Feeling a bit lonely. How do you make friends here?

I have found that my days can get quite lonely during the week.  I am unsure how to go about meeting friends and have heard it is difficult to do in the UK.  At this point I am only here for 5 months visiting my boyfriend who works M-F during the day. I am at home alone while he is gone and would love to be able to make friends to have lunch or coffee with, go shopping, or sight seeing.  I am just unsure how to go about meeting people.  I am somewhat shy at taking initiative but once I do I am very outgoing.  I am 33 years old staying in Croxley Green, Rickmansworth just on the northwest corner of London area.  I am close to the tube station so can easily get into central London.  Since I will be movong to the UK permanently in the future I feel now is a good time to start building a base of friends. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

I live on the island of Guernsey and it is very, very difficult making friends here. I've been here for six months and the only friends I have so far are the wives/girlfriends of my husband's friends, whom I don't have that much in common with. I grew up poor and was goth/punk a majority of my life and none of them have the same experiences I have had. All of the people have known each other for years and years and I always feel like the person left out of things because I don't understand their jokes, etc... Plus, on top of all of that this is a very conservative place and anybody who looks or acts differently sticks out like a sore thumb.

What I'm trying to say is that I get you. Right now I'm looking for a job so hopefully things will change soon. You have the advantage of being close to London.  I know that some of the museums have talks,etc..., that you could go to. You might be able to meet people with common interests at things like that.

Regardless of where you are, it's tough to make friends as an adult - particularly if you're not working and don't have children. Oregongirl is right - the best way I've found is to look for people with common interests to yours. There are tons of things to do in London; it just might take some searching.

This thread, an oldie but goodie, might help.

There's also Meetup which is bound to have some events in your area.

The main thing is to just put yourself out there. You can't be shy and wait for people to come to you; they already have friends, so they won't. You're the one who has to make the effort. For a lot of people that's a daunting prospect, but it's the best way.

Good luck!  

Put yourself out there which, in my case, means signing up for lots of activities and just seeing what happens.

For example, if you like to exercise, here is a list of keep fit activities: http://www.hertswellbeing.com/subcategory.php?subcatid=30&catid=30 and http://www.threerivers.gov.uk/Default.aspx/Web/SportHealth

I think its hard to make friends anywhere you move, particularly when you're in a new country, so good luck.

Depending on your interests, you could join a Women's Institute (the ones in East London tend to have a younger crowd), a book club or art/skills classes. The library is great for finding information about different groups. You can also take up volunteering, whether in local causes or larger events. There are also a large amount of London based local blogs that tell you about walking tours, gatherings and other events that can lead to meeting people with common events. You'd be surprised how well it works, I went to a feminist conference last year and met people that I now do projects with! It's not hard to make friends with British people, it's just that they tend not to be overly enthusiastic about making lots of acquaintances. Once you're here permanently and able to work and become a local, it will be easier to form stronger bonds.

Volunteering is cool, but if you're on a visitor visa (like OP) or fiance visa, you're not allowed to work- paid or unpaid- which includes volunteering.   

Do you have a hobby you could indulge? I think hobbies (and jobs) tend to be the places where we meet the most people as adults. I've been here since early 2009, and I've now got a load of horseback riding oriented friends and a few from work as well. My husband also has an amazing group of friends, so I was lucky there.

It will take awhile, but if you are somewhere where you have a common interest, then I think it's much easier!

Thank you everyone for your great suggestions.  I live really close to the library so I will try to go in search of local events and groups.  My boyfriend has a great group of friends some who have significant others. Also I enjoy hanging out with older people as well so I think that won't be an issue in this village.  I have met several of his parents' friends who have invited me for tea which would be nice.  We also just moved into a large detached house with is huge gorgeous back garden so I may take up gardening? I just need to find the courage to be proactive about finding friends and things to do.  I would love to make some American friends as well.  Does anyone know if there is a group or way to connect with fellow Americans?

Volunteering is cool, but if you're on a visitor visa (like OP) or fiance visa, you're not allowed to work- paid or unpaid- which includes volunteering.   

Does this count for local events like carnivals or one off things like conferences or festivals? They're not work, really, more like community outreach.

Thank you everyone for your great suggestions.  I live really close to the library so I will try to go in search of local events and groups.  My boyfriend has a great group of friends some who have significant others. Also I enjoy hanging out with older people as well so I think that won't be an issue in this village.  I have met several of his parents' friends who have invited me for tea which would be nice.  We also just moved into a large detached house with is huge gorgeous back garden so I may take up gardening? I just need to find the courage to be proactive about finding friends and things to do.  I would love to make some American friends as well.  Does anyone know if there is a group or way to connect with fellow Americans?

I can't help with groups, I'm afraid. Just wanted to say that gardening is a great idea (though the weather is unseasonably crap right now, unfortunately). My husband and I created a veg garden a few years ago and we're still getting things like potatoes without having to replant anything. You'll have to protect your seedlings from cats, slugs and foxes though (if your area is anything like mine). Carrots, tomatoes, broccoli and cabbage are all pretty easy to grow in my experience, peppers and chilies less so.

Does this count for local events like carnivals or one off things like conferences or festivals? They're not work, really, more like community outreach.

This is one of those "how long is a piece of string" questions. The strict answer is it counts for everything. Community outreach or not, they want you being a tourist and nothing else.

I just wanted to say you are definitely not alone. I did a similar thing last summer where I came over to visit my then boyfriend(now husband) for 3 months. It was certainly lonely and boring at times. Now I am living here and just received my FLR and I am looking for work, and it's just as lonely and boring. My husband also works M-F, so I only have him around in the evenings and on the weekends. I do get very discouraged sometimes, I feel a bit worthless, sitting in the house all day, everyday. I can only walk into town so many times and browse the same stores. I don't have friends here, or anything to do really. Someone jokingly said I was a lonely housewife, and it's not that far from the truth  . People tell me I should try to do activities or social groups but honestly, there is not a lot to do in this town.

If you are close to London, I would definitely say try to explore some of London! I live near Oxford and I have taken the train sometimes by myself, just to get out of town and a change of scenery.

Do you do exercise? You could try to join a yoga or pilates class. I joined a gym when I was here last summer and while I didn't meet anyone there, it did help me get out of the house and be less lazy.

I just wanted to say you are definitely not alone. I did a similar thing last summer where I came over to visit my then boyfriend(now husband) for 3 months. It was certainly lonely and boring at times. Now I am living here and just received my FLR and I am looking for work, and it's just as lonely and boring. My husband also works M-F, so I only have him around in the evenings and on the weekends. I do get very discouraged sometimes, I feel a bit worthless, sitting in the house all day, everyday. I can only walk into town so many times and browse the same stores. I don't have friends here, or anything to do really. Someone jokingly said I was a lonely housewife, and it's not that far from the truth  . People tell me I should try to do activities or social groups but honestly, there is not a lot to do in this town.

You took the words right out of my mouth!  Sounds like you went through and going through a similar situation.  If you are interested in maybe meeting up for coffee or lunch sometime message me!  I dont think we are that far from eachother!

Does this count for local events like carnivals or one off things like conferences or festivals? They're not work, really, more like community outreach.

Best to not do them. I was sent home while I was trying to visit the UK my first time for thinking about going to and assisting with a festival. UKBA do not like people here doing anything. They think that if you're here as a tourist, you should be spending money, nothing more unfortunately.

As for the other things, I agree with everything that everyone has said. I've been here a year in 6 days (wow!) on my spouse visa. Although I can legally work, my depression is keeping me from holding a steady job, so until it's under control I'm not working. The best way I found to meet people was to join my local gym. I need to get in shape and lose weight anyway, and the staff there and members are all nice and do want to become friends with people, especially those that attend fitness classes.

I defiinately understand how you feel!! I've been in England for a few years now and I am still trying to meet people! I musst admit that I am shy at first meeting people but i do tend to open up quite quickly once I get over the first hurdle! I try to make it up to London whenever the weather is nice as I live in West Sussex and like to get out when I can. I am 28 yrs old and I have a little girl. I tend to feel a bit isolated as I don't encounter many Americans at all! I hope you this is a bit of a reassuarnce that we are here and we do struggle too.