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Topic: Missing home...and also not.  (Read 1595 times)

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Missing home...and also not.
« on: May 03, 2018, 07:34:50 PM »
Just curious if anyone else has had a similar experience....

I've been here six months (just got confirmed in post at my now not-so-new job!) and the whole thing is just incredibly surreal. I started working three days after I landed (probably a mistake), having been apart for four months from my hubby...and its been go, go, go ever since. We are in Oxford, so I feel like if we're not running around seeing colleges and exploring the Cotswolds and flitting back and forth to London, then we're wasting time and missing opportunities. Of course we still have to do daily living..laundry and dishes and bills and work...but I just feel so anxious all the time.

People here have been lovely, save one or two exchanges, so that's not it...and I largely like my job. We cannot for the life of us find rented accommodation that allows pets, but we're in a nice apartment for the moment. In other words, I shouldn't be anxious-life is pretty good.

I also find myself really missing home (of course), but then also resistant to the barrage of people who want to visit!

Is it just the newness and expecting to be settled faster than I am? Anyone else know what I mean or am I just nuts? (It's okay if I'm nuts-that's an explanation in itself  ;D)
« Last Edit: May 03, 2018, 07:35:59 PM by rdoherty15 »
Applied online: 22 June, 2017
Biometrics and Docs mailed: 23 June, 2017
Arrived in Sheffield (via UPS): 26 June, 2017
Email confirmation from Sheffield: 11 July, 2017
"not straightforward" Email: 2 August, 2017
Unsolicited additional documents: 14 August, 2017
Decision made: 25 September, then revoked
Second Decision: 25 October, 2017
Docs returned: 30 October, 2017
Flight to UK: 2 November, 2017


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Re: Missing home...and also not.
« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2018, 07:37:58 PM »
Just curious if anyone else has had a similar experience....

I've been here six months (just got confirmed in post at my now not-so-new job!) and the whole thing is just incredibly surreal. I started working three days after I landed (probably a mistake), having been apart for four months from my hubby...and its been go, go, go ever since. We are in Oxford, so I feel like if we're not running around seeing colleges and exploring the Cotswolds and flitting back and forth to London, then we're wasting time and missing opportunities. Of course we still have to do daily living..laundry and dishes and bills and work...but I just feel so anxious all the time.

People here have been lovely, save one or two exchanges, so that's not it...and I largely like my job. We cannot for the life of us find rented accommodation that allows pets, but we're in a nice apartment for the moment. In other words, I shouldn't be anxious-life is pretty good.

I also find myself really missing home (of course), but then also resistant to the barrage of people who want to visit!

Is it just the newness and expecting to be settled faster than I am? Anyone else know what I mean or am I just nuts? (It's okay if I'm nuts-that's an explanation in itself  ;D)

Me!  I feel like I’m watching my life pass by and not fully LIVING it quite frequently!

I think it’s just part of being a grown up and settling down.  Sounds like you are doing really well though!  It’s good to see your name pop up!


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Re: Missing home...and also not.
« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2018, 07:43:41 PM »
Me!  I feel like I’m watching my life pass by and not fully LIVING it quite frequently!

I think it’s just part of being a grown up and settling down.  Sounds like you are doing really well though!  It’s good to see your name pop up!

I never really did want to grow up  ;D Maybe that's it! Glad to know I'm not alone, though!

Yes, things are largely going well. My hubs works waaaaayyyy too much, but that's just F1 for you. I am routinely accused of being too 'assertive'..which I think is British for 'you're a loud American'...but generally people seem to find it endearing or comical, which is good enough for me.

Still doesn't feel like 'home', but even I can't expect that in less than a year! There was a plan at one point during the waiting time to organise an Oxfordshire meet up for forum folks nearby...I should probably get on that!
Applied online: 22 June, 2017
Biometrics and Docs mailed: 23 June, 2017
Arrived in Sheffield (via UPS): 26 June, 2017
Email confirmation from Sheffield: 11 July, 2017
"not straightforward" Email: 2 August, 2017
Unsolicited additional documents: 14 August, 2017
Decision made: 25 September, then revoked
Second Decision: 25 October, 2017
Docs returned: 30 October, 2017
Flight to UK: 2 November, 2017


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Re: Missing home...and also not.
« Reply #3 on: May 03, 2018, 07:47:14 PM »
I think you can afford to slow down a little. You're not just here on vacation, it's ok to do nothing and recharge your batteries from time to time!  ;D
March 28th 2013-Moved to UK, husband on spouse visa.Oct 20th 2015-Applied by mail for FLR(M).Feb 1st 2016 FLR(M).March 7th 2018 ILR. YAY! March 21st NCS&JCAP appointment.


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Re: Missing home...and also not.
« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2018, 07:56:05 PM »
I think you can afford to slow down a little. You're not just here on vacation, it's ok to do nothing and recharge your batteries from time to time!  ;D

Very true! I sometimes wonder if it is due to the whole visa thing...I have nightmares about FLRM, and maybe I subconsciously think there's a time limit on my ability to live here so I have to do as much as possible. It's silly of course, but this is my brain post HO shenanigans.

On another note...anyone else both love and hate the neverending ant march across the ocean? Seems I'm seeing people I haven't seen in years (hmmmm)!
Applied online: 22 June, 2017
Biometrics and Docs mailed: 23 June, 2017
Arrived in Sheffield (via UPS): 26 June, 2017
Email confirmation from Sheffield: 11 July, 2017
"not straightforward" Email: 2 August, 2017
Unsolicited additional documents: 14 August, 2017
Decision made: 25 September, then revoked
Second Decision: 25 October, 2017
Docs returned: 30 October, 2017
Flight to UK: 2 November, 2017


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Re: Missing home...and also not.
« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2018, 08:03:16 PM »
Very true! I sometimes wonder if it is due to the whole visa thing...I have nightmares about FLRM, and maybe I subconsciously think there's a time limit on my ability to live here so I have to do as much as possible. It's silly of course, but this is my brain post HO shenanigans.


My husband recently got his ILR and I honestly feel quite strange, like I don't quite know what to do with myself any more!
There are definitely lasting psychological effects!  ;D
March 28th 2013-Moved to UK, husband on spouse visa.Oct 20th 2015-Applied by mail for FLR(M).Feb 1st 2016 FLR(M).March 7th 2018 ILR. YAY! March 21st NCS&JCAP appointment.


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Re: Missing home...and also not.
« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2018, 08:13:04 PM »
Larabee’s advice is very good.  What team does your husband work with?  Pm me if you want to keep it quiet.  I have lots of connections with F1 through work. 

And I’m in!  I’m close to Oxfordshire.


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Re: Missing home...and also not.
« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2018, 08:35:49 PM »
Larabee’s advice is very good.  What team does your husband work with?  Pm me if you want to keep it quiet.  I have lots of connections with F1 through work. 

And I’m in!  I’m close to Oxfordshire.

Sent you a note...I don't care who knows, but weirdly he does.

I'll post a separate thread for a meet-up and see how many people we can get! Maybe we can take over Blenheim Palace  ;D Alternatively, tea and cake would work too!
Applied online: 22 June, 2017
Biometrics and Docs mailed: 23 June, 2017
Arrived in Sheffield (via UPS): 26 June, 2017
Email confirmation from Sheffield: 11 July, 2017
"not straightforward" Email: 2 August, 2017
Unsolicited additional documents: 14 August, 2017
Decision made: 25 September, then revoked
Second Decision: 25 October, 2017
Docs returned: 30 October, 2017
Flight to UK: 2 November, 2017


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Re: Missing home...and also not.
« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2018, 08:52:04 PM »
Ya know, about stress....

good stress, bad stress, it's still stress. It takes a toll. Anxiety seems to be a really common side-effect of stress.  It's nature's way of saying something is out-of-kilter and needs tending to.

Decompressing is good. Going somewhere quiet (or staying home) and turning off the electronics, except for maybe a radio or a movie, shuffling around in comfy clothes,  going to bed when you are sleepy and getting up when you wake up. Eating healthy food. Listening to the birds chirp. Watch the grass grow.  Everybody needs days like those. Even if the laundry has to pile up.

Try to take time out to just relax!


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Re: Missing home...and also not.
« Reply #9 on: May 04, 2018, 12:39:22 PM »

Check out my post about "Are you suffering from Culture Shock?" because this post convinced me to go ahead and post some more info about it.  You seem to fit the bill pretty well. 

Sorry I can't post a direct link.  Can't figure out how.


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Re: Missing home...and also not.
« Reply #10 on: May 04, 2018, 12:53:35 PM »
Check out my post about "Are you suffering from Culture Shock?" because this post convinced me to go ahead and post some more info about it.  You seem to fit the bill pretty well. 

Sorry I can't post a direct link.  Can't figure out how.

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?topic=93636.msg1230703#msg1230703
March 28th 2013-Moved to UK, husband on spouse visa.Oct 20th 2015-Applied by mail for FLR(M).Feb 1st 2016 FLR(M).March 7th 2018 ILR. YAY! March 21st NCS&JCAP appointment.


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Re: Missing home...and also not.
« Reply #11 on: May 04, 2018, 02:57:37 PM »
http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?topic=93636.msg1230703#msg1230703

Doh!  Larrabee goes and shows me up for my lack of computer knowledge.  She must have seen that link on her brand new Ipad


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Re: Missing home...and also not.
« Reply #12 on: May 04, 2018, 03:04:42 PM »
Doh!  Larrabee goes and shows me up for my lack of computer knowledge.  She must have seen that link on her brand new Ipad

  ;D
March 28th 2013-Moved to UK, husband on spouse visa.Oct 20th 2015-Applied by mail for FLR(M).Feb 1st 2016 FLR(M).March 7th 2018 ILR. YAY! March 21st NCS&JCAP appointment.


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Re: Missing home...and also not.
« Reply #13 on: May 04, 2018, 08:57:04 PM »
Very true! I sometimes wonder if it is due to the whole visa thing...I have nightmares about FLRM, and maybe I subconsciously think there's a time limit on my ability to live here so I have to do as much as possible. It's silly of course, but this is my brain post HO shenanigans.

On another note...anyone else both love and hate the neverending ant march across the ocean? Seems I'm seeing people I haven't seen in years (hmmmm)!
What you said about the nightmares is very on target for me. I am going on week 6 waiting for my FLR (M) visa. Getting anxious but not like thhe original! Honestly the only thing I miss truly is iced tea at every restraunt! I only find it at Starbucks! Random!!! Ha! Some of my friends act like I moved to Mars. I guess distance has a different perspective for me.

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Re: Missing home...and also not.
« Reply #14 on: May 04, 2018, 11:49:31 PM »
I never really did want to grow up  ;D Maybe that's it! Glad to know I'm not alone, though!

Yes, things are largely going well. My hubs works waaaaayyyy too much, but that's just F1 for you. I am routinely accused of being too 'assertive'..which I think is British for 'you're a loud American'...but generally people seem to find it endearing or comical, which is good enough for me.

Still doesn't feel like 'home', but even I can't expect that in less than a year! There was a plan at one point during the waiting time to organise an Oxfordshire meet up for forum folks nearby...I should probably get on that!
I've had several customer complaints at work and I think it is largely because of how I come across as an American. I don't over thank and over apologize. I'm quite frank with my explanations of why what they want won't work. I've had to completely change how I interact with customers who are already having a bad time... over apologize and over thank... aye, ok.

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