Okay, I’ve got to get some stuff off my chest. This is a long one so I’ll apologize now.
We’re coming up on three weeks wait on the spouse visa. I’m doing well with the wait, much better than I thought I would. What I am not doing well with are the arrangements with housing and work I made when I relocated back to Georgia last February. These arrangements were not meant to last this long, and I feel like I’m at the end of my rope with my work and the house I share.
I’m originally from Georgia, and I moved back after 8 years in Los Angeles. I wanted to be closer to family, and originally the plan was for my then boyfriend and I to get married and apply for the US spouse visa. Until we learned that the application decision turnaround was faster for a UK spouse visa. So late June of last year we decided after we married that we would apply for the UK spouse visa and I would relocate again. Not bothered me at all and I’m excited to get the chance to live in a different country.
Lately my issue has been my work and sharing a house with my best friend and her fiancé. I kept my job from Los Angeles and telecommute everyday. It’s a job I’ve held on to for far too long, and it’s officially done when I get my visa approved - even though my boss thinks I’m giving a two week notice
. They begged me to keep my position and work from the UK, but I repeatedly told them no and they finally took the hint. Although they still operate like I have no intentions of leaving soon.
When I told my best friend I was moving back home after 8 years, she told me I could come live with her in the house she rents. It seemed perfect. Who doesn’t dream of sharing a house with their best friend?
I arrive with my then boyfriend after a long drive across the country. Her then boyfriend is also staying here while the water is fixed in his house. Okay, that’s cool. Later found out he was staying because he didn’t like the idea of a new guy staying here as well. Totally understandable that he’s worried about a strange new man in his girlfriend’s house. My then boyfriend returns to the UK after five weeks of visiting here. By now my best friend is engaged. Her fiancé doesn’t go back to his place. He’s decided to sell his house. Best friend is visibly annoyed that she went from living alone to having two people live with her. She also tells people I asked if I could move in with her, when she plainly told me that I should come live with her. We butt heads on different things, but things do eventually settle.
She tells me she’s upset with her fiancé because he didn’t ask if he could move in - he just steadily started bringing more and more stuff over and never went back home. It’s clear though she’s not asking him to leave. His house sold last August. I made my peace with the fact that it wasn’t going to just be me and my best friend like I thought.
There’s been lots of stupid stuff that’s happened. I live like a quiet mouse, mostly keeping to the office area I work out of and the bedroom that is truly the one room of the house I get. I pay half the rent and don’t overuse utilities or shared goods like toilet paper and dish soap. I find myself vying for fridge and cupboard space. I get stuck constantly dog sitting for them. Her fiancé has this fun habit of having a poo, showering, then leaving said poo in the toilet for someone to find. Because of their part time work and odd schedules, they’re often home when I’m trying to work and they’re either being loud or letting their youngest pup bark. The list goes on.
Things really came to a head when an argument happens in March after I ask her for $230 she owes me for a concert ticket of mine her fiancé used almost a year before. She tells me she spoke to her mother and fiancé, and because I don’t pay utilities they think she doesn’t owe me. This is after three conversations we had where she told me she just needed a little time to come up with the money, and I said no problem I understand. If it wasn’t such a large amount, I would not have cared and been happy to gift the ticket. I also offered to help with utilities when I first arrived and was told not to worry. She’s brought up occasions when the water bill or electric bill was a little high, and once or twice I offered to chip in and was told not to worry. I eventually get $100 of the $230, and I’ve made peace with the fact that I won’t see the rest.
There’s been loads of other instances, but the point is I’ve been here for far too long. It’s been a year and four months, and I didn’t expect things to move so slowly. A large part of the hold up was my husband trying to sell the house he owned with his ex wife before we married. While a house didn’t stop us from moving forward, I didn’t want to get engaged and then married while he was still tied to someone else. She held up the house sale at every possible turn. From not answering phone calls, not turning up to sign paperwork when she said she would, not removing all of her belongings for months and months, not answering the phone when an offer came through, not turning up to sign paperwork to move the sale forward, not changing her ID’s to her maiden name and causing issues with how paperwork was executed. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. But nevertheless the house eventually sold last December. Probably why the wait on the visa answer isn’t phasing me because it took a year to drag her through from start to finish with a house sale.
Ultimately the reason I’m posting this rant is because I’m wide awake after falling peacefully asleep because their youngest pup was barking outside my bedroom door. Day in and day out this dog is barking. Come to find out he’s outside my door because he’s peed on their bed and they’re both up cleaning up and changing bed sheets. This dog has one of those awful high-pitched barks. I feel sorry for him because he’s an anxious dog, and it’s sad to see him grow more anxious as they don’t put in the work to train him and help him ease his anxiety. But at the same time it was after 11pm and I was just falling into a nice sleep!
Because I’ve been here longer than I thought I would be, I find myself ready to blow up over all the little things between work and roommates. Just the other day I was putting in a ten hour work day, and they spent five hours of that in their room. Which is on the other side of the office I work in. The walls are not thick. I ended up leaving my desk to sit outside just to have some quiet. The little annoyances feel far bigger than they should because I’ve put up with them for too long.
And, I will point out, while I am here longer than I thought I would be and despite the mild discord amongst us, they have not once made me feel like they’re dying to have me gone. We have had a few talks on when I would leave so they would know when they needed to come up with the amount of rent that I pay. Basically the same situation as work begging me to keep the job - they want to keep me when they know they can’t.
So, in summation, roommates really suck sometimes, and I cannot wait to have my flat with my husband and no one else. I’ve been stuck doing the roommate setup since 2010 (not the same roommates all 8 years, but not much better), and I feel like I’ve served my sentence and earned my blissful existence with my spouse. I gladly welcome the arguments over who is shutting off the light before bed, cooking and cleaning together and also taking turns on these chores, navigating the logistics of airing racks in a small flat, and whatever other challenges come up. It’s got to be a lot better than knowing intimate details of my best friend’s fiancé’s poo smell, consistency, and color.
