Transatlantic move with 3 year old and temp separation from Dad

Hi all,

We've got flights booked for January, not long! I am trying to get my three year old used to the thought of a big move (we've already moved twice since he was born but rather locally). That in itself is pretty daunting, but I am heartbroken at the thought of telling him dad won't be coming. We're going over to live with my mum while I try to get a job that meets the income threshold for my partner's visa. He will visit during this time, but it will still be a huge separation.

Does anyone have experience with anything like this, or advice on how to get through it?

Ugh, this is tough.  Just had a look back at your old posts to see your circumstances.

Did you find out how much you and your husband have in your retirement accounts.  If the vested value is over £62,500, that would meet the requirement with no separation.

I moved to England in 1995 with my then three-year old son (he turned four the following month). I went to marry my English fiance who is not his father. His father and I divorced when he was less than a year old. The six months before we left for England, we lived with him so he could spend as much time as he could with his son and I could save money to pay off my outstanding debts. It was a very difficult time for all of us.

In the nine years we lived in England, I made sure my son talked to his Dad on the phone at least once a week. His father sent him a cassette tape of stories narrated by him that our boy listened to every single night. He would get a new one every two weeks. I made sure that I photographed him every week and would always send the photo with anything our son wanted to tell him or share with him such as an artwork (my ex-husband is an artist and asked for that most) and from time to time, I would send a tape of our boy singing songs. After a while, we got email and that opened up a whole new way to communicate and share news more often. I bought a video camera and would send movies to him. I visited Houston once a year with our son in tow (and my two other children) and I paid for my ex-husband to visit us in England one week a year. We kept that up for all nine years we lived abroad and the four years we lived in other cities in the US. We finally came back to where his father lives in Houston.

My point is that separation will always be difficult but it doesn't have to be too hard. Technology is so much more advanced these days that communication with your spouse is instant. You can talk and see each other on Skype, you can do IM to keep each other updated on happenings, FB and all the social media where you can do all of what I did and faster, live and in color! I asked my son recently of those days. He told me that he never felt like his father was ever really far away. He is nearly 24 now and he lives only 15 miles from his Dad but he's lucky to see him once a month. Go figure!

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KFdancer - I didn't think you could use retirement savings towards visa savings requirements? If so that could prove very helpful!

lorenausuk - How sweet! You sound like a wonderful mother. We plan on getting the recordable Guess How Much I Love You book for his dad to record to take over, and skype will prove invaluable!

Yeo long as the retirement accounts are vested, you can use them.  No unvested sums can be used to meet the qualification.

We've had two big breaks apart over the last few years. Once when my daughter was 2 and a half for five months when I went back to take care of my Mum who had cancer. And the other when she was 3 and a half for three months to take care of my Dad after a heart operation.

Both times my husband had to stay in the US for his job. We skyped three to four times a week and he visited a couple of times for things like Christmas etc.

I asked my daughter today if she remembers that time and if she remembers that her Dad wasn't there and she (now 5 and a half) barely remembers it. At the time she didn't seem too bothered as long as I was there. She was excited to see him when he visited and when we went home and was a little clingy for a day but that was it.

She's very good with change and very flexible though - a lot could depend on your child's general temperament and all the clues you are giving out about the experience.