Seriously? WTF?

Why not!  Life's too serious.  We need more Christmas jumpers, more bingle, more jells.

And remember our motto:

Gobbe till you wobble.

"Gobble til you wobble".... I'm using that one too from now on, just a heads up.

I think we should all take that as our motto. 

And I am trying my hardest to live by it.

SIL's birthday is coming up and FIL told DH this morning that she's coming over with cake later this week. DH texted me about it, so I knew, but no one said anything to me about it. The same thing happened (but reversed - they told me, not DH) last week for Diwali. We do ask them what's up regularly and if anything is going on, but no one says anything. They aren't big chatters, so it's really like pulling teeth. Even when you do get something out of them, they'll contradict themselves two seconds later or say you misheard them.

In the kitchen, I casually asked FIL if SIL was doing anything for her birthday. He said she was coming over with cake tomorrow (he told DH the day after... but it is possible there was a miscommunication between FIL and DH and one of them got it wrong).

Well, yesterday she was over and I saw her. She left the kids with FIL for a while and came back with a small slice of cake for the kids.

Side-WTF: I was in the kitchen when she was cutting the cake and wasn't offered any. I didn't want any, but I was taught to not eat something in front of someone else without offering to share.

Putting the pieces together, I'm guessing she went to the bakery to order her birthday cake. I saw her after she got back and she didn't say a word to me about doing anything for her birthday.

So:
- FIL mentioned the birthday 'party' (it might just be cake, it might be family coming over... who knows...) to DH
- I prised it out of FIL
- SIL said nothing at all about it to me

DH and I will be sticking to our usual schedule tomorrow. She's turned down invites from us because they were last minute, and there hasn't even been a real invite for this, just a casual mention of cake, so we're just going to carry on with our day.

To get everyone off the edge of their seat, this story ended with everyone coming over for a party. Dinner (not big, but the usual birthday dinner), cake, everything.

I came back about 45 minutes before everyone left. DH got back just after everyone had left.

When I came home, I put my bag down, went into the kitchen where everyone was and said hi and happy birthday to SIL. I then went back to the front room to take off my shoes.

From across the house, SIL yelled to me that there was cake set aside for me and DH. I'm not a fan of the cake they get (a thick, mile-high slathering of frosting and sugar-coated fruit) and I really don't like being yelled to (especially not by my close family or close friends), so I ignored it.

I carried on, took my shoes off, went upstairs to change and then came back down where SIL told me the same thing again. Luckily, since DH and I didn't eat it over the next few days, someone else (FIL or grand-FIL) did.

But the highlight of the night happened when SIL was leaving (because she doesn't live here) with her husband and kids. They were the first to leave and as she was going out the door, SIL said back to everyone (three of us live here, three don't) 'thanks for coming over'. Uhhhh.... she was the one that came over. She doesn't live here.

Maybe in a way, it was the right thing to say, but I would have thought 'thanks for having us over' or 'thanks for hosting' or something else would have been better suited to the situation.

It was pretty funny to me and really made my night.

A new WTF that's intensified over the last few weeks:

DH and I live with FIL and grand-FIL. SIL comes over once a week with the kids and each of the two kids spend a day here with FIL babysitting. That means the kids eat lunch and dinner here two or three times a week.

Since the kids eat here, they eat food FIL has bought. That's not a big deal to us, it's his choice, but last week when SIL was over with the kids, I noticed she'd fed them a pack of our baked beans. We get Sainsbury's own brand, FIL gets Heinz and both tin labels are blue.

I know they're only about 30p each, so it's not a big deal, but it's just a bit annoying and means we might be out of beans when we think we've got enough for a meal. We try to keep our food in one place but she doesn't seem to realise it's ours. I've only noticed it once, but we have been going through beans faster recently... 

She came over unexpectedly with the kids on Saturday (an unusual day for her) and had dinner here. It sounded like FIL had a bit of warning, but didn't share that with us, so we tried to work our schedule around the surprise higher occupancy of the kitchen and living room (and the cleaning DH was planning on doing in the kitchen that day).

On a more positive note, DH and I will be spending Christmas far far away from his family. We'll be house sitting and cat sitting for a friend of mine in Munich for three weeks over Christmas and New Years! I can't wait.

I came back about 45 minutes before everyone left. DH got back just after everyone had left.

Literally the epitome of rudeness...... She probably should've hosted elsewhere if she didn't want to invite you both.

Literally the epitome of rudeness...... She probably should've hosted elsewhere if she didn't want to invite you both.

I'm guessing it wasn't that she didn't want us there, just that she couldn't be bothered to go out of her way to invite us.

But I know I always try to make excuses to make people seem less horrible... usually after I've complained about them being horrible.

It would have been nice at least (in the polite way, I'm sure DH is fine with bypassing her) if she would have waited until DH was here to say hi.

With two kids past their bedtime, it probably would have been easier hosting at her's. It would have meant no drive for SIL, BIL and kids, and aunt and cousins would have had to drive (they had to drive here anyway) and FIL & grand-FIL would have had a drive, but then she would have been stuck with the cleanup.

I'm guessing it wasn't that she didn't want us there, just that she couldn't be bothered to go out of her way to invite us.

But I know I always try to make excuses to make people seem less horrible... usually after I've complained about them being horrible.

It would have been nice at least (in the polite way, I'm sure DH is fine with bypassing her) if she would have waited until DH was here to say hi.

With two kids past their bedtime, it probably would have been easier hosting at her's. It would have meant no drive for SIL, BIL and kids, and aunt and cousins would have had to drive (they had to drive here anyway) and FIL & grand-FIL would have had a drive, but then she would have been stuck with the cleanup.

Does she literally not even help cleanup? Honestly? I would be mortified! I was raised to always help with the cleanup. Even if you're turned down, you at least make an effort to do as much as you can.

Does she literally not even help cleanup? Honestly? I would be mortified! I was raised to always help with the cleanup. Even if you're turned down, you at least make an effort to do as much as you can.

I get the impression that she 'did her part' by going to the shop and ordering the cake. I don't even know if she picked it up.

I also feel like especially now that she's got kids, she's not worried about dishes (including when her kids eat here and she's here) and FIL doesn't complain about doing them, so I never see her doing them. She may do them when I'm not looking... maybe she's a dish-doing ninja.

I get the impression that she 'did her part' by going to the shop and ordering the cake. I don't even know if she picked it up.

I also feel like especially now that she's got kids, she's not worried about dishes (including when her kids eat here and she's here) and FIL doesn't complain about doing them, so I never see her doing them. She may do them when I'm not looking... maybe she's a dish-doing ninja.

Oh man....again, I was raised that you help out especially when you have kids as they are most likely the ones who made the mess! My sister refuses to leave anywhere until her kids have cleaned up the mess they made (and, at dinner, they are expected to take their dishes to the sink/dishwasher). Literally mortified for her for her behaviour lol

You are literally a saint TF

Oh man....again, I was raised that you help out especially when you have kids as they are most likely the ones who made the mess! My sister refuses to leave anywhere until her kids have cleaned up the mess they made (and, at dinner, they are expected to take their dishes to the sink/dishwasher). Literally mortified for her for her behaviour lol

You are literally a saint TF

Yup, even at 3 my kid has to put rubbish in the bin, her plate in the sink, and she helps wipe the table (that's her favourite part).  If she does as she's asked she gets a sticker on her chart.  She also helps load and unload her stuff from the dishwasher.  Her newest chore is feeding the cat.   

Oh man....again, I was raised that you help out especially when you have kids as they are most likely the ones who made the mess! My sister refuses to leave anywhere until her kids have cleaned up the mess they made (and, at dinner, they are expected to take their dishes to the sink/dishwasher). Literally mortified for her for her behaviour lol

You are literally a saint TF

Thanks. It hurts to see it. I know nothing is going to change, so I've just given up trying to make suggestions or hints. It's less stressful to just avoid looking. We avoid looking, but make a note of what we would do differently with our own kids (the list is loooooong).

FIL is downstairs with 3.5 year old nephew. It's lunch time, so he's eating on the couch in front of the TV (I've only seen the kids eat at the table once or twice and only at holidays or birthday). Peppa Pig is on TV, FIL is feeding nephew (who is definitely old enough to feed himself) and nephew has a snickerdoodle bar that I made (he's welcome to have one, but I did not consent to them being eaten before meals!) in one hand.  The other hand is probably occupied with a toy bus. I wasn't paying attention, but it wouldn't be out of place for FIL to tell nephew he's a 'good boy' every few bites.

Why not!  Life's too serious.  We need more Christmas jumpers, more bingle, more jells.

And remember our motto:

Gobbe till you wobble.

I'm watching Kirstie's Handmade Christmas as we speak! 

Yup, even at 3 my kid has to put rubbish in the bin, her plate in the sink, and she helps wipe the table (that's her favourite part).  If she does as she's asked she gets a sticker on her chart.  She also helps load and unload her stuff from the dishwasher.  Her newest chore is feeding the cat.   

KF, I feel like sending the kids to your house would be like military school. Everything you do sounds like common sense, but it's totally not how these kids are raised, at least here. Maybe it's different at home.

When they were over on Saturday, I had to work (I work from home) so DH went down to play with the kids. He did a 'craft project' (totally not a craft project in normal life, but in this house, it'd be considered a full blown craft project) with nephew. They took plain white stickers (address labels) and wrote the bus numbers nephew knew and stuck them to his bus. No one seemed to care. At least DH and nephew had fun.

DH was reporting back to me with stories of what was happening.

Nephew was playing with a fork while putting his feet on the table and no one (besides DH) cared that he might bash the fork in his mouth (which he did).

Nephew wanted to jump from the sofa to the coffee table (a regular thing) and DH said no because he could hurt himself.... so nephew went to FIL and FIL said ok. Nephew fell and got hurt.

No one here changes anything based on experience.

When niece was a year and a bit old and crying, FIL would put her in her crib, leave the room and close the door. Uhhhh.... she's crying and it doesn't help to put her in solitary confinement. It just makes her cry more.

Craziness. I hope it's not contagious.

Our kids have always been required to help clean after meals.  We've come up with a complicated plan where the boy sets and clears the table in odd days, the girl does even days.  Whoever is not setting the table has to empty the dishwasher and take out the trash if required. 
Yes, I know the boy is getting the raw end of the deal because of the months with 31 days, it sucks to be an innocent little brother with an evil big sister. 

Travelling Frog, you guys need your own house ASAP.  Bring on Christmas!