Suddenly Feel Socially Awkward...

I am now entering my second year of living in the UK. For some reason I just feel so "socially awkward" around people here, especially those I work with (I just started a new job in a large primary school). I don't know if this is just part of adjusting to life in another country. I just feel like I don't "click" with people and I constantly feel like my "Americaness" makes me stand out like a sore thumb. People are friendly enough, but I always feel like they don't understand me. Does anyone else ever feel self conscious with being American and/or any tips for gaining my confidence back?

When you start in a new job at times it takes awhile for those around to understand your accent and you can be constantly asked to repeat what you say which makes it difficult. I have gone through this- it does get better. They do begin to understand easier in time . I have found with some people I will always be 'the american' but most people just get to know me and my being an american is just one part of me-- not all of me

It will get better!
 

Think about a work situation you may have been in back in the US when someone new started from, say, the Ukraine.  People probably had a mixture of approaches: being overly friendly to make the person feel welcome, being curious what this foreigner is like, being blase about it, trying to play it down in order not to embarrass the person and so on.  And the newbie was probably going through a whole range of emotions too.  I found in my first job in the UK that I was branded "The American" and was always having to answer questions and compare life styles and so on.  It was annoying but my co-workers were only trying to put me at my ease.  Believe me, a time does come when you stop thinking about nationalities and accents.

Just because I need to vent...

I completely get where the OP is coming from, and I do realise it's just as much a learning curve or adjustment for those people around me, but it's so damn frustrating.

I'm entering my 4th year in the UK and I'm still feeling super socially awkward...even more so than I used to.  In fact, I'd comfortably say I have growing social anxiety.  But, is that due to my increasing age?  Or is it due to not having a stable social setting for the last 3 years?

I feel there are so many factors I can spew out... 1.) I've had to start a new job 3 different times since living in the UK; 2.) We initially lived in Surrey for the first 2 years, where neither of us had any family or established friends; 3.) We have just made a huge move to the Midlands where my DH has all his friends, but I have practically none, so we are trying to forcibly integrate me into his massive friendship group (but I do have his family, so that's good); 4.) I forget how to make friends, and I'm not sure if that's because I'm finally in a situation that ISN'T school, where it's easy to make friends, or if it's because I'm just culturally struggling and don't realise it.

It's been terribly frustrating to start each new job because of course you have to go through all the same rigmarole - the same questions, the same stereotypes, the same awkwardness.  When I first meet someone, they want to automatically assume I've just 'gotten off the boat' and tend to forget it's very possible I've been here for a while: 'Have you ever been to Marks and Spencer's?'  -  'No, I haven't had the time while tending to the rock I live under to make it out to M&S the past 3 years.'

Nobody can seem to let you just be you; you're always defined by being American.  Sometimes, I just want to say to someone: 'It's Thanksgiving this week, so I'm going to celebrate with my DH and his family.  I'm really looking forward to it,' and then they respond, 'Oh, that's lovely!  I hope you enjoy it!'  But no, I get berated with the whole didn't-you-kill-off-all-the-Indians questions.  I didn't kill the Indians! And I don't see it that way!

Ugghhh!!!!!!

Vent over.

Yes - I can totally relate to where you are coming from!

I have been here 9 years and still feel like an outsider sometimes. Will it every go away? I'm starting to think it won't!

Every job I start, people always "make fun" of my accent and it's all very light-hearted but honestly, can't they think of something else to speak to me about?

It's tough to realize that I will never, ever fully fit in. I didn't grow up here and don't have any old friends here and that's just hard sometimes to deal with.

Cheryl

You would think that as more and more of us seem to be invading these shores the novelty would have worn off.  You'd think that having a "foreign" co-worker or neighbour would just be old hat. 

I nearly always clarify when I first meet people. 'Oh, yes, but I've been here on and off since 2001'. Helps stem some of the America-focus conversation.
I tend to also answer those 'thanksgiving is about killing native Americans' with some sort of comment like 'yes, well, there we go,' roughly translated as 'obviously I've thought about the history of the event and the tragic story of the treatment of native americans but I see this holiday as separate from that and a lovely celebration of family and friends without the shackles of religion, but this is obvious, right? how stupid of you to bring up such a trope.'

It's tough to realize that I will never, ever fully fit in. I didn't grow up here and don't have any old friends here and that's just hard sometimes to deal with.

What's worse for me is that when I was 20, I did a volunteer year here and made loads of friends. I mean, in no way will I ever have those childhood friends from the UK nor can I boast what it was like growing up here. However, I did have friends here when I lived here nearly 10 years ago and nearly none of them have anything to do with me now.  The reason for that I can only conclude is because my DH and I lived and loved together out of wedlock (we're Christian and met when I volunteered here in a local church).

This just makes me feel more isolated because I thought maybe I could/would have friends in the UK..... nope.

Ok...second vent over, lol.

The reason for that I can only conclude is because my DH and I lived and loved together out of wedlock (we're Christian and met when I volunteered here in a local church).

Yet we know that a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ.

Galatians 2:16

I have felt self concious a lot about being an American/being myself. I tried the blending in thing, it doesn't work. I don't click with most people here either. You may never be able to click with your co-workers. But, you do need to click with someone here. Some area of your life you can be sociable and feel comfortable/accepted. I feel this is very important for happiness here. Have you found any expats in your area you could meet up with? This could be any expat, not just Americans. Other immigrants could possibly relate to your situation and are very friendly.

I started a new job in October and although it is just a cleaning gig, I love it! I love the people! My at work time is normalcy for me. The owner and workers are all immigrants. (There are a few Brits) Everyone has a sense of humor and mischief. No one looks down on eachother, maybe but in joking ways. I can be myself there and I've never felt that anywhere here except at home with DH. Even with our "friends" (DH's friends that I hang out with sometimes) of three years.

My last job I had, the day I was leaving I was approached by a Polish couple that wanted my phone number and wanted to keep in touch. Now we meet up and in February when they come back from holiday I will help the wife further improve her English.

Just because I need to vent...

I completely get where the OP is coming from, and I do realise it's just as much a learning curve or adjustment for those people around me, but it's so damn frustrating.

I'm entering my 4th year in the UK and I'm still feeling super socially awkward...even more so than I used to.  In fact, I'd comfortably say I have growing social anxiety.  But, is that due to my increasing age?  Or is it due to not having a stable social setting for the last 3 years?

I feel there are so many factors I can spew out... 1.) I've had to start a new job 3 different times since living in the UK; 2.) We initially lived in Surrey for the first 2 years, where neither of us had any family or established friends; 3.) We have just made a huge move to the Midlands where my DH has all his friends, but I have practically none, so we are trying to forcibly integrate me into his massive friendship group (but I do have his family, so that's good); 4.) I forget how to make friends, and I'm not sure if that's because I'm finally in a situation that ISN'T school, where it's easy to make friends, or if it's because I'm just culturally struggling and don't realise it.

It's been terribly frustrating to start each new job because of course you have to go through all the same rigmarole - the same questions, the same stereotypes, the same awkwardness.  When I first meet someone, they want to automatically assume I've just 'gotten off the boat' and tend to forget it's very possible I've been here for a while: 'Have you ever been to Marks and Spencer's?'  -  'No, I haven't had the time while tending to the rock I live under to make it out to M&S the past 3 years.'

Nobody can seem to let you just be you; you're always defined by being American.  Sometimes, I just want to say to someone: 'It's Thanksgiving this week, so I'm going to celebrate with my DH and his family.  I'm really looking forward to it,' and then they respond, 'Oh, that's lovely!  I hope you enjoy it!'  But no, I get berated with the whole didn't-you-kill-off-all-the-Indians questions.  I didn't kill the Indians! And I don't see it that way!

Ugghhh!!!!!!

Vent over.

I do understand your frustrations, I have the same as a British person in America though. I once got asked if we celebrated 4th of July in Britain.

I just looked at the guy. He eventually walked off. Back to his job as Professor of American History, no doubt.

I do understand your frustrations, I have the same as a British person in America though. I once got asked if we celebrated 4th of July in Britain.

I just looked at the guy. He eventually walked off. Back to his job as Professor of American History, no doubt.

My father always gives a logic quiz to his high school students.  One of the questions is 'Do they have a 4th of July in England?'  The number of kids who get that question wrong is frightening.....

My father always gives a logic quiz to his high school students.  One of the questions is 'Do they have a 4th of July in England?'  The number of kids who get that question wrong is frightening.....

Good Lord he's not teaching them to think is he???

My father always gives a logic quiz to his high school students.  One of the questions is 'Do they have a 4th of July in England?'  The number of kids who get that question wrong is frightening.....

Really? I wonder how many of them said Yes for the wrong reason! 

Well, every country has  July 4th

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