Did moving back to the UK change your relationship?

DH and I are making plans to move back to the UK, but we have spent our entire marriage in the US. (He is even a US citizen now.) It's been so long that he feels more at home here in the States than he does when we visit the UK.

We recently watched an old video of us from when we lived in Scotland, and his accent was so much stronger. We were completely different people back then and I barely recognized us. It made me wonder how going back to that will change our established dynamic.

He'll blend in again with his accent and family and friends easily accessible again. I'll suddenly stand out with my American accent, and even though I'm in my 30s with two kids, I will have to relearn everything from scratch, even the basics, like driving a car.

Does anyone have experience with how relationships change when you switch roles? 

I have ZERO first hand experience, so I will preface with that.  Not to mention I met my British husband when I was already living and working in the UK.  So while I've stayed permanently (well, at least for the foreseeable future) for him, I didn't *move* for him.

That being said, I think the trailing spouse will always feel (a bit) like an outsider.  However, as your husband has lived in the US for a while, I'm sure HE will feel like an outsider back in Scotland.  He's seen a different view of the world and he'll likely not feel as though he really belongs in either place.

I recommend diving head first into life back in Scotland.  Set up regular video calls with your family and friends back home.  Get your UK license.  Take up a hobby that is WITHOUT your husband and kids.  Get involved in your kids activities.  You'll settle in quickly, I'm sure.  Kids help a lot!  And I've always heard very positive stories from those living in Scotland.  I think people are simply friendlier and more accepting of "outsiders" there.   

I can sorta identify with this.  My British husband and I married 40 odd years ago.  I had lived here previously but we set up married life in the UK -- had two kids -- the usual stuff.  I was fairly content.  Then I had to deal with aging parents, one with Parkinson's and the other with Alzheimer's.  To relieve my aunt and cousins (no siblings) I decided I'd have to move back for the duration.  Husband commuted several times a year; I came back to the UK only a few times.  Long story ... but ultimately came back to UK and have been here another 4 years.
 
Things change not just because of where you are but also because your situation is different.  We're both retired now -- kids grown up.  Once upon a time I accepted being the dependent housewife but since then I've worked and maintained my parents' home so it's hard to get used to.  Plus I think life in the UK is different.  I felt more at home back the first time around.  Now I find it hard to accept the changes to traffic and everyday things like wheelie bins that we didn't have to worry about back then.

So yeah, it's a different life -- for me anyway.

Our situation was the same as yours - entire marriage in the US, etc. Moving to the UK didn't change anything for us. However, everyone is different.

I told my wife if she didn't like it to tough it out for three years (that was all she needed at the time to get UK citizenship) and then we will move back to the US and resume our life there. This reassured her that if it was significantly different and she didn't like it then there was a way back. We put our US stuff in storage and rented out our US house so it would be easy to go back.

Turns out she prefers it in the UK, so we stayed.

While I've lived all our married-life in the UK and we were LDR before that (me in the US and him in the UK) so cannot totally identify with your situation, I just want to echo KFdancer's words:

That being said, I think the trailing spouse will always feel (a bit) like an outsider.  However, as your husband has lived in the US for a while, I'm sure HE will feel like an outsider back in Scotland.  He's seen a different view of the world and he'll likely not feel as though he really belongs in either place.

What I can relate to is that feeling of being transplanted for so long that when you go back, you don't feel you belong there. I've only been living here just over 3 years now and I go back to visit the US once a year for roughly two weeks but I have to admit - if I'm totally honest - I still manage to feel like an outsider whilst there (and it doesn't help that people are constantly reminding me I don't sound like I'm from Boston anymore!). I imagine your husband will likely feel similar to you in that he doesn't feel like he quite belongs either.

As far as dynamic changing, I think you deal with it in the same way (just reversed) that you dealt with when setting up shop in the US in the first place. It will be tough and you might feel displaced, but your husband will help you settle in and adjust to the lifestyle the same way that I'm sure you did for him those years ago. All you can do is just go in with a positive attitude and know that you aren't alone in the transition. The fact that he has US citizenship now means that - if all else fails and you truly cannot stick it out back in the UK - you can move back to the US together much easier than if he were not a citizen. Just focus on your day-to-day and get involved in everything (especially where your children are concerned) as much as possible as it will help you feel more involved - if that makes sense?

Good luck!