Moving back to the UK

Anybody here move to the UL then back, but now wish they had never left the UK?
That's what I stupidly did. My husband loves it here, but all want to do it move back to my life in the UK.
It's going to end in divorce, I just know it.
I'm just so, so sad....

Aber, I don't think it is stupid at all. There are studies and things that show all sorts of psychological effects from the immigration process. It is something that is not mentioned nearly enough. Even here on the forum we seem to lump people into two easy categories - those who like moving (the ones who can hack it) and those who don't (weren't up to it). In reality it is much more complex.  And anyone you speak to about this who hasn't experienced it will have very little ability to understand.

Aber, did you get your citizenship before you left?

Aber, did you get your citizenship before you left?

Hopefully she did! Going by her posts, looks like she originally came over here via the Ancestry Visa route. 

I did. 6 months back in the US and we realized we made a mistake. A year and a half later, my husband is living back in the UK and I'm stuck here until February at earliest before we qualify for new spouse visa as I didn't get my ILR.

Here's a link to a thread about it...

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?topic=75768.0

Hi everyone, yes I did get my citizenship. My grandmother would be so proud.
I taught Textiles in high school in England. We are older than most of you guys, in our fifties. he retired early, and i just dropped working. I had a life there. What possessed me?
I'm old enough to know better...

I moved to Canada with my English husband after eight years in the UK because he wanted to live there. I warned him that I had no feeling of relation to Canada, and I stupidly went along with it because I wanted to give him something no one else could.

We moved to a little island off the coast of BC.(Cortes) We get twice the rainfall than London! I am so miserable, I can't even properly express it. The people are "alternative" types that I don't fit in with. There are no jobs here, AT ALL. There is no social life here especially in the winter, unless you count smoking pot.

 He works two weeks out of four , one week in the UK, and one in Vancouver. I get to sit in the wilderness and watch over the pets. I am alone in a tiny community where i just dont fit in. the nearest town takes two ferry rides and about three hours to get to.
He gets to see his friends and family. I get to watch daytime TV...
He says he can't understand why I am so miserable. He has really changed as well. He is no longer the sweet, caring husband I knew I the UK. He is being a hard a** about it.

I haven't even told him I want to go back. I'm telling him I want to be less isolated.
We are looking at moving to another island that has more people. But it is still pretty full of old hippys like the one I'm on now. So I'm not sure if it will do the trick.

It's been a year now, and I did go back to the UK in Sept. it was a revelation. I belong there. Plain and simple.
I don't want to leave him, but there might not be another way.
I'm beyond stir crazy, beyond cabin fever. I loathe this place.
I'm so, so sad. We had a great relationship, and a fun and interesting life. Now he has that plus his rugged individualist life. I have nothing.
I'm heartbroken.

@abercroft
I would feel miserable there too. I'm in a small rural Georgia town where the most exciting thing to do is eat at Red Lobster or go to a movie. Nearest metropolitan town 2 hours away. My family is here but I don't have any friends here. I'm working all the time so don't get to participate in the local ladies clubs (not particularly my thing anyway) to meet other women. Life's too short to be unhappy. I moved back to the US out of obligation to my parents and to my career. But what good is it if I'm not happy?

I loved England. I have always loved England since my first visit at 15.
I'm the stupidest old woman in the world...
I just wanted him to be happy, and. Forgot about me.
Stupid, stupid!

At least you have a restaurant to go to.
There is nothing like that here, except in the summer. Ad then there are ony two expensive places. Everything shuts down in the winter.
The grocery store is like a 7-11. I have to get the ferries to find fresh fruits and veges.
And the potatoes, god how I miss the potatoes inthe UK! So many to chose from, so many varieties!
People here all look like the just sent four weeks on a fishing trawler... Nice, mostly honest I think. I'm turning into a snob. Give me little Britain anytime....

For those in my situation and managed to move back...
Was it difficult to get your husband on board with moving back to the UK?
Mine loves it here.

My husband was easy, he missed his children, cycling back in the UK and the bible beaters were really annoying him here. He waited for a while to admit things weren't working here. He isn't one to complain, tho.

I'm turning into a snob.

Me, too. I'm a food snob anyway being a vegetarian but proper UK bread, cheese, tea and Costa hot chocolate spoiled me. I'm told I can find the finer things at Trader Joes or Publix a couple of hours away.

We do have a TJMaxx and I was so happy to find my favorite British crisps, Tyrell's, there!

I'm sorry I'm probably not helping

I haven't even told him I want to go back.

You should tell him. At the very least it will remove, 'I had no idea' from the equation.

Hi,

Sorry to hear of the level of unhappiness you are feeling, I think as mentioned, you should have a good sit down and talk so at least there's some discussion about it and potentially a solution.

The thing that strikes me is that prior to the move, it sounds as though not as much research was perhaps done to choose a place to move to that would best accommodate both of your wishes/interests/wishes. This has had the effect that you've become totally disillusioned and he's all 'happy'. If you then 'did' move back to the UK you risk doing exactly the same but in opposite - you'll be all happy and he may well be totally miffed!

I'd perhaps suggest a middle ground, perhaps somewhere in Canada or the US (if possible) which is a good blend/mix of what you'd both like to have. You'd have a better chance of both of you being happier.

As this forum shows, there's many reasons for migrating and many stories and personal perspectives. Some love it in the UK others hate it etc. If you do push to come back to the UK, I say look very thoroughly at the longer term aspects to see if they again, fit with what you're comfortable with. For me, I'd really love to get away and leave the UK and get myself into Canada and/or the US.

Good luck !

Cheers, DtM! West London & Slough UK!

Oh, Abercroft! 

I hope that Mapleleafgirl72 shows up here & gives you some commiseration on that - she knows all about those 'back of beyond' island places off the coast of BC/Vancouver (and why she would never ever ever ever want to live there!) - being from Vancouver herself. Bless your heart.

I do hope you find a way back if that's what you want. 

Thank you everyone. I was having a very hard time when I wrote the original post.
I've been alone for a week now, and have another one to go.

It was a terrible mistake on both our parts. We got swept up in the idea and got caught. My misgivings were swept under the rug and he wasn't paying attention.

I have suggested other places where he can have his woods, and I can have my town, but he pretty opposed to that. He talks about the trauma of moving for him. He can't see that he has fixed that by going back to work. He has an identity, he is being paid gobs and gobs of money doing what he did before. It's much the same except that they appreciate him now.

But I remain stuck in a place where I can't even get a job to pass the time. I've seen every Law and Order on TV and watched every Sasquatch video on You tube.... I'm so very bored.
My thoughts are getting darker and darker.

If Salt Spring doesn't satisfy I will tell him out right that I want to move back. We could buy a small place (money isn't a problem, except that he wants to have as much as possible in addition to his final salary scheme pension) and split our time. Half here, half in the UK. I've mentioned that before, but he didn't go for it.

He was my knight in shining armour. I met him after my divorce and the death if my 6 year old daughter. He seemed to love me so much.... But i think that our time has run out.
His attitude towards me seems to have changed in many ways.

Along with not going to the pool that day when my daughter drowned, this move is one of the worst mistakes I have ever made. I was happy, I had a life and a wonderful husband.
Now I have neither.

Thanks again everyone. I would like to hear from that woman who has experience on small Canadian islands...from the people I have talked to here,it's  a common thing to run from Cortes. Especially the women, the men seem to like it fine.