Not Sure I'll Ever Find My Footing in This Place...

Hi everyone,

Just looking for some, insight, advice or simply a shoulder to cry on. 

In short, I have been in the UK for nearly 2 years (July will be the 2 year mark). Originally, I moved over to UK out of pure desire and to hopefully continue my education here. Two years on, I find myself in he same spot i was when i first arrived.

At the start, I was living as an Au Pair with a single Mom in Surrey, which quickly taught me that my relocation process would not be an easy one. Unlike many on UK/Yankee, I didn't have family, boyfriend/hubby, friends here and at the time i thought this was a financial and suitable choice for me.  Though the family was nice enough, the children were incredibly difficult and I was little more than a glorified housekeeper.

After some time, I decided to look for work, but instead, found another post as an Au Pair with another family, though this time in London.

Unexpectedly, my job search paid off and i acquired a basic entry level job at Cartier in their flagship store in New Bond Street. All was going well, until they took on a new manager who in my opinion was trying to prove themselves. I know, I know... it's never our fault, but I was above efficient in my role, was told as much by supervisors and all, and was absolutely shocked when they sacked. Not surprising and just to cement my point, within months all the members of my team were made redundant and are no longer employed there.

Anyway, within 4 months I was out of a job and at a crossroads. I was resigned that I would need to return home if i didn't find a job within a couple of months. Luckily for me, the family that I Au Paired for in London were unhappy with my replacement and after some negotiating, I decided to return back in the condition that I would begin looking for work as of January 2015.

We are now reaching mid-year and I have been looking for work for a little over six months with no luck. I have been offered temp roles, that last from mere days to 3 months tops, and very little else. It's extremely frustrating. I have lost count of the number of agencies I am registered with and have been to countless interviews with both agencies and employers. I have a degree in Fashion (which means nothing, it's all about WHO you know in the Fashion industry), I have extensive experience in PA/Administration (albeit, not in a dreadfully corporate field), but it ranges from property to medical and of of course my experience at Cartier, but until now, no offers of permanent, solid work or even contract work.

At this juncture, i am not being picky and have applied to any and everything and considering any role. I have been given a one month notice (now two weeks remaining) by the current family I live with as they have found a replacement and I am absolutely at a loss for words why I still have not managed to find work.

Besides this, because I have been so consumed with finding a job and getting my career off the ground here, other than the couple of nannies I know from the school circles of the children I look after, I have absolutely no social life and have made little to no friends during my time here. Not that my current living arrangements would allow... I live in a greatly armoured house (alarms, bolts, unbreakable windows, etc), there's not a lot of room to come and go as I please.

I try to go out, go to a museum alone... even grab a pint at a pub alone, but it hasn't really amounted to anything.

I feel very alone and am wondering if i'll ever call this place home. I miss my family more than ever these days, not only because of the uncertainty of my future and not having their support near, but also, I recently found out my sister is pregnant and it has led me to feel like I'm missing everything... and for what?! No job, no friends, boyfriend... I'm beginning to question whether the effort of relocating here as been worth it at all. On the flip side, going home would be essentially the same thing, as I'm sure I'd struggle to settle there now and of course find work. What could I answer to "What have you done in the last couple of years?"... I don't think working as a nanny/au pair would add to my qualifications. I feel if I go home I'd have to go back to school and get my Masters as this would probably be the only way to facilitate me getting employment stateside.

But I simply don't know what to do... 

Apologies, as this as turned much longer than I initially anticipated. I suppose I'm just looking for some comfort, advice from fellow expats who have faced similar difficulties, at the very least, to feel like i'm not alone...

Thanks for listening... 

I have lived in the UK for nearly 11 years. I've never been the 'gaggle of friends' type, but I would say that I still have far fewer friends than I did growing up. I sometimes feel like you!

I've been to Uni here (twice) and that was a great place to make friends, but I mostly have fallen out of touch with those friends for one reason or another. I do have a husband and a job, but I find it difficult to make friends here. I do get the impression that most people do! I am a teacher, so perhaps not having time for friends is an occupational hazard.

I have a friend who went back to the US after two years here for some of the very reasons you state. Only you can decide what's right for you - but sometimes it takes a leap of faith. The right time, right place is all it takes!

Are you stuck on a certain location?? Have you turned your resume into a CV? Does your current employer have any contacts? I know you probably don't want job searching advice, but it is generally easier to find work when you have work...

I would have thought that being an au pair might be isolating, as you might be more tied to your employers as live in.

What's your status in the UK? Do you have a visa that allows you to volunteer? Do you have a visa that allows you to take adult learning courses? To find some, check with your local council. Both can be great ways to meet people related to an interest and bulk up your CV.

You said you want to continue your education here. What would you like to study?

If you do return to the US for a Master's degree, maybe one with an exchange / work experience here would bridge the gap you're experiencing. It could also be the location on the micro level - only you know what your heart and head say and that's what I would listen to.

Anyways, just know what you have done is a hard thing to do, to follow a dream, and if your experience is telling you that it's time to go home, that's okay as well. You took a leap of faith to come to a foreign place. Sometimes we can't know how we'll react to an experience until we do it.

Hi sorry to hear that u are having difficulties. I have lived in the UK for a long time and haven't made many close friends but working has helped me to adjust and I do have an English hubby. I think u should follow your heart and think what is truly important to u. If u miss your sister and would feel happier I would go back. U are the one who creates your life and the universe supports this is what I am learning.  I haven't gone back to the U.S. As I don't have a close relationship with family and actually live in a nicer part of the UK then Detroit !!! Good luck

Some good comments on this thread!   I too think that being an au pair could be isolating, so it's probably even more important to try and find ways to 'be you'. 

I too moved here 7.5 years ago all by myself and was looking for adventure and a chance to live abroad and have some fun. 

Hobbies are always a great way to meet folks. I'm a musician so I've pretty much met all my friends through all my musical outlets (which I originally had to scour to find).  I've also got an allotment (again a scour) so meet people there, and I volunteer with a few different groups (searching around for the opportunities, so again meet people there.   Maybe it's a Scottish thing, but I've always found whatever I've joined up in whilst living here that people are welcoming, encouraging, talkative, social, interesting and up for a good time!   It helps to just be there for the experience and to chat at the breaks and also, like dating, you have to just put yourself out there and ask people out (sometimes, again and again). Exchanging emails and finding them on social media helps made it easier for me to do this. 

In addition to the hobbies, you can try meetup.com to meet folks. Also, if you're a facebook user, there are tons of groups out there now. You could see if there is an 'Americans in XXX' whatever group (if you seek the company of Americans), or 'Au Pairs in XX' or whatever takes your fancy.   

Not sure if you're actively trying to find a partner, but online dating is always a good way to meet folks.  I started online dating about 5 months after I moved and 4 months after that, I met the guy that I have been with ever since. We're finally, after many ups and downs in life, getting married at the end of this year. 

And finally, if your gut is telling you that it's no longer 'right', that is also OK.  You're not a failure, you've just got another life experience under your belt.  And international experience is most definitely a key aspect of your character that will make you very employable in the future, whatever you do. 

Good luck!

So sorry things aren't going to plan!  I was reading this last night, just after getting another job rejection and feeling quite homesick, so I really feel for you.  If you have a visa that allows you to work, maybe consider study abroad programmes?  There are loads of them in London (quite jealous as this is my profession and there isn't much outside of London) and I think you could make the argument that your work as an Au Pair would translate to pastoral care, especially if it is a live-in position.  This is something that these organizations and schools look for as this is what American students are so used to.

And I agree with phatbeetle on ways to get out and make friends.  When I lived here before, I had a live-in position at a study abroad programme and I was so fortunate to have made friends with the other staff that lived in, but I actually tried online dating at the suggestion of a faculty member who said he had used it to just meet people, not necessarily date.  I did that and actually met quite a few people, one of which is still a good friend and, purely by accident, my husband.
 
On this time around, I am living here with my husband, but making friends has been a bit more difficult because all of our friends are on opposite ends of the country.  I have been doing reviews on Yelp and the Community Manager here reached out to me and has invited me to events, so that has been a nice change.  There is an events section and there are actually quite a few UYEs (unofficial Yelp events) created by members who want to socialize with other members.  Although not having a job, I don't go along to a lot of events as they often cost money, but I did find a group that crochets on Thursday afternoon at a local craft shop (for free), so I have gone along a couple times and while I'm not sure I have found a BFF there, it is nice to get out and chat with them.

Going home isn't a bad thing, it may take some adjusting, but there is something to be said for being near family.  When I moved back to the states after my first stint in the UK, I got to spend so much more time with my twin nieces and I'm so glad that I had that time to bond with them.  Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck!

I've posted my own thread here about not fitting in so definitely can relate. My first year here was sooo isolating. I agree with what others have said, definitely pursue your hobbies and i recommend meetup.com. i've met some great people who indeed have become friends (tho it did take awhile but worth it) and also, you should go to networking events on meetup, you never know who you could meet that could help you get work.

But it is a tough city to live in so maybe venture out and find other opportunities in other countries if need be. Things are better than they were last year, but I think about going home all the time.

My heart really goes out to you, I know how it is Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat