Author Topic: No control of non EU immigration  (Read 1717 times)

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Offline sonofasailor

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #15 on: March 06, 2018, 07:08:16 PM »
Say what you will about Heseltine, he stood up to Thatcher.
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Offline Kay

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #16 on: March 08, 2018, 05:04:52 AM »
I was amazed at how many people in the US just thought I could wake up one day and marry and live in the UK. Then...even well meaning people would say " oh I bet he can just come on over here" when I'd correct them then they would sometimes end up making a somewhat racist remark about refugees. I would just try to change the subject. Uggh. I did educate quite a few friends though. ( as I currently get ready to pay visa #2 after paying for a wedding lol)

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For me, this has been one of the most frustrating things to deal with when explaining the process. I’ve even corrected some people multiple times, and they still seem to think it’s an easy process or that once I’m married I can just fly to the UK and that’s that - happily ever after! I’ve even been told I’m moving too fast, and that kids today are just self-centered and don’t think of others. As if being 29 and wanting to live in the same country as my husband makes me a petulant child.  ::) ::) ::)
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Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #17 on: March 08, 2018, 08:56:49 AM »
For me, this has been one of the most frustrating things to deal with when explaining the process. I’ve even corrected some people multiple times, and they still seem to think it’s an easy process or that once I’m married I can just fly to the UK and that’s that - happily ever after! I’ve even been told I’m moving too fast, and that kids today are just self-centered and don’t think of others. As if being 29 and wanting to live in the same country as my husband makes me a petulant child.  ::) ::) ::)

They won't be laughing when they want to travel abroad and want your input and/or a free place to stay  ::)

My husband and I had, by some standards, a quick relationship before getting married...but 4.5 years later and we're still happily together. If we weren't, obviously it would definitely be tough but I'd just go back to the US. Taking a risk and putting yourself out there doesn't make you selfish or self-centred by any means.

Offline missially

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #18 on: March 08, 2018, 09:15:49 AM »
For me, this has been one of the most frustrating things to deal with when explaining the process. I’ve even corrected some people multiple times, and they still seem to think it’s an easy process or that once I’m married I can just fly to the UK and that’s that - happily ever after! I’ve even been told I’m moving too fast, and that kids today are just self-centered and don’t think of others. As if being 29 and wanting to live in the same country as my husband makes me a petulant child.  ::) ::) ::)
I hear ya! I am quite a bit older and they still thought I had lost my mind! Now that I have done it ( most stressful process ever!) They think I am a bold hero! Ha! Some of my husband's friends said it made them emotional hearing my toast because it was all about breaking down barriers and if you believe in what is true grasp it with both hands and do not let go!  It has given me new respect for my grandparents who came to America not speaking the language and we all came out pretty well! Lol Best of luck to you!xx

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Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #19 on: March 08, 2018, 09:51:47 AM »
I hear ya! I am quite a bit older and they still thought I had lost my mind! Now that I have done it ( most stressful process ever!) They think I am a bold hero!


Haha I can relate to this! Family and friends are so proud of how well I've thrived here when they were originally questioning if I was sure whether or not I wanted to do this.

Offline Kay

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #20 on: March 09, 2018, 04:22:41 AM »
They won't be laughing when they want to travel abroad and want your input and/or a free place to stay  ::)

My husband and I had, by some standards, a quick relationship before getting married...but 4.5 years later and we're still happily together. If we weren't, obviously it would definitely be tough but I'd just go back to the US. Taking a risk and putting yourself out there doesn't make you selfish or self-centred by any means.

I think my fiancé and I also fall under the quick relationship category - we’ve known each other since October 2015 but been in a relationship since November 2016, so it’s been a year and four months now. Of course, everyone has their own timeline, but I think the usual expectations with relationship progression don’t quite apply to long distance relationships. Speaking from experience just the test of endurance from being apart is enough to  make you decide very quickly if this is the person you want to be with, no matter the hurdles and challenges. Honestly, the person making those comments about me has no filter. She just rambles and rants and more than anything she’s thinking about how sad she is I’ll be away without also considering how hard it is for me to be away from him and how hard he and I have to work to make living together happen.
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Offline Kay

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #21 on: March 09, 2018, 04:27:47 AM »
I hear ya! I am quite a bit older and they still thought I had lost my mind! Now that I have done it ( most stressful process ever!) They think I am a bold hero! Ha! Some of my husband's friends said it made them emotional hearing my toast because it was all about breaking down barriers and if you believe in what is true grasp it with both hands and do not let go!  It has given me new respect for my grandparents who came to America not speaking the language and we all came out pretty well! Lol Best of luck to you!xx

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 I suppose it’s a natural reaction when someone is making a daring choice! Ultimately, I think it’s something you don’t give thought to unless it affects you directly. I can understand why people get it wrong and just assume there’s light paperwork and an immediate reunion with your spouse in your new home country, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating to deal with.
Glad it all worked out for you and you’re treated like the bold hero you are!  ;D
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Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #22 on: March 09, 2018, 10:21:21 AM »
I think my fiancé and I also fall under the quick relationship category - we’ve known each other since October 2015 but been in a relationship since November 2016, so it’s been a year and four months now. Of course, everyone has their own timeline, but I think the usual expectations with relationship progression don’t quite apply to long distance relationships. Speaking from experience just the test of endurance from being apart is enough to  make you decide very quickly if this is the person you want to be with, no matter the hurdles and challenges. Honestly, the person making those comments about me has no filter. She just rambles and rants and more than anything she’s thinking about how sad she is I’ll be away without also considering how hard it is for me to be away from him and how hard he and I have to work to make living together happen.

Can relate as we had similar timelines. I think the people around you, as you said, are too busy with their own grief at the idea you're leaving that they aren't really seeing how you're being impacted and verbalising tha tthey respect your decisions and that you know whats best. Not having a filter isn't going to help unfortunately. I'm sorry they aren't being more considerate but it's good that you know that it's not coming from a malicious standpoint.

Offline lorenausuk

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #23 on: March 09, 2018, 02:11:02 PM »
Kay and x0Kiss0fDeath:

Back in 1995, it was a bit easier with fiancée visas because they were handled at the British Consulate General and you got a decision within a few hours.

However, one crappy stipulation to get one was that you had to have physically met each other and show proof of a minimum of THREE years!

My fiancé, now my husband of 22 years, and I were pen-pals in 1986 and we wrote to each other every week for six years before we met. We spoke on the phone every week (when phone calls cost $1.50-2 a minute) but we didn't actually meet until early 1993. The second we met, we simply "knew" we wanted to be together.

I was a single-mother of a young boy so I couldn't leave my job or my apartment to stay with my boyfriend and he was living in RAF accommodation so it's not I could live with him anyways. In those many months, we only actually spent time together in short spurts and it totaled 40 days. You can only imagine the comments from everyone on each side saying we hardly knew each other to make a huge move. In fact, when I went to apply for a fiancée visa, I was four months short of three years. However, I had proof of nine years of phone calls, letters, and my pleading for my nearly four-year-old to start school allowed the consulate worker to let me go sooner. In this day and age, I would have had a refusal.

Sadly, none of my friends from that time understood that I knew best and I lost all those people who were like my family with the move to England. Even after 22 years, I miss them especially since I am now living back in the same US city where I left. I do see them from time to time due to mutual friends and it's still painful. But I gained a lot more than I lost.

So, my point in all these words Kay is that you just need to do what's right for you and don't let others get you down.



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Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #24 on: March 09, 2018, 03:10:58 PM »
Kay and x0Kiss0fDeath:

Back in 1995, it was a bit easier with fiancée visas because they were handled at the British Consulate General and you got a decision within a few hours.

However, one crappy stipulation to get one was that you had to have physically met each other and show proof of a minimum of THREE years!

My fiancé, now my husband of 22 years, and I were pen-pals in 1986 and we wrote to each other every week for six years before we met. We spoke on the phone every week (when phone calls cost $1.50-2 a minute) but we didn't actually meet until early 1993. The second we met, we simply "knew" we wanted to be together.

I was a single-mother of a young boy so I couldn't leave my job or my apartment to stay with my boyfriend and he was living in RAF accommodation so it's not I could live with him anyways. In those many months, we only actually spent time together in short spurts and it totaled 40 days. You can only imagine the comments from everyone on each side saying we hardly knew each other to make a huge move. In fact, when I went to apply for a fiancée visa, I was four months short of three years. However, I had proof of nine years of phone calls, letters, and my pleading for my nearly four-year-old to start school allowed the consulate worker to let me go sooner. In this day and age, I would have had a refusal.

Sadly, none of my friends from that time understood that I knew best and I lost all those people who were like my family with the move to England. Even after 22 years, I miss them especially since I am now living back in the same US city where I left. I do see them from time to time due to mutual friends and it's still painful. But I gained a lot more than I lost.

So, my point in all these words Kay is that you just need to do what's right for you and don't let others get you down.



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I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with that :(

I can, however, relate to the feeling of just knowing from the second we met in person, after talking online only, that it felt right. Unfortunately a lot of people think they know how you're feeling in regards to that better than you do.

I'm glad everything worked out for you in the end :)

Offline Kay

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #25 on: March 10, 2018, 01:33:39 AM »
Can relate as we had similar timelines. I think the people around you, as you said, are too busy with their own grief at the idea you're leaving that they aren't really seeing how you're being impacted and verbalising tha tthey respect your decisions and that you know whats best. Not having a filter isn't going to help unfortunately. I'm sorry they aren't being more considerate but it's good that you know that it's not coming from a malicious standpoint.

Exactly, I think a lot of it is just thinking about me being gone. Plus, I’m the type that doesn’t put what I’m going through on display. Sure, I’m laughing and smiling, but just before that I might have been crying because I feel overwhelmed by visa stuff or I’m in a bad mood because I’m struggling to live my life on my own without  my fiancé. I think that can definitely contribute because they don’t totally witness what I’m struggling with. Luckily, it’s just one person that’s said that about me moving. Everyone else understands that I’m making a decision that’s best for me.
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Offline Kay

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #26 on: March 10, 2018, 01:40:06 AM »
Kay and x0Kiss0fDeath:

Back in 1995, it was a bit easier with fiancée visas because they were handled at the British Consulate General and you got a decision within a few hours.

However, one crappy stipulation to get one was that you had to have physically met each other and show proof of a minimum of THREE years!

My fiancé, now my husband of 22 years, and I were pen-pals in 1986 and we wrote to each other every week for six years before we met. We spoke on the phone every week (when phone calls cost $1.50-2 a minute) but we didn't actually meet until early 1993. The second we met, we simply "knew" we wanted to be together.

I was a single-mother of a young boy so I couldn't leave my job or my apartment to stay with my boyfriend and he was living in RAF accommodation so it's not I could live with him anyways. In those many months, we only actually spent time together in short spurts and it totaled 40 days. You can only imagine the comments from everyone on each side saying we hardly knew each other to make a huge move. In fact, when I went to apply for a fiancée visa, I was four months short of three years. However, I had proof of nine years of phone calls, letters, and my pleading for my nearly four-year-old to start school allowed the consulate worker to let me go sooner. In this day and age, I would have had a refusal.

Sadly, none of my friends from that time understood that I knew best and I lost all those people who were like my family with the move to England. Even after 22 years, I miss them especially since I am now living back in the same US city where I left. I do see them from time to time due to mutual friends and it's still painful. But I gained a lot more than I lost.

So, my point in all these words Kay is that you just need to do what's right for you and don't let others get you down.



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Oh, wow! I’m so sorry to hear that.  :( I am glad to hear you and your husband are still together. I’m sorry you found those around you were not understanding. Such a shame they didn’t have more trust in you to believe you were doing what was best for you. Like you said, you gained more than you lost, and it’s because you did what was best for you.  :)
I have no doubts about my fiancé. He is my soulmate, and I knew I wanted to be with him when we first encountered one another in 2015. I’ll do what I have to do to be with him. If it bothers some people, so be it.
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Offline Cragrlewis

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #27 on: March 11, 2018, 08:05:03 AM »
Grates my gears.

Even now when I explain to educated peope what the process is it usually ends with them saying “well yeagh I guess you know then”. Translated meaning “no youre wrong ANYONE can just come move to the UK its so easy”

Used to think he was a bit of a sane voice of the tories but i think theyve all lost the plot.

Roll on August when we can get the ILR and step off this rollercoaster

Online larrabee

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #28 on: March 11, 2018, 08:59:26 AM »
Taking a risk and putting yourself out there doesn't make you selfish or self-centred by any means.

It's a brave thing to do!  :)
March 28th 2013-Moved to UK, husband on spouse visa.Oct 20th 2015-Applied by mail for FLR(M).Feb 1st 2016 FLR(M).March 7th 2018 ILR. YAY! March 21st NCS&JCAP appointment.

Offline KatrynAdams

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #29 on: March 11, 2018, 04:07:12 PM »
Can relate as we had similar timelines. I think the people around you, as you said, are too busy with their own grief at the idea you're leaving that they aren't really seeing how you're being impacted and verbalising tha tthey respect your decisions and that you know whats best. Not having a filter isn't going to help unfortunately. I'm sorry they aren't being more considerate but it's good that you know that it's not coming from a malicious standpoint.
This was a good reminder for me, thanks. Between my extremely clingy mother-in-law acting like she's never going to see us again and my best friend still pretending it's not happening less than 3 weeks from moving day, I've been pretty frustrated with other people's feelings about our move!

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