Seriously? WTF?

Poor guy.  I hope you made him his favourite meal!

He has been treated like royalty.  He got a giant gift basket of goodies and a "thank you for ensuring I never have to push again" present!  (An Apple Watch).

In describing the lack of care by the rest of the family, I think I understand your SIL's behaviour.  HOW did your husband come out of that to be normal?

DH admits that he's not completely normal but knows it's because of how he was raised (all meals and homework in front of the TV and if you misbehaved, you got a shoe thrown at you). He's open to change and takes suggestions from me.

For some reason I can't understand, SIL is letting her kids be raised by FIL and grand-FIL in the same messed up way.

I would not want my kids raised here. I also wouldn't want to use my family as free childcare (including on days when she's off so she only has the younger kid when doing errands and meeting up with friends, not both). Nevermind the fact that her day off is also FIL's only day off.

To be clear, I am liking your LOOK, and not your husband's special-place surgery.  I'm not creepy.

Ditto!

I only hit like because Kimberly already liked it.

I also wouldn't want to use my family as free childcare (including on days when she's off so she only has the younger kid when doing errands and meeting up with friends, not both). Nevermind the fact that her day off is also FIL's only day off.

The using family as childcare thing gets my back up.  While I wish my inlaws wanted more involment with my kids, I wouldn't want it to be that I was dependent on them.  They've done their time.  I wish they CHOSE to take my kids to a park on a walk or to feed the ducks.  They are pretty cool and they are sooooo missing out on that special relationship kids have with their grandparents!

He has been treated like royalty.  He got a giant gift basket of goodies and a "thank you for ensuring I never have to push again" present!  (An Apple Watch).

Hey, that almost sounds worth it.  Although I would want two apple watches with "Right" and "Left" engraved on the back.

I wasn’t impressed that he offered, considering he had surgery on his special place on Wednesday.  He definitely put his life in her hands.   

Oh Sh*T! that IS brave...

My husband has a few good ones (I got him one "fun" one every year for the last few years as a present) and he had one or two already so he's keen to wear as many as he can as often as he can to increase their use before they get packed away for the off-season. He's not even particularly obsessed with Christmas or anything, but he loves getting as much use out of Christmas patterned shirts and jumpers as he can.

My mom just bought me one! It's bright blue with a gingerbread man on it that says Oh Snap!

I can't wait to wear it!

My mom just bought me one! It's bright blue with a gingerbread man on it that says Oh Snap!

I can't wait to wear it!

How cute!  . And a change from the usual Christmas colours!

My mom just bought me one! It's bright blue with a gingerbread man on it that says Oh Snap!

I can't wait to wear it!

haha I am well and truly envious!

I just need to vent. My little brother is proposing to his girlfriend in a few weeks. But it all seems so forced by her family. I mean she was telling my mom back in July how she had to get married before her next school year started (teacher).. so aka summer break. She's worried her kids will be confused by a name change. First of all she teaches FIFTH graders, they'll get it, secondly she can keep her maiden name at school.

I could understand if the excuse was it's to hard to take time off during the school year etc. But confusion over a last name

So she's telling my mom they have to get married in August next year. Then her parents moved in on the pressure as well. Like wtf their not even engaged yet.

My mom also told them I need a good year of planning/saving to get there, plus I'm in a wedding in June so we can't do both.

Then the subject gets dropped for a while.

Yesterday my brother text me a pic of the ring he just bought and said I'm proposing December 16. Aw sweet yay, also thinking I'm off the hook for August.

My mom text me today saying her dads already paid for the venue. How? Their not even engaged! So I ask my brother and say is there absolutely no surprise in this engagement? She must know everything if her parents took him to their jeweller to buy the ring and booked a venue.  He gets all sheepish and says yes it's booked but not set in stone.

These people must have money. Anyways, so I keep asking for the date and he finally gives it to me. October next year. Fair enough we can probably swing that finance wise etc.

Then it dawns on me..my visa expires the day before the wedding.  So I go back to him to tell him this. And his response was something along the lines of renew it early then. Well I can but I'm doing postal service next time so I'm not sure how long it'll take and I can't chance that. Then he tells me to just not renew it, because I already live here it's not that big of a deal I'm just going on vacation and coming back.

So then I go through a huge explanation of what my visa is, what happens if I don't renew, what happens if I over stay etc. And he says "I’m confused by this.. it’s not like you’re traveling for work and you already live in England. Idk why you have to have a visa "


I literally sent him the link to the uk visa site and told him to read up. I am so fuming by his ignorance. I don't expect people who live a visa free life to understand everything, but when I explain why I need it in great detail and that's the response.

Maybe I'm in the wrong here, but I just feel like the whole thing is so rushed, which isn't my business but then to have my reasoning why I possibly couldn't go be shut down that.  I just feel like it's her family that matters. Yes, the wedding shouldn't be planned around me and my family but a little consideration is nice.



Their not even engaged yet. Sigh




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I would just send my regrets if they don't change the date.  Your life is far more important than attending a wedding, even if it is your brother's.  (Besides, my money isn't on that marriage going the distance... wait for the real one after he learns his lesson from this one.)

I would just send my regrets if they don't change the date.  Your life is far more important than attending a wedding, even if it is your brother's.  (Besides, my money isn't on that marriage going the distance... wait for the real one after he learns his lesson from this one.)

Completely agree. I couldn't have said it better. 

When my first husband left and said he wanted a divorce, the pastor at my church said, "Eh, this marriage was just your dress rehearsal."  And he was right!  Now, I'm in the life-long marriage.

Sounds like this will be your brother's dress rehearsal - sadly.  Sounds like she's really focused on the wedding and not on the marriage.

We all know that you don't get a great deal of fluidity with visa renewal dates.  All you can do is explain that this is non-negotiable on your end and not your choice.  Tell him you'd love to attend but if that date is set in stone, you won't be able to be there.

Sounds like she's really focused on the wedding and not on the marriage.

KF sounds spot on with this...

To be fair, it's not surprising that a person who lives in America would not understand why you can't sort your visa out  almost one year in advance.  We all understand, but to the general American population that must sound ridiculous.