Last Minute Plans,

That's not the strange sewing store where they don't even trust the women working there to make change?  They had a central cash office upstairs and they had to shoot the money around in vacuum tubes.  Every transaction took forever!

That sounds great!

Cashier: Hmmmm...two bobbins and black thread....that will be £3.20. Out of a five? Just a minute while I have that verified.

I don't work in Reading any more either.

The Jamaican place I liked was near the Oracle, opposite a tiny square with a memorial, near the Bang and Oulsen shop and across the square fro Greggs and the Sony Shop.  They made fantastic oxtail over rice with a side of Mac N Cheese.  Sometimes I stuck out like a sore thumb when I ate there, but everyone was nice.

Ah right! I know which one you're talking about! Never ate their, myself to be honest though 

I don't think you and I are even talking about the same town!  It must have changed so much from 1999 that I am sure you wouldn't recognise anything.

Was just thinking the same thing! I imagine it will be a bit of a shock to see how diffferent it is! hah

Jimbocz--Heela's was the big department store on Broad Street. If you don't know what it is, it's probably had its name changed to John Lewis.
That was the big controversy back in the day with people not wanting the name to change.

I'm starting to think I won't recognize Reading when I return. It was a big town then but it's probably massive now. I know some things are really different than they were then but I was shocked at how expensive it is now! My little family lived in a 2-bedroom terrace house in Lower Earley. We rented it (£550) and our landlord offered to sell it to us for £70K in 1995. We laughed our butts off at him. My husband is from Lancashire where his childhood three-bedroom detached house cost £50K then. My former next-door-neighbor informed us that he sold the house earlier this year for £300K! He's the one laughing now My family is relocating back to England in a few years and we thought we would go back and live in Reading/Wokingham. Perhaps, I'll just visit!

Sorry, I know this post has gone wayward but wanted to comment on the original post...

I think when it comes to parties and gatherings and such, I totally agree. Even drinks after work at the local pub took weeks of planning (and even then so many would cancel before the actual day)!

But one thing I absolutely hate is the "dropping in for a cuppa" deal!

I am not spontaneous, I am a planner and I'm also born and raised on the south so I like to provide hospitality with nibbles and anyone who drops in suddenly throws me off! My biggest fear is that my mother in law, who recently moved down the road (ugh) will stop by whenever she feels like it. I just want a little heads up so I can tidy and put something out.

Oh, and getting a message that says "Put the kettle on" from his family a few minutes before they ring the bell does NOT count as a heads up for me, haha! Pet peeve!!!

Sorry, I know this post has gone wayward but wanted to comment on the original post...

I think when it comes to parties and gatherings and such, I totally agree. Even drinks after work at the local pub took weeks of planning (and even then so many would cancel before the actual day)!

But one thing I absolutely hate is the "dropping in for a cuppa" deal!

I am not spontaneous, I am a planner and I'm also born and raised on the south so I like to provide hospitality with nibbles and anyone who drops in suddenly throws me off! My biggest fear is that my mother in law, who recently moved down the road (ugh) will stop by whenever she feels like it. I just want a little heads up so I can tidy and put something out.

Oh, and getting a message that says "Put the kettle on" from his family a few minutes before they ring the bell does NOT count as a heads up for me, haha! Pet peeve!!!

I can totally appreciate that! Just to clarify, for me it was more about last minute plans more than popping in to somebody's unexpectedly (although admittedly it wouldn't necessarily put me off I might just be a bit embarrassed
My house looks like a sty haha). I think it's more the way you are sometimes made to feel just by asking last minute if they want to meet up for a coffee or cocktail. Like it's almost weird you'd be asking on the spot or something. I'm not bothered if I am met with no they can't today by any means or if they need a few hours notice to drop by as that's reasonable reactions 🙂

I think too lots of things are sort of over-subscribed. Like I was reading about Scouts and Guides and things. In the states there's always somebody actively recruiting you. The same for church groups and such. So you just turn up on Scout meeting night and they sign you up.

Here, I read, there are waiting lists for Guides and Scouts....and there are, of course, "good" Scout and Guide groups that are hard to get into. So any effort to boost the number of kids in Scouting and Guides is nullified by the fact that they limit troop size.

When my daughter was younger I would notice these things..."Book now for mid-term break".....it was weeks and weeks away. But if you didn't get right in there....you'd ring them and they would say, "Sorry....no spaces."

Churches too. You know coming from a Southern Baptist "witness to them or they are going to hell" evangelical background we firmly believed in "who so ever will may come". But try and get a slot at the local church kid's camp - British Jesus is all booked up.

Sorry, I know this post has gone wayward but wanted to comment on the original post...

I think when it comes to parties and gatherings and such, I totally agree. Even drinks after work at the local pub took weeks of planning (and even then so many would cancel before the actual day)!

But one thing I absolutely hate is the "dropping in for a cuppa" deal!

I am not spontaneous, I am a planner and I'm also born and raised on the south so I like to provide hospitality with nibbles and anyone who drops in suddenly throws me off! My biggest fear is that my mother in law, who recently moved down the road (ugh) will stop by whenever she feels like it. I just want a little heads up so I can tidy and put something out.

Oh, and getting a message that says "Put the kettle on" from his family a few minutes before they ring the bell does NOT count as a heads up for me, haha! Pet peeve!!!

Oh, my in-laws just show up at our house unannounced and they live a good 10 minutes away by car. I WISH they would send us a text. I could at least pick up the living room before they got there! Our house is messy too... And with my husband recovering from a Crohn's flare up, I just don't feel like being the only cleaning. Cause I clean and it's messy again in a day.

I love the British way of planning out in advance!! I'm not a fan of the 'last minute plans' thing.  It's perhaps because I'm quite a busy soul, but I keep a meticulous diary of comings and goings.  Even silly things, like "shopping for shoes" and "gardening" . Things that could be spontaneous, but I'd prefer them to be scheduled in, so I know what's on roughly.  (I also look at my diary at the end of the year and look at all I've done......Hmmmm...)

That doesn't mean I don't appreciate a spontaneous change in my plans if its for something fun and good though! 

Oh, my in-laws just show up at our house unannounced and they live a good 10 minutes away by car. I WISH they would send us a text. I could at least pick up the living room before they got there! Our house is messy too... And with my husband recovering from a Crohn's flare up, I just don't feel like being the only cleaning. Cause I clean and it's messy again in a day.

I should also add that the MIL doesn't show up when she says she is going to, too. So annoying. Can't win here haha

It's your home, you live in it, it's YOUR space and if hubby isn't well, then it's best not worrying about the house.

My home always seems to get its fastest, best clean ever when I'm told someone is coming over haha

I love the British way of planning out in advance!! I'm not a fan of the 'last minute plans' thing.  It's perhaps because I'm quite a busy soul, but I keep a meticulous diary of comings and goings.  Even silly things, like "shopping for shoes" and "gardening" . Things that could be spontaneous, but I'd prefer them to be scheduled in, so I know what's on roughly.  (I also look at my diary at the end of the year and look at all I've done......Hmmmm...)

That doesn't mean I don't appreciate a spontaneous change in my plans if its for something fun and good though!

I'm definitely not a planner! I admire your skills! Haha I totally Appreciate needing to plan out, I just don't like people acting like it's weird for me to ask out of the blue. It's obvious for things like actual nights out or parties but when it comes to things like grabbing a coffee, that's not something I'd necessarily plan - unless it's a catch up with someone? Mostly I might think to myself "it's gorgeous out, I want a coffee! I'd just go but think "why go alone? I'll ask if so-and-so wants to join". I guess those are more he type of plans I mean

I'll be returning to the UK at the end of the year after I get married, but I'm already dreading my in-laws dropping by unannounced. They are all very enmeshed in each others' lives and live close by. Last time I was visiting my fiance and his mother were complaining about how he called his Dad from the car (his parents are divorced) and he asked if he could have a couple of hours before we stopped by. They couldn't believe how rude he was. I said I could understand where he was coming from because I wouldn't appreciate anyone dropping by my house at short notice and you should have seen their faces. I'm trying to start setting boundaries early 

I'm definitely not a planner! I admire your skills! Haha I totally Appreciate needing to plan out, I just don't like people acting like it's weird for me to ask out of the blue. It's obvious for things like actual nights out or parties but when it comes to things like grabbing a coffee, that's not something I'd necessarily plan - unless it's a catch up with someone? Mostly I might think to myself "it's gorgeous out, I want a coffee! I'd just go but think "why go alone? I'll ask if so-and-so wants to join". I guess those are more he type of plans I mean

A while ago I was reading an expat blog where the author was discussing how she found it impossible to make friends with English women, and there were tons of comments with people agreeing. Finally there was one American woman who wrote that her flatmate encouraged her to ask his girlfriend to grab a cup of coffee with her, and the English girlfriend said no. She said that if she went to coffee once, then she would have to go to coffee every week, and she already didn't have enough time for the friends she had, so didn't want to make any new ones.

I wonder if that plays into people turning down last minute invitations? Maybe it's fine if it's a one off, like a dinner or party planned far in advance, but they're worried if they agree to one casual drink, you'll start asking them all the time. Have you hung out with these people you're inviting out one on one before, or has it always been in groups?

I'm trying to start setting boundaries early

Ha! The best thing you can do with in-laws! When the hubby and I first moved in together, from the very first day, his family were trying to just stop by. I said NO. There were boxes everywhere! Hubby told them I was being "house-proud" and we had them wait a bit before coming round. It was going good til I came back after a month gone in the US waiting for my fiancée visa. Suddenly the mother in law thought she would come round all the time, even when my now-husband was at work. There was always some lame excuse, but really she just wanted to make sure she was being involved with the wedding. It's been quiet since then, despite her moving down the road from us. Fingers crossed it stays like that, or I'll have to tell her again she needs to give us some notice!

And again the opposite, I'm waiting for someone to stop by with a printer they're letting me borrow. Said they would be around "after tea" and still not here! :-/ I want to get in my pajamas already haha

Churches too. You know coming from a Southern Baptist "witness to them or they are going to hell" evangelical background we firmly believed in "who so ever will may come". But try and get a slot at the local church kid's camp - British Jesus is all booked up.

That is hilarious, and makes me think back to when I was about 7 and Jim and Tammy Bakker from the PTL club had a bus going around the neighbourhood picking up kids.  They almost kidnapped me. 

British Jesus may be booked up, but American Jesus doesn't take "No" for an answer. 

Jim Bakker ended up serving time in jail for fraud, no wonder my early attempts at living the holy life were such a failure. 

I'll be returning to the UK at the end of the year after I get married, but I'm already dreading my in-laws dropping by unannounced. They are all very enmeshed in each others' lives and live close by. Last time I was visiting my fiance and his mother were complaining about how he called his Dad from the car (his parents are divorced) and he asked if he could have a couple of hours before we stopped by. They couldn't believe how rude he was. I said I could understand where he was coming from because I wouldn't appreciate anyone dropping by my house at short notice and you should have seen their faces. I'm trying to start setting boundaries early 

A while ago I was reading an expat blog where the author was discussing how she found it impossible to make friends with English women, and there were tons of comments with people agreeing. Finally there was one American woman who wrote that her flatmate encouraged her to ask his girlfriend to grab a cup of coffee with her, and the English girlfriend said no. She said that if she went to coffee once, then she would have to go to coffee every week, and she already didn't have enough time for the friends she had, so didn't want to make any new ones.

I wonder if that plays into people turning down last minute invitations? Maybe it's fine if it's a one off, like a dinner or party planned far in advance, but they're worried if they agree to one casual drink, you'll start asking them all the time. Have you hung out with these people you're inviting out one on one before, or has it always been in groups?

I replied to this the other day but it didn't work for some reason basically was saying I had met these people one on one before. The problem in the scenarios was that I asked too last minute, but I can see your thought process and might be the problem with some people for sure!

I can imagine in the OP's situation that you read that she would probably be put off from asking again in future as I can see that as quite a tough rejection. I think more so because she was convinced to step outside of her comfort zone and ask the girlfriend to hang out. The girlfriend totally assumed this would become a regular thing (you know what they say about assumptions!). Obviously she doesn't have to say yes by any means but maybe the roommate who convince the OP should've probably checked with the girlfriend first beforehand as I think, at least if I were that OP, I wouldn't put myself out there again - at least not easily.