I still do feel like an outsider too.  We've invited lots over and she seems popular on the playground but the invites rarely get reciprocated.  For example she's had one of her classmates over at least 5 or 6 times since Sept and has never been invited to their house to play. 

I don't have any advice really just wanted to let you know you are probably not alone and maybe just keep trying to be friendly and open to the others and hopefully they will come around.

Could you, in some teensy way, be giving off a vibe that you think you are above these (perhaps) council house moms? 

No, I give off the vibe that we're flat-broke and very fortunate to be staying in my husband's uncle's house at a vastly reduced rent (I've let people know I'm looking for a job, and that there's no way we could ever have afforded to live right on the seafront without family help).

I think I would be snubbed even if we were living in a council flat, frankly.

I think that some people are intimidated by what they don't know - you're an unknown quantity because you are American, and are perceived to be "different".

Its a difficult situation, we encountered the same in the UK when we moved from North to South: different accent = treated with suspicion. To try to fit in I got involved with the PTA, and volunteered to teach baking in my daughter's class which somewhat broke the ice. It was a hard slog though, and if you're from outside the local area you will probably find its an uphill battle. I would add that when we moved to the US from the south of England I just didn't bother to try to fit in, and we became a very tight family unit. The kids made friends at school but we, the parents, made friends amongst the expat community.