Who actually PLANS on staying in the UK?

A post started by Marlespo got me thinking...  (Not to shine a spotlight right at you, Marlespo.)  

Here is a girl who JUST moved here in July of 2002 and is now planning on fleeing the country in January, 2004.... a year and a half later.  Then an additional outpouring showed that many people plan on moving back.

I can't help but wonder about this.

I know that you never really know what you're jumping into until you get here, and I understand that for various reasons, people HAD to start here... knowing all the while they'd end up back in America.  But what about the rest of you?

My husband and I started in America.  We lived there three years, as planned, and now we've moved here, where we will stay for three years at which point we will make a decision about our future.

I was here for 5 months back in 1998/1999, and I can absolutely understand people wanted to flock back to America.  I had a terrible time then and couldn't wait to get my ass out of England. I wasn't working, though, and we were flat broke, which I'm sure was 99.9% of the problem.

This time I'm much more relaxed, know what to expect, have slowed myself down and am "going with the flow."  I find myself often times thinking, "I might as well be in America."  My life is lacking nothing by being here.  Sure -- I don't have my family around me, but I could have moved to California and not have had my family around me.  To be honest, my family is just about the only pull America still has on me.

Sure -- at times I would torture someone for a Target, or some Macaroni and Cheese -- but all-in-all I have everything I want.  Those thing don't REALLY matter, after all.

I think that CeltictotheCore hit the nail on the head...  

What I do know from personal experience is that the mind has a funny way of playing tricks with us all sometimes, convincing us that the grass is always greener elsewhere especially in a place that holds memories.

I've noticed that most couples are comprised of an American female and a British male.  I think that this plays a gigantic role in the decisions of couples choosing to live in America.  I think women are just as strong as men, and can do anything a man can do.  However, I also think that women are more emotional and have more of a need for a support system.  Therefore, I think it fitting that all these American women want to be back at home where they have already built such a system.

Sure -- I can't believe house prices... but you know what?  Equity is equity... so even if we move back to America we haven't lost anything.  And besides -- everyone is paying those rates... it's just what the market is doing.  So it's not like I'm getting ripped off.  And sure, I hate that stores close at an ungodly hour, but hey, it makes my evenings more relaxed.  If I know I can't do something, there's no reason to worry about it.  And yeah, there are a million other gripes I have.... but I have just as many about America.

I love having a million days off year, and I love being so close to the rest of the world, so on and so forth.  But there are just as many things that I love about America.

There is no clear cut decision for us.  And while we have quite a while before our three year mark, I expect it will be a difficult decision to make.

Sometimes, I think that people first live in England -- maybe because of the romanticism behind it, maybe because of the easy immigrations -- but then they decide they want to live in America.  What happens when they get there?  Either they're so relieved to be back, they never think twice about moving to England again, or they miss England but they don't want to do that terrible over-seas move again.  

Maybe it's totally different for my husband and I because we started in America...  and so it's reversed for us.  I think I'd have to say that I'm glad we did it that way.  Because instead of looking at England as a challenge, we're looking at it as an opportunity.  And I don't  have all the fear and frustration that many people seem to have.

To get to the point: does anyone plan on staying in England?
Why do you think you chose this?  

I'll be interested in seeing what people say -- what sex/nationality the partners are -- how old they were when they moved -- if they've already lived in America.  I think there are a lot of factors, aside from personality that play a huge role in our decision.

I'm sorry -- I know this is a huge post, and a lot of it was to vent ... but I'd love to hear from people who plan on staying.

-Lisa-

We don't have any plans on moving back to America.  Now I haven't completed my move yet (English FH proceeded my move by 7 months and I complete my move in mid-June) so I could be whinging to move back after actually being settled, but when we made our decision to move, we talked about it being a permanant move.  We're renting at the moment but our lease is up in Oct. and we'll buy a home then, which I wouldn't want to do if we weren't planning on staying.  We've also both had to resign from our US contracts and become employed on UK contracts with our employer (BT) - this is twice for FH as the company paid for his and his family's move to the US, and sponsored their green cards, six years ago.  I can't imagine the company doing this again just because we feel like moving back.  Both of us love working for this company (FH has 25 years there and I've been for 6 yrs) so we wouldn't easily leave the company.  All in all, from what we've discussed so far, we'll be in the UK to stay.  The only thing that might change that would be if we decided to move abroad for retirement (Spain maybe) but that's a big "maybe!"

I am not there yet....but I plan on staying in England...  Tom is English and loves his country...  He has 2 grown children and a few siblings...  I on the other hand, have 2 sisters...(1 of whom I do not talk to and the other of whom I just began talking to again after 3.5 years and staying with at this time)  My sister Renee and I have decided to make amens and enjoy each others company before my move...  I have a large step family...  whom is very kind to me, but now that Dad is gone it is not quite the same anymore...  

So, both of my parents are gone...  most of my close friends are gone...  and luckily for Tom, I fell in love with England...  I know I am not kidding myself and sure I will go through a lot of adjustments...  but I am looking at my move to England as a new life at the age of 47 as well as a great time to learn new things and cultures...not just english, but hopefully from many of the countries around there.

I feel that I belong there and I am trying my best to count the days until I am there...  (my counting just keeps getting changed on me...LOL)

Shel

Did'nt mention it when I responded to a similar post on this subject earlier this week but mfrederica did with hers.....Age. Being 51 I feel as though I'm at that magic crossroad in my life where I tend to analyze and sometimes over analyze to a fault most major decisions that I make now. Life altering decisions as I get older seem to take on more of an importance ( not that in reality theyre any more important than those made when one is younger) and somewhat different thought process. Worst case scenarios sometimes seem to rent more space in your head than we shoud actually allow them to. I suppose thats part of the beauty of making these decisions when we're in our 20's and 30's, we convince ourselves that if it doesnt work out then we can just change it back, and at that age 99% of the time we can with minor disruption to our lives. As young as I feel (and look! ) I've come to realize that age IS a huge factor. I lived there for 3 years in my 20's, three times temporarily in my 30's and 40's and now have to decide if thats where I'm going to make my last and final home at. Right now I've convinced myself that next June will be it and we'll finally make the move permanently and I'm sure that over the next 13 months this thought will get turned inside out in my head ten thousand times but like I said before I just think thats part of human nature to do so.

I don't think I will come back to the US once we go.  Though that's what I said the last time too.    Just happened that I needed to finish my degree and then did the masters and then got married and then.... anway.

For me I will just have to try living there for a few years first. Just like my DH wantd to try it here for a few years. 3 seems to be the magic number for us too.

I want an EU passport too so that where ever we decide to hang our hats we will be able to. We will wind up in Spain eventually.  Most of my family is there.

I am also way too lazy to survive in the US.  Like my holiday time.  Don't want to work my self to death only to wonder what I was doing it for when I am old and gray to can't enjoy things I could have done.  (How's that for a run on sentence? Internet ...home of bad grammar!)

My main concern is future children, but then again I think to myself it's me that will be the major influence over my kids... not where we live....so whether in the US or UK we can make choices that will make us happier.

I know that moving to the UK won't be great if I don't make some good choices about where to live and how to live.  

I like the US, but dislike where I am in Atlanta.  If I stayed here we would move.

WARNING slightly off topic housing rant ahead.....

I always wonder one thing when people go off on housing costs....have they actually taken a good long look at the crap construction of the majority of "levitt town" mass produced suburban homes in the USA?  Of course they are cheaper!  They are located so far away from the city it's silly.  The closer in, the the more expensive.  Bulid your own with brick and hardwood floors and then it is not so cheap.  (Our hardwood floors cost us $12,000. )

In Atlanta if you buy a nice home, in an older neighborhood with trees, sidewalks, access to parks and near your job you are talking major money.  Same in New York, Boston, San Francisco etc.

Yes you can buy a house in the suburbs twice the size BUT then you have other issues.


Again it's a matter of what makes you happy.

We are in our 30's and he's the UK peep.

Again it's a matter of what makes you happy.

At the end of the day, that really is the only answer !  

Always... I mean one man's junk is another man's treasure ..or so the overused saying goes.  

Even though I rant on about how I dislike Atlanta, I now realize that there are pockets where I could live happily for a while.   It's just not home.  

Home is where I spent many happy summers..the Pyrennes.

For me it was quite hard to adjust to being over here...but then I originally came over on vacation and was planning to go to art school.  

Then when we were first engaged and newly wed, there was always the carrot of we'll go live in the US for at least a year at some point and then decide...which turned out to be something my hubby was telling me to make me feel better, but wasn't actually planning to do.  

So we've sorted ourselves out and are communicating better now.

We're planning to live here (or at least he is lol), tho that said, his Mum and I keep plotting a move to Canada.   Whether that is actually ever gonna happen is another matter entirely, but it's a fun thing to discuss when England gets on our nerves. heh!  

So open to other options, but at the moment most likely to live here for the foreseeable future.  That said, I currently refuse to raise children here after the age of oh, 9.  Not planning to have kids at the moment so not really an issue, but it's one of those possible future things.

Okies, wandering off now.
wench

I would just like to say I'm not fleeing the country, we're just going where he can get the best job - we'd be happy in the US, we'd be happy in the UK, but it's not like I hate it here or anything. Just clarifying.

We'll be staying unless something really life altering happens (but even then, don't think I would move permanently).  I'll always consider myself American and don't know that I would want to renounce my citizenship but I prefer living here than to where I was.

This is my home. I didn't come over with the idea that I'd move back to the US, but the thought certainly went through my mind in those first stages...but for the fact I gave everything up, and for a (then) 41-year-old to start a new career in a strange city (no, I would not have returned from where I came).

Then I started to settle in and make contacts here. And it all changed back to right for me.

To carry this one further...those who say they will live here now, how do you feel about being buried here (or having ashes scattered here)?

To carry this one further...those who say they will live here now, how do you feel about being buried here (or having ashes scattered here)?

Good question.  

I'd want my ashes here with my husband (wherever he decides to chuck them lol).  Tho I would also like a small amount of them to go home to my mother.  She's gonna get a viking longboat model and put my ashes in them...then set it on fire and let it drift down the Mississippi.  My mom rocks.  [smiley=wacky.gif]
wench

I moved here for settlement purposes, and that's what I am - settled.  I haven't gone through any of the "homesickness" some others seems to have suffered.  Even when I missed Target and Cuban-style black beans the most, I would never have traded living here for them.

As far as being buried - of course I'll be interred here.  Right next to my husband - and we'll be buried on the same day as we plan on dying at the same time.  Neither of us wants to live a moment without the other...

This is home but I do like the option of always being able to go back if I wanted.  I think i'd be a hell of a lot happier here if I could go home as and when I wanted. I envy LisaE a great deal because she goes to the states several times a year whereas I can only go once every two years and now the partner is saying he's not interested in going back for another 3-4 years.....Although I respect his wishes, I miss my family dearly and really wish I could be with them more.  I miss our big traditional midwestern family gatherings for any occasion and every single holiday. And now that they're all getting so much older, I feel guilty for not seeing more of them, especially the pater. (My son today started talking about when Grandpa took him for a drive in his "big car" and I just welled up right there.)  Just wish Calif was a lot closer and a lot cheaper to get to!

As far as ashes go, I decided a couple of years ago that I want half of me buried in London and half of me scattered in Arkansas where I spent my summers with my family. Kindof sums up my ambivalence about who I am and where I belong. Right down the middle.

Lisa........
I'm not sure what I can really add to your post but wanted to tell you that it really struck home for me.  I am American (33y/o) and my hubby is English (30y/o).  Before we got married we thought long and hard as to which country we would live in.  

We finally decided to settle in the States but I said from the very beginning that we would give it 2 years and then discuss it again.  It will be almost 3 years soon and we have made the decision to go to the UK.  Unfortunately, it can't happen for a while since I need to get my RN before we go.  

I'm curious how I will do over there.  I've visited but visiting isn't like living there.  However, I love my husband and he is very homesick and I think this is a fair compromise.  

So I don't think I really added anything worthwhile to this discussion but I felt like posting since so much in your post hit home.

Cleacia
Texas