How to find ways to cope in the UK. Help!!!

Hi there Nessa. I actually just stumbled on this site after researching where to get American cheese in the UK but glad I saw your post Sorry to hear that you're experiencing such difficulties living in the UK. I have been living in Newcastle for about 4 years. I am from Omaha, Nebraska. Sadly you probably are the only American living in North Shields. I haven't ran into another American in all my 4 years here. Things do get better but there is an adjustment period. I would love to meet up sometime if you would like. 

Lori

Hey Lori, thank you so much for the support and I would love to meet up.. I've been looking for someone fling through the similar thing to hang out with.. I was born and raised in NJ but spent the last almost 8 years in California before moving here.. I'm realizing from what everyone has said that this well just take some time. I may be starting my job this coming week, so I won't be sure of my schedule quite yet but I would really like to make plans hopefully soon .

Sent you a private message Nessa. Hope you have a wonderful week.

Lori

I'm a bit late to the thread but I wanted to say that adjustment takes awhile and the time it takes people to adjust is very different. I think when one visits you see how life is here but more from a tourist perspective. One visiting places generally with your soon to be spouse and kind of being a tag along places while they do their thing. We don't have to deal with setting up bank accounts, having something go wrong with x, y or z and have to deal with it. We aren't participating in everyday life here just yet. I hope that makes sense.

I have been living here two years plus visiting a total time of almost eight months off and on. I still am not adjusted. I have my good days and bad days. I think a person's personality makes things a lot easier here during the adjustment phase. If you are a sociable person and an more extroverted I think adjusting might be easier as these people tend to go with the cultural flow easier and not afraid to ask for help. Making friends might be easier too. Sure you might get people who brush you off but you will pick up and move on quicker. I think with introverted people it takes a bit longer to get settled. Speaking for myself as an introvert, I feel it has taken me a longer time to adjust here with how businesses work, friendships etc. I often get frustrated with the way things work here. (Buying a car taking two weeks of the sales people him hawing around instead of a few hours in the dealership and driving away with the car.)I do have melt downs often. Food is a big trigger and I have to eat everyday.

Point being, everyone is different, everyone takes a different amount of time to adjust. If you adjust in two weeks, great. If it takes five years, that is fine too. There is no timetable, this is a big life change.

Hey expatX, thank you for also being understanding. I'm realizing for me it will take some time to adjust even as a sociable person. I completely can relate to all you said which even being here a month ( a month today ) I'm still struggling with adjusting to life here. I appreciate you sharing your experience as it helps a lot .

Lori, I'm not sure if you got the private message i sent you?

(Buying a car taking two weeks of the sales people him hawing around instead of a few hours in the dealership and driving away with the car.)I do have melt downs often.

Wow, it took 5 weeks?! That's just crazy. My husband and I had to buy a car right after I moved here and we bought the car in one night, we did have to wait for it to be shipped to the dealership, but that was only 2 or 3 days later.

"Only" two weeks The reasons they stated were that they had to clean up the car (When we test drove it, it was immaculate), they had to do some sort of paperwork - registration? DH said all it took was a trip down to the post office and also they bungled our payment. We wanted to put it on payments - then told everything was OK, then were told they didn't submit our info to see about getting the loan through a loan company. Then we said forget it we'd just pay for it outright if it made the process quicker. But then they still tried to put it through on payments. Thankfully they loaned us a car during this period as ours had died.

"Only" two weeks The reasons they stated were that they had to clean up the car (When we test drove it, it was immaculate), they had to do some sort of paperwork - registration? DH said all it took was a trip down to the post office and also they bungled our payment. We wanted to put it on payments - then told everything was OK, then were told they didn't submit our info to see about getting the loan through a loan company. Then we said forget it we'd just pay for it outright if it made the process quicker. But then they still tried to put it through on payments. Thankfully they loaned us a car during this period as ours had died.

Huh, I just started working for a company that sells used cars, and I don't think it takes us that long to sell someone a vehicle. It sounds like they aren't very organized.
And yeah, it is a good thing they gave you a loaner! I'd have been a bit upset otherwise, I think. *shakes head*

I haven't read through all the responses yet but I can totally relate! I married my husband quickly too, about 2 years of long distance dating,  then moved here last year and since then. .. I.have. Been. Going.CRAZY! Just when I thought I started to settle in, I got a picture of my family at Thanksgiving dinner last night and I broke down crying. I'd like to think of myself as being social but it's been so hard to make friends here. It's very lonely and as much as my husband tries I know he doesn't understand.
Now don't get me wrong, I love England,  I don't mind the rain (I'll take that over the snow I'm used to getting in Philadelphia), the food doesn't bother me and I am in love with my Essex landscape.  But I miss dinner with the girls,  shopping with the girls,  going to a show or the ballet with the girls, having my phone ring once a day and its someone besides my husband or those pesky PPI telemarketers. I miss being in the company of fashionable, smart women and boy do I miss seeing another brown face.
I'm hoping things will get better because I know my husband is probably growing tired of seeing me moping around with a sad face. I joined this group tonight with hopes of connecting with Americans near Essex or London to show these Brits what friendliness and camaraderie looks like!

OK hers a Brit [male] perspective, I moved to SF and later Melbourne.

While you will always be an American, remember your children will not be.
Remember that we speak English English and you speak American English, not much difference but the natives will [silently] approve of all efforts to not use Americanisms when you know the right word in EE and the correct pronunciation will help you to fit in,  ie al-u-minium not al-oomenum.   I think the biggest accent changer is to get to grips with the short A,   there is one a in Anne she is not called Aaaaaaaaaanne etc etc.

Try not to compare things to back 'home' all the time - nothing is better or worse - its just different! 

All the best with your new life here, and a job [any job] will help you greatly to learn the slang and make new friends

I'm sorry you're having a hard time adjusting. I've been here for a month now...and I have good days and bad days like everyone else.

Unfortunately, my career field doesn't exactly exist in the UK due to demographics - so starting over with a job where I am making about half as much and the low person on the totem pole is...tough. Ugh - at work they do tea rounds (I don't drink tea) so I tried making tea for everyone my second day and someone chastised me because he didn't like the way I made it. I do find people here to be much colder, reserved, and a bit rude. No one says excuse/pardon me, people don't hold doors, people are quick to critique and slow to praise/encourage.

I don't like the weather and I hate the food as well! This was also my first Thanksgiving and soon to be first Christmas away from my friends/family/and the USA. Luckily I've made some friends through work, and I have an American friend I met on here.

I find my biggest annoyance is that everything closes early! In America you can find 24/7 stores everywhere - but here pubs close by 12am and stores have Sunday trading laws. It's all pesky.

I am making the best of being in London, but my husband and I plan to move back to the USA after not too long and settle there - and I have to say - I'm looking forward to it.

Ree_Adelphia, I completely understand about trading rain for snow!  It was snowing in Ohio when I was Skyping my parents while I was enjoying a balmy 52F in Essex.     Hang in there!  Where in Essex are you based?

I must say, I haven't tried to drop the Americanisms.  I will if I need to be understood but, otherwise, I'm American and I speak like one.  Anyone who doesn't like it can lump it.  And I will continue to pronounce my name properly.  Someone else may be *A*nne with a short a but I happen to be Aaaaaaanne and I'll thank you to pronounce it correctly.

OK hers a Brit [male] perspective, I moved to SF and later Melbourne.

While you will always be an American, remember your children will not be.
Remember that we speak English English and you speak American English, not much difference but the natives will [silently] approve of all efforts to not use Americanisms when you know the right word in EE and the correct pronunciation will help you to fit in,  ie al-u-minium not al-oomenum.   I think the biggest accent changer is to get to grips with the short A,   there is one a in Anne she is not called Aaaaaaaaaanne etc etc.

Try not to compare things to back 'home' all the time - nothing is better or worse - its just different! 

All the best with your new life here, and a job [any job] will help you greatly to learn the slang and make new friends

I get what you are trying to say but I disagree with this approach.

My daughter IS American and will know this.  She may identify as British when she's older but there is more to her than her British roots.

I have been here many years now.  I have not changed my pronunciation of anything.  I do speak the slang but everyone will catch onto that.  My friends, family, and colleagues have no issue with this and certainly have not made me feel inferior for doing so.  I think being friendly, adaptable, and open to new things has helped me fit in.

Ree_Adelphia - First off, *Hugs*. You've come to the right place, a lot of us have been there and felt the loneliness.  I have bouts of loneliness myself, this week has been one of those. I had another friendship go down the tubes last month because I said the word "boring" about a video game genre in a joking way.  It was "rude and shocking". Somedays I give up. I've tried the conforming thing - hated myself, I found my social interactions boring and more like conversations you have with people at a bus stop. Now I just don't care. I'm going to be myself. I'm a friendly brown person, feel free to PM me anytime. I can't say I'm fashionable though. I have avoided buying clothes from here. I think the majority of women's clothes here look like ugly material used in budget hotels. 

As far as trying to pronounce things the British way - We already try to fit in to some extent. Can we not hold on to our language as well. It's not like we are speaking Swahili in Britian, Brits can usually understand us  And I don't think most really care how we pronounce things as long as they understand what we are talking about.

Bella - I hear you on the job change. My career field is limited here plus has a lower budget than the US. Instead of having the money to hire coders to make tools for us to make the work easier/quicker - I would now need to learn quite a bit of programming which I can't wrap my head around just now. So I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself career wise now. DH and I won't go back to the US, but I hope one day we will move.

Ree_Adelphia, I completely understand about trading rain for snow!  It was snowing in Ohio when I was Skyping my parents while I was enjoying a balmy 52F in Essex.     Hang in there!  Where in Essex are you based?

I must say, I haven't tried to drop the Americanisms.  I will if I need to be understood but, otherwise, I'm American and I speak like one.  Anyone who doesn't like it can lump it.  And I will continue to pronounce my name properly.  Someone else may be *A*nne with a short a but I happen to be Aaaaaaanne and I'll thank you to pronounce it correctly.

This has been making me cringe. I've got a co-worker who says my name "Ahn-dre-yah" which no on in America would ever says unless they're pretending to be stuck up New Englander. And by that I mean completely over doing it with a put on accent. He holds out the that first vowel and says, "Ahhn-dre-yah" which takes more time to actually say than "An-dree-ah." I've had Americans ask if its "An-dree-ah" or "On-dree-ah" but never had I had someone draw my name out to "Ahhn-dre-ya"