Discouraged

You got your paracetamol, stop your complaining!

Thanks, spilled my tea at this one! 

I'm half expecting the next one to be "Back in my day, we just had hot water bottles.  Look at you kids today with your fancy medicines."

I've been to the salt mines in Poland and they were really cool!  We thought we'd just go for an hour or two but ended up staying for something like 6.  We were the last people out and ended up taking the minor's lift which was crazy scary.

By the way, if you go, save auschwitz for the last day as you'll be depressed for days.

If you like mines, the big pit in Wales is really great.  You actually have to wear and get trained on all the safety gear because you go so deep.

We have been to the big bit and Rhondda Hertiage...Amazing... And I will definitely keep that in mind about the trip to Poland. I have heard that is a really emotional experience.

YES. omg yes it sure does. I feel like my muscles are so tight and my stomach is constantly aching. I feel like I did something -wrong-

Like that feeling in the pit of your tummy when you're a child and you do something bad.

Does that make sense?

Ack, I'm going crazy

It makes total sense to me. 

What you describe is exactly how I feel right now.

For me, this visa journey started OK.  From working days 1 to 25, I didn't really think too much about it.  Then from days 25 to 45, I woke up every morning feeling sick to the pit of my stomach, and that feeling would last from the moment I woke up, to the moment I went to bed.  Eating, the odd glass of red wine, being with friends and family and trying to bury my head in work helped a lot, but I still had a real feeling of disassociation with the world around me.  Then from days 45 to 60, it got a bit easier, and I was feeling a lot calmer about everything.

Today (day 61), however, I think is the worst of all.  It's the day when I'm expecting the passport to arrive.

So, I'm currently sitting alone in the flat (I'm in China at the moment and my partner is a Chinese citizen).

I think I must have notched up several miles pacing around the flat, just waiting for the knock at the door.  It's a little after 1pm here as I type this, and the passport tracker is suggesting a late afternoon / early evening arrival.

So, a few hours to go, and I just feel awful....absolutely awful.  The half-opened bottle of wine in the fridge has helped steady the nerves a bit, but, crikey, the minutes are just crawling by.  I keep turning over in my mind our application, what we submitted,, and whether anything could have gone wrong - did we miss something?  Did the solititor make an error (I know he made two small errors, but I don't think they are grounds for refusal)?  Could Sheffield refuse due to a mistake on their part?  Could something else entirely come out of leftfield?

I really don't know -  in my mind, I know we clearly meet the criteria for the visa, but it's not just about that.  It's about demonstrating that you do in the way that they require.  As such,  I'm putting our chances at 50/50 right now.

I guess all those questions that have been dancing in my mind for the past 12 weeks are soon to be answered!

It makes total sense to me. 

What you describe is exactly how I feel right now.

For me, this visa journey started OK.  From working days 1 to 25, I didn't really think too much about it.  Then from days 25 to 45, I woke up every morning feeling sick to the pit of my stomach, and that feeling would last from the moment I woke up, to the moment I went to bed.  Eating, the odd glass of red wine, being with friends and family and trying to bury my head in work helped a lot, but I still had a real feeling of disassociation with the world around me.  Then from days 45 to 60, it got a bit easier, and I was feeling a lot calmer about everything.

Today (day 61), however, I think is the worst of all.  It's the day when I'm expecting the passport to arrive.

So, I'm currently sitting alone in the flat (I'm in China at the moment and my partner is a Chinese citizen).

I think I must have notched up several miles pacing around the flat, just waiting for the knock at the door.  It's a little after 1pm here as I type this, and the passport tracker is suggesting a late afternoon / early evening arrival.

So, a few hours to go, and I just feel awful....absolutely awful.  The half-opened bottle of wine in the fridge has helped steady the nerves a bit, but, crikey, the minutes are just crawling by.  I keep turning over in my mind our application, what we submitted,, and whether anything could have gone wrong - did we miss something?  Did the solititor make an error (I know he made two small errors, but I don't think they are grounds for refusal)?  Could Sheffield refuse due to a mistake on their part?  Could something else entirely come out of leftfield?

I really don't know -  in my mind, I know we clearly meet the criteria for the visa, but it's not just about that.  It's about demonstrating that you do in the way that they require.  As such,  I'm putting our chances at 50/50 right now.

I guess all those questions that have been dancing in my mind for the past 12 weeks are soon to be answered!

I feel your pain, Tim. Hang in there. 

I feel your pain, Tim. Hang in there. 

Heh, thanks!  I'm trying my utmost to hold it together. 

Passport tracker updated again 20 mins ago.  It's reached our city, and is on its way to the local postal depot that serves the area we live in.

Might be a bit touch & go now to arrive today, but one of the good things about China is that things do run quickly in general.  So, we might still be OK.

Tom went to college in Cardiff! I LOVED IT! He moved to Swindon a couple years ago for work. Swindon is nice...but it isn't Wales! lmao! I got to go up to Scotland in 2017 (that's where he proposed) and we got a day-long bus trip thing from Edinburgh to Hadrian's Wall and back. I saw lots of Scottish/English countryside. In 2016, me and Tom drove through the Brecon Beacons in Wales. Have you seen North Wales yet? They have these beautiful slate roofed houses and little streams and rivers. I felt like I was in an episode of some amazing Medieval movie setting.

Oh my gosh, you guys, keep talking up Wales!  I live here and love it, but I feel so alone... more of UKY need to come see how awesome it is!

Oh my gosh, you guys, keep talking up Wales!  I live here and love it, but I feel so alone... more of UKY need to come see how awesome it is!

Wales is AWESOME!!!

Hopefully I'll be back soon...For Good

My brother in law, now in his 70s, worked down the mines.  He worked there for one whole week.  And his job?  He was a window cleaner - down the mines.  Apparently there were offices down there, which had windows, which needed cleaning.  He hated it - which is why he only did a week.

My brother in law, now in his 70s, worked down the mines.  He worked there for one whole week.  And his job?  He was a window cleaner - down the mines.  Apparently there were offices down there, which had windows, which needed cleaning.  He hated it - which is why he only did a week.

hahaha  I know it makes sense, but at the same time, it's funny to think of a window cleaner in a mine.

As you all know I had a downer day yesterday and I made the comment about not sharing my feelings and emotions with family and friends because they wouldn't understand the roller coaster of emotions and what feelings I am having. And I didn't want to share what I was going through with my fiance because I didn't want to bring him down because he is going through his own emotions.
Well I had a learning lesson....Nathan and I have our nightly conversations and each and every one is precious and special and I have confided in him and we have had our deep conversations but like I said I didn't  want to bring him down. But Nathan knew something was up because of course he could see something was bothering me.
A quick history.... I was raised and in a previous relationship I was always told to keep my emotions in check and never air out your dirty laundry. Deal with your own problems privately and keep them to yourself.
So I had this hard exterior and interior.
Last night Nathan and I had  a great emotional, deep, conversation. He said I didn't need to keep anything hidden from him. I don't always need to put on a brave face and always be "tough"  Communication is one of the keys to a successful relationship. If you can't talk to your partner that your about to spend the rest of life with then whats the point. So from here on out I made a promise to him that I will never hold back and if I need to share my feelings and emotions then I will. There are time where you need to be strong and times where you don't.  He said he loves me more now because I was able to be completely open, honest and completely raw with him. I already knew I could be but I wanted to be strong and tough for him.
Does this make sense?
anyways...this is long enough.
 
 

As you all know I had a downer day yesterday and I made the comment about not sharing my feelings and emotions with family and friends because they wouldn't understand the roller coaster of emotions and what feelings I am having. And I didn't want to share what I was going through with my fiance because I didn't want to bring him down because he is going through his own emotions.
Well I had a learning lesson....Nathan and I have our nightly conversations and each and every one is precious and special and I have confided in him and we have had our deep conversations but like I said I didn't  want to bring him down. But Nathan knew something was up because of course he could see something was bothering me.
A quick history.... I was raised and in a previous relationship I was always told to keep my emotions in check and never air out your dirty laundry. Deal with your own problems privately and keep them to yourself.
So I had this hard exterior and interior.
Last night Nathan and I had  a great emotional, deep, conversation. He said I didn't need to keep anything hidden from him. I don't always need to put on a brave face and always be "tough"  Communication is one of the keys to a successful relationship. If you can't talk to your partner that your about to spend the rest of life with then whats the point. So from here on out I made a promise to him that I will never hold back and if I need to share my feelings and emotions then I will. There are time where you need to be strong and times where you don't.  He said he loves me more now because I was able to be completely open, honest and completely raw with him. I already knew I could be but I wanted to be strong and tough for him.
Does this make sense?
anyways...this is long enough.
 
 

Yeah, you've got a good one there! 

Yeah, you've got a good one there! 

I think so....  

Heh, thanks!  I'm trying my utmost to hold it together. 

Passport tracker updated again 20 mins ago.  It's reached our city, and is on its way to the local postal depot that serves the area we live in.

Might be a bit touch & go now to arrive today, but one of the good things about China is that things do run quickly in general.  So, we might still be OK.

Well, well!?!? What did it say!?

As you all know I had a downer day yesterday and I made the comment about not sharing my feelings and emotions with family and friends because they wouldn't understand the roller coaster of emotions and what feelings I am having. And I didn't want to share what I was going through with my fiance because I didn't want to bring him down because he is going through his own emotions.
Well I had a learning lesson....Nathan and I have our nightly conversations and each and every one is precious and special and I have confided in him and we have had our deep conversations but like I said I didn't  want to bring him down. But Nathan knew something was up because of course he could see something was bothering me.
A quick history.... I was raised and in a previous relationship I was always told to keep my emotions in check and never air out your dirty laundry. Deal with your own problems privately and keep them to yourself.
So I had this hard exterior and interior.
Last night Nathan and I had  a great emotional, deep, conversation. He said I didn't need to keep anything hidden from him. I don't always need to put on a brave face and always be "tough"  Communication is one of the keys to a successful relationship. If you can't talk to your partner that your about to spend the rest of life with then whats the point. So from here on out I made a promise to him that I will never hold back and if I need to share my feelings and emotions then I will. There are time where you need to be strong and times where you don't.  He said he loves me more now because I was able to be completely open, honest and completely raw with him. I already knew I could be but I wanted to be strong and tough for him.
Does this make sense?
anyways...this is long enough.
 
 

Awhh you guys <3 <3

Yes. Communication is SO important. I'm kind of the opposite....my previous relationship made me so annoyed that I just started saying everything out loud. Now, Tom has to deal with my bluntness haha! But I think it's done so much good.

You guys are so sweet!

Well, well!?!? What did it say!?

Oh sorry, I posted it in the non-priority thread.

The visa was approved! 

Never felt so relieved about anything in my life...

Still feels like I’m living in a dream.

Best of luck with your application, TeamTollie!