Wth is with these people in this building?

Ok, so I've got this neighbour upstairs, who goes out of her way to stomp and drop really heavy things on the floor, or continuously tap really loud with something on her floor over any area I'm sitting in when I'm on the phone. At first, when she started doing that, I thought maybe I was talking too loud or something like that, so tried lowering my voice. Nope. Didn't work. Also, she would only do it when my husband leaves to go to work, before she does. And she gets home before he does. But I do get a wee break when she's gone to work or whatever. I don't get it. I'm quiet, really and don't go anywhere besides to Tesco's or something like that. I'm only in Dundee 6 months at a time. Then one day, she and a friend were coming out as I was coming in and I said hello to em, and the both snickered and before they got out of earshot..,they were mocking my accent. It's not the first time women have done that to me here. It just kind of makes it harder for me to connect. Infact, just speaking to folk ( mainly other women ) in this building seems to get me snubbed. I'm the only person of colour and an American in the whole building. I sure hope that ain't why these people are acting like that. 


P.S. My husband's voice carries and he walks really hard although we're on the ground floor and all...but she doesn't make a peep, outside of to say hello when they see eachother.

I'm the only person of colour and an American in the whole building. I sure hope that ain't why these people are acting like that. 

I wish I could say no, that's got nothing to do with it.  But I'm sure you know, far better than I do, that it'd be wishful thinking.  Even though the race issue has a different dynamic here, it's still very much an issue.

So, yeah, it might be just because of your race.  It might be just because you're American, or just because you've got a 'funny' accent.  It might be just because one of them fancies your husband.  It might be for any number of stupid, petty reasons, but the key thing is that none of them is your fault.  If you had done anything to even remotely earn that kind of treatment, you'd know exactly what it was. 

Some people are just awful, and none are more awful that 'mean girls'; it sounds like you live next to a few of them.  I'd say the best thing you can do is remember it's them, not you.  Don't bother trying to make friends with them; even if you could, at this point, would you want friends like that? (If you're not sure, watch literally any teen movie ever.)

If you're looking to connect and make friends with people, you're much better off looking for groups/activities related to your interests (i.e. a book group, dance class, sports clubs, activist groups, community volunteering, etc.).  I think that's pretty much universally true once you're a 'grown up,' but especially true when you're so far from home. 

Since Dundee is a university town, and has, as I understand it, a pretty up-and-coming cultural scene, there's bound to be at least one thing there you can get interested in.  If you're brave enough to jump in, you might even find a whole new interest.  And, bonus-- since nobody knows you, and you don't have to worry what they'll think, you could even try something really ridiculous and cheesy (e.g. square dancing, synchronised swimming) that you wouldn't be caught dead doing at home, but that you always secretly thought looked like fun.

In the mean time, please resist any urge you might have to try to change yourself in order to 'fit in' or be more 'acceptable' to people here.  There's no need, and it never works, anyway.  Remember, 'those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.'

But, equally, in order to preserve your own sanity, try to avoid taking things personally.  Like the stomping on the ceiling?  It could be deliberate, but it could also be coincidental.  Because they've made you feel self-concious, and unwelcome, you might be overly-aware of it when it happens to you, but not even notice if it's happening to your husband.  If you're able to just shrug it off and think 'what a clumsy cow,' you'll feel better. 

(But, if you're anything like me, and find you can't ignore it like that, then you might want to actually start logging it.  Seriously, make a note of every time it happens and any relevant details.  Pay extra-close attention when your husband is home, as well.  Looking at the hard data will most likely show you that it's completely random, and nothing to do with you.  Or, you might find a 'pattern' that, again, has nothing to do with you; maybe she just always does her step aerobics on a Tuesday afternoon.  And, in the worst-case scenario, if she does appear to be targeting you, you've got something you can use if you want to make a complaint to the landlord/police.) 

Hang in there!

I am surprised the neighbours from hell situation doesn't come up here more. At the moment I am blessed with an older, semi-retired literature professor next door. My concern now is that his front garden looks like the Westminster Flower Show. I gotta get out there now and do some weeding or something.

I am not at all trying to minimise your experience, but have you discovered the scourge of Electronic Dance Music? I lived next to an aspiring DJ once, and this form of music is like a table saw with a constant bass punch. Like a migraine mixed in a bowl of hangover with a dentist's drill. There would be sound waves in my teacup...like in Jurassic Park when the T-rex is stomping up unseen from a distance. I would much rather have a simple haunting or a local Russian cartel.

I have fully adopted the British policy on neighbours....a smile and nod....and that's it.

I wish I could say no, that's got nothing to do with it.  But I'm sure you know, far better than I do, that it'd be wishful thinking.  Even though the race issue has a different dynamic here, it's still very much an issue.

So, yeah, it might be just because of your race.  It might be just because you're American, or just because you've got a 'funny' accent.  It might be just because one of them fancies your husband.  It might be for any number of stupid, petty reasons, but the key thing is that none of them is your fault.  If you had done anything to even remotely earn that kind of treatment, you'd know exactly what it was. 

Some people are just awful, and none are more awful that 'mean girls'; it sounds like you live next to a few of them.  I'd say the best thing you can do is remember it's them, not you.  Don't bother trying to make friends with them; even if you could, at this point, would you want friends like that? (If you're not sure, watch literally any teen movie ever.)

If you're looking to connect and make friends with people, you're much better off looking for groups/activities related to your interests (i.e. a book group, dance class, sports clubs, activist groups, community volunteering, etc.).  I think that's pretty much universally true once you're a 'grown up,' but especially true when you're so far from home. 

Since Dundee is a university town, and has, as I understand it, a pretty up-and-coming cultural scene, there's bound to be at least one thing there you can get interested in.  If you're brave enough to jump in, you might even find a whole new interest.  And, bonus-- since nobody knows you, and you don't have to worry what they'll think, you could even try something really ridiculous and cheesy (e.g. square dancing, synchronised swimming) that you wouldn't be caught dead doing at home, but that you always secretly thought looked like fun.

In the mean time, please resist any urge you might have to try to change yourself in order to 'fit in' or be more 'acceptable' to people here.  There's no need, and it never works, anyway.  Remember, 'those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.'

But, equally, in order to preserve your own sanity, try to avoid taking things personally.  Like the stomping on the ceiling?  It could be deliberate, but it could also be coincidental.  Because they've made you feel self-concious, and unwelcome, you might be overly-aware of it when it happens to you, but not even notice if it's happening to your husband.  If you're able to just shrug it off and think 'what a clumsy cow,' you'll feel better. 

(But, if you're anything like me, and find you can't ignore it like that, then you might want to actually start logging it.  Seriously, make a note of every time it happens and any relevant details.  Pay extra-close attention when your husband is home, as well.  Looking at the hard data will most likely show you that it's completely random, and nothing to do with you.  Or, you might find a 'pattern' that, again, has nothing to do with you; maybe she just always does her step aerobics on a Tuesday afternoon.  And, in the worst-case scenario, if she does appear to be targeting you, you've got something you can use if you want to make a complaint to the landlord/police.) 

Hang in there!

Oh gawd, your'e right tho. If that may be the case, that's quite sad. Well, since I posted this, I've found a place called International women's centre, for women like myself who are having a hard time getting their footing. As for the first six months here 2 yrs ago...I just thought she was clumsy as heck, so ignored it. But over time it got very deliberate. My husband and I talk about it and when I'm back in St. Louis, she's quiet as a church mouse. Lol Awe well. Ty for your reply, some really good points made.

I am surprised the neighbours from hell situation doesn't come up here more. At the moment I am blessed with an older, semi-retired literature professor next door. My concern now is that his front garden looks like the Westminster Flower Show. I gotta get out there now and do some weeding or something.

I am not at all trying to minimise your experience, but have you discovered the scourge of Electronic Dance Music? I lived next to an aspiring DJ once, and this form of music is like a table saw with a constant bass punch. Like a migraine mixed in a bowl of hangover with a dentist's drill. There would be sound waves in my teacup...like in Jurassic Park when the T-rex is stomping up unseen from a distance. I would much rather have a simple haunting or a local Russian cartel.

I have fully adopted the British policy on neighbours....a smile and nod....and that's it.

Lmao Well, I've lived next frat house years ago. Day in and day out, all I heard was "Girls Girls Girls" by White Snake 24/7 besides that at least they weren't mean. Lol x

I just saw this video today and was like YES! THIS! I hope you have upstairs neighbours who are crazy like this, and not crazy because they're racist!

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Apart from 4 years in London, where I had neighbours from hell shooting my windows with pellet guns, kicking a football against the gable end, and shouting abuse everytime I went outside to put something in the bin... I've been pretty lucky with having quiet, keep-to-yourself neighbours.

The flat below us has been empty for years, but has recently been sold, and I am dreading someone eventually moving in.  But not because I'm afraid *they* will make noise... my partner is very, erm... heavy-footed, and literally stomps when he walks, even indoors.  I can't imagine how awful it will be for the people downstairs!  I'm hoping for someone hard-of-hearing... for their sake! 

We've been lucky with relatively quiet neighbours in London.

The worst thing we've experienced (besides one very loud party down the road and a fire alarm going off all night in an empty flat across the street) is our new neighbour who put windchimes in their back garden. I don't mind windchimes, but when they're not by choice, they get annoying fast.

They don't seem to bother DH, but I work from home.



I go through periods where I exercise at home and I'm very happy we're in a ground floor flat. If we were living above someone else, I'd be worried they'd hear me jumping around in the middle of the day.

But not because I'm afraid *they* will make noise... my partner is very, erm... heavy-footed, and literally stomps when he walks, even indoors. 

I worry all the time....watched Interstellar this weekend....it's a great movie....but it goes from mumbling McConaughey to what sounds like Hans Zimmer has fainted onto his keyboard in just a split second. I'm riding the volume buttons like a panicked two-footed geriatric driver who keeps confusing the gas pedal with the brakes.....floor it.....slam the brakes.....floor it.....slam the brakes. 

I'm visualising my tweedy neighbour nodding off with a cup of tea in his easy chair and being thrown awake by my racket...

Here's to hard of hearing neighbours! Thanks for the chuckles, my husband is heavy footed as well and I always feel I'm apologising to ours as well

Those with noisy neighbors, I feel your pain.

The family that live above us consists of two adults and three children (one is a toddler, and another a newborn baby). The toddler is a screamer and, I assume, the constant stomper because it sounds like she is running back and forth all the time. From about 6am to 9-10pm. God help us all when she has a temper tantrum.

They also own a drum set, just for good measure. I wish I was kidding. Thankfully they haven't played it in awhile though.

I think the neighbours in my building are overall nice but everyone keeps to themselves. If I stop to say hello to someone to have a chat, everyone seems eager to cut it short. Oh well! To be fair, the biggest, most annoying thing about everyone who lives here is the inability to make sure trash goes in the bin (the garbage men won't pick it up then and after a while, there's a huge problem).