Author Topic: No control of non EU immigration  (Read 1718 times)

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Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #30 on: March 12, 2018, 09:22:01 AM »
Exactly, I think a lot of it is just thinking about me being gone. Plus, I’m the type that doesn’t put what I’m going through on display. Sure, I’m laughing and smiling, but just before that I might have been crying because I feel overwhelmed by visa stuff or I’m in a bad mood because I’m struggling to live my life on my own without  my fiancé. I think that can definitely contribute because they don’t totally witness what I’m struggling with. Luckily, it’s just one person that’s said that about me moving. Everyone else understands that I’m making a decision that’s best for me.

Yeah, same! Don't wear my heart on my sleeve like that as I just tend to try to keep the negative stuff inside.

Also, I truly wasn't sad/upset about leaving because it was an exciting new chapter in my life. Obviously I would miss people and it was hard to say final goodbyes (I'm not a crier usually but I totally cried when I had to say goodbye to my family - especially my niece/nephew), but it was 2013...I had the majority of them on FB. I can iMessage/Facetime my sister and Whatsapp the rest of my family now. We could skype/tango/whatever. While we might have been physically a great distance, I still spoke to them on a weekly basis and it actually helped me and my mother by not being in each other's hair all the time (I lived at home with my parents prior to moving). That's not to say I don't still wish I could just pick up everyone I care about and plop them down over here with me or that I don't still feel I am missing out on some things, but I didn't view it as the end of the world like other people seemed to.

It's a brave thing to do!  :)

I talk to people now who are like "Ohh I don't think I could do what you've done! That's a massive life change!" etc. and I'm like "err thanks?" haha I never fancied myself as particularly brave/courageous but I definitely agree that I would say that others making the leap are definitely taking a risk and it's a very strong and brave thing to do that, clearly, not a massive amount of other people think they could bring themselves to do.

This was a good reminder for me, thanks. Between my extremely clingy mother-in-law acting like she's never going to see us again and my best friend still pretending it's not happening less than 3 weeks from moving day, I've been pretty frustrated with other people's feelings about our move!


My best friend definitely took it hard...partially it was my fault though as originally I told her "it'll only be for a few years then we'll move back - because that was genuinely how I was feeling at the time. But after getting here and starting a proper life......it definitely started to change and I took way longer than I should've to correct that idea. As she would keep saying "You're never moving back are you..." in a really sad way and I would feel really bad and say "no no, just let me get a few years in!" or "just waiting to get dual citizenship and then we'll decide!". But that eventually became "...yeah....I just prefer my lifestyle over here..." and that's become even easier since current political climates have changed/etc. I felt way safer over here physically/financially/etc.

Best friends take extra work because there isn't the same obligation there that it can feel like there is with family. Make sure you put extra work into things. Reach out on Whatsapp every so often (when you see something that makes you think of them) or plan a time when you can chat and have a catch-up "over coffee" (at your own ends, obviously) if that's what you usually did. If you can afford it, fly to see each other or travel together (friend/her now-husband flew to UK and we all flew to Spain. Was lovely. and she's come alone to see me as well).

Online KFdancer

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #31 on: March 12, 2018, 02:51:04 PM »
Called the dentist for appointments for me and the kiddo.

Me:  "I need appointments at 6pm or later."
Her:  "I have 5 o'clock on April 10th"
Me:  "No.  I'm afraid we can't be there that early, the earliest we can do is 6pm."
Her:  "So 5 o'clock is okay?"

<sigh>

Offline jfkimberly

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #32 on: March 12, 2018, 03:50:18 PM »
My best friend definitely took it hard...partially it was my fault though as originally I told her "it'll only be for a few years then we'll move back - because that was genuinely how I was feeling at the time. But after getting here and starting a proper life......it definitely started to change and I took way longer than I should've to correct that idea. As she would keep saying "You're never moving back are you..." in a really sad way and I would feel really bad and say "no no, just let me get a few years in!" or "just waiting to get dual citizenship and then we'll decide!". But that eventually became "...yeah....I just prefer my lifestyle over here..." and that's become even easier since current political climates have changed/etc. I felt way safer over here physically/financially/etc.

Best friends take extra work because there isn't the same obligation there that it can feel like there is with family. Make sure you put extra work into things. Reach out on Whatsapp every so often (when you see something that makes you think of them) or plan a time when you can chat and have a catch-up "over coffee" (at your own ends, obviously) if that's what you usually did. If you can afford it, fly to see each other or travel together (friend/her now-husband flew to UK and we all flew to Spain. Was lovely. and she's come alone to see me as well).

I have to admit... I've lost my best friend since the move.  I wasn't too concerned with moving to the UK because before that I lived in Arkansas and she lived in the Seattle area, so it was already a long-distance friendship.  She wasn't concerned either.  But it turns out, an 8-hour time difference is much more relationship-impacting than a 2-hour time difference.  Our schedules rarely matched up, so we couldn't just chat/hang out like we used to.  And emails started to get shorter and further between.  I remember once in the midst of the dwindling friendship, I had a late night and we managed to have a bit of a catch-up on Facebook, and at the end of it she said something like, "Thank you... you have no idea how much I needed this."  I felt really badly because it was really out of my control.  That was really the last proper conversation we had.  And ultimately, she unfriended me on Facebook.  I guess seeing me, but not interacting in any meaningful way was more painful than not seeing me.  I was hurt by the unfriending, but I couldn't say anything because I had to admit I don't know how long I'd been unfriended, and it would've been even worse if it had been a significant amount of time before I noticed... insult added to the injury.  So I just accepted that she needed to move on.  We both had our separate lives and that was that.

So, yeah... friendships take extra work.  I didn't do enough.
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Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #33 on: March 12, 2018, 03:55:44 PM »
Called the dentist for appointments for me and the kiddo.

Me:  "I need appointments at 6pm or later."
Her:  "I have 5 o'clock on April 10th"
Me:  "No.  I'm afraid we can't be there that early, the earliest we can do is 6pm."
Her:  "So 5 o'clock is okay?"

<sigh>



I'm not sure I would have been able to hold back an audible "Is this real life???" remark.

Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #34 on: March 12, 2018, 03:58:00 PM »
I have to admit... I've lost my best friend since the move.  I wasn't too concerned with moving to the UK because before that I lived in Arkansas and she lived in the Seattle area, so it was already a long-distance friendship.  She wasn't concerned either.  But it turns out, an 8-hour time difference is much more relationship-impacting than a 2-hour time difference.  Our schedules rarely matched up, so we couldn't just chat/hang out like we used to.  And emails started to get shorter and further between.  I remember once in the midst of the dwindling friendship, I had a late night and we managed to have a bit of a catch-up on Facebook, and at the end of it she said something like, "Thank you... you have no idea how much I needed this."  I felt really badly because it was really out of my control.  That was really the last proper conversation we had.  And ultimately, she unfriended me on Facebook.  I guess seeing me, but not interacting in any meaningful way was more painful than not seeing me.  I was hurt by the unfriending, but I couldn't say anything because I had to admit I don't know how long I'd been unfriended, and it would've been even worse if it had been a significant amount of time before I noticed... insult added to the injury.  So I just accepted that she needed to move on.  We both had our separate lives and that was that.

So, yeah... friendships take extra work.  I didn't do enough.

In fairness, my friendship suffered as well. There are times she's texted me and I've responded back ASAP and then I get no response. But, in fairness, we barely spoke when she went away to Uni either other than random sporadic emails (like we do now) but when we're back together it's like no time has passed and we pick up where we left off so I don't really consider it a lost friend, thankfully.

Offline Kay

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #35 on: March 13, 2018, 12:58:54 AM »
Yeah, same! Don't wear my heart on my sleeve like that as I just tend to try to keep the negative stuff inside.

Also, I truly wasn't sad/upset about leaving because it was an exciting new chapter in my life. Obviously I would miss people and it was hard to say final goodbyes (I'm not a crier usually but I totally cried when I had to say goodbye to my family - especially my niece/nephew), but it was 2013...I had the majority of them on FB. I can iMessage/Facetime my sister and Whatsapp the rest of my family now. We could skype/tango/whatever. While we might have been physically a great distance, I still spoke to them on a weekly basis and it actually helped me and my mother by not being in each other's hair all the time (I lived at home with my parents prior to moving). That's not to say I don't still wish I could just pick up everyone I care about and plop them down over here with me or that I don't still feel I am missing out on some things, but I didn't view it as the end of the world like other people seemed to.

I talk to people now who are like "Ohh I don't think I could do what you've done! That's a massive life change!" etc. and I'm like "err thanks?" haha I never fancied myself as particularly brave/courageous but I definitely agree that I would say that others making the leap are definitely taking a risk and it's a very strong and brave thing to do that, clearly, not a massive amount of other people think they could bring themselves to do.

My best friend definitely took it hard...partially it was my fault though as originally I told her "it'll only be for a few years then we'll move back - because that was genuinely how I was feeling at the time. But after getting here and starting a proper life......it definitely started to change and I took way longer than I should've to correct that idea. As she would keep saying "You're never moving back are you..." in a really sad way and I would feel really bad and say "no no, just let me get a few years in!" or "just waiting to get dual citizenship and then we'll decide!". But that eventually became "...yeah....I just prefer my lifestyle over here..." and that's become even easier since current political climates have changed/etc. I felt way safer over here physically/financially/etc

I don’t feel upset or sad about my upcoming move. I moved away at 19 and lived in Los Angeles for 8 years, so I’ve done a big move before and I’ve been fine with being away. I stay in touch with family and visit when I can. I’ve missed family events, especially big ones like weddings and funerals, but that’s just the nature of living away from family.
I have to say too, since you pointed it out, I feel I’m gonna prefer the lifestyle over in the UK. Which partially translates to “I don’t want to be in the part of the South that I live in anymore because of the political climate”. The religion, the gun culture, you name it - it’s what some people prefer but it’s not for me.
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Offline x0Kiss0fDeath

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #36 on: March 13, 2018, 09:34:41 AM »
I don’t feel upset or sad about my upcoming move. I moved away at 19 and lived in Los Angeles for 8 years, so I’ve done a big move before and I’ve been fine with being away. I stay in touch with family and visit when I can. I’ve missed family events, especially big ones like weddings and funerals, but that’s just the nature of living away from family.
I have to say too, since you pointed it out, I feel I’m gonna prefer the lifestyle over in the UK. Which partially translates to “I don’t want to be in the part of the South that I live in anymore because of the political climate”. The religion, the gun culture, you name it - it’s what some people prefer but it’s not for me.

Not for me either but I was from New England and it's a bit more liberal in that sense so that's never been too much of problem for me personally but the country overall, I would agree. On reddit in the "AskUK" subreddit, I can't even begin to describe the people that go on there and give the WORST reputation of America... It is SUPER embarrassing. Honestly though, I think I've said this before on here, but everybody seems to say to me that England suits me and that I just appear to be so much happier in general since moving here and they are right. I just feel like I've actually built a life for myself here and accomplished a lot that I probably wouldn't have been able to do if I were back in the US. That's just me personally...

How did those people react when you moved away at 19? I think some people wouldn't bat an eye if you moved from one side of the US to another but the second you say you're going out of the country (even if it's the same or nearly the same distance) that's when it gets more serious because a different country sounds more drastic but it's more or less the same.

Offline Kay

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Re: No control of non EU immigration
« Reply #37 on: March 19, 2018, 02:48:44 AM »
Not for me either but I was from New England and it's a bit more liberal in that sense so that's never been too much of problem for me personally but the country overall, I would agree. On reddit in the "AskUK" subreddit, I can't even begin to describe the people that go on there and give the WORST reputation of America... It is SUPER embarrassing. Honestly though, I think I've said this before on here, but everybody seems to say to me that England suits me and that I just appear to be so much happier in general since moving here and they are right. I just feel like I've actually built a life for myself here and accomplished a lot that I probably wouldn't have been able to do if I were back in the US. That's just me personally...

How did those people react when you moved away at 19? I think some people wouldn't bat an eye if you moved from one side of the US to another but the second you say you're going out of the country (even if it's the same or nearly the same distance) that's when it gets more serious because a different country sounds more drastic but it's more or less the same.

Oh, my family were in disbelief when I said I was moving at 19. I grew up in a small town where most people really don’t leave. My dad, a man of few words, asked me, “why do you wanna leave? Your family is here”. While it’s not easy leaving family, I just have the urge to live elsewhere and expand my horizons. There’s so much more out there to experience than this town. Plus, while she meant well, my mom was quite overbearing and I felt I didn’t have a chance to grow and become an adult unless I left town. I did love Los Angeles, but I felt I had my fill after 8 years. I had broken up with my ex not long before I started dating my fiancé, and seeing as the ex was my roommate, I wanted to move elsewhere and realized it was really expensive to live on my own there. It felt like a good time to come back to my hometown and be around my family while my fiancé and I figured out how we were going to be together. Initially he was going to come here to the US, but I visited him in England in the summer and fell in love with his city. Plus, the quicker processing time for a visa and ability for me to seek work right away was very appealing.
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