Author Topic: I'm sure this is normal but...  (Read 2076 times)

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Offline Jettagirl81

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Re: I'm sure this is normal but...
« Reply #45 on: April 25, 2018, 04:55:00 PM »
Woooow, he complained about a 20 minute drive?  ::) I’m sorry to hear it’s over, but it sounds like you certainly made the right decision. It sounds like his effort in making your life together happen certainly did not match yours. I agree as well that religious ideas not matching up could cause problems later on - beyond him being bothered by a 20 minute journey to church.

The whole thing seemed like one big problem after another.  His family was annoyed that we were getting married outside of the west midlands and they'd have to travel an hour.  I get it that driving isn't common there, but I had family flying 3500 miles.  It looks like he's finally in agreement with me and understanding why I've made the decision to call things off.  For now, we're parting on good terms.  He wants to skype at some point to tell me some things.  I don't know if that would be a good idea or not.  He's VERY emotional and I'm not (I'm not a regular crier anyway) so I think it might be just awkward.

Offline Kay

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Re: I'm sure this is normal but...
« Reply #46 on: April 27, 2018, 02:02:15 AM »
The whole thing seemed like one big problem after another.  His family was annoyed that we were getting married outside of the west midlands and they'd have to travel an hour.  I get it that driving isn't common there, but I had family flying 3500 miles.  It looks like he's finally in agreement with me and understanding why I've made the decision to call things off.  For now, we're parting on good terms.  He wants to skype at some point to tell me some things.  I don't know if that would be a good idea or not.  He's VERY emotional and I'm not (I'm not a regular crier anyway) so I think it might be just awkward.

Hmmm, yeah, I’d be hesitant as well. Might be civil though since he seems to understand and agree to the reasons to call it off.
Honestly, it still really bugs me that he said this was his year to be happy. It almost sounds like he really had no interest in your feelings and he was only bothered about his happiness.
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Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: I'm sure this is normal but...
« Reply #47 on: April 27, 2018, 10:16:03 AM »
The whole thing seemed like one big problem after another.  His family was annoyed that we were getting married outside of the west midlands and they'd have to travel an hour.  I get it that driving isn't common there, but I had family flying 3500 miles.  It looks like he's finally in agreement with me and understanding why I've made the decision to call things off.  For now, we're parting on good terms.  He wants to skype at some point to tell me some things.  I don't know if that would be a good idea or not.  He's VERY emotional and I'm not (I'm not a regular crier anyway) so I think it might be just awkward.

If you have no other affairs that are tying you together (joint debt - which it sounds like you don't - or things left at his place, that kind of stuff), I would think that it might be better to just have a clean break. Even if you think you'll be able to hold your ground should he try to convince you to stay, I would still try to steer clear of it because it sounds like it wouldn't be what's best for him either if he's highly emotional. I'm just not sure how much good can come of this chat.

Offline KFdancer

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Re: I'm sure this is normal but...
« Reply #48 on: April 27, 2018, 10:23:37 AM »
I'm a bit torn on the "one last talk" with him.  My ex just ghosted on me after 8 years.  And that was HARD.  I never had any answers to the most basic questions.  Had he spoken to me, it may have helped me move forward long before I was actually able to move forward.

But if it's going to be a highly charged emotional conversation that isn't going to help bring closure...  not necessary.

Maybe tell him you want to leave it for a couple of months and then if he still wants to talk, have the conversation.

Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: I'm sure this is normal but...
« Reply #49 on: April 27, 2018, 10:26:10 AM »
I'm a bit torn on the "one last talk" with him.  My ex just ghosted on me after 8 years.  And that was HARD.  I never had any answers to the most basic questions.  Had he spoken to me, it may have helped me move forward long before I was actually able to move forward.

But if it's going to be a highly charged emotional conversation that isn't going to help bring closure...  not necessary.

Maybe tell him you want to leave it for a couple of months and then if he still wants to talk, have the conversation.

I can definitely see that side of things and think that waiting a while before having any type of discussion might be a good compromise. I guess, in my opinion, how much chat there was beforehand might change whether or not I would think the conversation was a good idea. If everything there was to say was already said, I can't see this talk helping..but if there were stones left un-turned and closure still required, I can definitely see how it might help.

Offline Kay

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Re: I'm sure this is normal but...
« Reply #50 on: April 28, 2018, 02:13:17 AM »
I'm a bit torn on the "one last talk" with him.  My ex just ghosted on me after 8 years.  And that was HARD.  I never had any answers to the most basic questions.  Had he spoken to me, it may have helped me move forward long before I was actually able to move forward.

But if it's going to be a highly charged emotional conversation that isn't going to help bring closure...  not necessary.

Maybe tell him you want to leave it for a couple of months and then if he still wants to talk, have the conversation.

I was thinking the same in terms of closure. It is tricky though because it could be highly emotional and devolve into personal attacks, but it might help quickly bring closure. Sometimes I think it helps reaffirm that it’s over. I had a few talks with my ex, and my husband had a couple talks with his ex. I really didn’t want to discuss it further with my ex, but I think it helped establish that we were absolutely done and there was no chance for reconciliation.
American Citizen - British Husband 🇬🇧❤️🇺🇸
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