It's difficult to explain the feelings involved in having a relationship across an ocean, one in which someone is seperated from those they love by not only distance but great periods of time dictated by both finances and the mounds of paperwork required by governments before they will allow any form of lasting unity. A military spouse would understand a little bit, but only a little, since they have so much more time with their spouse in the times before and after they get shipped out.
Finding the one who fits you perfectly, who you can love unconditionally and completely, is nearly impossible even on the same continent where two people can be together at will and not have to endure being apart for very long. Finding it half a planet away and then being forced to be apart is it's own little slice of hell. Making it last on both sides, getting through the heartaches of seeing little things that you want to share but can't, listening to the little problems which affect your spouse but not being able to be there to help with them in person, and living with the feeling of overall helplessness and hopelessness that comes with ever increasing time apart is a task a saint would find daunting.
From somewhere unknown to us we find the strength and the will to go on and to fight our way through yet another day, when all that is on our mind is our other half that has been ripped from us and thrust thousands of miles out of reach. Getting through a day at work on some sort of autopilot, racing back home to see if there is some new message online or left on the answering machine, and wondering what they are doing right this second, hours apart in time is pure torture. Having those moments in the day that are special to you in your mind - the hour when you know they have just awakened on the other side of the world, the hour when you know they are in bed safe and sleeping - and having those around you at work not understand. Realizing that your coworkers complaints about the men/women in their lives ( or lack thereof) or their general gripes are nothing compared to what you go through each minute of each day and just wanting to scream at them how petty they are being and how lucky they are that the people in their life that they care about are within arms reach when they get off work. But they all take that for granted and don't even think about things like that or realize how much it would hurt were your situation and theirs reversed.
Birthday's spent on the telephone or internet are not happy ones. If you get to spend Christmas and see in the New Year in each other's arms it is a miracle in itself. Facing the inevitable clock ticking away and counting down to the hour when you know it will be time for one of you to get on a plane back across an ocean feels worse than dying. Watching their face as they get further and further away feels even worse than that.
Many of you know these feelings and more. There is always the hurting and the loneliness and the ache and longing. People who can't understand would ask why we would even get into this sort of situation to begin with. As if any of us have a choice. There are as many good things about it as there are bad. Perhaps more.
That instant when your eyes meet theirs at the airport, relief and happiness and the brief instant when you don't even think about being apart or when one of you will have to leave again. The surprise at how their lips and skin feel, and the constant clinging and touching. No one is ever more in love than seperated lovers reunited again after time away spent thinking about each other above all else. Everywhere they go some part of them is always touching some part of the other, and for a brief moment the world is again perfect no matter what is happening. Others watching are envious, wishing they could have a love like that, and realize they are missing something deep and special in their own lives. Friends and coworkers, who might have their own relationships with ups and downs, express how lucky you are to have someone so special - how many times have you been asked if there were any more at home like your love? Yes there are good things.
I wish I could write in here some sort of easy cure all advice for getting through the periods when you and they can't be together, but there isn't any. After a while it hurts to be on the phone because you can't be THERE. The world goes dark and you get get pissed off at everything and everyone and every second is nothing but more pain that never stops, pain in your chest and head and above all pain in your heart and soul that you can't simply touch them right now. An empty bed waiting for the two of you makes for little rest and you may end up spending more and more nights sleeping on the sofa during the little time that you sleep at all. How m any of you in this sort of relationship have fallen asleep in front of your computer, or on the sofa, with the volume turned up on the computer as high as it can go in the hopes that if they came online and sent you an instant message or email the noise would wake you up? You aren't alone. We all do it. Make it through another day and try not to think too much so things don't hurt worse. Hate the nights when you feel totally alone because you know that across the sea they are fast asleep but at the same time feel grateful that they are sleeping. At least one of you will get some rest. That's a lie though - because across the sea they are doing the same thing - thinking you are getting some rest when you really aren't, any more than they can.
So you find a little place like this where you can meet other people who also have the same heartaches and would be the only people in the world who could understand your rants and crazy needs. Welcome to the world of international relationships. Plenty of room for your straightjackets here next to mine.
Jared
