Making friends in England

I read of the difficulties of making friends (as opposed to acquaintances) in the UK.  But are there ways to make this quest a reality that can be carried out relatively shortly and have stood the test of time?  My wife is not planning to work, so I'm leaving that way of making English friends out.  Se can Skype them daily, of course, but she will eventually have to move forwards.

For example, joining Facebook and making English friends that way?  Or another social media outlet like Facebook?  Would that perhaps work?

Another idea, if it can be afforded, is to occasionally return on a visit to the home town, to see relatives and friends back there.

For those with money, perhaps this is a chance to go on vacation with your spouse to other countries for a week or two at a time to see places they have only dreamed about?

Or to buy a car in England in order to tour the lovely regions and see the really great things that the UK has to offer?

Are there methods of socially integrating with the English population, in other words, that are more likely to work, and have preferably proved themselves?  Failing this, if your spouse still gets homesick, what is the best course of action to follow?

It does take time to make friends, and the easiest way to do that will depend on her age and interests.

I would definitely suggest joining a group of people who share the same hobbies, volunteering for a cause she enjoys and... Honestly, my best way of meeting people has been through my dogs. haha.

I can't say that social media has helped me make any UK friends, but it does make sharing contact info easier. Some people don't like to give out there phone number but are happy to be facebook friends.

Your mileage may vary as I am 31.

I think she has a great head start....a lot of spouses/partners aren't as atuned to this issue as you seem to be. It can be challenging.

She is 52 and I am 64, coming up to UK state pension age.

So you can argue it may be more difficult for her to adjust, because of her age.  And if she eventually wants to look for work, it may be more difficult to get work due to age discrimination. And her previous job is one that is not in much local demand where I live and her skills would have to be updated in any case.

As she cannot get UK state benefits for 5 years, she cannot access UK government retraining courses for the unemployed.

Frankly, if she wants some sort of work, the more realistic action would be to take up self-employment of some sort.  What this would be, we would have to think about.

My most successful way of making friends has been to have a baby - probably not an option you want!   

I would highly recommend her volunteering somewhere that interests her.  Could even lead to a bit of a part time job.

My husband's aunt moved a few years ago around the age of 60.  She joined a nearby church and happily volunteered for things there.  She has such a strong social circle now that it's really hard to get together with her.  I love how much her life has improved since moving!

Strongly agree that volunteering and getting any job is very important.  You need to help her develop a life independent of you  for her long term happiness. 52 is way too early for the scrap heap, she can find a job.  Would she like to run a charity shop? 

Joining a social group based on interests is definitely something we are planning to think over.  As you say, if you can get this together, it's an excellent way to make friends. 

I used to volunteer for a local charity shop and I have mixed views on whether this would be beneficial.  Volunteering fills a few hours in a week, but in the shop I worked in, there was a degree of back-biting and a rather cavalier attitude of the management towards their volunteers (unpaid).  The "training" was in effect non-existent, and there was a certain clannishness among some of the older members, so you either fitted in or not.  Generally, I felt there was a hire-and-fire attitude towards volunteers that was also off-putting.  So I would not be the best person to ask about advantages from charity shop volunteering but personally I would not return to that.

I want us to see the local career guidance service when she gets here.  Although she has an open mind as to whether she would like to work or not, it would be good to hear the options from the careers officer. 

Yeah, having a baby was how I made friends too! But at least where I live there are lots of social groups at churches. I don't even think you need to be particularly religious, which is a change of pace from what I'm used to in the US.

I am only six years younger than your wife, dave1951, so I believe your missus is in the prime of life!

When I first moved to the UK back in 1995, I was a 25 year old mother of a three-year-old. However, I didn't make any friends with other parents. I knew the child-minders of the children. Once I could work (I was on a fiancée visa), I did but even then, it was simply a matter of having work colleagues and no real friends. When I had my second child, I became a stay-at-home parent. At that same time, my husband became a telecoms contractor and moved to Europe. He only returned to England 72 days a year. It was very hard for me because although I had only one sister, I have 72 first cousins and I saw them every single week back in Texas. In my last US job, my workmates were my extended family. In fact, two workmates are my children's godparents. Add the fact that this was a time before social media or Skype and email was the closest thing you had to swift communication, it was an extremely lonely existence. I did suffer from post natal depression after my second child was born and the feeling of isolation didn't help, I had to go out and make my own life.

I didn't go to college in the US so I went on an Open University course. It was the best thing I ever did. My instructor introduced me to a few of his other students and we would meet once a week for a coffee. We had a commonality and later we started to hang out together and they are still my friends. It boosted my confidence, I got to understand the people a bit better, my husband's absences were less stressful and I got a UK qualification.

My husband moved us closer to his parents 200 miles away and I had to start the process all over again. This time around, the internet really took off (2000) and I started connecting with people who shared my interests and we met regularly. Plus, I also started a home-based business when my third child was born. I got to travel the areas around Greater Manchester and meet all sorts of different people. Many started as customers and when I left the UK five years later in 2004, became good friends.

My husband is still a telecoms rep and moved us back to the US but we moved to five different cities in three different states in four years. I've had to keep starting over and over. But in this day and age of technology, meeting new people is so much easier. There are groups for everything. I've taken a few courses at the local college, joined a women's group who travel to cities around the US on weekend trips, I started another home-based business (I haven't worked outside the home in 19 years) and a host of other things. I'm returning to the UK indefinitely in 2019 and I will do that process all over again and I'm quite excited. To me, I think it's all a state of mind. If you think it's hard to make friends than it will be quite difficult. I guess for me, I had to make a decision to make the best of my situation. Sure, I've had some difficult times with unbearable loneliness but I chose to find a way to make it better. It's very sweet that you're concerned for your wife but I think you being with her and helping her find her way around will make all the difference.