Help/advice/resources for British friend

Hi all.

My DH and I have a friend who is a British citizen and has been married (to a British citizen) for 30 years. Last summer he walked out on her.

This woman (I'll call her Mary) has a multitude of health problems, both physical and mental (severe anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia), that all started with a bout of cancer some years ago. She hasn't worked in about eight years. She is in the marital house and her husband (with her permission) transferred all the house bills into her name. However, she cannot afford them. She is not thinking clearly or making sound decisions because of her stress and anxiety and the fact she is on morphine. She is on DLA and is on a list to get public housing. Mary and her husband are going to sell the house (and presumably split the money) in order to pay for the divorce.

Mary is up to her eyeballs in bills and stress. We live about an hour away from her. Her friends seem to have drifted away or sided with her husband. Her only family is an adult son who has drug and alcohol problems and who is now living with her, against everyone's advice. She took him back in after years of shunning him because he had ended up on the streets. Now, supposedly, he is clean.

Not really sure what I'm looking for here in terms of help, but if anyone knows of organizations or agencies to which she can turn for help, counseling, etc. I'd really appreciate it. We just don't know anything about such things or even where to start to look and hate to see her in such despair.  Thank you.

Has NHS been any help with mental health issues?

I think resources are stretched pretty thin in her area. I know she has a social worker of some sort come to see her about once a month. What agency this worker comes from I don't know. She is always at the doctor and has been in and out of the hospital for years for her various physical ailments. I'm not sure how involved the NHS is in her mental health issues.

I'd say NHS or to contact her local authority regarding social care services that may be available to her.

Regarding her physical and mental health and general wellbeing, try the local authority to request a community care assessment, if she is struggling with self care:
http://www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/guide/assessments/Pages/Communitycareassessments.aspx

Regarding mental wellbeing, the NHS website suggests some strategies for self care and other therapies:
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/pages/connect-for-mental-wellbeing.aspx

Perhaps the GP can advise on referral to NHS or where to find suitable private therapies. You could also consider mental health charities for help, like Mind:
http://www.mind.org.uk

Regarding finances, the Money Advice Service may be able to advise:
https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/categories/births-deaths-and-family

Otherwise, the local authority may have money / debt advice service links.

For the local authority:
https://www.gov.uk/find-your-local-council

For therapists, try BACP:
http://www.bacp.co.uk

Hope that helps.

Lots of good stuff here.  I just wanted to add, you may want to see if she would be interested in a Power of Attorney for her money and care.  And hopefully not the son....

Thank you all for the help and especially for all the links, Mapleleafgirl.

I will look into everyone's suggestions in the coming days and pass the info on to our friend.

Much, much appreciated.

Mary is up to her eyeballs in bills and stress. We live about an hour away from her. Her friends seem to have drifted away or sided with her husband. Her only family is an adult son who has drug and alcohol problems and who is now living with her,

Her son should be paying her rent and half the bills including the council tax. She lost her 25% single person discount when he moved in. Even if he is on benefits, he should be handing most of them over to his mum. I hope she isn't subbing him with her money worries.

Has she got another spare room to rent out under the governments rent a room income tax free scheme?
https://www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home/the-rent-a-room-scheme
If she does this she will need to check that the lodger is in the UK legally or she will get fined.

If she gets income based benefits, that rent might affect her other benefits. A CAB near her should have a benefits specialist and they wll be able to calculate this for her.

Is the ex paying the mortgage? It's in his interest to make sure those payments don't fall behind.

Can she work? Even part time? DLA is an in work benefit, so that won't be reduced if she earns some money.

Thank you for your reply. I don't have any idea what her son does with his money. He is on DLA as well. As far as we know, her husband is not paying the mortgage. This is all very recent so I'm not sure about that. She does have a spare bedroom but they are trying to sell the house so I'm not sure she'd want to rent it out at this point. I have printed out all these resources/links and I appreciate everyone's responses. It's such a screwed up mess and we feel awful for this once very vibrant woman.

Thank you all!