Wedding and honeymoon and still can't be together

Yes, I agree with larrabee about everything but the cut your losses bit. I read your post and am very sad for you that things are not going well so early on. I know that LDR is a whole different beast than dealing with someone in person...actions speak louder than words and such...but you two shared a strong connection that resulted in marriage. I'm sure that many married couples here could comment on their experiences and give you advice on how they dealt with their differences long term. Don't give up, you guys fought for something special for so long with all the long distance, see if your wife would go to counseling with you? I'm sure a professional sees your exact situation regularly, and can give you both some unbiased tips on how to communicate better and resolve your disagreements.

And yes, just update the papers yourself, insert new documents, write the letter yourself....if your solicitor thinks that biometrics forwards the docs for you, wouldn't trust him though. I know it feels better to have a professional check things over (I know at times I debated about hiring one)....but yes, you have the hard part done (knowing what to submit and a template), updating it will be easy.

I'm a cynic as well, and if this were a regular relationship, I'd tell you to bail. But you have to step back and take a moment to be rational. Major life changes are stressful, even if they're fun/positive in the end, and the toll here is manyfold, with the prospects of a new marriage, actually living together, moving countries, giving up all that's familiar, losing a measure of independence, etc. Yes, it is a rough patch. But it'll remain a patch only if you get a grip on it now. Otherwise, it could turn into a rough ocean (or other large expanse, take your pick).

I'm moving for good in 10 days, and I realise my situation's different from yours in that London makes it easy to go out and do things and I've got established London friends (who aren't my husband's) across a wide variety of my hobbies and interests, but that doesn't mean I'm not feeling the effects. I've improved at spotting when I'm coming down with a nasty case of the overwhelms, which means I can say to the Gentleman Husband, "Dude, cancel tonight's Skype date, I need to lie on the sofa like a slug and watch horror movies instead." It prevents my snapping at him over something innocuous just because I'm feeling more than my customary two emotions and don't know how to handle it. We're being extra-flexible these days because it's such a high-stress time and because we'll be together soon enough (also we exchange a lot of rapid-fire emails during the day).

Take some time to cool down, then step back from the trees a few dozen paces so you can see the forest. Have a conversation with the knowledge that you're BOTH experiencing major life changes or the prospects thereof — and, importantly, that one person's stress isn't any bigger than the other's, it's just DIFFERENT. Otherwise you get into a cycle of one person feeling guilty that his/hers isn't as "big," so he/she "shouldn't" be so stressed. Bollocks to that. In a normal relationship, you get to deal with this stuff gradually, in an LDR the haymaker of change lands right in your faces. Repeatedly.

Better to just admit going in that you're both on the mat right now, then take a deep breath and say, "OK, how can we best support each other in our stresses, and what — realistically, rationally, honestly — is the best place/situation for us, as partners in life, a year from now?"

Aaaaaand ... end unsolicited advisory ramblings.

Good Lord!!!
When I used to visit my parents in the UK twice a year, I wouldn't go for less than three weeks as "it wasn't worth it." Having said that, that might just have been an excuse to get the extra time off work!

The time difference made it feasible. Can't do that with coming back to the States. Looking forward to having enough time off to visit my parents AND have some holiday time to myself AND take holiday with the Gentleman Husband ... that whole minimum-of-four-weeks thing is blowing my mind.

... that whole minimum-of-four-weeks thing is blowing my mind.

?

Good Lord!!!
When I used to visit my parents in the UK twice a year, I wouldn't go for less than three weeks as "it wasn't worth it."

LOL... the last 2 times I went to the US to visit family, I went for 4 days, as that's the most I could tolerate!

... that whole minimum-of-four-weeks thing is blowing my mind.

Oh, it just dawned on me. All the time off in the UK, right?
In my first, well, only UK job, I walked straight into what amounted to 7 weeks off.
5 weeks and 10 public holidays!

?

In the UK, you get a minimum of four weeks' PAID HOLIDAY. My experience is that you get two weeks in the US, but you aren't actually allowed to use it, because your company will pull it from you at the last second or give you so much work the last day that you can't leave. I'm a very hard-working sort, but the blood-from-a-stone attitude of US employers is untenable to me.

Oh, it just dawned on me. All the time off in the UK, right?
In my first, well, only UK job, I walked straight into what amounted to 7 weeks off.
5 weeks and 10 public holidays!

Yes, THAT. Cannot wrap my head around it. In the US, it's a badge of honour to not use your holiday time. I'm a bit over that after 16 years of working in my career.

LOL... the last 2 times I went to the US to visit family, I went for 4 days, as that's the most I could tolerate!

Always depends on the family members ... I'll just say I'm glad my father refuses to fly internationally, so visits in the UK will be mum-only.

In the UK, you get a minimum of four weeks' PAID HOLIDAY. My experience is that you get two weeks in the US, but you aren't actually allowed to use it, because your company will pull it from you at the last second or give you so much work the last day that you can't leave. I'm a very hard-working sort, but the blood-from-a-stone attitude of US employers is untenable to me.

When I first heard about the 2 weeks holiday in the US situation, I couldn't believe it!
I  ended taking a lot of unpaid leave though, with the attitude that if my employers at the time didn't like it, then they could just find someone else to do the job.
It meant too much to me to come home when I did.

When I first heard about the 2 weeks holiday in the US situation, I couldn't believe it!
I  ended taking a lot of unpaid leave though, with the attitude that if my employers at the time didn't like it, then they could just find someone else to do the job.
It meant too much to me to come home when I did.

I like your attitude!

When I first heard about the 2 weeks holiday in the US situation, I couldn't believe it!

I had a job in the US once where you got no paid holiday for the first year, one week the second and two weeks the third. That's not unheard of.

Thanks all for your comments. Things are not much better today. Separate bedrooms. No goodnight last night ( despite my invitation to talk about it) and she just left for work this morning without a word. Honestly, I have no prediction for what will occur later, if anything. IT could just be much of the same. This is the first time in my life (49 years of it)  that I have had a partner with this fighting style but I am trying to give her the space she obviously wants. That being said, my head hurts, my eyes ache from self soothing on my computer most of yesterday, and my heart, well, stunned into protective numbness.
I don't mean to use this venue as a therapy board but I tried to call my best friend back home last night and couldn't connect. I feel so isolated. IF I didn't think it would make things worse I would prefer to just leave and go home TODAY so that I could climb into my own bed, hold my chihuahua and have a good "think".
I have "been there, done that" before with some relationships that went pear shaped. I think we all have. I feel like the lovely woman that I married has left the building so to speak. In retrospect, there may have been some signs that were red flags if I could have dried my eyes long enough to see clearly. My mom was sick and her condition deteriorating over the last two years. Perhaps I was hanging onto the fairytale when reality was looming. I chalked it up to getting to know each other.
Disrespect aside, and yeah when one argues perhaps there is a good degree of that going on, I think that saying " EFF U" in the morning, apologizing for it in the afternoon and then saying " shut your "effen" mouth" in the evening of the same very day is unacceptable. I just wouldn't say that to someone I loved. I can't believe she said that to me. Am I being too unreasonable here? Like I said, she never talked to me like that before we were married. That would have been a deal breaker.
Ok enough droning on. As to the VACATION thing....I have worked for the state for 21 years and accrued a lot of time. Yes, I have taken plenty of vacation in the past but in the last two years of knowing her, I have virtually exhausted it. Been to the UK 9 times. She has come to the states 4 times. I think the two week thing in America is almost like slave labor. I love the UK vacation scheme. I have been lucky to be a government employee with all the benefits. I intend to stay that way until a proper retirement in 5 years.

I don't know about this "eff off" thing. It seems it can be either emotional abuse or just a way of drawing a line and saying "I'm too mad to talk anymore". It is a bit like a door slammer or the "let me out of the car" gambit - you are left sitting there wondering, "what the heck am I supposed to do now"? If you just drive off you look like an a hole....and if you creep along whining out the window you look like an a hole....

Counseling?

Thank you, Son, for your comments. Yesss, the "eff off" thing. I just don't say that to someone I love. Don't get me wrong, I have said it countless times to others. I am no goody two shoes. It hit an emotional nerve. My ex was very verbally abusive and my wife knows this is a sore spot for me. It's almost like a question of fighting fair. She pulled out a bazooka when she could have used a pocket knife.
At 49 I certainly know what loving behavior is and is not. I could never leave my wife hurting in another room and just go to bed like she doesn't exist or matter.
One of the reasons I fell in love with my wife was that she told me that she would be gentle with my heart. I don't know what to make of that now. Perhaps it was the proviso "as long as I am not mad at you" that I missed.
Counseling? I am open to it. I am not sure she would be but I am going to ask.
And I think that is prudent, perhaps even vital if we are still planning on making a go of it.

It's almost like a question of fighting fair. She pulled out a bazooka when she could have used a pocket knife.

Well you know, if you are in a fight and you have a bazooka and the other guy has a knife the temptation will be great to blast away.

Perhaps this lingo is an indication of the difference in the way people view disagreements. At the risk of bringing great wrath down.....perhaps men do have the tendency to approach these things from a win/lose perspective. It has been shown that women have much more developed communications-related brain functions; they are experiencing/processing things on a level above win/lose. Men have for ages dismissed this as a weakness - as illogical emotionalism - but it is perhaps the case that communications for females is just at a higher level.