Native Californian Moving to the UK

I'm a native California moving to the UK with my husband (who is a Brit) this Spring. I've visited Britian several times and have always loved, but I realize that visiting a place and actually residing in it are two different things entirely.

I am wondering what you think the major adjustments will be (besides the weather!)  I'm very nervous about learning to drive there, getting a job (I'm a community college teacher here) and generally adjusting to the culture.  I'm also wondering how I will be received as an American living in the UK. Can you tell me about how it felt when you first moved to the UK, what sort of adjustments you had to make, and what to expect as a newcomer.  Any help you can give would be appreciated.

Trudi

Hi Trudi

I'm  Brit married to a (Southern) Californian. What part of the UK are you moving to? You will likely find youself a bit of a local celebrity but be prepared for the fact that you won't find any decent Mexican food here!

Liz

Gosh it's been so long I can't even remember what adjustments we had to make. Well except for weather  I think a lot of it has to do with your outlook. If you are positive about it, the adjustments can be fairly easy.  I think the hardest part is developing a new social circle so you don't feel isolated.  That is something you will have to make a concentrated effort to do.

How you are received as an American overseas depends on you, your attitude and the area you will be living in. What part of the UK are you coming to?  Wherever you go though, you are bound to meet someone who has to tell you about his cousin/uncle/daughter who lives in the states or about their vacation to the US.  You can expect people to be friendly if you are friendly to them. But if you need help or advice you have to ask for it - unless you need help or advice for your garden in which case they will offer it freely and regularly.

When we first moved here from So. California it felt like a different world. But I think that had more to do with the remote location we moved to. A tiny little village of only few hundred residents. Our house was a farmhouse with a 1/2 mile long dirt road leading to it and no other houses around. We could walk 15 minutes in any direction and not see another human being. The pub had been there since 1358.  We learned how very important it is to be a part of the village community. How little things will take on a HUGE importance in a small village and of course how if you say something and one end of town, it will reach the other end long before you do LOL. We did however have the novel experience of having the telephone number "486" Obviously our tiny village experience is going to be different from someone who moved to London for instance.  I know when we moved to a larger town we had a whole new set of things we had to learn about and get used to. I guess my point is giving advice on adjustments you will have to make really isn't feasible - at least without knowing where you are moving to!  The best advice I can give is for you to remember it is how you face those adjustments that will decide if moving to the UK is a positive experience for you.

Rosie

I personally have adapted quite well to the UK, but it has a lot to do with my personal experiences in life.  I was also prepared for lots of little things that might get to you by reading this forum.  It is really a lot about trying to decide what is important to you and what you can live with and without. 

I know a lot of people don't drive for personal reasons and some because they are scared.  I was a bit nervous about driving but did it anyways as I saw that a lot of people felt isloated by not being able to drive.

I like driving here.  Once you get the hang of the other side of the road and roundabouts (yield and look right is pretty much the rule) it's like driving in the USA.  Oh well things are very very narrow here as well.  That said it took me about a week and I was fine.  I still plan to take lessons for things like parking, backing around a corner and backing into a space... but that's because I have no depth perception. 

I would take a look at you and how you adapt to change overall.  If you have difficulty accepting change in the day to day you will need to prepare yourself a lot more.

Read through the site and ask questions.  We are here to help.

Welcome to UKY!
 

Hi Trudi
I have been in Coventry for four years. Once the newness wore off I actually didnt like it here at all. Not only the weather thing but life was just much more laid back and slower paced than I was used to. It took me a good two years to consider England my home and now I love it and wouldnt live anywhere else.

Somethings that I dont like about living here...
Bagging my own groceries. Im terrible at it. Husband always does it for me as I always end up breaking eggs and smashing the bread!

No drive through banks! I really miss my lazy drive through banks.

The food isnt that great and Im a terrible cook so its a lot of McDonalds for me and the kids!

No closets, no closets, NO CLOSETS!!!

TV licences. What the heck is that all about? What a waste of money!!

The NHS. AND the hospitals could be cleaner. But can only speak for the ones in my area of course.

Things I like about England...
The people I find are warm and welcoming. I havent had much of a problem with acceptance.

The scenery in Warwickshire cant be beat. I could never get tired of it.

The grass stays green all year round

I find the school system here in Coventry is exceptional

My neighbors are always there for me. WHen I first moved in they all came around and introduced themselves. It was very nice. In the USA I lived in places for years and didnt know my neighbors.


Driving here wasnt that difficult for me. Just follow all the cars in front of you and you wont find yourself driving on the right    I have been driving for over 22 years so taking the test wasnt a problem either however I did buy the study software. I think the most difficult part of driving for me was the lack of street signs. I pretty much just had to memorize my routes.

Im sure you will learn to love it here like most of us have. Just come over with an open mind and a suitcase full of your favorite foods!!!

Good luck
Ricki

I'm a Californian too and have only been here a couple of months but I definitely agree with the above point that finding something to beat the isolation and replacing a network of friends is the toughest thing.

Driving isn't so bad - just buy insurance and make yourself do it. If you practice in an empty parking lot at first you should start to get the hang of it. As all the british have told me, just follow the car ahead of you and if you don't know what you're doing, just go slow and you'll be fine.

The weather's a drag, esp the getting dark at 4:30 in the afternoon. So far the weather is more mild and less wet than I expected.

Depending on where you live, the food might actually be quite good. The food's been a pleasant surprise to me. I've read that there's been a marked improvement in recent years. I have nothing to compare it to, but have found some great places in just a short while.

The huge weekend crowds in the shopping areas is something I didn't expect but find really irritating. It's like the entire country goes shopping "at the weekend." Apparently there's a dearth of shopping centers so they all converge on the same place. And, yes, the big stores suck and are expensive! There's no Target or Fry's.

The grocery stores won't have the selection that you've become accustomed to but so far I'm pretty happy with them. Let's just say it could be worse! The Waitrose near me has a good selection of fresh fruit and veggies. There's a bigger focus here on prepared foods sold in the refrigerated section (not frozen), some fairly gourmet-ish, which I find interesting.

Americans are very well accepted here. They have a love-hate relationship with us because of our government, but most don't seem to hold it against you on a personal basis. At least, I've never encountered it. They still remember WWII over here and are proud that they were the only europeans to resist the nazis. We're still like kin to them because of that war and because we're huge trading partners. 

hello,
i moved here to be with my husband (who is a brit) from southern california about 2 yrs ago.  when i first moved here, we lived in surrey far away from civilization.  it was so hard for me to adjust, not having any friends or family.  we didn't have a car at the time so it was hard to get anywhere, especially because the train station was about a 30 min. walk and in the winter, that can be quite tough on someone from the sunny state.  i got a job in a department store and found that the people that i worked with were the most friendliest people i had ever met.  i did feel a little like a celebrity...and i did love the attention.  after a few months we had to move to essex, i got a job in london while my husband works mainly in cambridge.  working in london is almost like being in another country!  i find a lot of people in london are indredibly rude, especially during rush hour.  i've been pushed more times than i can remember, with no sign of 'excuse me', 'sorry', or any sign of apology.  i've been bullied on the tube by an old man, pushed aside so someone can get ahead of me on the train...and it's been really hard.  sometimes it makes me cry, and sometimes i get angry.  i'm hoping that i'll get over it because i like the place that i work.  the people that i work with are not as friendly as the people i worked with in surrey, but i still really enjoy what i do. 
i get asked where i'm from all the time and when i tell people that i'm from california, every person says 'what are you doing here...are you mad?' but it doesn't really bother me because i look at it like i'm lucky to be able to experience a different culture and be around so much history.  if you're the type of person that likes to challenge yourself and able to adapt to change, then you'll do well.  for the most part, i really love it here...and yes, there are times when i think to myself 'i miss california' but it is so beautiful here and the good times out weigh the bad.  after all who ever said life was perfect anyways?

Brief hijack: indiesol, are you the woman who worked for MAC and pm'd me on another site AGES ago? I think that was her monicker but I can't remember for sure. If so, I quit using that site around that time and so didn't get your pm for months but would love to chat....

OK, back on topic, Trudi! 

I'm yet another ex-Californian - been here for about a year and three months now. Since I'm from No. Cal., I don't mind the weather here so much - San Francisco was always freezing anyway. LOL. But I'll echo the sentiment about it getting dark early here. Last winter that's what got to me more than the cold or wet - the loooooonnnnnnggggggggg periods of darkness.

And I'm with BritWife about Mexican food. It's the only food I miss.

Missing my family and, even more so, my friends has been a challenge for me in that I think the older you get the harder it is to make new friends. It took me the better part of a year to truly feel like I had friends here in the true sense of the word.

I haven't encountered any anti-American sentiment at all, especially once people find out I'm from California. I work part-time in a shop on our high street and I had a funny chat with an older gentleman today about how California is so different from so much of America - I told him I always say "California" to the question "where are you from" rather than America as I think I get a nicer reaction (though many people think I'm Canadian 'cause I'm soft-spoken) and he whole-heartedly agreed. I do have to admit that I live in an area that is absolutely teeming (teaming? I'm not the world's greatest speller) with Americans, so it's pretty common to hear the accent up and down the streets.

Douglas is right about shopping, though one thing I've learned about myself is how consumerist I was in America. I shop much less now and care much less about what stores are like. I know how to get what I need and like and I find that shopping as a passtime is largely not something I do anymore. And he's spot on about Waitrose - I think if you're into cooking at all it's worth it to pay a bit more and go to a grocery store like that where you can get a selection more geared to chef-y cooking.

Otherwise, for me, the adjustment has involved loads of little things - what laundry detergent to use, etc. And those little things are now so engrained that I very rarely even think about how different my life now is.

I do have two key pieces of advice. First, getting comfortable won't happen over night, so try not to expect it to - try to be open to the experiences and try not to shut down when it gets rough 'cause it WILL get better. And second, don't rely 100% on your husband - it'll really put a strain on the relationship and will only hamper you gaining your independence.

Oh, and one other - have fun! 

yes AnneR...it is me!!  i would love to chat with you too!!

and i agree with you, the darkness got to me more than anything...especially living where we did at the time.  now that we live in a town centre, it's nice to actually see people around. 
since i work in london, there are a lot of americans that come into my shop...which is nice because i feel a little closer to home.
i think that the spring and summer is so beautiful that no matter where i was i would want to spend it here.  you get so much daylight, the flowers are in bloom, there's loads of festivals and just so much to do. 
i think the food aspect is just something you'll adjust to, and it takes a little while to get use to that.  there are a lot of places (especially in london) that have american foods, but the mexican food they still have not conquered...which is a good thing if you're watching your weight. hehe

i think that the spring and summer is so beautiful that no matter where i was i would want to spend it here.  you get so much daylight, the flowers are in bloom, there's loads of festivals and just so much to do. 

And after the long, dark, cold winter, the Spring and Summer are SO welcome that absolutely everyone suddenly appears out-of-doors! I thought it was so wonderful and sweet that on litterally the first warm-ish day of Spring all the pubs put out their picnic tables and everyone was outside in the sunshine (still shivering a bit, perhaps, but really celebrating the sunshine!) I think I spend more time outside here during the nice months than I ever did in California - how ironic is that?!

trudif

where you live in the uk is probably what will dictate your experience most.  just like the difference between new york city and omaho nebraska - the cities of the UK, particulalry london, are very different from the smaller towns and subarbs.

my experience with living in london for the past four years is that on the whole no one particularly cares where you are from because nearly everyone is from somewhere else - whether that be the midlands of the uk or egypt of ireland or canada. i have not lived elsewhere in the uk but assume that the smaller the town the more you 'stick out' and become a bit of a novelty.

i don't think there is a hard and fast rule to fitting in with brits other than if you have a desire to be here and appreciate their way of life and most importantly and appreciate the humour of this weird island, you will fit in fine.  a note, which i'm sure your hubby has already filled you in on, if people take the piss [make fun of you or tease you] that is a sign of affection and indication that you are one of the gang!

best of luck - you'll do fine!
mimsy2000

I think it's not so much the weather  as the  cold.. I am from Los Angeles  originally and then lived in AZ  for  5 years.. and  to be honest I have gotten used to  the dark days. For me it's that I can never feel WARM enough when I'm out..  I have pure wool  sweaters..  turtlenecks .. nylons under my jeans.. just can't feel snug I guess.. I have only been here  four months  so maybe  I'm not so in love with England yet.. It's been a tough adjustment.. a lot you just have  to  shrug your shoulders  about and  say ..well.. that was there  and then.. we don't have that here..  Things are a  lot more  expensive here so besides the bag full of your favorite foods, you might want  to bring a  bag full of money as well!!    .... I just don't seem to have as  much.. which i guess is better  because like  Pebbles  said.. even with  what you do have.. there  aren't enough closets  anyway..     
I do lilke that things are in walking distance.. that I can take the train to places  with ease.. the landscape  is beautiful.. and  there  is a lot more trust in some ways..  the City Centre is  do  able  and I don't feeel as  scared and as overwhelmed as I may have  felt in Los Angeles  or Phx..
Not everyone likes  Americans  and  if you're used to  being able  to make friends  quickly..well it can be a  disappointment... You have to develop a thick skin about stuff.. it's a very reserved  place  and  the customer service can SUCK!!!  bagging your own groceries  as mentioned before.. is something I just can't get into..
I do like the slower  pace of life  but that can mean that you wait  on  stuff forever  as well.  hhmm.. let us know where  you end up  living because of course that has  a  lot to  do with what you will go through .. sites like this are wonderful and  when you do find that  American that 'gets it" and  can help you on your not so good days and can relate and let you vent.. it's a Godsend.. 
Best of Luck..